• @Duntov

    It’s over. Frank has fucked off with all the customers’ merch money and our book royalties and is playing in a really shit band. If the V jerseys are getting any respect then it’s massively misguided. I’m ashamed of what he did to the site, the community, and his friends.

  • @Marcus

    Can’t add enough C’s.

  • @wiscot


    Sagan’s not racing HN, so there’s as much chance of him winning as there is of a VSP happening, a new article appearing, customers getting kit and Keepers getting paid.

  • @frank Well at least we know you have internet access… how about using it to email us.

  • @chris

    Who the fuck would know. You guys seem to know more than us.

    Maybe this is Frank’s new project:


  • All will be revealed in my book, “Death Of The V: How Frank fucked his friends for fame and fortune and became a COTHO.”

  • Brett commented on the post, Le Bouclier Jaune 1 year, 7 months ago · 

    Where’s the old V community, the one with a sense of humour?

  • Brett wrote a new post, Le Bouclier Jaune 1 year, 7 months ago · 

    Geraint Thomas is the rightful winner of the 2017 Tour de France. In a travesty of epic proportions not seen at a Tour since the early 2000s, the yellow jersey he won in the opening time trial proved to be grossly […]

    • It is amazing how a $15k Pinarello can consistently fail each time there is racing.

    • “Boring”? What race are you watching???

    • Hear, Hear!

    • What @Dan Mc Cormack said. Fantastic Tour this year.

    • @Dan McCormack

      So much this. Other than a couple of Kittel days (where even then, the actual finishes have had drama) this has been a cracking tour. The reinvention of AG2R as an actual team who can do actual GC team stuff especially has been a joy

    • @Dan McCormack

      i don’t think the race is boring, either, but i think the rest of these points are pretty legit. between the Sagan debacle, and this Froome mechanical nonsense, both the ASO and UCI have pretty well screwed the pooch this July. at least they reversed the late feed penaties last week.

    • And Hinault (and others) never controlled things to his favour?

    • @Teocalli

      Hinault and Armstrong controlled things through physical intimidation. they and their respective teams were strong enough to impose their will. while this clearly applies to Sky, in terms of team strength, my perception of this situation is that Froome has gone a little overboard with the mechanicals, etc, described. it seems to me like they have the tacit approval of the race directors, also. maybe i’m wrong, but other viewers seem to share my perspective.

    • I’m not sure what you’re thinking of. There was the one when Aru attacked….and…?

      Oh, the one where he broke a spoke and had to stop while the 2nd strongest team in the race attacked hard, leaving the yellow jersey and his team to V back up to the lead group.

      If you just hate Chris Froome write an article saying that, but don’t make out like he’s has some massive advantage for mysterious reasons this race as it isn’t true.

      And also don’t make out like it’s been boring; it hasn’t. It’s still not a done deal.

      Tell Romain Bardet he’s in a boring race, I think he’d punch you in the face.

    • I’m confused as shit here.

      It was the UCI that made the Peloton go up to Aru and tell him to back off after going under Froome’s arm when he had a mechanical? Wow, I’ve thought Cookson has been a bad President, but now……

      But hang on, when Froom’s spoke broke and the challengers *didn’t* wait for him was the UCI asleep after a bottle or two of red, so poor old Froomy had to chase back? I bet he had words with Cookson, or at least told him to stay awake to protect him in the future. Jeez….

      I guess Froome was simply protecting his protectors when he said “no, the race was on, it was for me to catch the leaders not for them to wait”. Clever guy!

    • This is the bike race I’ve been watching. Brett, you should check it out.

    • Just fueling the fire. So now we revere The Prophet for his dominance but at the time he was hated (especially by the French) for the same reasons. Anyone spot the irony here………

    • Where’s the old V community, the one with a sense of humour?

    • The most amusing accusation (if that is the right word) was that Froome didn’t back off and wait for Porte/Martin after the Porte crash. Who the heck is going to look behind on bends like that at those speeds! Plus they were round the next bend anyway in a split second not even considering how he was going to cruise up in front of everyone and slow them down!

    • @Brett

      It’s just the constant Froome bashing and ‘The Tour is boring’ stuff is so predictable it’s hard to find one’s humour.

      These points are replayed ad nauseam in every comments section of every cycling website and forum on a daily basis.

    • Come on chaps, admit it: it’s the grey areas that make cycling what it is. Who wants ‘rules’ in ‘black and white’ that need to be ‘followed’?

      Well, except for the obvious; no engines in bikes, and a note from your mum for any dodgy substance imbibed.

      If it had been a different rider raising their arm for a mechanical – oooh, I don’t know, one who has never won the Tour, doesn’t have waggly elbows, and isn’t sponsored by a monolithic media corporation – the reaction would have been very different.

      People are fed up with Sky, and fed up with Froome winning – just like people got fed up with Merckx winning back in the day. That’s the issue. All the gripes boil down to that.

      Keep the ‘unwritten rules’. Hell, invent a few more. And leave it up to the riders as to whether they obey or not.

      It’s all part of the fun.

    • This boring tour never recovered from the crummy rain soaked first stage… Hah. Boring boring boring… And who is this cat they call Jagger and what’s he doing crashing the party after winning a stage racing single speed in his 53×11? Yahhnnn… And a team full of these nasty brown and blue kits… seriously, brown bibs… what the?? riding up front when there’s no racing going on? Nairo’s so bored he’s fallen off the back sleeping. Dan Martin? He couldn’t liven up a race even if he were shooting laser beams from his eyes at others as he attacked… I mean seriously, the only real action in this entire race was this time one dude had a mechanical of sorts. And that dude and his teammate ? Nothing interesting there. Hah… boring boring boring… And I’ve not missed a single stage. So I know ! Also, the scenery on big screen high def ? Yea, it sucks too.

