Tragic reports of endemic sideburn doping in the 70's

FFS Fridays: Sideburn Doping

by / / 22 posts

They say hindsight is twenty-twenty; it is only with the knowledge gained through experience that we are able to reframe the past in its proper context. Bike racing in the 2000’s will forever be known as the blood-transfusion era, the 90’s the EPO era, and the 80’s that of steroids and amphetamine.

Hopefully we don’t let this tarnish our experiences and jade us for the opportunity to spectate a clean sport.

But one fact has become tragically obvious with the recent emergence of lumberjack hipsters is that sideburn doping was rampant in the 70’s. Omerta appears to be alive and well; the stars of the era are suspiciously tight-lipped about whose ‘chops were natural and whose were follically enhanced. The Prophet Eddy Merckx and the Gypsy Roger de Vlaeminck were unavailable for comment.

Perhaps we will never know.

// FFS Friday

  1. Is this where it all started………

  2. I wish I was capable of such glorious chops. Alas.

  3. @Nate

    I wish I was capable of such glorious chops. Alas.

    Perhaps you could obtain a TUE?

  4. @Rick

    @Nate

    I wish I was capable of such glorious chops. Alas.

    Perhaps you could obtain a TUE?

    For Alpecin?

  5. @Teocalli

    Unfortunately, I think it was this guy.

  6. Glorious.

    And #capdoping

  7. Are pro cyclists the only people on the planet who can look back on the seventies and think “Damn, I looked good then?”

  8. A little late given Semptemburns is about to give way to Octobeard.

  9. doing my best to keep the decade alive..

  10. This site.
    Without even breaking sweat in three articles we’ve covered architecture, literature (my +1 for Harry Harrison) and fashion.

  11. I was going to say doesn’t the Badger just nail all three – has his own PR stall, throws in some cross and looking fast.
    However can’t find any evidence of burn doping.
    But once I saw this image I had to use it.

  12. @markpa

    I was going to say doesn’t the Badger just nail all three – has his own PR stall, throws in some cross and looking fast.
    However can’t find any evidence of burn doping.
    But once I saw this image I had to use it.

    Another one for the shrine! What a guy.

    “If I have two arms, and two legs, it will be very difficult for them to beat me.”

  13. @RobSandy

    @markpa

    I was going to say doesn’t the Badger just nail all three – has his own PR stall, throws in some cross and looking fast.
    However can’t find any evidence of burn doping.
    But once I saw this image I had to use it.

    Another one for the shrine! What a guy.

    “If I have two arms, and two legs, it will be very difficult for them to beat me.”

    We just won’t see the likes of Hinault again, will we? There’s just no rider around these days willing and able to ride everything from March to October – and win a lot of it. It wasn’t just ability, it was determination and supreme self-confidence. I remember reading something, somewhere about the 84 Lombardia. A rider saw Hinault before the race and realized that everyone was riding for second. He just radiated such confidence.

    I think Pinchy, if he put his mind to it, could win all the Monuments, but he’ll never win a GT. Froome could win all three GTs, but never a monument.

  14. @Nate

    I wish I was capable of such glorious chops. Alas.

    Where the heck have you been!!!? Glad to have ya back!

    And I’m right there with ya. I can grow hairburns, but nothing close to a sideburn

  15. Can we take a moment to appreciate Jeff Kabush’s burns? He may be mostly MTB, but can roll with the best of them on the road.

  16. Maybe I should have kept my Eroica chops…..,….

  17. @Ron

    @Nate

    I wish I was capable of such glorious chops. Alas.

    Where the heck have you been!!!? Glad to have ya back!

    And I’m right there with ya. I can grow hairburns, but nothing close to a sideburn

    What the hell is a hairburn? You mean pe’ot like these guys?

    Or are you talkin about the famous-yet-elusive moustache combover like this hero over here?

  18. And am I really the first one to think of Wiggo vis-a-vis the burns?

    Fer reals?

    motherfucker’s hot to death right there.

  19. @Ron

    @Nate

    I wish I was capable of such glorious chops. Alas.

    Where the heck have you been!!!? Glad to have ya back!

    And I’m right there with ya. I can grow hairburns, but nothing close to a sideburn

    I’m still here, it’s been a bit of a fallow year for me for cycling due to general life busy-ness but I am getting back in the swing of things. I guess it has been a while if I have fallen all the way to a Cat 4.

  20. @wiscot

    @RobSandy

    @markpa

    I was going to say doesn’t the Badger just nail all three – has his own PR stall, throws in some cross and looking fast.
    However can’t find any evidence of burn doping.
    But once I saw this image I had to use it.

    Another one for the shrine! What a guy.

    “If I have two arms, and two legs, it will be very difficult for them to beat me.”

    We just won’t see the likes of Hinault again, will we? There’s just no rider around these days willing and able to ride everything from March to October – and win a lot of it. It wasn’t just ability, it was determination and supreme self-confidence. I remember reading something, somewhere about the 84 Lombardia. A rider saw Hinault before the race and realized that everyone was riding for second. He just radiated such confidence.

    I think Pinchy, if he put his mind to it, could win all the Monuments, but he’ll never win a GT. Froome could win all three GTs, but never a monument.

    Valverde (hate him or hate him) gives it a fair shot, every year.

  21. That photo of Elvis – has there ever been a more ‘casually deliberate’ picture taken of any cyclist? Me thinks not.

  22. @Rick

    As a dermatologist as well as a bona fide acolyte of the Prophet, I can tell you that 5% topical minoxidil solution will grow sideburns on a billiard ball. But the billiard ball would need a TUE.

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