Gear
by The Keepers / Mar 14 2010 / 61 posts
La Vie Velominatus. The Ancients say, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." It is no coincidence then, that you are here now, at this moment, perusing this sacred Velominati Gear page.
It is difficult to translate from Old Velomiskrit into English, but it is believed the Ancients held that for some people, the call of the Velominati comes early in life, as if guided by the Hand of Merckx. For others, tremendous obstacles lie in the way, and heavy helpings of Rule 5 must be observed before The Order reveals itself. It is an open secret, but you must take the first step.
We work hard to provide you with the finest quality symbols of La Vie Velominati. Our Sacred Garment is the top-end of the Castelli line - not available through retailers, but normally only to the Hardmen of Professional Cycling. The V-Chalice is hand-etched by a devoted disciple. The V-Cog Icon Shirt is locally made from the finest natural fibers and environmentally friendly processes.
Any products or sizes that are sold out may be backordered at any time; we will be replensishing stock on sold out items whenever possible. Backordered items may take several weeks to arrive. Additional information is available upon inquiry and will be provided at time of order placement. Please don't hesitate contact us with any questions.
Secure and easy checkout through PayPal. We also ship World Wide; if you have an address, we'll get it there. 
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The V-Cog Icon. Behold its glory. Meditate on its form. Some say it is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma, which reveals itself to the Velominatus only after lengthy contemplation.
Made of comfortable and lightweight 4.9 ounce cotton, The Icon is hand-screened with the utmost care and attention; the left arm (also hand-screened) bears the Obey the Rules emblem to remind everyone that you're paying attention and you won't tolerate any whining. Display your status as a Grand Master of stylish sensibility by sporting this exclusive Velominati tog.
Check the sizing chart before ordering to ensure you get the right size. All sizes are in-stock unless otherwise noted; we endeavour to ship orders within 24 hours. Shipping is $5.00 USD to US Domestic addresses; $12.00 USD international.
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Logo T-Shirt: $24.00 USD |
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Some say that the "V" is derived from the Latin "vir" or virile. Others say that it symbolizes victory. For the Ancients, The V - pronounced "The Five" - was a reference to Rule 5 and the greater meaning it holds within the Velominati. As such, the V-Pint is the ultimate hardman's artifact.
Look deep into your heart and contemplate its awesome symmetry as the sacred V-Cog reveals itself to you at the bottom of the glass. Each V-Pint is individually hand-etched with great care by a devoted disciple deep within the hallowed hills of Colorado, especially for you.
Discover the Velominati ethos and make it your own while pounding ale after ale - after pounding the Pavé all day. Earnest seeker: Drink and ye shall find.
WARNING: The V-Pint will react unpredictably to watery piss beer and may cleave in two should such a fluid be poured into this vessel. It will reveal the V-Cog most readily when filled with a fine Belgian Ale.
The V-Pint will be shipped direct from the manufacturer. Shipping charges are $8.00 USD for US domestic orders, $12.00 USD international.
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A Velominatus worships their bicycle and spends countless hours in the guild ensuring every component is in perfect working order, thereby honoring the Principle of Silence. This task is best undertaken with the V-Pint in hand and tools tucked into the pockets of the Velominati Shop Apron.
We endeavour to ship orders within 24 hours. Shipping is $5.00 USD to US Domestic addresses; $12.00 USD international.
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We are guessing that in the days of old, the Ancient Ones used secret symbols forged in the fires of Mount Velomis in order to recognize one another from the uninitiated. Now, as we await a new Golden Age of Cycling, recognize fellow Keepers of The Cog by the Velominati Symbol Pack.
Made only of the highest-quality Belgian vinyl, these decals are rated for 7 years of outdoor use. The Symbol Pack contains one V-Cog badge, one Large and one small Velominati Logo, and one large and one small Obey the Rules emblem. The separate name badge decals are custom-made for each order.
The Velominati Symbol Pack and Name Badge will be shipped direct from the manufacturer. Shipping is included in the price.
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La Vie Velominatus speaks through you when clad in the Velominati jersey, made by Castelli. This is the ultimate cycling jersey; the cut is extremely anatomic for on-the-bike comfort. This is amazing, pro-qualitiy stuff. Look deep into your soul and then deep into the sizing chart; this is Italian race fit gear; no vanity sizing here.
