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Velominatus: wiscot

Order: Guest Contributor

Location: West Bend, Wisconsin

I got my first bike at age 2 and have always had one since. My first real bike was a massive steel blue Peugeot at the age of 14. Subsequently replaced by a red Holdsworth, a team-colors Raleigh and a ruby-red Colnago, the latter joined by a neon-pink Cougar TT bike, a metallic green Brian Rouke winter bike and a blue Specialized mountain bike. All steel and all gone to new homes now. I joined the Johnstone Wheelers Cycling Club at 18 and became a dedicated time triallist, riding 30-50 club and open races a year. In 1989/90 I was a founding member of the short-lived VC d"Or which included velominatus and short-lived COTHO teammate Brian Smith. I also raced regularly against another real Velominatus - Graeme Obree - in the 1980s and beat him twice - once in a 10 and once in a 50. Rumors that he stopped to have a drum up at the turn are probably true. Moved to the US in 1990. Buggered up my back (working for a bike shop ironically) in 1993. Took several years off. Back riding since 2006 in Wisconsin and logging 8000+ kilometers each of the last three years.

@wiscot's activity:

What does the layman observe when he sees a cyclist in the wild? While we do our utmost to Look Fantastic, in our own eyes and minds at least, outside observers may as well be witnessing little green aliens who’ve just stepped off their spacecraft and are heading to their very first fancy dress/drag party on this weird and wonderful planet...

@wiscot's posts:

  1. @Rom What do you mean “are accommodated in the adjoining alley”? That’s were the hookers are? That’s where you relieve yourselves? Please explain! »

  2. @Ron Tell me about it – the Xelerators? We have them at work. When you go to the crapper everyone knows it because they can hear the friggin jet engine hand-dryer! »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@wiscot's posts:

  1. @kixsand Man, that sucks. I’m a 56 guy and a 58 would be . . . too big. For years I rode a 23″ Colnago. It was too big. A 22″ would have been better and you know what, every time I look at pictures of that bike I think “It’s too big.” You’re buddy migh… »

  2. @chrismurphy92 I’m drooling here . . . just drooling . . . »

What does the layman observe when he sees a cyclist in the wild? While we do our utmost to Look Fantastic, in our own eyes and minds at least, outside observers may as well be witnessing little green aliens who’ve just stepped off their spacecraft and are heading to their very first fancy dress/drag party on this weird and wonderful planet...

@wiscot's posts:

  1. Oh, and while I’m at it, we might collectively look daft, but compared to what? Some fat fuck and his tattooed manatee-wife sitting on their Harley with illegal pipes, wearing leather bandanas, wrap around shades and a fringed vest over a wife beater? Rid… »

  2. Great piece and sadly, so much truth in there. My mid ride stops are always as gas stations. I try to look as fantastic as possible which means I’m usually the best dressed person in there and often, one of the better smelling. »

The Bike. It is the central tool in pursuit of our craft. A Velominatus meticulously maintains their bicycles and adorns them with the essential, yet minimal, accoutrement. The Rules specify the principles of good taste in configuration and setup of our machines, but within those principles lies almost infinite room for personal taste.It seems in s...

@wiscot's posts:

  1. @wilburrox That’s a mean lookin’ bike there! »

  2. @rs_sttr Two years? What took you so long? You waited and waited and waited to see if we would remain as brilliant as you thought we were two years ago or whether the bullshit you found would subside? It’s generally both in near equal measure. Welcome, … »

  3. It should also be mentioned to all Pedalwans and newbies out there that today’s aluminum frames are not those of yesteryear. I recently got rid of my 89 or 90 Trek 1200 alu frame. Man, it was plain gauge crap and as lively as a corpse. My current  #4 is a… »

  4. @freddy This. I have 105 on my #2 and it’s great. Agree with Freddy, upgrade now and keep your eyes peeled for a new #1. End of season is here. Watch for sales of “last season” models. »

There is nothing more disappointing than discovering the truth behind a myth or spotting the mortal behind a legend. This is why I make a point never to do any research or in any other way attempt to validate my assumptions when evaluating a situation; mystery that feels like a fact and sounds like a fact is better than an actual fact. Tr...

@wiscot's posts:

  1. First, awesome photo of M. Hinault. The hairnet, the “other” sport gloves, the nylon cap and, of course, the rain jacket with mesh panels for “breathability.” Those things sucked. It was like wearing a think bin bag. You got as wet inside from sweat as yo… »

April 2015 // Lille, France The Hardmen. They inspire us; we aspire to be one among them. They are the solitary voice among the thousands in our heads that tell us to keep pushing when all the others tell us to stop. Their long shadows look on in approval as we pull on our cold and wet weather gear and head out into the elements to ride. Continue...