      Cheers All

    • The Giro’s been the better race for as long as I’ve been alive.

      There’s been drama in this tour but it’s not from the fucking racing, it’s been from who crashed out, or missed the time cutwhich is the opposite of a good race. Who wants to watch a break with 4 minutes, get reeled in by tower of Sky twats on the front, for Froome to spider-hump a tennis ball to minimise losses in the finale. It is what it is, which is really, really fucking boring. At least Lance looked good on a bike and would occasionally spice up bike races out of spite.

      At least the Vuelta looks like being a banger again this year…

    • @Brett

      you forgot the satire tag that you need to put on things these days.

    • @minion

      Things were so much better when everyone was EPO’d up to their eyeballs.

    • @Rick

      I’m stunned how many “mechanicals” these guys get when their bike is virtually rebuilt after each stage. I put my bikes in after about 5,000km for a service, the pro’s can’t ride a 220km stage without equipment failure. Massive kudos to Rigoberto Uran who got a stage win with two gears, but I can’t recall a Tour with as many bike failures.

    • So bummed about Aru’s difficulties yesterday. I was hoping he might actually challenge for the win. Now they are all just racing for second.

    • @tinman

      I suspect if we could put sustained 400 watts plus through ours with bursts of 1,000 watts they may not be quite so reliable………

    • @Teocalli

      …and that’s why I break so much stuff on my bikes!

    • @RobSandy

      ooo you brute! Probably why I don’t though.

    • @Brett

      It’s a pretty dangerous game to play; This is hurting so I’ll stick my arm up and they’ll ride slowly. And it hasn’t worked out too well so far. He came close to losing out big time after AG2R put the hammer down (and I don’t recall anyone at Sky suggesting that that attack was a breach of the unwritten rules).

      Froome may not be the most engaging personality in the race but he’s sucking up everything they’re throwing at him and with the exception of newspaper boy zig zagging up the runway he’s taken it all and ultimately extended his lead.

    • I don’t mind the Tour, though I wish I didn’t have to watch it on NBC. It’s brutally sunny and hot every damn day during my bike commute, so I’ll gladly watch something to take my mind off the weather.

      I love the AG2R kit, I do not love the UAE kit.

    • The one funny thing about the Tour is how it gets people who don’t ride and don’t follow pro cycling to watch. For three weeks, cycling is cool to more people. Then it goes back to…”Get the fuck off MY roads. A-hole in spandex.”

      Speaking of a-holes, what is up with the proliferation of boutique kit designers? Since when did road cycling become hip? When I’m three hours from home and have half a bottle of water left, the last thing I’m thinking about is how many stripes my socks have and how many ice cream cones are on my jersey.

    • @Ron

      I have noticed more designer kits on the road recently as well. I tend to give the wearers ample space and try to pass them as soon as safely possible.

    • @Rick

      They are a bit like Chelsea Tractors…….

    • @Teocalli

      I haven’t been riding much recently but I do like to wear Rapha whilst driving my Land Rover.

    • The Giro is always the best Grand Tour but as for this TdF, two words have kept me totally involved and intrigued (at least in the mountains): Dan “FUCKING” Martin—-okay … three words but I did not want anyone confused with Tony Martin.

    • @ChrisO

      Last weekend I passed someone in a mainly white one piece. Two main issues 1) I passed him 2) He was, shall we say, not at climbing weight.

      It was a relief to catch an pass him quickly as the effect from behind was not good at all. It rather emphasised “the wobble”

      Lessons 1) Don’t wear a once piece unless you are bat fast 2) Definitely don’t wear one if you are not at climbing weight 3) racing only.

    • @Teocalli

      lol.. i wear black for good reason!

    • @chris

      Maybe a Lexicon entry “Shrink Wrapped Potato” – someone if inappropriate stature wearing a skin suit?

      Any better definitions?

    • Ahh though that comes up as shrink wrapped Pozzato under the definition of Potato…….

    • Maybe Shrink Wrapped Pasta – has that suitable lumpy effect……..

    • @Teocalli

      Bratwurst in in a Chipolata skin?


      Shrink Wrapped Non-Specific Mechanically Recovered Meat Product

      as that’s probably the filling of the pies these guys have been eating?

    • @Randy C

      @Brett – now *that* is how you write a funny article dissing the tour!

    • @Teocalli

      I raced on Tuesday and there was a guy in the bunch whose bibs had a wide strip of white across the cracktal region. In a masterstroke of unintentional irony they also had a sponsor across that area boasting ‘Since 1982’.

      After the race I asked him if he’d had the bibs since 1982 as they were extremely see through.

    • And while we’re on kit and behaviour-based Rules infractions, has any of the UK based Velominati (who might watch highlights of the Tour on ITV4) developed the same violent physical reaction when seeing the Watchfinders ‘cyclist’?

      For those lucky enough to have not seen these adverts they are clearly aimed at people who ride a bike and might be in the market for a flash watch, and feature a flabby, bearded, hairy legged dude riding very slowly along a country road on his own (couldn’t they get someone to ride quickly then slow it down?), before stopping to turn his bike upside down.