According to ancient Velominati traditions, when first donning the V-Kit, the disciple is to visualize the Cannibal, resplendent in a vintage Molteni Arcore winter trainer and make the Secret Sign of the Merckx. Remember: be a good cycling ambassador and always represent La Vie Velominatus when wearing this Sacred Garment.
Orders are subject to Castelli's minimum order requirements, contact us to get on the waiting list. Shipping is $5.00 USD to US Domestic addresses; $12.00 USD international. Shipping will be combined when ordering full kits.
Full Zip Jersey: $90.00 USD
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La Vie Velominatus speaks through you when clad in the Velominati bibshort, made by Castelli. Emblazened upon the right thigh are three Rules: Rule 1, Rule 5, and Rule 10 to help guide you during your ride. As with the jersey, look deep into your soul and then deep into the sizing chart; this is Italian race fit gear; no vanity sizing here.
According to ancient Velominati traditions, when first donning the V-Kit, the disciple is to visualize the Cannibal, resplendent in a vintage Molteni Arcore winter trainer and make the Secret Sign of the Merckx. Remember: be a good cycling ambassador and always represent La Vie Velominatus when wearing this Sacred Garment.
Orders are subject to Castelli's minimum order requirements. Contact us to get on the waiting list. Shipping is $5.00 USD to US Domestic addresses; $12.00 USD international. Shipping will be combined when ordering full kits.
Bib Shorts: $175.00 USD
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Any Velominatus will choose riding their bike over driving their car (if they have one), but for those days when le voiture is required, ride around in style with a set of Velominati bumper stickers.
We endeavour to ship orders within 24 hours. Shipping is $2.00 to US Domestic addresses; $5.00 international.
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Velominati T-Shirt Size Chart
| Measurement (inches) | Width | Length |  | SMALL | 18 | 27.5 | MEDIUM | 20 | 28.5 | LARGE | 22 | 29.5 | X-LARGE | 24 | 30.5 |
Velominati Kit Size Chart (Castelli)
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Hey…maybe my laptop is acting up but when I click on the “contact us to order” link for your kit, nothing happens…you guys still taking orders?
@Scott
Hi Scott – it should be pulling up your email to shoot us a note; if you’re having trouble, just email us at products@velominati.com to make arrangements.
We are getting ready to place an order in the coming days; if you are interested, please contact us for arrival of June 18, 2010. Cheers!
Stuff looks great – nice job.
This breaks rule no 17 does it not?
http://www.velominati.com/blog/the-rules/#17
@Keeper of the Rules
Obviously, you haven’t spent very much time studying The Rules.
I ask you this: Is Velominati a team? No, it is a community, a lifestyle. La Vie Velomantus. Not only does this kit not break Rule 17, as you suggest, it is the very embodiment of said Rule.
I apologise. I was confused by the jersey being called a ‘Team’ Jersey.
I’ve got to say it is the sweetest non pro kit (excluding footon and hincapies’ evil knievel job of course) I have seen.
Hej rule obeyers…
Do you deliver to Sweden as well?
@dqdev
We sure do! Just email us at the address above and we’ll get you set up. We are placing an order Monday, so your timing is perfect!
Christmas came early! I was putting off buying a new jersey in hopes that this bad boy arrived before our PCH trip from Carmel to Santa Barbara. Very nice job with the design. I’m kinda picky about gear and I am very pleased. On the sizing, I am very glad I sized up. At 6’3″ 182 lbs. w/a 43″ chest the 2XL is perfect. I like a race fit and this is tight but not restrictive. If anyone is on the border between sizes, I suggest sizing up… especially if you ever plan on wearing a undershirt of sorts. Thanks again Frank and nice job!
Frank….. Velominati T-shirt arrived last weekend, and looks really sweet, so thank you. I have two questions:
1. the Velominati work apron that you offer as a prize… is it for sale anywhere. I don’t want to be pushy… BUT I WANT ONE… do you have a stash anywhere? I would obviously have won the TdF VSP (after picking #1 and #2 successfully) had I not i) been patriotic and put Wiggins in there; ii) actually believed Armstrong would do what he was paid to do and race rather than what we expected him to do, which was think the race was all about him… etc. and iii) not gone on vacation with the family in the last week and missed my chance to pick Spartacus and TMartin for last TT! [this pathetic argument in itself surely earns the right to give you more of my money?]
