Look Pro: Keep a Lid on It
Cycling has been suffering a crisis every since the use of a helmet became compulsory. This crisis is rooted in the simple fact that cycling peaked aesthetically with the cycling cap perched casually deliberate atop a sweaty cranium. It was only after mandatory helmet dictum spread its tentacles into all UCI-sanctioned races in 2003 that helmet manufacturers began taking helmet design seriously.
To be clear, I am a helmet advocate. I never leave home without mine, and no Cyclist shall ever be allowed to start a Cogal without perching one on their noggin. But I do this in the knowledge that I look less Fantastic that if I were rolling out in a classic cotton Cycling Cap.
Specialized was the first to make inroads into building a stylish helmet with the Sub-Six. The fact that every other helmet was a hollowed-out bowling ball didn’t matter very much because no one wore them outside Belgium, and even there, they were permitted to wear the second-coolest piece of headgear, the Hairnet. Giro made some inroads with their Air Attack series, but progress was generally at a standstill until the hardshell became mandatory after the tragic death of Andrey Kivilev in Paris-Nice in 2003.
The issue of the helmet has also been compounded by the fact that most continental Pros had no clue how to wear a helmet, given that they spent most of their lives not wearing one. When asked to, they often suffered from Toad Head and other anomalies commonly encountered when violating the Three-Point System.
Helmets are a necessary evil which are improving in style, but they are all uglier than the hallowed Cycling Cap. When wearing a helmet, keep the following points in mind.
- Keep the front low to the eyes. Forehead exposure must be limited to 1-2 cm at all times. As always, the Three-Point System is your guide.
- Keep the chin strap snug, but not too tight; you need to be able to move your mouth sufficiently in order to allow for the inhaling of wasps.
- Helmets look even worse without shades; they must be accompanied by cycling-specific eyewear at all times. If they are not in use over the eyes, they must be tucked in the helmet vents.
- Helmets are under no circumstances to resemble that of one worn in other sports such as hockey or rock climbing.
- If, at any point, you find yourself reaching for the same helmet as the hipster who arrived at the LBS aboard a fixie, reconsider your life because you are off the path.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/[email protected]/helmets/”/]
@Marcus Seriously, that’s as bad as @roadslave crushing it on KT2012.
@wiscot
You’re confusing Rule #37 with the Three-Point System. Totally different animals. And, while both would be wrong, both are independently violable.
Kelly was the classic example of the Pro who could not transition between hairnet and helmet. We bought the rights for two photos in The Rules just to demonstrate this very notion.
And indeed, Brancale was the culprit.
Here are some unlicensed photos to demonstrate his radness.
Hairnet:
Cap:
Birancale
@mcsqueak
Let Merckx Armstrong your soul for that offense.
@Bill Chris
@V-V Cogal Attendees
What was the equation we came up with this weekend? I cooked the brain cells that were storing that info. Either way, @Bill Chris, you are onto it.
@Paul Gissing
Ah, the classic PWNer…terrified of sun, embraces the rain. Strong work, mate. Nick, on the V-V, rode a cap to FR99, almost halfway up the climb to St. Helens. It was like 35 degrees. Celsius*.
*Figures may be innacurate due to lack of equipment to validate and natural inclination to exaggerate. We also rode 325km.
I wear a lid when I’m cycling, if I’m merely riding a bike to the shops, to the station etc I don’t. That deals with any criticism of Frank forgetting his Dutch roots. There’s really little need for a helmet when riding a big heavy simple dutch bike for utility purposes. But you’ll see the dutch with lids if they’re clipped in (though the French don’t seem to like them form my short sampling of Badger country this month- on which I can recommend the roads around St Brieuc if you like steeply rolling countryside)
Could I get a clarification on Rule #16 from a Sensei please?
Although I strictly adhere to Rule #16 and respect the jersey, does Rule #16 apply to caps when worn under my helmet?
I want to wear one of my various team caps but do not want to be in breach of Rule #16 which although it applies to the jersey, the spirit of the rule could be extended to caps.
The lead photo reminded me that I saw someone wearing one of these the other day, I saw the Mapei colours from a distance but only noticed the difference up close.
I personally wouldn’t wear it but there are a few other jerseys made by Milltag that are quite nice http://milltag.cc/shop
@Gianni
This guy rules….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsQTURsMPms
As an anesthesiologist at a major trauma hospital, let me assure you all that your skull doesn’t care if you were riding a crit or going milk pick up milk. I’ve never seen a battle of car vs unhelmeted cyclist end with a cyclist victory. not to get to real, but I’ve never dreamt of uttering “but he was only getting groceries!” to a crying wife.
Wear a helmet.
@Brian
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsQTURsMPms
@brianparker77
another
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G68XGDq0Ka0
@Gianni
I watched the uncut, 5 or 6 hour long German TV version of this movie about two years ago all in one go. Man, what a movie! Fuck’in blew me away and I was crushed for about two days following the marathon viewing of it. A true must see.
@frank
Frank, I’d strongly recommend not looking into “tiagra-gate” It’ll only raise your blood pressure..
@Marcus
FUCK’IN Ludo Dierckxsens!!! Talk about your throw back cyclists! Guy is just awesome! Watching him hammering out those P-R’s with Hincapie and Museeuw back in the late ’90’s/early 2000’s just blows me away! Just hardcore! But, for the helmet, we are missing the back piece on that helmet that he always wore. Not sure what it’s purpose was?
@frank
I always felt like Contador was one of the few allowed to break this rule. Hanging the shades on the back collar of the jersey is a douche look, but being a personality who has fully embraced his inner douche, it fits the character.