      I hate it.

    • @RobSandy

      I hate it too. I refer to it as the “second hand watch pawn shop” rather than their preferred “The Pre-Owned Watch Specialist”, it’s all bollocks.

    • What a load of bollocks. I’m undecided about which is worse: this article, or the one you wrote a few months ago dismissing Gilbert’s domination of De Ronde this year. If you’re not enjoying it, maybe you just don’t really like the sport.

    • @Teocalli

      The whole point of wearing a one-piece skin suit is that it’s for racing only. It’s part of the psychology of racing (in my case TTs). You trained wearing jersey and shorts, but you knew that once the skinsuit had been wriggled into, it was racing time. Wearing one to cruise around in? Unacceptable. It’s like people who use reo bars and go at 14 mph or ride a TT bike with aero helmet and I pass them doing 18 pmh. Maybe they’ve just done a massive effort and are between reps – or maybe not!

    • @Teocalli

      Shrink-wrapped spam?

    • I might have actually learned something this year without having to become a pro cyclist myself to really understand the unwritten rules.

      Its not “don’t attack the yellow when he has a mechanical” — its “don’t attack the yellow BECAUSE YOU SEE he has a mechanical.”

      So, when AG2R is nailing it on the front, they already HAVE attacked, so they can continue their attack and as we saw, not only did they not slow down, but Froome and co had quite an effort to get back, and then no one said boo about it afterward.

      In comparison, Aru is sucking Froome’s wheel like its full of EPO, and then the very second Froome signals a mechanical Aru attacks. Coincidence? The jury of actual racers, who are all that matter, thought not.

      Its their rule, not mine, but I really see the difference now.

    • @RobSandy

      @Buck Rogers

      These two posts sum it up for me. As I love to cheer for the underdog, I loved watching AG2R on the front, and Bardet making a last ditch effort to get some time before the TT. And despite him being outclassed on the major climbs, Dan’s never say die attitude to attack makes for great racing. That he hasn’t thrown in the towel despite losing time being swept into a rock face by a crashing Porte on stage 9 just further adds to his cachet in my books.

    • @Joe Bloggs

      After getting over the fact of turning the bike upside down and his Rule #33 violation I’m pretty sure he also puts the QR skewer on the wrong side.
    • @wiscot

      @Frank how about it Shrink Wrapped Spam (SWS) – wearing a onesie when a) not racing b) of inappropriate stature (too fat to climb).

    • @wiscot

      On refection this guy may have been doing a maximum effort when I passed him! Though to be fair 1) he was out there 2) he was going faster than everyone on a couch.

    • @Hank

      Correct. If the race is on then it’s tough luck.

    • @Brett

      Dude, it seems like it is dead and gone.

      Might have something to do with the fact that The Keepers only have shown up once every few months for the last two years.

    • @Buck Rogers

      Sadly, you’re not wrong, Buck.

    • @Teocalli

      Oh, don’t get me wrong, I do a bunch of charity rides during the year and while rule breakers abound, I tip my casquette to each and every one of them for NOT being on the couch and putting in the effort.

      This does not excuse or exempt the guy who rode the Riveredge ride this year with a well-equipped group: his bike was filthy. And not in the “I’ve just ridden Paris-Roubaix” way, but you could tell he just didn’t clean it – and it was a nice carbon Trek. Shameful.

    • @Buck Rogers

      I’ve been pretty absent as well but had to agree with Brett’s frustration at the race, especially if you’re sitting up till 2 am to watch it, and stumbling through work the next day. I liked Froome’s win from last year, because he attacked and took the race to the field. This year, he’s hid behind his team, minimised losses when others have attacked, and been an inert presence at the race. The tour has always been a race teams win by strangulation, which doesn’t always make it an appealing race to watch, and I identified with the frustration/venting in Brett’s article.


      Jiffy bags, corticosteroids, TUEs, pulling staff from the UK women’s cycling team to transport “medication”, lost laptops, anti-doping investigations, parliamentary hearings, dodgy Rabobank doctors. Yeah sure.

      The return of Columbians to the peloton (whose previous generation of riders were swept out of the sport by the first wave of epo) and the French, in whose home country as far as I understand it is a felony to dope, are to me signs that the peloton is cleaner than it has been for a very long time. My point was that Lance had the capacity to animate races that Froome, this year at least, has lacked.

    • the rise of social media these last few years have pretty much sucked the idea of sarcasm and satire from online communication. now that everyone has access to it, a certain degradation of perception across the board is inevitable.

      i just became a member of the community last year. i like it just fine as is, though i do wish there was more writing. the archive has some GREAT pieces, but things evolve, ya know? cetainly, the next evolution is already happening while we’re discussing this one.

    • @ChrisO

      Well I’m planning on having way more free time from the New Year so I’d be up for helping.

    • @Cary

      I’d love to do more articles, but I suffer from the same issue as The Keepers and everyone else: finding the time. Now that this situation has been brought up, I’ll try harder to find time. I know there are two or three with Gianni that haven’t seen the light of day. A couple were lightweight, but still worthy I think.

    • @wiscot

      that would be great. as i said, i like it just fine as is. i love bikes, i’ve spent my life on one, and even made my living on one. The Rules, though funny, also have a lot of common sense and wisdom. the book brought me here, the people keep me here.

    • @Cary

      Oh, I completely agree. The Keepers and the site do not owe me anything.