@wiscot's posts:

  1. April 2015 // Lille, France 

    The Hardmen. They inspire us; we aspire to be one among them. They are the solitary voice among the thousands in our heads that tell us to keep pushing when all the others tell us to stop. Their long shadows look on in approval as we pull on our cold and wet weather gear and head out into the elements to ride.

    Every serious Cyclist is a hard man or woman; it comes with the territory. But to be given the title of Hardman, one must be more than just tough. The Hardmen stand out among the rest as the ones who ride over the savage, jagged cobblestones of Northern Europe with a souplesse that is possessed only by those riders who thrive in the most torturous of road cycling’s domains: The Cobbled Classics of Northern Europe.

    Velominati has partnered up with Pavé Cycling Classics, based in Northern France, to offer the chance to walk where Giants tread and pedal through the trench of Arenberg and up the devastating cobbled steeps of the Koppenberg and Kapelmuur. To pedal with the Pros during their reconnaissance of the Paris-Roubaix route.

    As if that isn’t good enough, we offer the opportunity to do all this with Johan Museeuw, the last Lion of Flanders.

    Velominati’s Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics will be back in 2015 and guided by the Velominati Keepers in partnership with Pavé Cycling Classics over nine days in April during the most sacred time of the season, the week when de Ronde van Vlaanderen and Paris Roubaix are held. Details and booking information will be announced in the coming days.

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date/Time
    Date - April 03, 2015 - April 13, 2015
    12:00 AM - 12:00 AM

    Location
    Gare de Lille Flandres

    Cogal Details
    Route Details


  2. April 2015 // Lille, France 

    The Hardmen. They inspire us; we aspire to be one among them. They are the solitary voice among the thousands in our heads that tell us to keep pushing when all the others tell us to stop. Their long shadows look on in approval as we pull on our cold and wet weather gear and head out into the elements to ride.

    Every serious Cyclist is a hard man or woman; it comes with the territory. But to be given the title of Hardman, one must be more than just tough. The Hardmen stand out among the rest as the ones who ride over the savage, jagged cobblestones of Northern Europe with a souplesse that is possessed only by those riders who thrive in the most torturous of road cycling’s domains: The Cobbled Classics of Northern Europe.

    Velominati has partnered up with Pavé Cycling Classics, based in Northern France, to offer the chance to walk where Giants tread and pedal through the trench of Arenberg and up the devastating cobbled steeps of the Koppenberg and Kapelmuur. To pedal with the Pros during their reconnaissance of the Paris-Roubaix route.

    As if that isn’t good enough, we offer the opportunity to do all this with Johan Museeuw, the last Lion of Flanders.

    Velominati’s Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics will be back in 2015 and guided by the Velominati Keepers in partnership with Pavé Cycling Classics over nine days in April during the most sacred time of the season, the week when de Ronde van Vlaanderen and Paris Roubaix are held. Details and booking information will be announced in the coming days.

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date/Time
    Date - April 03, 2015 - April 13, 2015
    12:00 AM - 12:00 AM

    Location
    Gare de Lille Flandres

    Cogal Details
    Route Details


  3. April 2015 // Lille, France 

    The Hardmen. They inspire us; we aspire to be one among them. They are the solitary voice among the thousands in our heads that tell us to keep pushing when all the others tell us to stop. Their long shadows look on in approval as we pull on our cold and wet weather gear and head out into the elements to ride.

    Every serious Cyclist is a hard man or woman; it comes with the territory. But to be given the title of Hardman, one must be more than just tough. The Hardmen stand out among the rest as the ones who ride over the savage, jagged cobblestones of Northern Europe with a souplesse that is possessed only by those riders who thrive in the most torturous of road cycling’s domains: The Cobbled Classics of Northern Europe.

    Velominati has partnered up with Pavé Cycling Classics, based in Northern France, to offer the chance to walk where Giants tread and pedal through the trench of Arenberg and up the devastating cobbled steeps of the Koppenberg and Kapelmuur. To pedal with the Pros during their reconnaissance of the Paris-Roubaix route.

    As if that isn’t good enough, we offer the opportunity to do all this with Johan Museeuw, the last Lion of Flanders.

    Velominati’s Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics will be back in 2015 and guided by the Velominati Keepers in partnership with Pavé Cycling Classics over nine days in April during the most sacred time of the season, the week when de Ronde van Vlaanderen and Paris Roubaix are held. Details and booking information will be announced in the coming days.

