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Velominatus: monkeyman

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

@monkeyman's activity:

Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.Saddle bags: how do we define them? Is it a saddle bag if it attaches to the seat post and the saddle, if it has a zipper, if it is leather, has two natty straps with buckles, if it swings below the saddle like bumper bollocks? Continue reading...

@monkeyman's posts:

  1. @titirangisi Yes! »

  2. Sorry but this EPMS thing ain’t gonna fly with me.  I used to carry my spare tubular under the seat with a very tidy (and quick releasing!)  Zeus spare tire carrier.  And yes i had one frame mounted cage so my second bottle was kept in my jersey.  My seat… »

There has been some gravel fever going around; there is a lot of talk of new bikes and new routes. I don’t live in gravel country and have not caught the disease, yet. @Antoniv submitted this tale of gravel. It’s a bit long but the race was long too. For those of us who haven’t caught the bug, this might help, or hurt. Either way,...

@monkeyman's posts:

  1. Great read and even greater ride.  Congrats on both!  Had to have taken you a few days to recover from that one. »

This is possibly the most offensive piece of gear I have encountered on a bike. Do you really need a little orange wand to tell you what gear you’re in? There is only one gear to be in: the hardest one at which you can still make the pedals go around in something resembling a circle.These goofy little things were found on the bike I rented la...

@monkeyman's posts:

  1. Sorry you didn’t like the tinkerbell Tiagra group but I doubt it slowed you down.  Remember, its what you do between shifts that counts. »

I’m not going to lie to you, friction is an asshole. In the bottom bracket, in the bending of every single link in your chain as it rolls over the cogs and threads its way through the rear derailleur, and in the pulleys themselves, the devils. I cleaned out my rain bike last weekend after a few rides where I was forced to neglect my usual dai...

@monkeyman's posts:

  1. @frank What’s a toe clip strap? »

First off, cycling needs a different term for what it would like to convene. To equate cycling’s past with South Africa’s and Liberia’s dark histories is just wrong. Maybe the “I was a lying dick” tribunal. When I hear riders I admire say the past is the past, let’s look forward, I now assume they cheated. Cipo,...

@monkeyman's posts:

  1. @graham d.m. exactly! »

As referenced in the 2012 V-Moment of the year article and ensuing discussion, it was a most Vawesome year for cycling. It’s been hypothesized here and on cycling sites with more integrity that the fantastic racing of 2012 may be, at least in part, attributed to a cleaner peloton. Unless you watched the Tour de France you’d think the da...

@monkeyman's posts:

  1. The price you pay for international douchebaggery is that the world eventually catches on and you just become another Donald Trump. In the end justice will prevail and we’ll be left with a cleaner sport, better, more exciting competition and another name … »

When done correctly, Cycling can be both the hardest and dirtiest of sports. We relish in the glory of returning from a ride, battered by the four winds and soaked by the seven rains; our bodies, faces, and machines covered in the reasons why most people might stay indoors. Given that, there is something almost cavalier about submitting to the delu...

@monkeyman's posts:

  1. Maybe I’m too old school but I was surprised to see that the rules did not include any mention that bar tape MUST BE WHITE. I move that the rules be amended to include it. »

The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati...

@monkeyman's posts:

  1. Rule #88 should be titled “Either pull, pull-through or pull-off (and no surging!)”. Nothing frustrates me more than noobies who don’t have a clue about the rules of riding a pace line. Of course all town lines must be contested after which we resume th… »