      They have never charged me a dime and have given freely over the years.

      It is just sad to me to see it dying.

    • @Buck Rogers

      Guys. It’s up to us the keep the site alive. I’ve been coming here for years and many have come and gone, but there’s a hardcore group of us who stick around. I can’t tell you how much I’d miss it as there is no other place like it and in the rest of my life there’s nothing like it where I/we can josh, opine, post things that have little to no relevance to the thread in question and reveal a little about our non-cycling lives. I miss Dr. C, Strathlubnaig, the Scots boys, Gianni, even Oli isn’t here much which is a shame.

      Clearly Frank is still active as the new book attests, but not so much on a day-to-day basis. He too, has a life.

      Let’s keep the wheels turning fellas.

    • @wiscot +1

      @all Nipple lube

    • @Harminator

      Ahhh, Nipple lube! Has anyone heard from JiPM over the last few years?

      I remember him getting married (we, as the site, got together and sent him and his bride some champagne) but I have not heard from him since.

    • @Buck Rogers

      I have not heard from JiPM but I’m happy to start a rumor that he’s breeding and blimping.

    • @Harminator

      Ha! Touché!

    • Bring on @Calmante

      Missing @itburns – R.I.P but love it when pops up old articles!

    • @ShotokanCyclist

      We have to have a reason to make fun of Froomie?

    • @TheVid

      If only it was truly mano-a-mano. Then the TdF would be a fun GC race to watch/follow. Bring on the Vuelta!

    • What annoys me the most is the gadgetry dependency and the “technology/machinery” attitude of the best teams. Though I understand it is still legs, heart and lungs which win the races but I am missing that ability to ride based on instincts and feelings.

      If I would be the emperor of this sector of galaxy, I would order the following (at least for testing for 2-3 years):

      • no wattmeters
      • no team radio
      • simple computers only as per Rule #74
      • salary cap for teams and draft system based on results

      Watching the biggest stars of the peloton hasty fiddling with the computer as the very first thing after bike change is a very sad picture indeed. In 2017 we saw hardly any passion, just cold calculation based on 21st century technology. It may be that Sky with that strength would still be winning but we as fans are not interested into this type of pre-calculated victory. I believe that the last evolution is really killing the spirit of racing.

    • @Buck Rogers

      Dan FUCKING Martin is a hardman. Did anybody see the video of his swan removing the bike from him after he killed it up the final climb? He limped to the buss bent over because his back was still hurting that bad two weeks after Porte took him out.

    • @Brett

      You know what has happened to Velominati? No more COTHO. The villain was vanquished and no one stepped up to replace him.

      You were never funny. Just grumpy. Except that you came up with COTHO. That was a pretty good name.

      But in the interests of Velominati, surely Bling Matthews can cop some shit? Even though he is good and getting a lot better.


      Minion made me laugh sometimes, but only because he followed his missus from NZ to live in Canberra. Who does that? What a loser.


      OK, you asked for it. Been a few years since I called you a cunt. Sorry cunt.

      @Buck Rogers

      Now you can complain about the rudeness of the above. And slide some reference in about being a war hero. Then cry.

      Does that help?

    • And by the way, the Stages podcast that Lance did. Contained a lot of inane shit where they were trying to educate the uninformed, but if you got past that it had some good bits. His rant today about Thomas de Gent not being awarded the combativity prize was very good.

      The fall from grace has almost turned him into a half decent commentator.

    • @Marcus

      i’ve enjoyed the podcast. i’ve never really been able to dislike Lance, though. the sniveling cunts that took him down, though, Lemond excepted, i’ve found very easy to dislike.

    • @chuckp

      No reason at at all is required – absolutely make fun of the lightbulb humping spider (that was the phrase, wasn’t it?). But for me the article came over as being bitter, not an amusing dig. Sorry Brett.

    • @Marcus

      It’s hard to say whether your absence has been a beneficial or detrimental to Velominati. On the one hand you’re living validation of the need for most of the rules; on the other, does anyone need a whingeing aussie triathlete cluttering the place up?

      You would’ve probably got away with it if you were funny.

    • @Marcus

      Every creative outlet has its ebbs and flows (not sure which this would be, ebb or flow wise). One of my favorite sites, Flandriacafe written by a teammate, is now dead (the site not the teammate) and googling the name takes you to a website about a cafe named Fandria ffs. I blame the RAS since that was his last post. Maybe all the rain got into his brain or it was all the boiled food, one or the other.

      Anywho, hopefully the collective writer’s block hasn’t proved fatal here. I always like Brett’s musings. Every good peloton has to have a grumpy old man.

    • @wiscot

      I’m still here

      Just short of time….

    • I just don’t understand all of the negative reactions about @Brett‘s article. I thoroughly enjoyed his rant, it made me laugh. I also had to nod in agreement, so I guess that makes me a grumpy bastard, too.

    • @the Engine

      Good to know! Lovely Scottish summer weather there! How’s the missus?

    • You know, for all the discussion on boring boring boring Froome and the Sky Train win again… just a quick spin thru the Super Prestige picks and I’m willing to speculate that Froome was not in the majority of picks as the dude to be standing on top of podium in yellow after 21 stages. Is it maybe that folks just didn’t want to pick the Sky Fortress on principal or was it that many of us in fact figured this was year for them to be beat ? Anywho, by this highly scientific measure, the tour and outcome were a surprise ! fwiw…

    • @Randy C

      has there been a stronger team in grand tour history than Sky 2017? they lost Thomas early, and we barely noticed.

