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Velominatus: starclimber

Order: Level 2 Velominatus

Location: Surrey BC

Coming soon, but not soon enough. There's some humour buried in that.

@starclimber's activity:

There is nothing more disappointing than discovering the truth behind a myth or spotting the mortal behind a legend. This is why I make a point never to do any research or in any other way attempt to validate my assumptions when evaluating a situation; mystery that feels like a fact and sounds like a fact is better than an actual fact. Tr...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. That ‘Hinault is a complete jerk’ was merely a falsehood, not a myth. Nothing can ever tarnish the myth of the man who won LBL with snow in his eyebrows, Paris-Roubaix by sprinting from the front after crashing, what, 7 times? and making a devil’s bargain… »

I’m getting too old and cranky for all this race schedule changing. I know they already did this last year and presumably I had the same gripings then, but Lombardia is supposed to close out the season and I’m downright angry that Paris-Tours is closing out the books now; it only seems right that one of the most beautiful races should...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. Favourites carnage in full swing with 10 to go. I’d be delighted if Weening managed to somehow eke this out: properly eccentric and tough as fuck. »

  2. “It’s a crazy idea and so it might not be taken into consideration [by the team]. I have suffered and I still suffer physically but I believe that that the head makes the difference.” Indeed it does, Domenico, indeed it does.   VSP PICKS: 1. Pozzoviv… »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most c...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. Just need some kindly soul, Possiblivo? to ride into second and Scarphony to drag his ass off the mat and up to 5th…. Well, while I’m dreaming, let’s imagine Ryder coming to life and crushing it next week and taking second. »

Anecdotal research suggests that people are being let off-leash without adequate training to perform basic activities such as walking on sidewalks or through airports and busy city centers. I’m assuming this expands to shopping malls, but I never go there so I can’t be sure. It’s easy to blame the mobile phones which apparentl...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. And the shopping cart morons who stop in the middle of the aisle, a child to either side, fully oblivious? Same ‘it’s all about me’ culture. »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most c...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. Yeah, that double manhole combo did in poor Danny boy. Lead grunt should be guiding them around that sort of hazard, but I suppose he’s also trying to keep them unguttered as well. Still, at those speeds, on wet roads, seems careless to me. I’d feel real… »

Behind every great rider, there’s a great soigneur. The right hand man, the go-to guy, who tends every whim of his rider, feeding, watering, mending and massaging. Behind the humble Velominatus Regularus, however, there’s a string of injuries, tight muscles, bad posture and aching guns. We are our own soigneurs, and if you’re like...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. What girl said for extreme efforts. Ice bath, toque on and two sweaters, and iPod or something to keep my mind off the desire to leap out of the water. Daily post ride: External hip rotation stretches are required to keep my back from going wonky – funn… »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most c...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. Who the FUCK knows. I don’t. VSP PICKS: 1. Cadel Evans 2. Joaquin Rodriguez 3. Rigoberto Uran 4. Rafal Majka 5. Michele Scarponi »

Riding a bicycle involves much more than just pushing the pedals around in a perfect sweep of muscular elegance while Looking Fantastic at all times. There are all sorts of soft skills involved like learning to shift properly, learning to corner properly, learning to crash properly, learning to criticize a fellow rider’s puncture-repair te...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. Yeah, if both bottles contain the same beverage, I swap’em using the teeth on nipple method. Kudos on that Fignon shot, loved that guy. »

  2. Well, except for the drinking part. So much for semi-drunkenly. hahahahah »

  3. For clarity’s sake, a right hander’s thumb continues to point left in both instances. He typed, semi-drunkenly, whilst cursing the fucking Kings and shit headed NHL officiating. »

  4. Down tube bottle grab: thumb up. Seat tube bottle grab: thumb down. Drink accordingly. »

The 100th running of Liège-Bastogne-Liège takes place this Sunday. Danny-boy Martin will be marked heavily as the defending champion. Malmerde, and Phil Gil have shown they are peaking too. Froomy has thrown his hat into the ring, as he did last year but after last years 26th place, maybe it’s training. 263 kms, past winners include a long...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. I think Martin just applied a wee bit too much power in the curve. »

