The Perfect Amount of Dumb

The Perfect Amount of Dumb

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// Kermis

  1. @frank

    Purito is clean?

    Spot on — I’ve always read his name as ironic.

    Gilbert?

    I want to believe he was clean in ’11 and admit to being a fanboy but if it is revealed he wasn’t, I’ll be disappointed but not shocked.

  2. @Ron

    Friday afternoon – gotta put it on cruise control and recycle the articles. NICE!

    What part of “not a recycling” don’t you get? Son of a bug! We are not making the big bucks just to put it on cruise control  on Friday afternoon. And it was Friday morning, actually, HST. Maybe it looked like I was bereft of ideas on a Friday but no. I may have been bereft of ideas on a Thursday. By Friday I was deep into the Kermis but really, how about that Mini Phinney? He is a strong man, no?

  3. @Nate

    @frank

    Purito is clean?

    Spot on “” I’ve always read his name as ironic.

    Gilbert?

    I want to believe he was clean in ’11 and admit to being a fanboy but if it is revealed he wasn’t, I’ll be disappointed but not shocked.

    National Road Race Championships (2011)

    National Time Trial Championships (2011)

    Amstel Gold Race ( 2011)

    Brabantse Pijl (2011)

    Clásica de San Sebastián (2011)

    Liège-Bastogne-Liège (2011)

    GP de Québec (2011)

    La Flèche Wallonne (2011)

    Strade Bianche (2011)

    His last year with Silence Lotto. Has anyone had a run of form like that? He had the look of a super-human that year, whippet thin, aero face. If he wasn’t on something illegal, I want whatever he was on.

  4. @Gianni He was on the “I want those BMC big bucks” run apparently.  Merckx I hope he has another run like that, it was a lot of fun to watch him race his balls off that year.

  5. I thoroughly enjoy hearing the announcers pronounce Konyshev over and over. Nice name!

    I also enjoy two things:

    1) the history lessons of cycling I always get here

    2) the ability to separate the love of watching people race bikes from the shadows that zee drugs cast.

    Awesome!

  6. I Want Those BMC Big Bucks

    should be a game on The Price is Right, after you win the initial 3-up bid-off, of course.

  7. Gianni – I live, and love, to recycle. I meant no harm. Inter-time zonal insults are not the way to begin any weekend.

    Phinney. I’m still intrigued by Stage 2 of the Dubai Classic. Where did Cavendish go? How did Phinney finish 3?

  8. Since the doping door has been opened with the previous posts: blood transfusions were LEGAL in Olympic events up until and including the 1984 games. The very games in which Alexi and a few others kicked ass cyclingwise…just to segway back to the opening paragraph about Taylor and his gene pool.

    He’s a physical freak by the way, who’s going to win Roubaix one of these days, maybe this year.

  9. @Ron

    Gianni – I live, and love, to recycle. I meant no harm. Inter-time zonal insults are not the way to begin any weekend.

    Phinney. I’m still intrigued by Stage 2 of the Dubai Classic. Where did Cavendish go? How did Phinney finish 3?

    No worries, I was attempting humor.

  10. I have no idea how this Kermis immediately segwayed into doping (I didn’t read it that way at all @Gianni). A few of us have brought this subject up over on Assbookâ„¢ from time to time over the last few months, including myself just today. There was an article about how some of the members of the Stupid Bowl champs had been caught earlier in the year using PED’s (tho no mention of what they got caught using). Their punishment? Sit on the bench for 4 games of a 20 game season. A few beers and some introspection has led me to this conclusion: I’m done caring about PED’s. Our sport is doing 1000000X more to prevent it, and some are still gonna try and cheat the system, but at least we acknowledge the problem. I’m tired of the discussion.

  11. I think I’ll go off-topic by commenting on the actual article.

    ‘. . . these are the men who flog themselves for hours on end and, when their bodies are about to break, dial it up a notch and lay it all out on the road.  A smarter man would, under those circumstances, say, “You know what?  This is nice, but I can also go less hard.”‘

    A timely Kermis.  Just yesterday I was trying to explain to my boss why cyclists willingly endure suffering of this sort.  My explanation ended up as something of an affirmation of Rule #10.  Except for recovery rides, if the adjectives “easy” or “nice” come to mind, I am compelled to go faster and harder.

    The look he gave me essentially said “that’s kind of dumb.”  Quite.

  12. Watching post race interviews, Phinney is definitely “the perfect amount of dumb”- at least, whilst he’s currently sporting a riduculous hairdo he wears a cycling cap, not a baseball cap, for interviews. In contrast to Kittel, who’s also got an idiotic hairdo, and wears the wrong headwear.