    • @chris

      Being characterised as a triathlete makes me remember the story of Phillippe the French fighter pilot. Shot down 8 German fighters in WWI. But is he remembered as “Henri the French Fighter Pilot”? Non. All because he sucked one cock.

      I am guessing you are a pasty-faced man-boobed Englishman?

    • @Cary

      Oh hell yes! Tour 1980. Raleigh won 10 stages with Raas stage1a, Lubberding 3, Raas 7b, Oosterbosch 8, Raas, 9, Priem 10, Zoetemelk, 11 & 20, Knetemann 12 and Peeters 14. Zoetemelk won overall and TI Raleigh got the Team Prize.

      In the 1984 Tour Renault Elf also won 10 stages: Madiot stage 2, the TTT, Fignon 7, 16, 18, 20, 22, Jules 8, Poisson 12, Mentheour 13. They held the yellow jersey for 19 of 23 stages (Barteau and Fignon) and won the overall with Fignon.

      These were true teams where there was depth and a swashbuckling attitude that is sorely absent today. In comparison, Sky don’t come close in any of the five Tours they’ve won.

    • @MangoDave

      Same here. It made me remember another of @Brett‘s articles – about clearing your nostrils. One of his best.

    • @Marcus

      Funken hell, what rocks have we kicked that you’ve crawled out from under.

      I do take it as a personal point of pride that Marcus once claimed I was “too stupid to insult”. For a 7 fingered Australian triathlete to describe a New Zealander that way is akin to Ali letting Forman (I think) punch himself out on Ali’s torso before pummelling him in the later rounds.

      This is starting to feel like something of a reunion of sorts, though probably more carry on columbus than the blues brothers.

    • @minion

      More like Carry on up the Antipodes (for British readers of a certain age . . .)

    • @Marcus

      Sounds like a worthy topic for an article if you ask me. If he was an aviator, I’m sure you could work in a Sky connection somewhere . . .

    • @Marcus

      I’m not sure what you’re getting at here. Are you arguing in mitigation that there was only one triathlon or saying that you want to be remembered for your love of cock?

      You’re story does remind me of one of the lads on our school rugby tour that passed through Singapore; returning to the hotel one night he began to regal us with tales of a fine time with a stunning local lady. Mid way through he stopped as he had expected admiration and awe rather than tears of stifled laughter. The look of horror on his face was priceless when he was told that we’d just been informed by three of the other lads who got back somewhat earlier that there were no ladies in that particular establishment.

    • Holy Shiet, it is old home week on the V. My Marcus alarm went off and I knew I better check in.

      To make a long story very short, I turned in my Keepers bunker keys six months ago. I didn’t turn them in as much as threw them in a boggy hole and walked away. So it is just Brett and Frank at the helm so send all guest articles and cogals directly to Frank.

      I’m not going to air my dirty V laundry here in public. If ever on Maui look me up for pints and we can discuss. I now roam amongst the hallowed ranks of the greater V, haunting the bikes pages because I will always love the bike. Cheers to all, Gianni

    • @Gianni

      Does this mean you’ve gone full EPMS? or you’ve traded in the the Fiziks for some SPD sandals?

      Sorry to hear you’ve felt the need walk away, your posts are missed.

    • @wiscot


      I’m also likely to have more time on my hands from September as I’m doing a reverse @ChrisO and moving to the desert sans famile. I’d like to think that most of that time will be spent Training Properly but there has to be recovery time too.

    • @sthilzy

      For all you long-termers, I’ve got one word:

      That is all….

    • @xyxax

      That it turning the clock back a bit. Didn’t she leave under a cloud or in a huff?

    • @chris

      Pretty sure she was trying to sleep with every guy on the site.

      Frahnk finally either banned her for good or she realised that as sex starved as we all are around here, it just wasn’t panning out for her here!

    • @xyxax

      It does disturb me slightly that you have her icon saved, though @xyxax. What would Cecile say if she knew???

    • @Buck Rogers

      That rings a bell, she was somewhat unhinged.

    • I’m sure @bret was just being a grumpy old git but he has managed to stir things up a bit.

    • @Buck Rogers


      an untethered self-hating selfie-taking exhibitionist with an over-sharing issue. I think Frank banned her.

      Google the name and cycling, you’ll see.

      Good times.

    • @xyxax

      I might give that a miss. I’m not sure my work computer would like it.

    • @Buck Rogers

      She was trying to sleep with guys on this site? Did I miss out? Did her tour of the USA not include America’s Dairyland? WTF?

    • If it helps I’m going to France tomorrow…

    • …and I’m taking the Hardmen with me

      That and the history of Viz…

    • @the Engine

      France, then Belgium and points east?

    • Without being sentimental about it I’ve made a bunch of actual real friends on here to the point we’ve visited each other’s houses and countries.

      I get to go to Flanders and ride cobbles pretty much when time allows now. I’m shit at it but at least I have extensive practical experience of being shit at it.

      I’ve also learned some advanced swearing @Frank‘s effort in a crowded London lift a couple of years back will remain in my memory when pretty much everything else has turned to mush. I drank so much with @Frank one night in France that my eyes began pointing in different directions.

      @Minion and @Marcus on form are the best Antipodean double act since some other funny people.

      I know who Chopper Johns is (or was) and wear the wristband with pride.

      Because of @Itburns I wear an ID bracelet and have a picture of a fat Texan dressed as a centaur.

