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Velominatus: the_farmer

Order: Level 2 Velominatus

A bit crap but love hills, Rule 5 all the way.

@the_farmer's activity:

There is nothing more disappointing than discovering the truth behind a myth or spotting the mortal behind a legend. This is why I make a point never to do any research or in any other way attempt to validate my assumptions when evaluating a situation; mystery that feels like a fact and sounds like a fact is better than an actual fact. Tr...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. @Teocalli Watched that, sitting in a puddle of piss, top man! »

I’m not sure where this ride falls on the graph of fitness but down towards the bottom, somewhere.There can be a point in every rider’s season where each ride ends the same. FFS, I suck. The unabridged volume of self-loathing is reviewed, cogent chapters reread, aloud, in the bathroom. I’m Too Fat To Climb is a chapter I like to q...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. You would think so, but that is slap bang in the middle of another busy period, hey ho. Someones got to feed the world, by the way it ain’t me, who needs daffodils, potato chips or whisky after all. »

  2. @Lazarus Thrift I am always wishing for one more sprocket, but I suspect at the opposite side from you. »

  3. I am certainly not at the aha stage at the moment. Due to the nature of my job I have to have almost 3 months off the bike during late summer/early AUTUMN, therefore winter is my time for riding as much possible! Ready for the spring, maybe by next march … »

PerfectionThe fifth Cogal to be held in Scotland will tackle what is considered to be the UK’s toughest road climb, the famed Bealach Na Ba (Pass of the Cattle) Wester Ross. Rising from sea level to 626m in 10km, this jewel is the closest thing to a true Alpine pass that Britain has to offer. For anyone thinking that this is it, be advised that...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. Perfection

    The fifth Cogal to be held in Scotland will tackle what is considered to be the UK’s toughest road climb, the famed Bealach Na Ba (Pass of the Cattle) Wester Ross. Rising from sea level to 626m in 10km, this jewel is the closest thing to a true Alpine pass that Britain has to offer. For anyone thinking that this is it, be advised that the total climbing for the 144km ride is 2770m and this is only on day 1. Day 2 will be shorter (70km)but being the Scottish Highlands will not be flat. Did I not mention that this is a weekend event? Hell yes!

    Lodgings are available in the Kinlochewe Hotel where pre ride espresso and post ride recovery beverages will be taken. The hardy will share the attached 12 bed bunkhouse whilst those who demand a greater degree of comfort can stay in the hotel itself. Tel 01445 730253 to book in.

    Join us UK based Velominati, for what will undoubtedly be a rugged classic.

    Route Day 1: http://www.strava.com/routes/98589 Day 2: To be decided over beer.

    VLVV

    JohnB

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date/Time
    Date - August 23, 2014 - August 24, 2014
    8:05 AM - 8:30 PM

    Location
    Kinlochewe Hotel

    Cogal Details
    Route Details

    Ride Classification

  2. Perfection

    The fifth Cogal to be held in Scotland will tackle what is considered to be the UK’s toughest road climb, the famed Bealach Na Ba (Pass of the Cattle) Wester Ross. Rising from sea level to 626m in 10km, this jewel is the closest thing to a true Alpine pass that Britain has to offer. For anyone thinking that this is it, be advised that the total climbing for the 144km ride is 2770m and this is only on day 1. Day 2 will be shorter (70km)but being the Scottish Highlands will not be flat. Did I not mention that this is a weekend event? Hell yes!

    Lodgings are available in the Kinlochewe Hotel where pre ride espresso and post ride recovery beverages will be taken. The hardy will share the attached 12 bed bunkhouse whilst those who demand a greater degree of comfort can stay in the hotel itself. Tel 01445 730253 to book in.

    Join us UK based Velominati, for what will undoubtedly be a rugged classic.

    Route Day 1: http://www.strava.com/routes/98589 Day 2: To be decided over beer.

    VLVV

    JohnB

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date/Time
    Date - August 23, 2014 - August 24, 2014
    8:05 AM - 8:30 PM

    Location
    Kinlochewe Hotel

    Cogal Details
    Route Details

    Ride Classification

Brett’s fine Nick Cave article got me thinking about music and cycling. We spend lots of time alone on our bikes. The bike is on autopilot, it stays upright from second to second, freeing up our brains to consider anything or nothing. Music might be the only riding companion we have but it has to be the right music. Being as Pro as possible is...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. @pistard they are from the 80’s Paul Gilbert is the guitarist, god knows how I found them, I think I was googling guitar music, love a good riff but I can’t play music, found them and Dokken! Mr Scary has ace guitar on it.   »

  2. I’ve just discovered Racer X. Those get in your head and won’t go!   »

No technology can increase the energy of the willpower of the rider, nor can it lessen the doubts which sometimes overwhelm him. - Bernard HinaultAs I swung off the main road, I was momentarily consumed by the simple thrill of my tires leaving the hard tarmac and hitting the rough gravel of the unpaved forest road. It was a brief distraction of the...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. I think it was Yoda who said (and yes I know he’s not a real being) “Either do or do not, there is no try” or something like that. In my opinion the worse you are on the bike, the more will you require, but you also need other motivation, for example walk… »

Attention all Velominati. The Tour VSP is going on line and it should be a good one. Sure, between Froomy and Bertie a person could hedge their bets but Moviestar is all in for Valverde, BMC for TeeJay, Astana for the Shark and Garmin is finally committing to a team leader in Talansky. Some other teams (ahem…Trek Factory Racing for one) have...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. Bint, not bunt! »