2. The bib shorts… they still have rules 1, 5 and 10 on the thigh, right? Got stuck out 30miles from home on Wed, into the driving rain and headwind, and it was getting dark, and am sure they would have helped…. am tempted to hurt my wallet some more.
BTW – Rapha Condor membership forum has just come alight with people who have discovered this ‘awesome’, ‘hysterical’ new site called Velominati… the apprentice becomes the master? Well done, keep up the good work, and continue to apply rule 5.
@roadslave
Yeah, I can get you a prototype for sure. I haven’t settled on a final product yet, but the model I have currently is pretty slick and likely to be the one I will take as the final product. I can sell it for $28.00.
@frank: souleur is interested in an apron when you settle, just let me know
BTW, when in colorado, singlespeed mtn biking w/my daughter, someone passed by decked out w/their velominati kit! I looked and about fell off my freaking bike…but w/my girl, i couldn’t turn around and go fetch…and talk
So…i wonder who was in colorado…
@Souleur
Alright, I’ll let you know when they’re finalized. Should be soon. We do have a guy in Colorado who ordered the kit, it must have been him. Awesome. It has yet to happen to me. I look forward to it.
By the way, not dumping your daughter was in clear violation of Rule 11. Also, see Steampunk’s excellent example of how to properly apply this Rule.
Frank no rush, particularly if you haven’t finalized apron yet, but put me down for two of them (one for London, one for the mother-in-law’s – an entire Rule 5 experience in itself… You wouldn’t believe the number of menial mechanical tasks I can find to keep my occupied in my errr workshop… Ok, shed)…
In addition, When they are ready I’m probably going the whole hog and will be looking to get bib shorts and jersey in XXL (although I climb well for my weight, I’m a) not Italian, so don’t lie about my sizing, and b) am deliberately carrying 5kg of training weight that means my guns get an extra workout every week, and all I have to do is simply shed it in the two months prior to peaking for major events)… Which means I’ll probably also need some frame decals too
Dear Sirs,
I am generally loath to make unsolicited endorsements of consumer products (my reputation in these parts is such that I can typically claim a hefty cheque for such things), but I am recently in receipt of your Velominati/Obey the Rules bicycling kit, and I must say that it is without a doubt the finest bicycling garment I have ever had occasion to wear while partaking in bi-cycling. Not only is the kit snugger than…, it is also one styling outfit. The attention to detail is exquisite. While wearing it, I am 47% stronger, 56% faster, and 123% sexier than I am without it. These are all good things. Thank you very much for producing such a fine kit.
Sincerely,
Der Steampunk
@Steampunk
Once again, another satisfied customer. But this post is useless without pics. Now I’m off to don my kit and pedal my bi-cycle.
@SteampunkYes, we need a photo to accompany this review! I’m taking the plunge myself pretty soon…
@Steampunk
You failed to mention that in addition to the kit being subject to mathematical impossibilities (percent means per 100 and as such 123% is 23 more than possible, not unlike the amps that go to 11), the Laws of Physics do not apply to those wearing the Sacred Garment.
@marko @kitcarson
do we really want to see a picture of a male cyclist wearing the kit? Do we now, really? I would have thought there were better scenarios…
@JarvisWell, IMHO, it was only to chronicle a fellow Velominatus’ or is it Velominatii’s(?) first communion with the Sacred Garment.
Obviously, I’d rather see Angelina Jolie wearing it, but I don’t think she’s a road cyclist…
Of course while first donning the Sacred Garment, it’s essential that one flashes the secret A-Merckx sign (as part of a greater, esoteric Velominati ritual)…which of course only Frank can reveal, if he feels you are ready to receive it…that’s all I can say about it. If I reveal any more, he’ll have to kill me.
@KitCarson
Wasn’t being liquidated for knowing too much a fairly common fate for the Kit Carsons in ‘Nam?
@Good GeofelephantYou’re going to have to clue me in on that one, but I’m embarrassed because I feel like I ought to know what you’re talking about!
@KitCarson
I think “Kit Carsons” was the name the marines gave to defectors from them NVA / VC who worked with them in ‘Nam. They were widely despised and mistrusted (according, at least, to the novel “Matterhorn” by Karl Malantes (which I highly recommend).)
Cyclops – let me know if I’ve misrepresented your former employers.