      I’ve also met genuine pros – some of whom, quite remarkably, write to me because they want to.

      I also learned a lot about life and marketing – enough to buy at least one decent bike off the proceeds. I’ve also learned how to get people to say stuff on Eurosport when not much is happening.

      I have a copy of the Rules signed and annotated by some of the greats including a long note from King Kelly that whilst Rule #11 is correct in spirit the illustrative anecdote is, alas, untrue.

      @Brett is a connoisseur of Ripping Yarns in general and Barnstonworth in particular – what’s not to like about a man like that?

      The site probably isn’t the Clash, although I loved them very much, I think its more Abba. A decent period of brilliance followed by a long and happy afterglow of solo careers.

      So, I’ve lost weight, can race without being dead last (sometimes) and play water polo…back soon…

    • @chris

      Sadly no – I have disobeyed Rule #11 but on the other hand I remain married and #2 Son looks like he might genuinely make the national swimming squad (how did that happen?)

    • @the Engine

      So you’re saying you don’t know what you get from the place or why we bother?

    • @the Engine

      Despite Rule #11, family does have its benefits.

      From what I’ve seen from your facebook page, your lad is doing well. Chapeau.

    • @the Engine

      Well, hopefully you won’t meet any Fat Slags, or that Biffa Bacon and his family aren’t on the plane. Sitting next to Roger Mellie might be fun,but not Sydney Smutt. Remember to take your magic underpants too.

    • @xyxax

      If one were lazy or perhaps their initial google search unfruitful, which posts exactly? (or at least the neighborhood).

    • @Ccos

      Of all the options that were actually valid sensible sites the only relevant one brought me back to an old thread here.

    • I just noticed that Romain Bardet is watching the race from the road side (he’s just over Froomey’s right hand). He must have finished then ridden down the hill to watch the goings on.

      Looks like he’s hanging out with Brian Cookson…

    • @Teocalli


      Now I recall after looking through a few threads, lookie here

      Tame to be sure and she would have dropped me like lint on any ride, but in the end, it all fell apart; I just don’t remember why. Let this be the end of it.

    • @xyxax

      Oh Merckx is me. I guess what I’ve just done there is the equivalent of having someone smell something spoiled and awful from the fridge then take them up on the offer to “here, smell this.”

    • @Ccos

      Ha, indeed! There’s a lot of spoiled haggis in that particular fridge.

    • @Ccos

      I hit the link on a work computer. Not ideal but it’s probably no worse than being Rickrolled.

    • @chris

      Cheers, yeah, I never thought it would end this way for me and the V but it did, thanks though.

      I have owned a pair of those awful spd sandals before. Terrible in all respects.

      Does a tubular tyre in a case with a mini bottle of sealant also stowed under the seat fit the definition? Then yes. See, it’s better I’ve had to move on.

    • @Gianni

      A very sad day, then. So now who am I supposed to taunt the next time Eros Poli rolls into town to ride with our local cycling club?

    • @chris

      It does strike me as quite interesting that somehow we’ve managed to revive the time old tradition of talking utter bollocks with no relation to the original post…seems @Brett‘s bitter rants do serve a purpose after all!

    • As a relative newcomer to the V-community (2014 or so), it’s sad to see all this talk of it winding down in many ways. For a site that is infamous for The Rules and perceived elitism they convey (which I firmly believe is a misreading), I’ve found a much warmer welcome here than on any other Cycling websites, whose comment sections seem to just turn into shit-slinging (go fuck yourself, road.cc).

      Am I being called to break out my word processor for the first time since finishing university and thrown in a guest article?

    • @mulebeatsdrums

      i laugh when i read these same critcisms of this site. competitive cycling has a high cost of admission. even if you buy a “cheap” bike, the upgrades you need to keep it on the road will make you wish you’d spent that money initially. if you’re so broke you have to build your own bike, you’re in an even more exclusive subset of cyclists, because far more have the means to buy vs. the skill to build. this site embraces this, and avoids the pantomimes and platitudes.

      the rules are largely common sense, tempered from experience. as has been mentioned, the rules were mostly there all along, and would be discovered anyway by those that put in the time, sweat and blood.

      i’m too old for bullshit, and i don’t suffer fools very well. i like it here, whether or not the “good old days” have passed. one day, i will look at my time as a member here as “the good old days”.. lol

    • @Cary

      Absolutely! And the beauty of the sport is its infectiousness; you buy a cheap road bike (I got a second-hand aluminium frame Boardman off eBay for £300), you take it out, you blow your lungs out on a gentle incline, you do the same thing the next few weeks, and then you discover that you’re faster and your lungs are intact, so you want to go faster and harder (cf. Rule #10), and you have a desire to emulate the Pros, so you buy proper shoes and clothes, you upgrade your bike. My once-pride-and-joy Boardman is now my commuter/Nine bike.

      I think the argument leveled is that Cycling should be for everyone. My retort is that cycles, be they road, MTB, BMX, hybrid, recumbent, trike, handcycle, e-bike, cargo, tandem, are absolutely for everyone, and if everyone could access one and was able to ride it safely, without threat of an artic crushing them, we’d all be healthier and happier! And I don’t think anyone on here would disagree with that sentiment. But it isn’t the focus of this community; it’s very much focused on the athletic and aesthetic side of road cycling. The problem is that people outside looking in misread that focus, along with the poetic sarcasm and hyperbole, as elitism.

