The Dark Side

Spinal Tap Black
Spinal Tap Black

White is a troublesome color; hard to keep clean. I have a white dress shirt that I never wear because even if I manage not to spill on the front of it, the cuffs and collar will look crap by the end of the day regardless. I mean, I can keep from eating something all day, but I can’t keep from drinking coffee or wine, and before very long some of it is going on the shirt, right were people check out my man-boobs.

I can’t keep my dress clothes clean, the ones I wear to my office. That’s a clean business, going to the office. And Cycling is a dirty business, even on sunny days there is a road grit and chain grease to contend with. And our feet and hands get the worst of it. Who in their right mind would ride with white socks and bar tape?

In my younger days, I started a website called ControlFreak, for which the tagline was “a term used by lazy people to describe someone with standards.” Obviously my writing skills had some room to grow and I was also too young to understand the practical complications of having things like “standards”. Nevertheless, I am proud of the sentiment. It was a first (malnourished) seed of Velominati; its uncompromising attitude built a fiber of the vein that runs through our heritage in this community. In the ControlFreak sensibility, white socks and bar tape are for those of us with standards of cleanliness; they are for the aesthetic steadfast who are willing to invest both the time and inventory to maintain a matching set of curtains and drapes. Black is for those who are too lazy to keep a clean house.

My Number #1 has always had white bars. The other bikes can have black tape because white bar tape is for leaders; Bike #1 is Alpha, the others are Beta – no matter how much I love them.

So why is it that I have been attracted by the blackness of my handlebars every time I unwrap the tape from them? I’m not talking about the Betas, I’m talking about my Alpha: my Veloforma Strada iR. It was a time of turmoil, maybe. Perhaps some unrest in the Force, where the Dark Side grew in strength. Or maybe I enjoyed too many Recovery Ales that day. The event was too long ago and too poorly documented for anyone to be certain, but the fact is, I wrapped Bike #1’s bars in black tap.

Let me say that again in a separate paragraph: I wrapped Bike #1’s bars in black tap.

No one else. Not the guy down the shop because he didn’t have anything else. Not the VMH. Not my sister. Me.

And I loved it.

The bike was so stealth I felt like I was riding a Sith. Actually, maybe not – I don’t think a Sith would stand for that sort of thing. Maybe I felt like I was riding a Sith Speeder.

But something was missing. I didn’t feel right. I felt a few centimeters off-center, so one night I picked up a new roll of fizik microtex and rewrapped the bars in white.

It felt good to go back, like taking a shower after a long camping trip. Or brushing your teeth after a night on the piss. There was something visceral about it. I brought the bike up to the bedroom and leaned her (gently) against the wall so I could gaze at her as I fell asleep. It felt good to know I had come back to my center. I had come back to expecting more of myself. I would keep my bar tape clean.

Darth Sidious said, “If one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects.”

Just because he’s a jerk doesn’t mean he’s wrong. Just so long as we find our way back to The Path.

That night, I slept soundly.

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184 Replies to “The Dark Side”

  1. Well @frank, I think you’ve settled the endless internal debate I’ve been having over which color tape I’ll put on my Strada iR. That looks incredibly sharp, and like it should be flying at 70,000 feet over the North Korea taking pictures or something.

    My father, who has been a cyclist since Moses wore short pants, refuses to use black tape. He says that every time he has crashed or been crashed into he has had black tape on his bars. He insists black bar tape possesses some kind of bad juju. Up until now, I have humored his superstition, but no longer.

  2. Which Fizik tape is it that cleans up so well?

    I tried the white Performance Tacky Touch, and I thought it was a shit show–could not keep it clean. Apparently I chose the wrong product?

  3. @RedRanger

    Is that thin? Minimalist?

    I have to ride a lot of chipseal, and I like riding sans gloves when temps allow.

  4. @PeakInTwoYears yeah its thin with no padding. I prefer the padding to be in my gloves personally. plus I prefer riding with gloves cause my hands are my livelihood in a way.

  5. I’ve tried white bar tape.  I can’t do it – I would have to replace that shit weekly to keep it looking trim, and I’ve got better things to spend my money on than bar tape.

    Black, black, black for me.  I’m a fan of the stealthy Death Star aesthetic, anyway.

  6. @RedRanger my method is to have a layer of old-school cloth tape on first, then the fizik microtex over the top. Not as thick as double taping, but just enough extra to feel like I don’t need gloves (75% of the year I go without).

  7. @Mikael Liddy

    @RedRanger my method is to have a layer of old-school cloth tape on first, then the fi’zi:k microtex over the top. Not as thick as double taping, but just enough extra to feel like I don’t need gloves (75% of the year I go without).

    So, yeah, here’s my question: which Fizik microtex tape? It looks like most/all of their bar tape lines are described as being made of “microtex.”

  8. @PeakInTwoYears might be the Performance Soft Touch…

    Thing that really annoys me about this set up? That the guy I bought it off opted for weight savings on the stem instead of keeping the black & red 3T theme running between seatpost, stem & bars.