  13. The right amount of dumb is by far the best way to describe how these guys get the results they do. In my less articulate way of describing their talents, I would explain to my non cycling friends how I couldn’t get the same results if given their talents, and they would  win a lot more races at my level if they had my abilities.

    Didn’t Tyler podium at the Giro with a broken coller bone he got on stage 3? Ironically the tests for narcotics are much better than those for PED’s. You can’t dope grit brothers and sisters.

  14. Looks like some of the traceable PED substances could be history anyway based on this http://road.cc/content/news/110533-xenon-next-big-thing-legal-doping

  15. The right kind of dumb:  that’s the bit.  Stupid doesn’t qualify.

    My best friend has a saying about me:  “Hi, my name is John, and my favorite color is clear.”  I’m not the least bit stupid, but dumb, maybe a touch clueless?  Yes, sometimes.

    The key thing is that it never occurs to you to quit.  Why the fuck would you even consider it?  Abandoning is antithetical to our art.

  16. @scaler911 Spot on, and my bad on raising the dopage discussion.  I’ll be tired enough of it by the time the Grand Tours come around if not before. Somehow I got on that topic from raising Hamilton’s LBL win.

  17. @Ron

    I thoroughly enjoy hearing the announcers pronounce Konyshev over and over. Nice name!

    I also enjoy two things:

    1) the history lessons of cycling I always get here

    2) the ability to separate the love of watching people race bikes from the shadows that zee drugs cast.

    Awesome!

    A-Merckx, brother! Separating the two is key, otherwise you’ll just starting hating it.

  18. @Cjcosgrove

    Since the doping door has been opened with the previous posts: blood transfusions were LEGAL in Olympic events up until and including the 1984 games. The very games in which Alexi and a few others kicked ass cyclingwise…just to segway back to the opening paragraph about Taylor and his gene pool.

    True enough, but even then when you read about the ’84 road race, one a few of the members of the team were OK doing it and actually went ahead with it.

    Pappa Phinney was known as being vehemently anti-doping, even back then.

    He’s a physical freak by the way, who’s going to win Roubaix one of these days, maybe this year.

  19. @Al__S

    Watching post race interviews, Phinney is definitely “the perfect amount of dumb”- at least, whilst he’s currently sporting a riduculous hairdo he wears a cycling cap, not a baseball cap, for interviews. In contrast to Kittel, who’s also got an idiotic hairdo, and wears the wrong headwear.

    I’m amazed at how classy he is. He looks great, loves style, is funny, and just seems to be comfortable in his own skin.

    Possibly the only person I can think of who could eventually fill Cipo’s shoes as far as showmanship goes.

  20. @frank  Except he fudged the whole frame-size thing since these photos were posted: At the Dubai Tour he was racing with this oddball combination. A -17 stem that appears to be 130-140mm long – so far so good. But then a healthy 20-30mm of spacers? Seems like the lad does need a larger frame after all if he wants to remain as fantastic-looking as usual… Or ditch the TMR01 for something with the head-tube he needs.

  21. @scaler911 Totally agree with you…enough of the discussion about doping. Let’s get on with the joy of the V! Hope you are enjoying the snowstorm here in Portland Scaler…can’t even get out of our house and more snow on the way!

  22. @tessar

    @frank Except he fudged the whole frame-size thing since these photos were posted: At the Dubai Tour he was racing with this oddball combination. A -17 stem that appears to be 130-140mm long – so far so good. But then a healthy 20-30mm of spacers? Seems like the lad does need a larger frame after all if he wants to remain as fantastic-looking as usual… Or ditch the TMR01 for something with the head-tube he needs.

    Nice catch. That is interesting and confounding. Maybe he has to work into that position. He is built like a Dutch Monkey.

  23. @frank

    @Cjcosgrove

    Since the doping door has been opened with the previous posts: blood transfusions were LEGAL in Olympic events up until and including the 1984 games. The very games in which Alexi and a few others kicked ass cyclingwise…just to segway back to the opening paragraph about Taylor and his gene pool.

    True enough, but even then when you read about the ’84 road race, one a few of the members of the team were OK doing it and actually went ahead with it.

    Pappa Phinney was known as being vehemently anti-doping, even back then.

    He’s a physical freak by the way, who’s going to win Roubaix one of these days, maybe this year.

    I agree about Dad. I was thinking about his Mom when I wrote that. The track cycling team also used autologous transfusions. Again, all legal at the time.

