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Velominatus: the-farmer

Order: Level 2 Velominatus

A bit crap but love hills, Rule 5 all the way.

@the-farmer's activity:

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. Bint, not bunt! »

  2. @Mikael Liddy Hell yeah, much more impressive than the bunt in the green on Saturday. What a race, G pulls Porte back and gains some time on Bertie, they are both going to have to go some and take it to Nibbles to get back that time, quite big for so e… »

  3. @wiscot What the fucks wrong with a nod of the head and a quick, “aye”. What has the world come to, fuck I don’t even shake hands unless there’s no other option. Next thing you’ll be saying you do a full on wave when you pass a fellow cyclist instead o… »

  4. @Chris I saw a Keepers Tour t shirt being worn by someone in the park and Harrogate but even I don’t have enough brass neck to say, “who the fuck are you then” to someone I don’t know. And you never know it might have been a try hard wanker who printed… »

  5. @Chris I saw a Keepers Tour t shirt being worn by someone in the park and Harrogate but even I don’t have enough brass neck to say, “who the fuck are you then” to someone I don’t know. And you never know it might have been a try hard wanker who printed … »

This note arrived to the Velominati Bunker back in April. It was a confession. It was a cautionary one. Everyone knows someone who has done this. I nearly did it myself*. I replied to Alex, not sympathetically enough yet his message has stayed with me. Is this worthy of a New Rule? Yours in Cycling, Gianni Continue reading...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. @Gianni Yeah but G, ogling crops is just how we roll in the countryside, besides Scotland’s too cold for anything less than 3 layers! »

  2. When I first read this story I thought it was going to be about cellar based love with a man in a gimp mask! But disappointingly no. you revelations are rapidly putting me off buying a roof rack or even a rear rack or even putting the bike near the car e… »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most c...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. @wiscot my least favourite phrase that is most often used nowadays “It’s not fair” my personal favourite “Harden the fuck up!” »

I can can feel his cold breath on my back, like a shadow drifting through an alleyway. He’s not yet upon me, but the Man with the Hammer is lurking nearby. I’m not even sure he has the intention to strike; he’s just staying close, cruelly reminding me that my fate is in his hands.I feel the heaviness in my legs from the first turn...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. Ps even did some climbing in the drops, but only because every other position caused instant cramp, anyone else ever had to decide if it was less painful to stop or just keep the hammer down to lessen the duration of the torture. Guess which one I chose, … »

  2. Did an 80 mile ride at the weekend, luckily it was a sportive so I had 5000 different wheels to suck! Met the man with the hammer at least three times, must Train Properly in future. You know you’re having a hard day when someona with flat pedals and a pa… »

The 100th running of Liège-Bastogne-Liège takes place this Sunday. Danny-boy Martin will be marked heavily as the defending champion. Malmerde, and Phil Gil have shown they are peaking too. Froomy has thrown his hat into the ring, as he did last year but after last years 26th place, maybe it’s training. 263 kms, past winners include a long...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. Gaun yersel nibbles! »

  2. VSP PICKS: 1. Nibali 2. Rodriguez 3. Kwiatowski 4. Gilbert 5. Cunego »

The Velominati Super Prestige is a season-long competition wherein readers will be submitting their predictions for the top five finishers of each qualifying race.  In order to qualify, your picks via the VSP Picks form above the posts section of the VSP Event article pertaining to the race in question by the time the countdown clock goes to zero...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. Never mind, found it. »

  2. Just so I can see how badly I’m doing, is there a complete list of standings so far? I just really, really want to see how much chance I have of spending my own money on wheels and bikes this year! The VMH will be pleased. »

Midweek in Belgium in Spring is a wonderful thing. Hordes of people come from seemingly nowhere to fill the bars and line the roadsides when presumably they’d usually be working, or at school, or some such. That the only ones who appear to be working are the bartenders and frites dispensers reinforces my belief that Belgium is the greatest co...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Rodriguez 2. Kwiatowski 3. Valverde 4. Costa 5. Mollema »