@Marko @KitCarson
I thought I should double check my compliance with the rest of the Rules before submitting. I was surprised by the extent to which I am in compliance (even, now, Rule #44, with the seat rising several cms this summer). The second catch is that any prospective photographers (read: family members) are currently in Ireland.
The t-shirt is very cool, too, by the way.
@SteampunkI agree. Frankly, I think the “t-shirt” is iconic…
@Steampunk
one certainly needs to be careful in posting pics of one’s self or one’s steed around here. i’ve fallen prey to that scrutiny before.
@Souleur
A VELOMINATUS breaking rule #18 while in a Velominati jersey of all things. The horror!
@pakrat
You guys are all so fucking on top of it, it stirs the soul.
@all
The Gear page has been updated with a host of artifacts. The Artisan’s Shourd (Shop Arpons) are finalized, the Sacred Symbols (decals), and the hallowed V-Chalice, for your post-enhancing pleasure.
Also, we have reduced the cost of the Velominati Icon T-Shirt. We will be offering everyone who purchased the tog at the earlier price either a refund, discount on another item, or a free decal set. Let us know which you prefer. (We will also be contacting you via email.)
Finally, we are about at our numbers for the next Velominati Kit Order; make sure you contact us if you want in; we will be contacting anyone who expresses interest by emailing us at products@velominati.com to get all affairs in order.
Special thanks go out to @KitCarson for his willingness in leveraging his knowledge of all things ritual to help come up with appropriate Gear names and descriptions. We are indebted to you.
And, for the Love of Merckx, OBEY THE RULES!
The V-Cog in the bottom of the Chalice is effing brilliant!
Chapeau.
How does rule 57 not impact the sticker pack?
@bkwentz
An understandable – and, indeed, astute – question. There is some (albeit inconclusive, but nonetheless informative) discussion of that question here: http://www.velominati.com/blog/racing/the-pain-pool-wading-in-above-the-waist/#comments – see from about #46 onwards.
@bkwentz
Indeed widely discussed in the thread posted here by @Good Geofelephant. These are decals – indeed sacred symbols – and are not stickers. Distinguising between two seemingly similar objects is what we do here at the Velominati.
@bkwentz
Of course, it depends on whether you pronounce it dee-kals or deckles. In my books, that makes all the difference re. Rule #57.
Love the cog at the bottom of the V-Chalice. That is just bangin.
@ben
We realize she’s a spendy little number, but the poor sod who makes them has to HAND ETCH THREE SEPARATE emblems into the damn thing, one of which is into the bottom of the fucking glass.
But once the idea cropped up that the v-cog could be in the bottom, there was no turning back, and we couldn’t sell ourselves or the community short taking any of those details out, just to save a few pennies.
I have to say, though, it makes “stopping” a hell of a lot harder. I…just…need…to..see…the…cog…ONE.MORE.TIME.
Oh, the Chalice is sublime. Even though mine is a prototype and doesn’t have the V cog in the bottom, it’s my new favourite imbibing vessel. And as Frank say, you just gotta have one more! Cheers.
@frank @Brett
Lando-ing with a chalice?
@frank “…I…just…need…to..see…the…cog…ONE.MORE.TIME.” – I think your poetic meter here is rather Shatner-esque, Frank.
Do you offer credit terms? Lotta good stuff now.
@bkwentz
As the pen of Rule 57 I must say I’ve been conflicted on this whole “decal” argument. I resisted. However, the light began to be shown with the pics of Frank’s bike emblazened with the sacred symbols and the faith was rocked when we struck a deal to barter a sacred symbol pack, with custom “Marko” name badges, for his new favorite hopped beverage from his home state (to be drunk from his chalice no doubt).
@Steampunk
Lando-ing? I like it. Landibe, perhaps? Rich.
@all
We have one Large and one Small Icon T-Shirt left in stock! Come ‘n get ‘em! (We’ll be getting more in stock and we are currently accepting back-orders on sold-out sizes.)
@frank
Can I exchange my Icon T-Shirt? It didn’t come with the ripped, six-pack abs I was hoping for.