    Event Details

    Loading Map....

    Date/Time
    Date - April 03, 2015 - April 13, 2015
    12:00 AM - 12:00 AM

    Location
    Gare de Lille Flandres

    Cogal Details
    Route Details


I’m not sure where this ride falls on the graph of fitness but down towards the bottom, somewhere.There can be a point in every rider’s season where each ride ends the same. FFS, I suck. The unabridged volume of self-loathing is reviewed, cogent chapters reread, aloud, in the bathroom. I’m Too Fat To Climb is a chapter I like to q...

@wiscot's posts:

  1. Yesterday was an Ah-ha ride for me. Fall is well entrenched here in SE WI and only a few stubborn trees still bear leaves. The night are getting colder and the mornings and evenings darker. After work rides are almost impossible unless I get out a wee bit… »

To keep chickens is to walk a path towards introspection. From the songs they sing after laying an egg (which I assume is “chicken” for “I’m Every Woman“) to the sheer glee they show when they find a worm in the mud, chickens provide a perfect example of living life in and for the moment. The most interesting aspect o...

@wiscot's posts:

  1. @Ron There’s a helluva lot about this site that’s illogical, but we keep coming back for more and more . . . »

  2. @rfreese888 When you learn the ropes as one of the 3 Musketeers (Pollentier, Maertens and Demeyer) you learn to be crafty. Some say wheel-sucking, others say riding smart. Demeyer died of a heart attack at 31! »

  3. @frank Picture 3. That’s one helluva mullet. Lead picture. I had to look twice to see that it was Terpstra not Tommeke. The Dutch champ bands on the sleeves were the clue. Those bars sure ain’t level. »

A great unknown awaits the young men, bound by a common entity of steel, flesh and passion rolled together. Do they contemplate the future, or are they so encapsulated in the here and now that anything beyond the finish line seems like it could only be for old people? Have they any inkling which path they will take, or be guided towards? Maybe...

@wiscot's posts:

  1. @brett Je ne sais pas either! »

  2. @Teocalli Yeah, there should be some kind of law, not just a rule, but a law, about wearing an aero helmet unless you are actually competing in a race. Back in my racing days I wore one of the early Cinelli aero helmets when racing, but NEVER when not… »

  3. @rfreese888 Well, the guy on the right’s palmares are a wee bit scanty, but I get your point. Speaking of M. Thevenet and M. Merckx, I read that the Tour might be doing Pra Loup next year, eh? It’s been a while since “the showdown” of 75. It would be n… »

  4. Every once in a while at an organized charity ride I’m doing, some tri-chicks (yes, I know I’ll get into trouble for using that kinda language, but it’s way better than some terms that have been bandied about on this site), show up. Man, they scare me. Th… »

  5. I think COTHO has a look of “I wish I had worn darker shades that might have dimmed the spectacle of Dr. Phil’s soiled, bulging Mom jeans.” He certainly looks a little queasy . . . »

  6. @Gianni Might have been a tad more entertaining had COTHO “confessed” to big Phil than Oprah. I think auld baldy would have called him out and, in a pinch, taken him down. Then he would have swanned offstage arm in arm with his wife leaving COTHO gaspi… »

  7. @Buck Rogers Easy now big man, easy. Go for a nice bike ride and get calm. Avoid coffee and other stimulants too. Can’t let a tri person get to you. I’m assuming you didn’t get into a discussion of clothing and style? You’d have won that round easy. I m… »

  • Wilkins is right about his role in his bike/car incidents. There’s 2 sides to the equation, always. As cyclists,...

  • One word, old mate … abridge!

    Fuck me that’s a long article. I really should read one someday around here.

  • @DeKerr

    Indeed, great story. What year was it published? I could not find the date. Mentions Pharmstrong’s...

  • @Ron

    YES! Ron, we have a date with DESTINY!!! Or a ride, not sure which? Either way, some of us are going to do...

  • @kixsand best of luck. Have fun and ask lots of questions!

  • Holy fuck! Anyone have any hot deals on GoPros and helmet mounts?

    Or maybe small firearms and bibshort holsters?

  • @PeakInTwoYears hear, hear. I to am fortunate to ride in friendlier climes

  • One word, old mate…………camera.

  • Mindfulness–and let’s just pass right over the idea of compassion for the moment–isn’t easy when it’s hard. When...

  • Good survival training and looking inward is best.

  • @brett

    It’s your masculinity, leaving.

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