  9. A bright yellow frame with orange accents, set off by black saddle, bars, and tape.  A near perfect combo…

  10. That drop on Frank’s bike is so steep it makes me dizzy.  Black is lazy.  Lazy is good.

  11. @Mikael Liddy Ive gone sans gloves. problem is that if I ruin my hands with road rash I cant do my job. at least not comfortably.

    PS I am not a surgeon.

  12. @teleguy57

    @Nate

    A frame with a rad color scheme and non distracting black tape is more interesting.

    Indeed. And tape and saddle both black is the way it should be done (unless you have both tape and saddle white:))

    Curious if you considered tried white/white given the white central sections of the tubes?

    Have not tried white-white. I think it would look a little busy.

  13. My #1 went back to the dark side this summer after a couple years with white tape and saddle. No problem keeping the tape clean, but two different saddles turned a yellow/brown totally resistant to the harshest cleaners and solvents. It was only after a furious all-black rebuild that I realized the staining resulted from leaning her near raw red cedar. That shit off-gasses a nasty tannin-laden oil that keeps moths away from wool jerseys and turns white leather urine-hued. (I keep white tie and tails on the vintage steel for formal occasions, but she stays out of the sauna.)

    Oh, and a couple layers of hockey tape under the bar tape. It adds a modicum of cushion and whole lot of friction/adhesion so your wrap will never creep. Yes, I am Canadian.

  14. @PeakInTwoYears

    @Mikael Liddy

    @RedRanger my method is to have a layer of old-school cloth tape on first, then the fi’zi:k microtex over the top. Not as thick as double taping, but just enough extra to feel like I don’t need gloves (75% of the year I go without).

    So, yeah, here’s my question: which fi’zi:k microtex tape? It looks like most/all of their bar tape lines are described as being made of “microtex.”

    Yep, Performance Soft Touch is the tits…

  15. @DragoRosso

    @pistard explain? Please excuse my ignorance.

    The huge spacer under the stem. Just kind of screams at me. Not a stack of spacers, more a custom weak link.

  16. @DragoRosso

    That’s a very nice bike – and a great photo: the disappearing horizontal lines on the fence(?) make it look as if the stationary bike is approaching warp speed all by itself. Well done.

  17. None more stealth than double black (forgive the mismatching bidons).

    Also, this may look completely tits, it takes stupid long to wrap, is hard to to nicely in the corners, and all the various edges of the tape curl up easily. On the plus side, you’ve got a bar wrap that is only awesome to those who look closely and who know what a complete bitch it is. And it’s effectively double layer, which means it’s more comfortable than a single wrap.

  18. If you have a full time job, three children and a husband who sometimes wants some attention as well, you go for black.

  19. @baughnp

    Orange on white. Too much white and black on frame.

    Nice.  There is too much black on black in the world  (my bike included), followed by white on black.  Your orange is a classy touch  – half of which disapears until you stand on the pegs.

  20. My #1 (and only, so far) came with white. I liked it for about a month and then they were beige. After a soggy ride at the beginning of the week they’re an unflattering gray. I have neither the means nor time to rewrap my bars monthly, so I’ll be switching to black.

    I like black anyway. It’s sophisticated and perhaps maybe a little evil. I went for a ride several years ago when Lycra was new to me and the fact that it could Look Fantastic and not be purely functional was a foreign concept. I saw a guy just screaming down a hill on a black bike, black kit, black helmet, black tape, black gloves, black shades. @Frank isn’t the only one who draws a comparison to cyclists and Sith lords. I though to myself “I just saw Darth Vader!”

  21. The young lady in the house wanted white bar tape and saddle on her race bike. I gotta say, it’s a pain in the a** to keep up. I have yet to find a good way to clean the tape. Maybe they’re only this white once, and that’s after you put it on and before ya ride:

    I’ve discussed w/her going w/silver tape. Maybe she already inherently knows white’s for leaders… ?? (I’ll admit to being clueless about that – until now) And she’ll say not approve of the switch. I’ll gladly swap it out though if she’s okay with it.

  22. @RVester

    None more stealth than double black (forgive the mismatching bidons).

    Also, this may look completely tits, it takes stupid long to wrap, is hard to to nicely in the corners, and all the various edges of the tape curl up easily. On the plus side, you’ve got a bar wrap that is only awesome to those who look closely and who know what a complete bitch it is. And it’s effectively double layer, which means it’s more comfortable than a single wrap.

    Oh that is cool. Very. Cheers

  23. @slatanic

    White bar tape, the cognoscenti‘s

    choice….

    I spy Campagnolo Delta brakes – and that is definitely Peter Winnen (yet another awesome Dutch guy…) Oli, Wiscot and other people in the know: where and when was this photo taken, y’think?

  24. Thanks, just curious. This isn’t my house to set on fire. Carry on.

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