@Steampunk You just have to partake of the V-Chalice a whole lot more…it does wonders for the abs, I hear…
@KitCarson
You know—and I know this is blasphemy of the highest order—drinking became a lot less fun after I turned 19 and it was legal. I knocked back plenty in my time, but found it was a better workout for my deltoids and biceps than my abs. These days, I doubt I have more than one beer a month and tend to stick to water. That said, the V-Chalice looks mighty tempting, and might convert me back again…
@Steampunk
Heretical indeed. I was going to suggest a rule prohibiting public displays of disregard for the usual contents of the sacred chalice. But it shouldn’t even require an explicit rule. Wash your mouth out. With beer…
@Steampunk Yeah, Man…like…let’s not disrespect the Sacred Beverage..
…though I must admit to favoring that particular Dionysian grape beverage as of late, which I suppose makes me a hypocrite given my last post…
@KitCarson
Not so long as you drink it from the chalice. (A very Dionysian thing to do…)
@Steampunk
Unfortunately, the only six packs guaranteed with the Icon T-Shirt are those that I plow through in pursuit of seeing the V-Cog at the bottom of the Chalice while I pack the shirt for shipment…
@frank
That would explain why my address was written twice on the package…
And now a tale of redemption and the sacred garments of the Velominatus: This sad soul is less than a year from the half century mark. The approach to this milestone has brought with it broken bones, road rash, severe speed wobbles, and a loathing of big climbs. This loathing has nothing to do with the pain of slogging away up the climb with sweat running into the eyes and the guns pissing and moaning. No, it has to do with the big descent that usually follows and the accompanying trepidation as I descend into an unknown oblivion with an inordinate amount of pressure applied to the brakes.
Why is this posted in the “Gear” section you ask? Well, in sorting out what size jersey and bibs I needed to order since I’ve never run any race cut Castelli stuff our Overlord (Frank) was gracious and merciful unto me and sent me his extra XL jersey to try on for sizing purposes. Then he said I could go for a ride in it with the usual allotment of sustenance, cell phones, and supplemental flat repair paraphernalia. So last night me and my descending mentor (Sneaky Pete) headed to the local eight km climb that varies from 6-12% in grade me being clad in the black and orange of the Velominati. Of course, all the hard work this season paid off and I crushed Pete going up the hill – well, ok, he IS only a couple of years removed from colon cancer decimating his nether regions – but he is a descending demon and usually is a tiny speck in the distance in short order on any major descents. I nervously waited at the top for Sneaky Pete and swallowed hard as he reached the pinnacle and we made the turn-around for the drop back into town. Visions of sending Frank’s sacred ephod back to him torn to shreds and stained with blood danced through my empty skull. But then everything went quiet. A calm fell over me. The tension in my arms melted away. The V-Cog on my chest started glowing. Even as I was being buffeted by a strong cross-wind as the speed crept above 70 kph confidence was building and the gap between me and Pete was closing and then I completely relaxed and let her fly. I blew past Sneaky Pete with a big cheesy grin on my face and the new found confidence that only can be found when you are pimped-out in genuine Velominati gear.
I can only imagine how fast I would have gone if I had been wearing a pair of Frank’s unwashed Velominati bibs too!
@Cyclops
Nice. Cool how the sacred garment does that, eh? But it doesn’t sound like your huge newfound balls would fit in Frank’s bibs.
FYI – My truck was sitting in front of my house about two weeks ago and got plowed by a drunk driver. Her insurance company just called and they are going to give me $3000 for it. I paid $500 for it. I see a new SRAM Force gruppo being installed on my Cracknfale in the very near future.
@Cyclops
Damn! That was my secret plan! Just no one’s hit my 89 Volvo yet. Maybe I can drop it off with you?
@Cyclops
You can easily afford Red for that kinda cheddah. Go for it, it’s found money man!
@Cyclops
We will welcome you with open, albeit liver-spotted, arms to the half-century club. Unfortunately, the rule here is metric, so you will actually be turning 80.
@xyxax
++1;
@Marko
Yeah. Drop another $300 on a replacement car and the other $2700 on Red. Don’t fuck around.
@frank
anyone who pays that much for a Red gruppo is an idiot. he could pay half that, $300 for a car, and still have a bunch left over for wheels, bars, stem, pedals, shoes, and beer.
@Cyclops
Make sure you ask the insurance company if they want to take the truck. If it’s a write-off they may be happy for you to keep it. Then you can sell the parts which work and get those Zipp 404′s, a whole set of V-decaled gear and even more beer. (My brother did just that.)