  2. @Mikael Liddy Hell yeah, much more impressive than the bunt in the green on Saturday. What a race, G pulls Porte back and gains some time on Bertie, they are both going to have to go some and take it to Nibbles to get back that time, quite big for so e… »

  3. @wiscot What the fucks wrong with a nod of the head and a quick, “aye”. What has the world come to, fuck I don’t even shake hands unless there’s no other option. Next thing you’ll be saying you do a full on wave when you pass a fellow cyclist instead o… »

  4. @Chris I saw a Keepers Tour t shirt being worn by someone in the park and Harrogate but even I don’t have enough brass neck to say, “who the fuck are you then” to someone I don’t know. And you never know it might have been a try hard wanker who printed… »

  5. @Chris I saw a Keepers Tour t shirt being worn by someone in the park and Harrogate but even I don’t have enough brass neck to say, “who the fuck are you then” to someone I don’t know. And you never know it might have been a try hard wanker who printed … »

This note arrived to the Velominati Bunker back in April. It was a confession. It was a cautionary one. Everyone knows someone who has done this. I nearly did it myself*. I replied to Alex, not sympathetically enough yet his message has stayed with me. Is this worthy of a New Rule? Yours in Cycling, Gianni Continue reading...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. @Gianni Yeah but G, ogling crops is just how we roll in the countryside, besides Scotland’s too cold for anything less than 3 layers! »

  2. When I first read this story I thought it was going to be about cellar based love with a man in a gimp mask! But disappointingly no. you revelations are rapidly putting me off buying a roof rack or even a rear rack or even putting the bike near the car e… »

For the simple reason that the Cobbled and Ardennes Classics are behind us, I have not alternative but to get back on my soap box about the Giro being the best of the three Grand Tours. Well, usually, at least. Last year’s race sucked the big one (even if it was supremely Rule #9), but for the most part it is the race that is the most c...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. @wiscot my least favourite phrase that is most often used nowadays “It’s not fair” my personal favourite “Harden the fuck up!” »

I can can feel his cold breath on my back, like a shadow drifting through an alleyway. He’s not yet upon me, but the Man with the Hammer is lurking nearby. I’m not even sure he has the intention to strike; he’s just staying close, cruelly reminding me that my fate is in his hands.I feel the heaviness in my legs from the first turn...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. Ps even did some climbing in the drops, but only because every other position caused instant cramp, anyone else ever had to decide if it was less painful to stop or just keep the hammer down to lessen the duration of the torture. Guess which one I chose, … »

  2. Did an 80 mile ride at the weekend, luckily it was a sportive so I had 5000 different wheels to suck! Met the man with the hammer at least three times, must train properly in future. You know you’re having a hard day when someona with flat pedals and a pa… »

The 100th running of Liège-Bastogne-Liège takes place this Sunday. Danny-boy Martin will be marked heavily as the defending champion. Malmerde, and Phil Gil have shown they are peaking too. Froomy has thrown his hat into the ring, as he did last year but after last years 26th place, maybe it’s training. 263 kms, past winners include a long...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. Gaun yersel nibbles! »

  2. VSP PICKS: 1. Nibali 2. Rodriguez 3. Kwiatowski 4. Gilbert 5. Cunego »

Jump to: Scoring Guidelines • Prizes • Schedule • ResultsThe Velominati Super Prestige is a season-long competition wherein readers will be submitting their predictions for the top five finishers of each qualifying race.  In order to qualify, your picks via the VSP Picks form above the posts section of the VSP Event article pertaining to the...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. Never mind, found it. »

  2. Just so I can see how badly I’m doing, is there a complete list of standings so far? I just really, really want to see how much chance I have of spending my own money on wheels and bikes this year! The VMH will be pleased. »

Midweek in Belgium in Spring is a wonderful thing. Hordes of people come from seemingly nowhere to fill the bars and line the roadsides when presumably they’d usually be working, or at school, or some such. That the only ones who appear to be working are the bartenders and frites dispensers reinforces my belief that Belgium is the greatest co...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Rodriguez 2. Kwiatowski 3. Valverde 4. Costa 5. Mollema »

Wednesday sees the return of the women to the VSP. More notably, we see the return of Marianne Vos to the road. She’s won this race five of the last seven years. It makes me wonder if the rest of the field have already resigned themselves to racing for second. On the other hand, Vos hasn’t been racing of late and may not be as sharp as...

@the_farmer's posts:

  1. VSP PICKS: 1. Vos 2. Borghini 3. Armistead 4. Johansson 5. Stevens »

  • Wilkins is right about his role in his bike/car incidents. There’s 2 sides to the equation, always. As cyclists,...

  • One word, old mate … abridge!

    Fuck me that’s a long article. I really should read one someday around here.

  • @DeKerr

    Indeed, great story. What year was it published? I could not find the date. Mentions Pharmstrong’s...

  • @Ron

    YES! Ron, we have a date with DESTINY!!! Or a ride, not sure which? Either way, some of us are going to do...

  • @kixsand best of luck. Have fun and ask lots of questions!

  • Holy fuck! Anyone have any hot deals on GoPros and helmet mounts?

    Or maybe small firearms and bibshort holsters?

  • @PeakInTwoYears hear, hear. I to am fortunate to ride in friendlier climes

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