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Velominati Community Profile Archive

Velominatus: mrhallorann

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

Been riding bikes 30 years, got serious about 10 years ago when mountainbiking became the number one preoccupation in life. Now in post breed/blimp stage of life, circumstance has shown me The True Way, insofar as having discovered the purity and elegant simplicity of the road. With the mind freed, the have indeed followed and in 18 months I've dropped 17kgs and am at the peak of my life. Started on a £100 Giant OCR3, have since justified a pimped Spesh Roubaix.

@mrhallorann's activity:

Guest Anatomy of a Photo: Here We Rest

@steampunk dropped this beauty of a photo on us. Volumes being spoken here, none of which makes being a pro look so great. Thanks Steamy.VLVV, Gianni…...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. Having just finished David Millar’s Racing Through The Dark, this photo really resonates. »

La Femme à Pois

“Becky? Yeah, its Jean-Paul with the Podium Girl Selection Committee. No, I don’t know how I landed this job either, and I’m not about to ask any questions because its a pretty cool job. I’m calling you about the auditions you attended for La Grande Boucle that’s coming up.“Yes, the good news is you got the job...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. Hehehe Frank’s cute when he’s angry! »

  2. I know how they could improve this category. All together now!  ”She wore annnnn itsy. bitsy. teeny. weeny. red. polka. dot. bikini…” :) »

Velominati Super Prestige: Tour de France 2012

We are proud to announce a change to the Velominati Super Prestige moving forward: sponsorship. We are delighted (if a little surprised) at the interest our partners showed in this endeavor, despite the short notice we gave them. Four sponsors will be gracing the sides of our team bus for this year’s race: fi’zi:k is our Super Domesti...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. This is the year for cycling in GB. The ModFather’s gonna bring home Le Jaune, The Missile’s gonna bring home Le Vert and then it’s gold gold gold for Team GB at the Ollylymics. Hey, I can dream… VSP PICKS: 1. Twiggo 2. EvansCycles 3. Nibali Lube 4… »

International Cogal: Festum Prophetae

It came to me in a moment of absolute clarity, the kind of clarity which only arrives to one in an oxygen-depleted state and at high speed – usually down a steep descent. It would be awfully nice to justify wearing my Molteni jersey, rather than having it hanging in my workshop all the time.It had been suggested a few times already by the tim...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. @the Engine @smithers I love the richness of character in this photo. Gay or not, 3rd left looks gloriously fabulous and fucking KNOWS it. More power to him. Rigid in dead centre looks like he eats ball bearings for breakfast and always has seconds. Far… »

  2. @Mikael Liddy Oops. A typo, I assure you; iPad plus gone-midnight typings. I shall take half a dozen hill repeats as penance. »

  3. Oh, forgot to add, I’ll be on day 3 of 5 riding back from Paris to Blackpool on the 17th (for charidee), so i’ll be toasting my first expresso of the day to y’all and in honour of The Prophet. Perfect. »

  4. @frank +1!!! I fucking love how stern everyone, even the kids, look in this photo. No fucking about..”We ride, and we ride far. And we do not smile.” Awesome. »

The Shropshire Hills Cogal Ride Report

With the Cogals slowly starting to take shape and the days getting longer, @936adl did a good job in the timing, organization, and the promotion of his Cogal. Buckle in for the fruits of his labor as from all accounts, this was a fantastic ride and great time; I’m only sad I couldn’t be there myself. Fair warning: He’s already ta...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. *Riding buddies. Frikkin’ iPhone POS… »

  2. It was indeed an honour, a pleasure and a privilege to be part of the inaugural English Cogal. I loved every minute of it, from the sense of trepidation setting off from home at 7am, wondering what calibre of Howitzer I’d be up against, all the way throug… »

The Shropshire Hills English Cogal

April 2012 promises top be a special month for any Velominatus. While the current icons of our great sport do battle in spring classics, many of the Velominati will be enjoying The Keepers Tour.Meanwhile, in the quiet county of Shropshire, another event promises great things. Epic scenery, some pretty serious climbing, an imperial century, and fine...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. Thanks again to Andy for organising this Cogal. It was a fantastic experience to meet some of the guys from this humble forum and to be able to totally endulge in all things cycling for a whole day, totally without any self-consciousness in like-minded co… »

  2. @936adl Eyup, this is to confirm that I will very much be in attendance for this event. Really looking forwards to it! »

Guest Article: The Most Beautiful Race in the World

Finally we can speak to this Paris-Roubaix mythology. The Keepers Tour group rode twenty-one sectors at something much slower than race speed. After the first sector we regrouped and we were all stunned by how bad it was. Twenty more sectors of that? That was horrendously tough.The first sectors are the easy ones. The hard ones start with the famou...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. Chapeau! I think you’ve hit the nail on the head @il ciclista medio; the P-R is held in such reverence because, even for the Pro’s, it defines and embodies the pleasure that comes from pushing oneself way beyond one’s comfort zone. I don’t think any other… »