  24. I would like to contribute to this important thread.

    Seems to me that time trialists seem to have a stronghold on the perfect amount of dumb.

    I’d like to nominate…Captain Zabriskie

  25. @Harminator  I wonder if Dave is using that Captain America outfit in retirement. I felt a little bad for him ending his career at Lombardia last year, without any fanfare.

    He told a funny story about his early cycling career in the US, maybe riding for Saturn, a doomed US car brand. He and a fellow Saturn rider showed up at a race, ready to clean up, show the local Saturn dealer what a good investment they were. One of them led the other out for the bell lap instead of the real finish, so they were totally out of the money then they crashed up the Saturn car the local dealer had loaned them. Doh! Maybe some dumb there.

    But yes, TT riders really have to shut off the voices in their head, ignoring all reason and stay at the dark end of the pain cave. Tony Martin too.

  26. @jeff

    @scaler911 Totally agree with you…enough of the discussion about doping. Let’s get on with the joy of The V! Hope you are enjoying the snowstorm here in Portland Scaler…can’t even get out of our house and more snow on the way!

    Snow’s been fun, but bad for getting any outdoor riding in this weekend. Dirty Circles is just around the corner (and Cherry Pie!)

  27. @Gianni that’s for you, DZ the day of Il Lombardia 2013

    D

  28. And this is the son of Thor

  29. @scaler911

    @jeff

    @scaler911 Totally agree with you…enough of the discussion about doping. Let’s get on with the joy of The V! Hope you are enjoying the snowstorm here in Portland Scaler…can’t even get out of our house and more snow on the way!

    Snow’s been fun, but bad for getting any outdoor riding in this weekend. Dirty Circles is just around the corner (and Cherry Pie!)

    We’ve got rather too much of the raw variety of snow over here and conditions are too often like the below.  But today we had a brief respite and I managed a 60 Km ride mostly on dry roads.  Bliss.

  30. Just what level of dumb do luge riders possess?  140 kph on a glorified children’s sled?  I’m surprised their ten-tonne balls can fit down the track.

  31. @Pedale.Forchetta

    @Gianni that’s for you, DZ the day of Il Lombardia 2013

    D

    Grazie, great photo of DZ. He actually looks a little pensive here, knowing this is his last race. Well snapped.

  32. @scaler911 I’m still shoveling the driveway and our streets are totally snow packed…..Tigard…..can’t see anyway to get any outdoor riding in but definitely looking forward to it. Waiting for some new R3’s to arrive in the mail along with Speedplay Zero’s…so as soon as the weather clears it will spin time for sure.

  33. @Pedale.Forchetta

    And this is the son of Thor

    This photo makes me feel like I’ve got a headful of hallucinogenic mushrooms coming on.

    I always enjoyed that feeling.

  34. There’s dumb and then there is dumb and a few not so dumb riders come to mind, the Professor and Andy Hampsten, who, it was reported actually read books. Most of the top riders (domestic) I saw in the wild never owned a book let alone read one.

    and I know we’re talking about another kind of dumb but it just seems that maybe  a non intellectual approach is helpful in the top ranks?

  35. I allways thought you you have go into a Dumb mode in sports, but of course that can only happen with being crazy smart in the traning so you can shut all those power zapping thoughts off when you need too. Running on auto pilot is an awesome thing and a dumb thing for sure

  36. Jens is something else isn’t he. I mean the guy coined the phrase “Shut up legs”. That’s all I need to know about the guy. They say this is his last season and so is wanting to be seen for the sponsors whilst not caring about results. I say bollocks, it’s just what he does.

    Thrilled to see him drive a breakaway on stage 5 at the Tour Down Under, only to be caught after being away for hours. After 50km, he has 8 minutes on the peleton. Caught at the top of the first time up Willunger Hill. Does he just settle in for the remainder, his day over? Nope, screw that, he recovers in the bunch, then second time on the hill he attacks again! A mere mortal would have been crying in the fetal position on the side of the road after that much work on the front and a massive climb to come but not Jens, he freaking attacks again, on the climb. Respect.

  37. I saw this on the Twitter after Jens was the Most Competitive on Stage 5 of the TDU this year:

    [Voigt] is not in a break only when:

    1 – it is a TT

    2 – race is not started yet

    3 – race is already finished

    Sounds about right.

  38. The perfect amount of dumb is required to be the unique beast that truly smiles on those Rule #9 days. The weather gets to be so much fun here in Colorado that my winter road bike (see rigid 29er mtn bike donning Nokian Gazzas) will be two wheel drifting on climbs. Laughing and telling my bike to swim faster is all I can do since the V meter is redlining on anything above 5% when there has been 91.5 cm of snow over the weekend.