  2. @Harminator +3 »

  3. Well, that was fantastic. Yeah GERRO! »

  4. VSP PICKS: 1. Gilbert 2. Malmerde 3. Kwiatkowski 4. Dan Martin 5. Mollema »

Midweek in Belgium in Spring is a wonderful thing. Hordes of people come from seemingly nowhere to fill the bars and line the roadsides when presumably they’d usually be working, or at school, or some such. That the only ones who appear to be working are the bartenders and frites dispensers reinforces my belief that Belgium is the greatest co...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. 6th’d or 7th’d, and I thought him likely to win, but I’m never picking him to win, ever. Fuck the VSP. »

Given the fact that everyone over-tightens their pedals to the crank arms, one needs a long lever to get too much torque. Rule #94 decrees using the correct tool and using it correctly. While the proper tool has always been available, it is up to us to evolve, to understand the difference between right and wrong, between vice-grip and open-ended w...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. @Gianni Exactly that: snugged down, and just barely. Never, EVER had one come loose. »

Midweek in Belgium in Spring is a wonderful thing. Hordes of people come from seemingly nowhere to fill the bars and line the roadsides when presumably they’d usually be working, or at school, or some such. That the only ones who appear to be working are the bartenders and frites dispensers reinforces my belief that Belgium is the greatest co...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. The finale looms…. »

  2. Let it be. VSP PICKS: 1. Gilbert 2. Kwiatkowski 3. Malmerde 4. Moreno 5. Costa »

Wednesday sees the return of the women to the VSP. More notably, we see the return of Marianne Vos to the road. She’s won this race five of the last seven years. It makes me wonder if the rest of the field have already resigned themselves to racing for second. On the other hand, Vos hasn’t been racing of late and may not be as sharp as...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. Please and thank you. VSP PICKS: 1. Vos 2. Van Dijk 3. Johansson 4. Armitstead 5. Longo Borghini »

What, another guest post? Seemingly yes, but in fact we are keeping to our every-other Friday guest post schedule. We must Keep The Schedule! @Harminator’s post about pigs was the little seen “pop-up” article; a confluence of Paris-Roubaix, Orchies pigs and Jupiler beer. These things go very bad, very fast if not served quickly. @...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. Black shorts would have made that photo banal. »

Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.”Most Cyclists need to take a long hard look at...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. @Mike_P Yeah, I’ve seen that dude pull a no hands track stand at a traffic light. Bit of a real deal right there. »

The Amstel Gold Race, 251 km from Maastricht to Valkenburg, the hard way. There appears to be no flat sections longer than ten meters. There are thirty-four mean little climbs to ruin the legs. We have moved on from the real Spring Classics. There is no rest in this VSP; The Ronde and Roubaix were amazing but we must continue. Legs that are smoked...

@starclimber's posts:

  1. @andrew Stellar. That shot of Gerrans? Not a gram of excess on that character. »

  2. Well, that was rather excellent. Vanendert disrupted an otherwise near-psychic top 4 picks. GODDAMNIT! he wrote, grinning. »

  • Wilkins is right about his role in his bike/car incidents. There’s 2 sides to the equation, always. As cyclists,...

  • One word, old mate … abridge!

    Fuck me that’s a long article. I really should read one someday around here.

  • @DeKerr

    Indeed, great story. What year was it published? I could not find the date. Mentions Pharmstrong’s...

  • @Ron

    YES! Ron, we have a date with DESTINY!!! Or a ride, not sure which? Either way, some of us are going to do...

  • @kixsand best of luck. Have fun and ask lots of questions!

  • Holy fuck! Anyone have any hot deals on GoPros and helmet mounts?

    Or maybe small firearms and bibshort holsters?

  • @PeakInTwoYears hear, hear. I to am fortunate to ride in friendlier climes

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