Antwerp at night  photo: S.N. Severinghaus

Guest Article: Rule #9 Festivus

Guest Article: Rule #9 Festivus

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One of the finest things about Velominati is it attracts the crazy bastards. Cyclists are slightly unhinged anyway but there are more than a few out there who have no fear. Crazy is not constrained by nationality. Crazy knows no borders. Sure the Randonneurs would do this just to make sure they were happy with their choice of headlamp strap but @bas is not one of those. 

Rapha and Strava sponsor something called the Festive 500. Ride your 500 km between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve for bragging rights and a stinkin’ badge. If you live up North, this is a noteworthy thing to do. Most don’t try to do it all at once, that would be crazy.

VLVV, Gianni

On December 24th, me and three riding friends embarked on a trip from Paris to our hometown of Haarlem in the Netherlands. The idea was to see if we could ride all of the Festive 500 in one ride and ‘get it over with’. We picked a starting location that was approximately 500 kilometers from home and pretty much rode with it from there.

A friend and documentary maker decided that he wanted to see if he could capture us killing ourselves in front of his camera and shot the whole thing.

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/83397896[/vimeo]

 

 

// Guest Article

  1. I’m thinking his magnitude 10 EPMS had magical powers.

  2. New rule proposal… (I’ll leave it to the smart guys to give it a title)… Any ride of 500k and above automatically gains exemption from “the rules”, apart from #80 (This can NEVER be broken)My 100k Sunday ride has now become pathetic – must apply more #5… Ho hum…

  3. These dudes are crazy…but hat’s off to them.  Made even more impressive by the one guy riding with a sleeping bag under his saddle!!

  4. Bravo! Incredible ride, and it made a great looking video to boot. I have been inspired!

  5. Awesome ride… hard men for sure.  Coming from SoCal, Christmas is not as much of a hard man move.

  6. So, so good.

  7. The video doesn’t tell the whole story.  Read the full thing here including some great photographs.

    http://cyclingtips.com.au/2014/01/riding-the-festive-500-in-one-go/

  8. @Rom

    I’m thinking his magnitude 10 EPMS had magical powers.

    Yes, definitely.  In this rider’s opinion, the ONLY time that an EPMS may be employed is on self-supported rides of 300km or greater.  Even so, EPMS usage is to be greeted with suspicion if the ride is undertaken in fair weather, and/or in a location that allows for easy resupply.  A credit is issued if the rider is using tubular tires and is obliged to carry a second spare.

  9. @Puffy

    The video doesn’t tell the whole story. Read the full thing here including some great photographs.

    http://cyclingtips.com.au/2014/01/riding-the-festive-500-in-one-go/

    Even better read!!  I love this line…”over with as quickly and cleanly as possible.”

  10. Great ride – and as close to an advert for the Audax style of riding as I’ve seen here.

  11. Great ride, and great inspiration for riding beyond the home town loops! Thank you for sharing us those moments!

    BTW: Good choice of music!

  12. Just posted a 42km ride to Strava and want to unpost it now. Merckx – I am not worthy

  13. This one day, I rode 330km. In perfect weather. On the flats. In a paceline. I thought it was a long day.

    /pffft/

  14. Fucking stellar effort. I’m pretty fried after 300 km on a sunny day with aid stations. A ‘Cogal 500′, anyone?

  15. There’s a Dutch saying, “Doe maar normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg” (roughly translated: Just be normal, then  you’re crazy enough.)  @bas and his buddies are supernormaal making them them supercrazy Dutchmen. Way to go guys–that was an awesome achievement!

  16. tough mofos for sure!even the 2 who quit!

  17. Fkn spot on guys. Rule #5 and #9 well and truelly practised Here. I really hope there was enough recovery ale. This is true velominatus spirit.

  18. @the Engine any ride is a good ride mate

  19. @Velodeluded nothing is worthy of being above the rules. You do 500k in honour of the rules and merckx. Nothing else.

