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Velominatus: withoutanyhills

Order: Level 3 Velominatus

Kent, UK dwelling teacher without any hills

@withoutanyhills's activity:

I’m not even talking about all the pseudo-asthmatics out there, vaping their way to better breathing. My breathing is just fine. It’s my little citron sized heart that is slowing me down. Is there a street-legal injection or vacuum pump for heart enlargement, or a trip to a doctor in the Congo that would transplant a badass Mandrill heart for m...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. I used to fire up the Gaggia for an espresso before I went out on my early morning starts but the grinding and the pumping (!) used to wake the kids up which would delay my departure. Now look forward to a good, long pour over with my eggs when I get back… »

Climbing is something I enjoy more than I am good at it; any time I see a new road pointing up to the heavens, I find myself irresistibly drawn to explore where it leads. Every season I come to the conclusion that my training routes are all very hilly and I arrive at the brilliant idea that I should plot out a new course which seeks out the flatt...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. As the name suggests the beginning, middle and end are one and the same for me but I still try to seek out the hills. Fortunately I am not completely devoid of lumps in the rolling  south east Kent, UK countryside but they are short and not always steep. »

There was a time when I held down ‘real jobs’. Jobs with (a little) stress, with (some) responsibility, but without soul. And while dealing with the great unwashed public never held much appeal, I always envied the guys who worked at my preferred LBS. They seemingly had it all––an endless supply of cheap bikes and parts, hanging out and s...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. Greta piece that touches on many points. I am always telling my students about the joys of stress free early life jobs which incorporate something you enjoy. Mine were beach cleaning and gardening – plenty of time outdoors, could surf when the waves were … »

Maybe it’s the milestone of aging that I recently reached. It could be an awareness of the unique foibles of this sport/activity/pastime that I practice. Possibly, I just woke up one day and realised that this is a weird thing for a middle-aged man to be doing. The time for reassessment hit me, involuntarily and without warning. And I’m...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. Lovely article – I get to ride once a week and even then I sometimes question the sense of it but when I am out it always feel like the right decision. »

Wind is an asshole. I have no patience left for it. It has all of it been used up, gone, finished. It is the only force that I’m aware of (with the possible exception of gravity) that is more stubborn and less willing to listen to reason than I myself am. It blows me around on my bike, it embezzles speed from my Magnificent Stroke. No matter...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. Rebirth indeed – physio to be booked up to sort out fucked hip, sportive to be booked up as a goal. Nothing like the signs of spring, and the start of the racing season proper, to get you fired up… »

We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules. It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list.The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path to La Vie Velominatus, not at the end; learning to balance them against one another and to welcome them...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. guess you have all seen this? »

It’s the ride you’ll do the most. The hardest ride you’ll ever do, too. You’ll do it so often that it should be easy, but it never is. Its frequency is such that it really should morph into all the other rides of its ilk, therefore negating the actual nexus of this necessary, evil ride. But it never does, it’s always s...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. @turbozombie must be something about the 29th as that was when I broke mine!! Although they told me the other day day that mine was actually only about 85% broken which may explain why it am now thankfully only on one crutch and have been given the all cl… »

  2. I can’t wait for the FRB after my recent broken hip which was itself done on a FRB – a cold and frosty morning, damn you rules #5&9!!! »

Rules! Hear me fools: The Rules mark the beginning of the path to enlightenment, not the end. There are higher planes, expanding dimensions. Beyond the color of your bar tape exists a man, a mountain, and a bike. This is where the world begins.Keeper Jim wrote this, reporting on his utilitarian climb of Mount Ventoux. He posts less than the rest of...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. @frank would this site exist without this mantra? »

  2. This brings to mind Rule #6. If you feel clear of conscience that you have tried to follow the rules, or are on the path to full adherence, then perhaps your ride will be more fulfilling. And praise be to the masturbation principle! »

We’re not really supposed to have favorites, but everyone does. Just ask your parents. So while I’m not supposed to have a favorite, I do, and its Rule #9.Bad weather immediately separates the wheat from the chaff, and so the weekend warriors stay indoors and leave the roads to the devout. I talk most often about riding in the rain, wi...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. @Teocalli I did try to get back on, honest. I only called for help after I had crawled from the middle of the road to the kerb, dragged my bike next to me, had a ten minute lie down and failed twice to stand up. »

  2. Wet and windy then I am afraid I am weak. Cold and sunny – these are the best bad days. But as @pash has pointed out a fall, mine on ice, is not gorgeous at all. Now looking forward to early morning spring rides »

Up here in the Northern Hemisphere, this off-season is the time for rest and repair. The body and bikes need some extra refurbishment. It’s fun fixing up the bike; buying new bits in the bike shop is easy. It’s not as much fun fixing up the body.VLVV, Gianni Continue reading...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. Thanks @frank and @teocalli. Just gutted that after finally having some time to recommence riding I am now off the bike again but I have a recovery plan sorted out and a few weeks off work to just chill and catch up on reading. the injury seems more commo… »

  2. This article now means more to me as I have just returned from hospital where I was undergoing surgery for a broken hip ( metal plates and pins) sustained after slipping on some black ice last Sunday. It was a bright sunny morning, the first for a while a… »

To each of you in our Community, we’d like to thank you for making Velominati a worthwhile place to visit and be a part of. Velominati, as most of you know, is a passion project that is borne of our nights and weekends, to be juggled between full time jobs, family, friends, and our first love – riding our bikes. And it is only because o...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. New shoes for me but not here until after Xmas. also got some cash so may invest in some artwork like @RedRanger s for my new house. Looking forward to a 2014 full of riding and good health. All the best to you…. »

I’m a naturally loud and weird person who expresses excitement through volume. Also, alcohol is supposed to be a depressant, but it doesn’t appear to work for me; all it does is make me happier (and louder) – until I have a little too much at which point I get weirder (a too-happy, too-loud kind of weird). But being a happy pers...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. @VeloSix Got ya – it’s a good job I ride alone in that case then. »

  2. @VeloSix Care to explain? »

  3. I am wondering, as I try to follow the rules, which ones are the most important for me to stick too? Or is it a case of once one is broken you may as well give up? »

Guido went to extraordinary lengths to shield young Joshua from the horrors of the war. On the way to the camp, a bicycle race passed their truck. As the riders, themselves escaping a life of grim toil, dirty and sweaty from the effort of heaving their heavy steel bikes up the col, rode by, Guido lifted his son from the truck and placed him onto th...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. As a History teacher I love these articles and photos – great to use in the classroom as they often generate a lot of questions and allows me to talk about a great passion of mine and hopefully inspire some of my pupils. »

Up here in the Northern Hemisphere, this off-season is the time for rest and repair. The body and bikes need some extra refurbishment. It’s fun fixing up the bike; buying new bits in the bike shop is easy. It’s not as much fun fixing up the body.VLVV, Gianni Continue reading...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. It’s very true about how quickly you can lose condition  – oh how this is true. Three months off due to moving house and back to work has taken it’s toll but the road back starts now.. »

Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives.  While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity...

@withoutanyhills's posts:

  1. Hi, Been reading the site for a couple of months and thought I would now join the community. I live about 25 miles away from Northern France, albeit across the channel, and feel the ethos on here sums up how I deal with my riding – no real hills, windy a… »

  • Wilkins is right about his role in his bike/car incidents. There’s 2 sides to the equation, always. As cyclists,...

  • One word, old mate … abridge!

    Fuck me that’s a long article. I really should read one someday around here.

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