      I’m not really sure I had a point; I think I’m just waffling.

    • @mulebeatsdrums

      That’s what keeps us alive here!

    • @mulebeatsdrums

      cycling IS for everybody at its base level. bicycles are a means of survival for most humans on planet earth, and god bless the bicycle for it. but from that, has grown a very rich sporting heritage, imbued with the hard won pride that is only earned by starting from the very bottom. even today, you look into a cyclist’s eyes after a race, and you can see the same emptiness you see in boxers awaiting the judge’s decision. there’s are reasons for this, at least one of which is the tremendous suffering necessary to enter that noble club. you can take away all the money, sponsorship, carbon monocoques, wattage meters, etc, and you’re still left with something granite-hard that commands respect and attention from anybody with the attention span to pay attention. cycling is also one of the few meritocracies left. ask any road racer worth their salt if they’d rather have the latest $10k Pinarello, or another watt per kilo. an easy choice, for sure.

      many other cycling sites need to post reminders of these fundamental truths every few months to keep everyone on the same page. gladly, this doesn’t seem to be necessary here. if that’s elitism, surely it’s the most noble of elitisms.

    • @mulebeatsdrums

      I enthusiastically agree with your sentiments, except the part about recumbents. Though they have wheels and require pedaling, they are not bikes in the truest sense and their riders are not cyclists. Recumbents aren’t even a subspecies of bikes (they have more of a parallel evolutionary origin from vehicles only used by annoying people). I’m pretty sure you’re only allowed to legally ride one if you’re competing in RAAM (or something like it) and only after suffering Shermer’s neck in a previous attempt.

    • @Ccos

      Good point. I think I read or heard somewhere they were more accessible for people with certain disabilities. I do not remember the specific disabilities in question, nor a citation, so I could be mixing up three different factoids.

    • @mulebeatsdrums

      Any disabilities associated with recumbent users are of the personality variety I believe. However, hand cycles are Bad f’ing ass. We were out for a ride during a 1/2 iron man event and saw a legless guy crushing souls at the pointy end of the field with a hand cycle.

      There’s an outside chance we yelled something to the effect that a legless guy was kicking their ass to the next batch of racers we saw. There’s also an outside chance we were perceived as obnoxious by said soul crushed people.

    • @Gianni

      I too shall miss your posts. Enjoy the ride!

    • @Mikael Liddy

      I do hope the fact that plenty of us kicked the shit out of this particular rant doesn’t deter anyone from sounding off in future.

      It’s the privilege of the author to piss-take, rant and potentially, be amusing, but it’s the privilege of the readers to do the same straight back (or why have a comments facility?).

      Someone said the site hasn’t been as much fun from about 2 years ago. Which is when I joined. *goes quiet*.

    • @RobSandy

      It must be due to all of the track cycling that’s been discussed lately ;)

      [There, I did it — tossed in a winky thing to lure the keepers out of their caves to yell at me.]

    • @MangoDave

      everyone knows track cycling is badass…

    • @RobSandy

      Indeed. I suspect I would enjoy the track if such a structure existed close by. I also suspect I would be terrible at it, given my lack of explosive power.

    • nah. it ain’t like that. there are disciplines for every type of rider on the track, just like the road. it’s also a lot of fun to watch in person! i think a lot more fun to watch than 95% of road racing.

    • @Cary

      It’s certainly a lot easier to watch track races ‘live’ than road races.

    • one fine day, i shall make it across the pond to see the Ronde in person. that’s really the only road race i need to see live before i buzz off to the great hereafter.

    • @wiscot

      One of the Scots boys is still here, dipping in and out now and again as evidenced by my response to you weeks later. I’ve lost that desire to check in more frequently despite this page being my PC home page. I have felt for some time that the site is withering away, issues with kit orders is one of the reasons folk (me included) have gotten pissed off at the Keepers and the site. The 2017 VSP being a shadow of it’s former self and not being updated for the Tour or San Sebastian does not fill me with much hope of a return to it’s former self. Strathlubnaig now spends more time away working or on Twitter, it’s been a while since we rode together, same goes for The Engine.

      Perhaps I need to try harder, visit more often and simply post a thought or opinion.


      PS I enjoyed the Tour.

    • @mulebeatsdrums

      I completely agree with you. Road.cc really can go fuck itself. In the ear. With a rusty desk stapler. They deleted my account for calling an Audi cunt a cunt. I mean come on! I thought cunt was a synonym for Audi driver?

      I also think this place just isnt for the main stream cyclist. It is more for the purists. But purists who dont take themselves too seriously.

      I really like this site; I came here a hairy legged mtb-ist and left a smooth gunned power meter user. I say left, but here I am.

      Mainly because I check in every now and then to see if Frank has given me my fucking mens olympic road race winners rings yet.

      I bet he still hasnt.

      Oh, and go fuck yourself, road.cc

    • @dinosaurJR

      I like all of the words in this post.

    • @RobSandy

      I dont know, if the Velominati want more bums on seats, maybe this place should start reviewing bikes and give EVERY ONE if them 4.5/5… or maybe start a devicive “close pass of the day” feature?

      Jesus, the hack that came up with that deserves a Pulitzer. Up side the head. Then inserted in their small intestine.