  20. Can you give a double Chapeau? Chapeaux? Isn’t this longer than the longest TdF stage?!

  21. Wow.

    Chapeau, Gentlemen. Chapeau.

  22. Mind blowing. That distance in that weather. Fucking bad ass. I always though my 330Km ride (in perfect June daylight weather) was way too much. You’ve set the bar really really high. Chapeau gentlemen, chapeau indeed.

  23. Outstanding, Extreme craziness expertly executed and beautifully recorded. Very, very strong work.

  24. Superb – that’s next Christmas’ craziness sorted then :D

  25. Well, someone is eventually going to be the prick that rains on this parade, so it may as well be me. I don’t understand why riding a certain distance exempts one from the Rules. To my mind it does no such thing. Even self-supported, these chaps stopped along the way to feed themselves, negating any need for a bag. And there was an automobile with them. While I understand that the vehicle was used for filming, not support, it seems to me that the driver would not have been averse to stashing dry clothing and emergency supplies in the trunk/boot. Weather notwithstanding, why a YJA? And what’s with the camelbak? (or was that a backpack?)

    Yes, it was an incredibly long ride. Yes, that is impressive, especially given the conditions. And yes, these men should be congratulated on their fortitude. I will not, however, excuse them their breaches of the Rules.

    On a tangentially related note: for those that want to challenge themselves similarly, in a competitive environment in the U.S., sign up for your nearest Race Across America qualifying event. There are several around the country, all with a 650km event that qualifies finishers to compete in RAAM.

  26. @V-olcano

    No, you just had the stones to say what the rest of us were thinking.  While acknowledging the laudable effort of these riders, as an aspiring Rules Holist I couldn’t overlook the egregious violations.  This is, after all, Velominati.com, not Randonneurminati.com.  Yet I remained silent rather than defend the order.  As penance I shall undertake a ride of similar distance and suffering, but in full rules compliance of course.

  27. Harsh but fair.

  28. Certainly, those boys have HUGE stones for attempting such a ride. Even larger stones because they picked a date and went with it regardless of weather… Assuming that they do have weather forecasting across the pond. I couldn’t imagine the pile of Mexican Food that I could eat after such a ride followed by drowning in a keg of beer followed by a really good nap. Rules be damned – this was no ordinary ride!

  29. I need more friends like this!

    Now, to finish up the workday so I can watch this.

  30. Bals-o-steel dudes

    Chapeau!!!

  31. @El Mateo

    Rules be damned – this was no ordinary ride!

    Not to belabor the point, but I guess I will. It’s precisely this sentiment that concerns me. We, as a community, have accepted and adopted as our own the Rules we ride by. They are immutable, handed down from on high, recorded by the Keepers in much the way Moses must have chipped away at his tablets. If we are willing to forgo the Rules simply because a ride was extraordinary – whether due to the weather, the distance, the elevation, the soreness in our legs, or any other distraction – then we are poor disciples indeed.

    If anything, we should look to the rules to sustain us and to keep us pedaling in our times of need. When weakness sets in and the dark thoughts creep in – “go ahead and get dropped, it’s too hard” we can reflect on Rule #V. When the road turns up and the burn makes turning around seem the better choice, Rule #10 lifts us up. When the wind and rain lash us, Rule #9 is there to keep us warm and dry. Reflect on the Rules, live and ride in their wisdom, and be a better disciple.

  32. @Optimiste

    As penance I shall undertake a ride of similar distance and suffering, but in full rules compliance of course.

    Tell us before you do it and we’ll make a Cogal of it! I can hear the recovery ales calling to me already.

  33. @V-olcano

    @El Mateo

    Rules be damned – this was no ordinary ride!