Wednesday sees the return of the women to the VSP. More notably, we see the return of Marianne Vos to the road. She’s won this race five of the last seven years. It makes me wonder if the rest of the field have already resigned themselves to racing for second. On the other hand, Vos hasn’t been racing of late and may not be as sharp as...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Vos 2. Borghini 3. Armistead 4. Johansson 5. Stevens »

The Amstel Gold Race, 251 km from Maastricht to Valkenburg, the hard way. There appears to be no flat sections longer than ten meters. There are thirty-four mean little climbs to ruin the legs. We have moved on from the real Spring Classics. There is no rest in this VSP; The Ronde and Roubaix were amazing but we must continue. Legs that are smoked...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Rodriguez 2. Kwiatowski 3. Nibali 4. Ten dam 5. Cunego »

It has been a brutal week for us Keepers, having decided not to hold a Keepers Tour this year. Watching the action from half a world away has been almost too much for us to bear, and I know most of the participants from last year must be feeling similarly. On Sunday, we would be escorted by our friends and guides, William and Alex of Pavé Cycling...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. Logic says two or three together at the end, or even one by themselves, so do you pick an obvious winner then randoms for the rest of the places because the main hopes heads will be down and they let some no hoper (I.e a sky rider) go for the minor places… »

The grade is long and I am climbing away. I’m not going to Pantani this: I am not out of the saddle, not in the drops and not leaving everyone in my wake. The climbing gear was engaged a long time ago. There is progress, but I am not dancing up this climb. A little more cadence would really help here. If I could just get this mother-lover spinnin...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. @Teocalli Fuck that shit, if you can walk you can damn well cycle, you better have a damn good excuse! I have only come to a halt once on a hill, did I walk, did I fuck. Just took a few breaths and got on with the cycling. The rest of the world walk, … »

This needs no introduction. The Spring Classics are truly upon us. The course has been modified yet again, it is tougher? The riders make the race and the 2014 Ronde van Vlaanderen is loaded with racers who could win or make the Velominati VSP placings. Just to pick the winner will not be nearly as easy as it has been recently. There are small clo...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. Does this work like the infinite monkeys thing, if enough of us get involved then someone will be right! »

  2. VSP PICKS: 1. Boonen 2. Van marcke 3. Cancellara 4. Stybar 5. Sagan »

Vlaanderen. Its no accident the Flemish word for Flanders starts with a V; there is nothing simple or easy about riding a bike here. If it isn’t wind, its steep bergs. If it isn’t tarmac, its cobbles. Most of the time, its all three. Oh, and the weather there sucks. In fact, Flanders doesn’t have weather – it has VVeather.De...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Stevens 2. Vos 3. Johannson 4. Arndt 5. Armistead »

This is the kick off of the VSP for women’s racing, though the women have already kicked it off with the Ronde van Drenthe in the Netherlands. Now it’s down to Northern Italy, Varese, by Lago Maggiore, but this is a climbers course, more in the mountains than by the lake. And yes, Sunday is also Gent-Wevelgem for women but Trofeo is par...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Johansdon 2. Stevens 3. Armistead 4. Pooley 5. Vos »

Evolution doesn’t really seem to be part of the picture anymore, at least not where humans and our direct reports are concerned. We control an astounding number of genetic defects in ourselves, our pets, and agriculture while Science and Technology give Natural Selection swirlies in the locker room.Take exercise-induced asthma, which is a con...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. @Puffy I’m half way there then as one ankle is fixed in position. However I see a flaw in the argument as that leg now has next to no calf muscle whereas cycling is developing the other one nicely so obviously the ankle and therefore calf muscle is con… »

Het Volk (it will always be Het Volk to me) and now the Strade Bianche may well mark the sentimental beginning to the season, but those are specialized, pre-season races that appeal mostly to riders who are preparing for bigger objectives later in the year, such as the Cobbled or Ardennes Classics. Same goes for Tirreno Adriatico and Paris-Nice; t...

@the-farmer's posts:

  1. I can’t resist this but having been trawling through the stories on the site, I came across this quote from Frank. “Besides, pro’s don’t wear jeans, and they don’t wear white helmets that look like hollowed-out bowling balls” Quite apposite I thought fo… »