  39. On a totally different note, a friend and I may have exhibited very nearly the perfect amount of dumb on Saturday.

    • My buddy and I planned to ride with the Seattle Randonneurs on one of their winter training rides:  Not dumb necessarily, but dorky to be sure.
    • Didn’t check the website morning of the ride to see that the ride was cancelled due to snow: The right amount of dumb.
    • Found one other guy in the parking lot who didn’t check the website either and decided that since it wasn’t snowing just then and since he had a queue sheet, we should ride anyway: The right amount of dumb.
    • Continuing with our new friend despite the fact that he got us lost before we were even out of town: The right amount of dumb.
    • Halfway through the ride, rolling over 30+ km of snow choked roadway resulting in brakes, cassettes, derailleurs, etc packed with snow and ice: The right amount of dumb.
    • Once again missing a turn (or three) and winding up in Puyallup Washington instead of back to our starting point of Auburn Washington resulting ultimately in a total of 130 km instead of the scheduled 96 km: The right amount of dumb.
    • Wrapping up the ride so late that we had to forgo the post ride malted recovery beverage to avoid incurring the wrath of the VMHUnacceptably Dumb
  40. @joey Where are you based?  We’ll be out in Crested Butte in a couple of weeks.  Loving the amount of snow coming down up there.

  41. @Jamie

    I’d say that was just about the perfect amount of dumb. Well done. But missing the malted recovery beverage and returning to unappreciative VMH, just cruel.

  42. What if i would like to send you some “paragraphs ” i have which i think you would love to read FranKeepers ? Where can i send it ?

  43. @PeakInTwoYears

    @Pedale.Forchetta

    And this is the son of Thor

    This photo makes me feel like I’ve got a headful of hallucinogenic mushrooms coming on.

    I always enjoyed that feeling.

    Does this help dispel that feeling?

  44. @Jamie

    On a totally different note, a friend and I may have exhibited very nearly the perfect amount of dumb on Saturday.

    • My buddy and I planned to ride with the Seattle Randonneurs on one of their winter training rides: Not dumb necessarily, but dorky to be sure.
    • Didn’t check the website morning of the ride to see that the ride was cancelled due to snow: The right amount of dumb.
    • Found one other guy in the parking lot who didn’t check the website either and decided that since it wasn’t snowing just then and since he had a queue sheet, we should ride anyway: The right amount of dumb.
    • Continuing with our new friend despite the fact that he got us lost before we were even out of town: The right amount of dumb.
    • Halfway through the ride, rolling over 30+ km of snow choked roadway resulting in brakes, cassettes, derailleurs, etc packed with snow and ice: The right amount of dumb.
    • Once again missing a turn (or three) and winding up in Puyallup Washington instead of back to our starting point of Auburn Washington resulting ultimately in a total of 130 km instead of the scheduled 96 km: The right amount of dumb.
    • Wrapping up the ride so late that we had to forgo the post ride malted recovery beverage to avoid incurring the wrath of the VMH: Unacceptably Dumb

    Jamie, dude, chapeau!

  45. @Chris Au contraire, thank you!

  46. @Teocalli I am in Summit County. A bit of a pedal away from the Butte. Enjoy, this season has been unreal with fresh snow. Be safe if you venture off piste, Avy season in full tilt.

  47. @Joey Yeah the back country is loaded.  Unfortunately there was a fatality this week in the region of Kebler Pass.

  48. A bit left of topic this – but in my opinion on the shock and awe side of the perfect amount of dumb..  A local Aussie TV actor has just completed 15,500-odd K’s riding a zig-zag across the country – on a unicycle.  He raised $1.5m for cancer research, his sister is dying of the disease.

    Pretty fucking bit effort  …  see http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/samuel-johnson-sets-unicycling-world-record-for-his-sister-raises-14-million-for-cancer-research/story-fneuzlbd-1226826130251

  49. Immediately thought of this article after hearing Mini-Phinney’s comments after his win in ATOC yesterday:

    When asked why he decided to attack on the descent, Phinney said, “”Stupidity maybe? Sometimes you just have a voice inside that says go. I know I can go downhill faster than everyone else, mainly because I weigh more than everyone else. Something inside me said to go for it. I got to the bottom with a gap and said, ‘well, I’m committed now.’ I kept getting splits from the moto and it was looking good. The more I went the more painful it got, but I knew it would be worth it if I made it. It’s the best way to win, like that.”

    It was a pretty gutsy move. And a lot of fun to watch.

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