    Not to belabor the point, but I guess I will. It’s precisely this sentiment that concerns me. We, as a community, have accepted and adopted as our own the Rules we ride by. They are immutable, handed down from on high, recorded by the Keepers in much the way Moses must have chipped away at his tablets. If we are willing to forgo the Rules simply because a ride was extraordinary – whether due to the weather, the distance, the elevation, the soreness in our legs, or any other distraction – then we are poor disciples indeed.

    If anything, we should look to the rules to sustain us and to keep us pedaling in our times of need. When weakness sets in and the dark thoughts creep in – “go ahead and get dropped, it’s too hard” we can reflect on Rule #V. When the road turns up and the burn makes turning around seem the better choice, Rule #10 lifts us up. When the wind and rain lash us, Rule #9 is there to keep us warm and dry. Reflect on the Rules, live and ride in their wisdom, and be a better disciple.

    ++1

    @V-olcano

    @Optimiste

    As penance I shall undertake a ride of similar distance and suffering, but in full rules compliance of course.

    Tell us before you do it and we’ll make a Cogal of it! I can hear the Recovery Ales calling to me already.

    The gears in my mind are already turning.  At lunchtime I was looking at possible routes.

  34. Am I the only one who finds that videos on Vimeo constantly hang up and take forfuckingever to load?

    I’m on a new Macbook and using Chrome. Anything I ever try to watch on there is a huge pain in the arse. Youtube loads up instantly.

  35. I have ridden 530k in 24 hours twice. But in good weather (with a headwind on one occasion) and in a bunch of 15 riders.

    http://www.velominati.com/general/guest-article-murray-to-moyne-part-ii/

    To my mind, those rides don’t come close to how hard these guys must have done it. The small bunch, the rain and cold and also the huge amount of riding in the dark, plus the headfuck of having to navigate through cities, etc. Didn’t look like they spent too much time on each other’s wheels either.

    Chapeau Bas!

  36. @Gianni

    I love that one guy has an insane idea and three other guys want to do it with him. And that would be true anywhere in the world. Maybe it speaks to the male reptilian brain: if riding into the unknown might be exciting and testing, then doing it to the extreme would have to be even better, no?

    And having a professional cinematographer there, brilliant. Our self-filmed heroics usually suck because when things get ugly we either need both hands for the bike or we are so fucking shagged out that filming is not going to happen.

    Can a MinuteMan get shagged out?

  37. @Ron

    I’m on macbook and chrome and vimeo loads great, much better than youtube. Who knows?

    @Marcus

    You guys drank a lot more beer than those crazy dutch. Either ride seems nuts, theirs slightly more so. Moyston!

  38. @Gianni

    I would have needed to drink a lot more than that to start a ride in Europe in Winter. At night. In the rain.
    Nothing moist in Moyston right now.

  39. @V-olcano

    Well, someone is eventually going to be the prick that rains on this parade, so it may as well be me. I don’t understand why riding a certain distance exempts one from the Rules. To my mind it does no such thing. Even self-supported, these chaps stopped along the way to feed themselves, negating any need for a bag. And there was an automobile with them. While I understand that the vehicle was used for filming, not support, it seems to me that the driver would not have been averse to stashing dry clothing and emergency supplies in the trunk/boot. Weather notwithstanding, why a YJA? And what’s with the camelbak? (or was that a backpack?)

    Yes, it was an incredibly long ride. Yes, that is impressive, especially given the conditions. And yes, these men should be congratulated on their fortitude. I will not, however, excuse them their breaches of the Rules.

    These guys obviously weren’t doing a sanctioned event.  However, if you do an ACP or RUSA sanctioned brevet (which are anywhere from 200-1500k) regulations require the use of reflective clothing and (gasp!) a reflective vest, and forbid the use of support vehicles except at widely spaced checkpoints.  Around here we follow the fucking rules, and that includes rules that are enforced by our governing bodies.

    Furthermore, here in the States we often ride in rural areas where one is frequently many hours’ ride from the nearest resupply point, and where it is not unusual for the temperature to swing by 40F, necessitating more gear and fluids than can be carried in jersey pockets without looking like a lycra-clad camel, which is unaesthetic in the extreme.