    • @ChrisO @JohnB

      Only got back just now from hols, which means I can type using a normal keyboard, but been following the discussion on “withering site” and can see some of what has been mentioned, particularly about gear not being delivered (waiting for 8 months now). Anyhoo, maybe the Keepers should appoint new pretenders to the throne? With @Gianni stepping down and to be frank (no pun intended), some other keepers loudly absent (eg (@Winnipegcyclechick, although she still cycles but tweets nowadays), there’s a need for some fresh input, no?

      And track cycling is bad ass indeed; hope the weather holds so I can go train later today on the open track again.

    • @ChrisO

      i respect the idea that the Rules existed before the book. why not apply this logic to the site? things come and go. the core remains, it was there to begin with. the Rapha observation is remarkably succinct quality.

    • @KogaLover

      It is clear I have some catching up to do. @gianni Leaving the ‘V’? A girl takes some time off to convalesce and the world falls apart. Is this because I didn’t come and visit your Godforsaken island in the spring? Probably not. Regardless, I shall catch myself up and weigh in accordingly.

    • @Winnipeg CycleChick

      Hey, if there’s one thing I accomplished today, is getting you back to the site! I am still waiting for a picture of your de-stapled arm btw… Must say, glad to read that it has been improving; I did not see any scars on the Cima-Coppi plug you did.

    • @KogaLover

      If it’s true that chicks dig scars, I should have a full harem by now. It’s a doozy, but thankfully in a place that does not command much attention – unless you are behind me on a bike, in which case it is appropriately badass.

      I should also clarify my role on this site – while I have contributed and consider myself a devoted fan, I do not hold official Keeper status. I’ve had similar challenges keeping my own site going – it can be a thankless full-time job, and the pay is shit. Clearly we all need wealthy benefactors with an unnatural love of bikes and high tolerance for swearing.

    • @ChrisO

      Indeed, it’s a shame to have all this work go for nothing.

      There is space for at least three new Keepers. Anyone with the need to amuse and inform should write Frank and lobby for one of the positions. This site should continue to thrive and to do that it needs some new writers but Frank has always been in charge here so unless he wants it to happen, it won’t.

    • @Gianni

      Including the coding; until he changes it, you’re still a Keepers by dint of your orange V-Cog.

      Perhaps new Keeper are the way forward but there a some fundamentally broken things that need fixing first.

    • @chris

      Agreed Gianni – if it isn’t going to resume business as usual then a possible way forward is to become less of a fan club and more genuinely a community.

      There is still much goodwill and positivity to be tapped into and there are many talented people… plus @Chris too.

    • There is TONS of goodwill here, and it’ll be back, no doubt.

      I think I can date the start of “The Troubles” to when Frank grew a beard; what did he expect when a Keeper flagrantly broke Rule #50? That the universe wouldn’t react?

    • @ChrisO

      I don’t think that was a compliment, but being shallow I’ll take it as one.

    • @chris

      I could have used a winky emoji… maybe that would have brought @Frank back :-o

    • @davidlhill

      Would that be around the same time when he decided to wear a tie and a cardigan and hand over a certain book to Eddy M?


      I’d be interested in your view here; can you pls elaborate on difference between fanclub and community? Or rather, where do you think we are now more of a fanclub than a community?

    • @ChrisO

      And on the topic of internetnonsence, can we get rid of the “like-hand”? If you agree, pls like this post

    • @KogaLover

      Didn’t we decide we were a Movement a couple of years back? Cue replay of Alice’s Restaurant thread…..

    • Let’s not get too hung up on a label. Aren’t we defined by who we are not? road.cc, cyclingtips and and all the other sneering cunts?

      The beauty has always been the disparity and irreverence of the the people who either stick around or pass through.

      If we are going to stake a claim as to what we represent, I’ve always loved the strap line:

      because it doesn’t so much matter what we ride or how you ride (with the exception of recumbents and triathletes) but the fact that we give a shit about riding.

    • @KogaLover

      The likey likey button has never worked for me so I’ll give it a dollop of nipple lube.

    • @ChrisO

      Hear, hear!

    • @ChrisO @Chris

      Thanks for explaining, so I am definitely not the fan but rather the communist.

    • @KogaLover

      Well as long as this place doesn’t stray into Animal Farm territory, then we’re good.

    • @Ccos

      Four wheels good, two wheels better.


    1. Aru
    2. Froome
    3. Quintana
    4. Porte
    5. Bardet
  • VSP PICKS (2nd Rest Day Swaps):

    1. Cuntana
    2. Nibs
    3. Pinot Gris
    4. Landa The Free
    5. Kruiser
  • @dancollins

    Shit, that’s fucked up. I’ll get onto it (ie get Frank onto it).

  • WTF? Who starts a Grand Tour on a fucking Friday?!


    1. Don’t Dream It’s Over
    2. Hungry Like The Wolf
    3. Bad Shit
    4. Killer Kowalski
    5. Henry Mancini Albasini

    1. AVDB
    2. ELB
    3. AVV
    4. PFP
    5. I met her Parents
  • As long as no cunt picks their bike up at the finish…


    1. One more Tom with feeling
    2. Sagwagon
    3. 3bar Stybar
    4. Matty
    5. GVA

    1. One more Tom with feeling
    2. S
  • Brett commented on the post, Monumental Disrespect 1 year, 10 months ago · 

    Geez, ya go away for a couple of months and the whole place loses its sense of humour.

  • Brett commented on the post, Monumental Disrespect 1 year, 10 months ago · 


    I actually checked the UCI rules… this shit is allowed. But so were Spinacis, so there’s hope yet.

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