Archive | La Vie Velominatus

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La Vie Velominatus: Ugly Ducklings

by / / 67 posts

We’re an odd bunch, us Cyclists. Shaved legs, scars, tan lines, muscular legs paired to scrawny upper bodies. These things that make us stand out are some of the things I take great pride in. I marvel at my freshly shaved guns and how smooth they feel under my dress clothes when I’m stuck at…

cooke

The First Ride Back

by / / 79 posts

It’s the ride you’ll do the most. The hardest ride you’ll ever do, too. You’ll do it so often that it should be easy, but it never is. Its frequency is such that it really should morph into all the other rides of its ilk, therefore negating the actual nexus of this necessary, evil ride.…

Just Right...

The Goldilocks Principle: Valve Stem Length

by / / 102 posts

The Goldilocks Principle is under assault, balance is lost. Without balance, we are reduced to savages. Steerectile dysfunction is spreading like wildfire; socks are quickly becoming knee-highs and the line between shorts and knickers continues to blur. We spend considerable time making everything on our loyal steed fit and look perfect. Bar tape and tire…

An early morning ride on Keepers Tour 2013. Photo: Brett Kennedy

La Vie Velominatus: The Gifts of Rule #9

by / / 150 posts

We’re not really supposed to have favorites, but everyone does. Just ask your parents. So while I’m not supposed to have a favorite, I do, and its Rule #9. Bad weather immediately separates the wheat from the chaff, and so the weekend warriors stay indoors and leave the roads to the devout. I talk most…

Original photograph by Latryx

Out of Darkness

by / / 34 posts

The dark makes everything worse; something primal awakens in us when the sun has gone and we are wrapped in the black cloak of night. Laying in bed, my worst thoughts and fears come knocking like some used-car salesperson who won’t leave me alone. There is no shutting down of this process, our imaginations are…

You don't Look this Fantastic by being sensible all the time.

Of Course, But Maybe

by / / 86 posts

I’m a naturally loud and weird person who expresses excitement through volume. Also, alcohol is supposed to be a depressant, but it doesn’t appear to work for me; all it does is make me happier (and louder) – until I have a little too much at which point I get weirder (a too-happy, too-loud kind of…

A pair of Café Roubaix Arenburgs, with the original "Richter" branding.

The Legend of @Dan_R and Café Roubaix

by / / 88 posts

Although he was already an active community member, I began my friendship with Dan Richter in early 2012 after he reached out to me regarding some wheels he wanted us to take along on Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics 2012. At the time, he was an amateur wheel builder making some money on the side selling…

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From Café To Roubaix

by / / 153 posts

Assuming you ride somewhere outside the borders of Antarctica, you have likely already heard about the injustice being imposed on our friend and fellow Velominatus, Dan Richter who goes around these parts as @Dan_R. I’ve been riding Dan’s wheels for a bit over a year, and they are the best I’ve ever had. After hearing…

Its a 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99 bicycle.

La Vie Velominatus: One Piece at a Time

by / / 94 posts

Patience has never come naturally to me – I’m more Calvin than I am Hobbes in that regard. Yet I am meticulous and demanding of myself and those with whom I journey through life. It is a conflict that has caused its fair share of grief; my childhood is piled high with memories of incidents where…

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Solo Artist

by / / 138 posts

I walk away from social gatherings with an acute sense of accomplishment whenever I haven’t offended anyone and when my friends all stayed awake. I view myself as a bottle of wine that keeps getting better with age, but I’m slowly coming to grips with the notion that I am actually a bottle that may…

A fellow asthmatic, Ullrich, climbs l'Alpe d'Huez

Asthmatics

by / / 100 posts

Having asthma is kind of like winning the lottery, except it happens to more people and instead of money you win a chronic difficulty in breathing. I wouldn’t say I’m proud to be an asthmatic, but it’s not information I’m ashamed to share. In doing so, I often discover others who are similarly afflicted, and upon…

merckxwedding

Plight of the VMW

by / / 82 posts

He didn’t really want to be awake at this hour, but it was the only way. Or one of them, at least. Because he wanted to spend more time with her, he would rise before the sun, making use of the small window between their entwined slumber and the dirge of another day at the…

Pineapple Bob does the hybrid right.

Mustache Monster Mash

by / / 98 posts

My first bicycle opened a new world to me, one where range was measured by will and pedal revolutions, not steps; the only objective was seeing how far out I could push my range. First, to the border of our community, then to the nearest gas station, and on it went. It was a big…

Sacred Flemish grime covered our bikes.

La Vie Velominatus: Saleté Sacrée

by / / 168 posts

A Velominatus maintains their machine with meticulous care, doting over it daily. A bicycle is a tool, but it is also a work of art, and serves us loyally in pursuit of our craft. We love them as though they were alive; as we grow together, the cracks and lines formed upon both our skins…

The Directeur takes his dog for a walk.

Through the Eyes of a Canine

by / / 59 posts

I envy my dog. There is nothing in her life that can not be immediately obtained that she bothers herself with; she is a perfect example of the happiness to be found through living in the moment, unclouded by dreams or goals. This is the embodiment of one aspect of what I seek from Cycling:…

Koblet in all his Cyclist Magesty

La Vie Velominatus: The Choice

by / / 109 posts

The only people I would care to be with now are artists and people who have suffered: those who know what beauty is, and those who know what sorrow is: nobody else interests me. – Oscar Wilde I have a theory that every living being is designed to cope with a certain level of stress…

Cable organization perfection: resistance is futile..

La Vie Velominatus: Cable Obsession

by / / 150 posts

I’m fluent in three languages: Dutch, English, and Hyperbole. The third is an acquired talent developed by creative and narcissistic tendencies; the narcissism feeds a belief that normal words can’t properly describe the magnitude of my experiences, and the creativity struggles to cope with restrictive paradigms like “facts” and “reality”. I have also been diagnosed…

The switchbacks of Luz Ardiden

Allez la Douze: Dropping Flies

by / / 95 posts

An ancient Velominati legend states that when the The Prophet created the common fly, he gave it a maximum air speed of exactly 12 kilometers per hour. When he created the common Cyclist, on the other hand, he gave us a maximum climbing speed of 11.9 kilometers per hour. The worst flies on the planet…

Rober Millar goes deep into the Pain Cave.

The Cave

by / / 150 posts

No words survive here, only echoes. Echoes of our hopes, of our plans, of our failures. What we thought we might do when we came here is little more than a shadow; it flickers on the walls for a moment and when we turn to look, it is gone. Doubts swell up and bounce off…

A disembodied body.

The Unexpected

by / / 97 posts

Gianni really took it in the shorts after trying to sneak his way along with a stealth EPMS. Like an alcoholic falling off the wagon, the poor fellow can’t quite come to grips with the comfort of his old friend, the saddle bag. The solution lies in finding a light toolkit to carry along with…

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