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Velominatus: ridebikesdrinkbeer

Order: Level 4 Velominatus

Location: California

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's activity:

I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out. - Bill Hicks That famous quote from the Greatest Comedian Of All Time™ has resonated with me for many years. It became my silent mantra, as I don’t suffer fools gladly and sometimes don’t make much effort to conceal the fact. Lately, I̵...

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's posts:

  1. This fucking dude isn’t allowed anywhere near me. On or off the bike. That’s it. »

The modern day Pro cyclist has many disadvantages stacked against them by comparison to their forefathers. They have to ride plastic bikes with little or no distinguishing character or discernible caché; they must willingly or perhaps unwittingly subject their body to an array of questionable “training techniques”; and they have to sp...

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's posts:

  1. You know another thing those three don’t have? FACIAL HAIR. »

Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times.This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task master. Compliance is one thing, defending i...

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's posts:

  1. Yeah, I dont, uh, really care what someone thinks of my silky smooth stems. They (people that aren’t on bicycles or even worse, fellow cyclists that do not obey the rule) look perplexed when I give them a straight faced answer that “it looks fucking stupi… »

This winter Shimano showed up on Maui with a flotilla of Colnago C-59s set up with disc brakes. The lucky Shimano people tested the bikes on some of the nicest routes on the island, including some descending down the Haleakala volcano. Unbelievably they didn’t invite me along (!?). If they had I would have suggested a different place to ride, one...

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's posts:

  1. Currently having a steel bike built by an excellent and reputable builder. Di2, disc, all internal. Some function is good sometimes. »

Last year we read that Philippe Gilbert is riding a 50cm (top tube of 535mm) BMC frame and he is 1.79m (5’10”) tall. Now it’s reported in Cyclingnews that Ritchie Porte’s Pinarello is a 46.5cm frame (top tube of 515mm) and Porte is 1.72m (5’8”) tall. He is no Nairo Quintana but somehow he is on Quintana’s old bike. Porte is just one i...

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's posts:

  1. FFS stop talking about seat tube sizing like it matters. YOU’RE PART OF THE V. TELL ME OF YOUR EFFECTIVE TOP TUBE. No fitter or frame builder worth their shit gives a damn about your current seat tube. I’m 6’3″, mine’s 585, my stem is 120mm, and my bike … »

Rules! Hear me fools: The Rules mark the beginning of the path to enlightenment, not the end. There are higher planes, expanding dimensions. Beyond the color of your bar tape exists a man, a mountain, and a bike. This is where the world begins.Keeper Jim wrote this, reporting on his utilitarian climb of Mount Ventoux. He posts less than the rest of...

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's posts:

  1. What the fuck? I feel like Ricky Bobby learning from his Dad that he was actually high when he taught him “if you’re not first, you’re last” My whole world just collapsed and now some asshole with a fanny pack, beard, and headphones is just as much of a … »

I have no dog in this fight but @Henrik does. I can’t swim in the serious ‘stache growing gene pool. And yes, it’s already Vajanuary, we left Mo’vember with nary a nod, why, because it’s stupid. Rule #50 could have included having the last name Freuler and wearing the prison stripped Atala kit as the second exception...

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's posts:

  1. @Andre the Fish @RondeVan Im just working for the Clampdown. »

  2. Eddy Merckx and Joe Strummer did not need facial hair. NEITHER DO YOU. »

Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.Saddle bags: how do we define them? Is it a saddle bag if it attaches to the seat post and the saddle, if it has a zipper, if it is leather, has two natty straps with buckles, if it swings below the saddle like bumper bollocks? Continue reading...

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's posts:

  1. Not sure what’s worse, the clear violation of Rule #29 or that saddle. Just hideous in every possible respect. Also, I use one of these and stuff it in my center pocket: http://www.etsy.com/listing/101356167/mopha-tool-roll-black-with-white-toe?ref=relat… »

How can we not talk about the Tour? After Sunday’s stage it’s hard not to be a little excited. Until yesterday the most thrilling thing I had seen was Mark Cavendish’s mad man chase back to the peloton after a late-in-the-race crash. He needed to get back quickly as the race was hurtling toward a sprint finish he was supposed to w...

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's posts:

  1. @xced  those stems are awful. »

  2. I have a Di2 S5. I got it for an insane deal, which  is the only reason I bought it. However now that I have it, I really love riding it, and the looks have certainly grown on me. I have it parked next to a black Merckx EMX (w/chorus/record) so the two ca… »

The Post-Ride Recovery Drink has never tasted better than it does when enjoyed from the V-Pint. Look deep into your heart and contemplate the awesome symmetry as the V-Cog reveals itself to you at the bottom of the glass; then pour another. Earnest seeker: Drink and ye shall find.Remember: be a good cycling ambassador and always represent La Vie V...

@ridebikesdrinkbeer's posts:

  1. ahem. Belgians are generally drank in tulips, appropriately. Please make tulips available!  »