Archive | The Rules

There is pain to be found upon this road. Photo via <a href="http://szymonbike.tumblr.com/">Symonbike</a>

On Rule #10: The Mandlebrot Set of Pain

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My training hasn’t gone as I’d like it to be going. My days keep getting loaded up with things that pay the bills more than they add to the account at the V-Bank. It’s part of not being a Pro, I suppose, as if to spite my obvious talent which is a sort of talent sleeper cell…

No Graveur needed here.

On Rule #12: The Luxury of Passion

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Rule #12 is a luxury of passion; the #1 for good weather and epic rides or races, the Nine Bike for bad weather, the Graveur (which is neither a cross bike nor a road bike), a ‘Cross bike, a mountain bike, a townie, a track bike, a time trial bike. Add in steel, carbon, titanium –…

Heeeere's Danny!

The Shaving

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Back when this Rule was coined, it seemed to have little meaning or relevance at all to Cycling. The only beard we’d ever witnessed on a Cyclist was that of the nasty Russian guy in American Flyers, and we all knew he, like Kevin Costner’s acting ability, didn’t actually exist. Then along came Pantani, plus a…

You will be needing one of these. photo:bike tester.com

No Frame Mounted Pumps-Rule #30

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Either CO2 cannisters or mini-pumps should be carried in jersey pockets (See Rule #31). The only exception to this rule is to mount a Silca brand frame pump in the rear triangle of the frame, with the rear wheel skewer as the pump mount nob, as demonstrated by members of the 7-Eleven and Ariostea pro…

The last masters of the Cycling cap passed into the night at the close of the 20th cetnury

Les Maîtres de la Casquette

by / / 130 posts

It doesn’t take a genius to see what’s going on here. Rule #5, Rule #9, Rule #10; every rider in this frame Looks Fantastic (most other Rules). The riders are in short sleeves and shorts while the public apparently has scavenged materials from rubbish bins and the local grain elevator in a very visually unpleasant…

onruleten

The Nature of Rule VV

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It never gets easier, you just go faster. – Greg LeMond Rule #5 looms above the other Rules in terms of sheer relevance to Cycling; it is the fundamental building block upon which this sport is built. The Five is what drives us, it is the force that springs from a well that flows deep within each of…

Puget Sound just after sunrise.

Summer Ripening

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Summer is a time for getting fat. Winter is a time for getting fat as well, but in a different way; in Winter we get fat on meals of meat and potatoes covered in sauces made of meat and potatoes. In Summer, on the other hand, our minds get fat: we get nice tans, we tone our…

Rule #62 Exception. photo: Dan Seaton

Preloading The Brain

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Brett’s fine Nick Cave article got me thinking about music and cycling. We spend lots of time alone on our bikes. The bike is on autopilot, it stays upright from second to second, freeing up our brains to consider anything or nothing. Music might be the only riding companion we have but it has to be…

It's a drag

Rule #33 and the Summer Barbecue

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Rule #33- Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times. This is one of the Rules that really defines the term Cyclist to the Velominati. Discussions about Rule #33 flare up on the site occasionally, burn brightly then smolder out. Between faces and legs, it is a lot of man-scraping. Rule #33 is a task…

Having a laugh. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

La Vie Velominatus: Transcension

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When it comes to Rule Compliance, we have at our disposal three viable options. The first is to Obey the Rules. That one is pretty straight-forward because we wrote them down for you and also went to the great length of writing a book on the subject, partly as a public service to those suffering from insomnia. But…

SRM prototype power meter

Rule#74 Conundrum

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Maui Velominatus Dave is tapering for this Saturday’s Cycle to the Sun. It is more mass start, time trial to the sun as there is nothing like 3.3 km of continual climbing to sort everyone out by their power to weight ratios. After 2 km of climbing there is no pack and no draft. Everyone…

Roof racks Rule.  photo-Honda

Guest Article: Proposed New Rule #96, the Marcellus Rule

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This note arrived to the Velominati Bunker back in April. It was a confession. It was a cautionary one. Everyone knows someone who has done this. I nearly did it myself*. I replied to Alex, not sympathetically enough yet his message has stayed with me. Is this worthy of a New Rule?  Yours in Cycling,…

Joe-Breeze-Repack

Anatomy Of A Photo: Point And Shoot

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“You ruined a heap of photos!” Not the words you want to hear when the photos in question are ones you didn’t shoot, but were in. “How?” “You’re too low, too compressed.” At least he didn’t say I was ugly. “And you’re ugly.” When you work with professional photographers, you pick up a few tricks…

The European Posterior Tubular, tied on by a toe strap. This ain't no EPMS.

European Posterior Tubular (EPTB)

by / / 199 posts

The divisive nature of Rule #29 is not to be underestimated. It is but a humble satchel, but our rejection of its use sends people completely out of their minds. One fine gentleman even threatened my editor at Cyclist Magazine with cancellation of his subscription on the basis that they published an article wherein I espoused the virtues…

The Golden Gate into Cycling utopia.

Ride Report: SFO Book Signing

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Last week we completed the second stop in the tour for our book, The Rules; The Way of the Cycling Disciple. For the first two, we partnered with Rapha to do a five-to-six hour ride and then sign the books at the shop afterwards. In both cases, I was amazed by the quality of the riding…

LeTour

On Rule #59: Hold Your Line

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Anecdotal research suggests that people are being let off-leash without adequate training to perform basic activities such as walking on sidewalks or through airports and busy city centers. I’m assuming this expands to shopping malls, but I never go there so I can’t be sure. It’s easy to blame the mobile phones which apparently grow from our hands, but even…

What's wrong with this picture?

The Rules Goes on the Road-NYC

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Here are a few lessons learned while in New York City. I’m sure leaving a bar at one o’clock in the morning is not how the serious riders prepare for a ride with a 9 o’clock morning roll-out. I am sure. Conversational pace for a group ride means different things to different people. Eddy could…

The Best Tool for the Job

Rule #94 and The Evolution of the Pedal Wrench

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Given the fact that everyone over-tightens their pedals to the crank arms, one needs a long lever to get too much torque. Rule #94 decrees using the correct tool and using it correctly. While the proper tool has always been available, it is up to us to evolve, to understand the difference between right and…

The Prophet hands down the New V-Estament

Book Release: Events and New Rules

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The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path, not the end. In pursuit of La Vie Velominatus, we know of no end to the Path; each of us journey through an endless evolution of understanding and reverence. As such, The Word continues to be handed down from high upon Mount Velominis and The Rules…

Bianchi Denti and Rigid on the Muur

Guest Article: In V We Trust

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One of greatest cycling pleasures is riding with a mate. Riding ten centimeters off each other’s rear wheel for hours; trust is a beautiful thing. You swing over, ease your effort slightly so your mate rides through, you then tuck behind, in the draft, close and fast. It is the best. @Kah touches on this…