@wiscot
Or alternatively, so thoroughly crush your spirit that you’ll want to shut down the site or sell the rights and content on to Road Bike Review. Same same.
@Andre the Fish
Yes.
@Cantona
Seriously?
We’re going to do this again? There are only so many pictures of the Assos girl on the Internet.
Tell you what; If, and only if, you can find new pictures of her – never before posted on Velominati and send them – to me;
Then, and only upon receipt of said photos, may you have your precious helmet debate – version 4.0.
@mouse
haha. Fair play. No debate here.
(just wear one – or tattoo something on your forehead so that I don’t have to spend the night shitting myself trying to keep you alive).
There. I’m done. Purged.
@frank
Was it something like (w*2) * (n+1) + 1, where w = wheels ?
If I’m misdismembering that, it’s because I was approaching drunkness at the time. If I’m right, it’s because I didn’t climb hard enough on Sunday.
@scaler911
The Trailer Park Boys. Canada’s finest comedy show since The Kids in the Hall.
@frank
Reminds me of this dude I saw at the end of the KCIBR. He had ridden a good portion of the race in bibs only and had the best bib sunburn I’ve ever seen. Well, it was the only bib sunburn I’d ever seen. I should have taken a picture.
@Cantona
You anesthesiologists are all just insane. (love, your friendly anesthesia technician/ technologist; scaler911).
@frank
Of course, as fugly as Kelly’s Brancale was, it didn’t stop him from one of the best winning moves in a classic – EVER! His descent of the Poggio is the stuff of legend and the look on poor wee Moreno’s face as he knew who had caught him (and as going to beat him) was priceless. The groan of the crowd was incredible too.
Agreed, but then again, Giro has a real let down with the recent Air Air attack helmet and even worse yet, the Reverb. Wow, maybe some like it, but for me, I’ll stick to the Bell Volt
And, I must admit, there is nothing better than donning the cycling cap, in fall, and heading out into the setting sun with the bill of the cap doing exactly as it is purposed for, keeping the sun out of your eyes.
@scaler911
as if an anaesthetist has ever spoken to a patient or their family (other than to check they are asleep).
@PeakInTwoYears
I went from this
to this
Thank Merkcx for this site…
@Marcus
Ha!
I went for a little spin near my house yesterday. Idaho sucks in that we have to ride in what we call the American Dolomites. Note the La Vie Claire cycling cap (I ride a LOOK) and the Euro switchback in the background.
@Cyclops
I’ve seen your Strava posts. I didn’t know there were hills there.
@scaler911
Bitch.
@Cyclops
How do you build such beautiful bikes with such sausage-like fingers?
And seriously, that’s Idaho? Wow! Is that road paved or gravel? It’s had to tell. Whatever, that’s some real purty country you got there.
Regression
http://www.cyclingnews.com/features/photos/giros-rob-wesson-talks-aero-helmets/268425
@wiscot
It’s purdy country if’n you like white supremacists and po-tat-toes.
Just in case folks need a refresher on the does and don’ts of how to wear sunglasses with a helmet.
http://www.cyclingmaven.com/how-not-to-wear-your-sunglasses/
@scaler911
Ah I see my misunderstanding – its Race Leader or Race Winner jersey (and therefore cap) where I was thinking about a team cap. Thanks @scaler911
Note to self. Learn the rules properly fucktard
@Buck Rogers
Buck, I was trapped in Kiel Germany for a few weeks and toured a WWII U-Boat. One, it was some cramped scary mofo and two, it took all my self-control not to be using all my Das Boot german while there.
@Souleur
Agreed. And, for the first time since 1993, I find myself liking a Specialized product – if the Evade takes my shades in the front vents, I may be picking one of these up.
@Marcus
that hurt!
@meursault
You’re welcome. And, the irony that those helmets are called “nutcase” is not lost on me.
@Cyclops
Is that the climb to Grand Targhee?
@scaler911
Bless you, that really made me laugh.
@scaler911
And guns. You gotta be down with guns. And not too crazy about people none, neither.
@Gianni
Read another uboat book called Iron Coffins by an ex Captain. Fascinating read and as good as Das Boot. Probably due to Enigma being cracked, but those things were death traps.
@frank
Ha.That cracks me up.Cheers.
See you at the Cogal-someday, someplace.
@Gianni
Alaaaaaaaaarm!
Any advice for adjusting shades so that they stay tucked into helmet vents?
When I first got my black Propero II life was perfect: the shoes matched the socks, matched the bike, matched the tires, matched the seat, matched the kit, matched the bar tape, matched the helmet, black, black, black….ahhhh… I get shudder just thinking about the beauty of it. Slowly my shades, Half Jackets, began slipping from the vents. At first just when dropping my head in exhaustion, then while peaking under my elbow, and now they come unseated at every bump, twist, and turn. I am forced to at all times wear them over my eyes, because I refuse the disgrace of slipping an ear piece between my neck and jersey.
@frank
Sounds awfully like Mintlaw
@wiscot
That’s a thumb lame-brain. Paved and butter smoof.
@frank
Yes. We even got a little Rule #9 toward the top. And what made it more sublime was that I was riding with a Cat 3 from Texas (elevation 190m) who was not yet acclimated to the 2500m elevation so it was nice to be on the dishing out end of the climbing suffering for once.
@El Cannon
Exactly the same thing with my Jawbones and new Giro – exactly the same as the recently mangled one but the Oakleys just won’t go in.
On a related shades note – my daughter pointed out whilst we were in the Pyrenees how she’d managed to get my perfect kit matching red and black Jawbones for such a reasonable price. It says “Livestrong” on the inside of the earpieces – I swear I hadn’t noticed until she showed me but what can I do?