    Thus, my suggestion of an amendment permitting a variance under certain circumstances where a lack of idiocy and a surfeit of V necessitates the breaking of existing rules.

  40. @antihero

    @V-olcano

    Well, someone is eventually going to be the prick that rains on this parade, so it may as well be me. I don’t understand why riding a certain distance exempts one from the Rules. To my mind it does no such thing. Even self-supported, these chaps stopped along the way to feed themselves, negating any need for a bag. And there was an automobile with them. While I understand that the vehicle was used for filming, not support, it seems to me that the driver would not have been averse to stashing dry clothing and emergency supplies in the trunk/boot. Weather notwithstanding, why a YJA? And what’s with the camelbak? (or was that a backpack?)

    Yes, it was an incredibly long ride. Yes, that is impressive, especially given the conditions. And yes, these men should be congratulated on their fortitude. I will not, however, excuse them their breaches of the Rules.

    These guys obviously weren’t doing a sanctioned event. However, if you do an ACP or RUSA sanctioned brevet (which are anywhere from 200-1500k) regulations require the use of reflective clothing and (gasp!) a reflective vest, and forbid the use of support vehicles except at widely spaced checkpoints. Around here we follow the fucking rules, and that includes rules that are enforced by our governing bodies.

    Furthermore, here in the States we often ride in rural areas where one is frequently many hours’ ride from the nearest resupply point, and where it is not unusual for the temperature to swing by 40F, necessitating more gear and fluids than can be carried in jersey pockets without looking like a lycra-clad camel, which is unaesthetic in the extreme.

    Thus, my suggestion of an amendment permitting a variance under certain circumstances where a lack of idiocy and a surfeit of V necessitates the breaking of existing rules.

    How about a rule that forbids fucking weirdo, beardy, sandalled events that require socialising with the sort of losers that’ll eventually end up driving recumbents?

  41. @antihero it’s called the Masturbation Principle. Look it up in the Lexicon and may I suggest you drop the faux attitude on following rules. Makes you sound like a wanker, which I am sure you are not.

  42. @Chris

    @antihero

    How about a rule that forbids fucking weirdo, beardy, sandalled events that require socialising with the sort of losers that’ll eventually end up driving recumbents?

    You good sir win the prize for epic generalization of the day!

  43. @Beers

    @Chris

    @antihero

    How about a rule that forbids fucking weirdo, beardy, sandalled events that require socialising with the sort of losers that’ll eventually end up driving recumbents?

    You good sir win the prize for epic generalization of the day!

    Yeah, I passed a recumbent this morning. Sandals, ponytail, YJA, flag and three tail lights, but she didn’t have a beard.

  44. @antihero

    These guys obviously weren’t doing a sanctioned event. However, if you do an ACP or RUSA sanctioned brevet (which are anywhere from 200-1500k) regulations require the use of reflective clothing and (gasp!) a reflective vest, and forbid the use of support vehicles except at widely spaced checkpoints. Around here we follow the fucking rules, and that includes rules that are enforced by our governing bodies.
    Furthermore, here in the States we often ride in rural areas where one is frequently many hours’ ride from the nearest resupply point, and where it is not unusual for the temperature to swing by 40F, necessitating more gear and fluids than can be carried in jersey pockets without looking like a lycra-clad camel, which is unaesthetic in the extreme.

    Thus, my suggestion of an amendment permitting a variance under certain circumstances where a lack of idiocy and a surfeit of V necessitates the breaking of existing rules.

    First, yes, follow the rules of your sanctioning body, though if they differ from the Rules then someone has stopped paying proper attention.

    Second, you made my point for me – Strava is not a governing body. There was a vehicle involved that could ostensibly have been used for support. Even had the driver/filmmaker refused, these chaps were frequently in urbane enough environments to acquire water/food/other necessaries. These men were not here in the States, nor in rural enough areas to necessitate “more gear and fluids than can be carried in jersey pockets without looking like a lycra-clad camel.”