The Rules

We are the Keepers of the Cog.  In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.See also The Prophet’s Prayer. Continue reading...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. I’m on my motherfuckin’ bike. That is all. »

The Shropshire Hills English Cogal

April 2012 promises top be a special month for any Velominatus. While the current icons of our great sport do battle in spring classics, many of the Velominati will be enjoying The Keepers Tour.Meanwhile, in the quiet county of Shropshire, another event promises great things. Epic scenery, some pretty serious climbing, an imperial century, and fine...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. Hallelujah!! Merckx has answered my prayers!! I am SO FUCKING THERE. »

Portland Cogal v1.1 Post Ride Report

“My teeth are famous!” exclaimed Fränk while Mrs. Scaler was running around with her shiny new camera, documenting the day. This happened quite a few post ride hoppy beverages into the evening after the Portland Cogal.But let me back up a bit. As most here know, Saturday was the first Velominati Portland Cogal. From the proper VM we had myself...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. @frank Whaaaa…? Who? Where?! WHEN?!?? Why wasn’t this better publicised?! »

  2. @Dr C Sounds perfect! Can you pay my wages for the fortnight off? Let me know, and I’ll book the flight! :D »

  3. That’s it! We need a Brit Cogal organising ASAP… »

New Rules

The Rules – They were never expected to become this well known. Nor was the list ever going to get this long or be taken this seriously. The Rules were first suggested as a few basic guidelines just to keep some basic civility and decorum on the road. But we took it too far (as we do everything) and now The Rules somehow define the Velominati...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. @Dr C Forgive them Dr C, for they know not what they do. @bigbailey LMFAO +1 »

  2. @Blah PMSL :D First thing I thought as well. You Yanks… ;D »

Reverence: Gilet

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who own a properly-fitting, lightweight gilet and those who don’t. Those who own one know this is an indispensable piece of kit.The gilet is typically one of the last items that enters into a Cyclist’s wardrobe, long after arm warmers, knee warmers, and long sleeve jerseys have found...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. @frank Moi, talking about dopamine over in the Romanticization article :) »

La Vie Velominatus: Romanticization

I’m often told I romanticize Cycling’s past, that the days gone by weren’t quite as rosy as I make them out to be. There is some truth to this, certainly, but the assertion isn’t entirely accurate in the sense that I romanticize everything about Cycling.Because events are seasoned by our thoughts and individual experience...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. I believe this reward mechanism of the brain is key to our very existence. Why else would our distant caveman ancestors have risked life and limb time after time for meat if not for agony and danger being eclipsed by the thrill of the hunt? Those opiate… »

Reverence: Lezyne RAP6

La Vie Velominatus is a life spent in the sway of the push and pull between function and aesthetics. The former, of course, is paramount, but not necessarily at the cost of latter. A prime example is the European Posterior Man-Satchel; many feel that its use is dictated by functionality, that to abandon the saddle bag is to abandon the tools and s...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. As much as I love Lezyne stuff, this is my (micro)weapon-of-choice: The drivers are very well machined and the metal tyre lever is beautifully scalloped to minimise any pinching or gouging, but is strong as an ox and slides around the rim beautifully… »

On Rule #5: Not Minding That It Hurts

In my favorite scene from Lawrence of Arabia, T.E. Lawrence, after lighting a colleague’s cigarette, allows the match to burn down to his fingertips before snuffing it out. Having witnessed the stunt, the dim-witted associate attempts it himself, only to blow out the match before it gets anywhere close to burning down. “That damn wel...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. Awesome article Fronk, thank you. But Christ on a bicycle, 115 posts later and I can finally go to bed (I think my OCD is even worse than Tommy Godwin’s). PS LOA and W&I – two of the finest productions ever captured on celluloid. I truly am in the comp… »

Anatomy of a Photo: And He Parted The Waters

No double wraps of bar tape. No arm warmers or bandages for an injured left arm; just some wrappings borrowed from an Egyptian mummy he sent back to the underworld earlier in the morning. Nothing special for Roger on a typical race day in Hell. Just unmeasurably enormous helpings of Rule #5.The most remarkable thing about this photo? He did tha...

@mrhallorann's posts:

  1. @frank Not too much pressure, by the way – depending on the tape you’ll have a massively lumpy job of it. With fi'zi:k, you want to pull pretty hard and get a very even wrap, while with Cinelli and it’s imitators in the varying types of cork and pseudocork,… »