    Lastly, @Marcus has pointed already to the Masturbation Principle.

  45. @Ron

    @Ron

    I need more friends like this!

    Now, to finish up the workday so I can watch this.

    RE: finishing up work so you can watch it ….    Please see Rule V

  46. Homer’s Illiad  is but a trip to the corner store, pale and pitiful  next to this epic tale.  Well done gentlemen.  

    Chapeau doffed.

  47. @V-olcano

    You are so overworked by the rules that I should probably remind you to stop masturbating immediately and actually start following them since you stated you’re such a good disciple.

    Mind you if you followed the rules in the first place you wouldn’t need no fucking bullshit excuse called masturbation principle. Yes you read right cause that’s what it is. It’s an excuse to do what you want to do and skip the other shit you like a bit less or don’t like at all. No excuses mate, face the reality and unfortunately for you the reality bites like bad blow jobs. You wear a velominati kit and have a decal on your bike rule V and get on with the rest of them too. Or wear and do whatever you want and then you need no excuses. The moment you start making excuses is the moment all the rules can go to hell.

    As far as the article goes you are missing the point. It was not 500 km looking fantastic but 500 km in one go no matter the weather and the situation required them to carry their own gear even though the vehicle was there. Tough luck.

    @Marcus

    Nothing personal Marcus so carry on following your own principles just like everybody else does. Your principle is funny and that’s about it. As far as the rules go it’s just another name for an excuse.

    @bas and your mates – very strong work.

  48. @TommyTubolare

    You are so overworked by the rules that I should probably remind you to stop masturbating immediately and actually start following them since you stated you’re such a good disciple.

    Mind you if you followed the rules in the first place you wouldn’t need no fucking bullshit excuse called Masturbation Principle. Yes you read right cause that’s what it is. It’s an excuse to do what you want to do and skip the other shit you like a bit less or don’t like at all. No excuses mate, face the reality and unfortunately for you the reality bites like bad blow jobs. You wear a velominati kit and have a decal on your bike Rule V and get on with the rest of them too. Or wear and do whatever you want and then you need no excuses. The moment you start making excuses is the moment all the rules can go to hell.

    As far as the article goes you are missing the point. It was not 500 km looking fantastic but 500 km in one go no matter the weather and the situation required them to carry their own gear even though the vehicle was there. Tough luck.

    Firstly, I never made the first comment about the quality of my discipleship. I know I have a long road ahead of me and sometimes err, but I’m no apologist. I spoke of the inclusive “we,” as the group itself strives to be in better compliance.

    Second, what excuses have I made for breaking rules myself? I did no bragging about my own exploits, but simply pointed out the excuses of those on the ride so extolled by others. I’m making no excuses for myself and disallowing them from others. So what I don’t understand is why I’m being called out for breaches when all I’ve done here is called someone out on breaches myself. Sort of like kicking the dog for pissing outside….

    Third, I have no decal on my bike. Those riding with me can ask my name if they’d like it, and the referees can remember my number if they need to.

    Lastly, my greatest confusion: do you really believe that it’s simply okay to disregard the Rules any time you wish, because the “situation” called for it? If so, then it’s absolutely the Masturbation Principle at work, though you seem to have a problem with it. I don’t care if these blokes want to go on a long ride – more power to them. But if they do, and they want to brag on it in this community, they’d better at least pretend they give a shit about the Rules. If they so badly need their racks and camelbaks, fine. Just don’t come to me bragging about how you told the Rules to piss off.

    In this case, I see no need greater than simple convenience for the breaches committed. Convenience is, of course, no excuse.

  49. Just WOW!!!  Chapeau to you gentlemen.

  50. I love to disseminate information that will I have accrued with the calendar year to assist improve group functionality.

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