New Rule: 52 (Plus a Guest Reverence)

Things are about to get serious…

With the writing of our first book supposedly well underway (but in reality being discussed ad-nauseum in the Boardroom rather than actually committed to text), The Rules have at least been getting some form of attention from The Keepers. When deciding which Rules each of us were to curate, no-one really had much idea what exactly was in there; ask me what Rule #64 is, and I’m giving you a blank stare.

So a list was drawn up, and we found some deadwood hiding away, dry and rotten and ready to be tossed into the fiery cauldron atop Mt Velomis. Yep, time for a burnin’. We get a good number of suggestions for new Rules weekly, some are pure gold, some warrant a sternly-worded rebuttal, but all are usually forgotten quickly as we are just too damned useless to actually commit them to the Canon Of Cycling Etiquette. Which is why this one comes from within our ranks; it’s easier than looking back through dozens of old emails.

Without further ado, we present the newest Rule, slotting in at #52, replacing one that if any of you can recall what it was, then you deserve accolades (or sympathy) for committing such nonsense to memory.

Rule #52 // Drink in Moderation.

Bidons are to be small in size. 500ml maximum, no extra large vessels are to be seen on one’s machine. Two cages can be mounted, but only one bidon on rides under two hours is to be employed. Said solo bidon must be placed in the downtube cage only. You may only ride with a bidon in the rear cage if you have a front bidon, or you just handed your front bidon to a fan at the roadside and you are too busy crushing everyone to move it forward until you take your next drink. Bidons should match each other and preferably your bike and/or kit. The obvious exception is the classic Coca-Cola bidon which by default matches any bike and/or kit due to its heritage. Coca-Cola should only be consumed flat and near the end of a long ride or all-day solo breakaway on the roads of France.

There you have it. Let the discussions/arguments/bitching begin.

In the meantime, nutcase Aussie/esteemed community member @harminator gives us his take on the humble (and definitely small) bidon.

Yours in Cycling,

Brett

REVERENCE: THE BIDON.

The history of cycling is punctuated by technological advancement. Some developments come in giant leaps while others evolve more slowly. Either way, the march of progress is well resourced and never tires. It seems like every second week there’s a new gadget, composite material or design innovation which is absolutely necessary. I mean who could possibly continue to exist without a laser-etched, co2-filled tyre lever forged from West Flandrian unobtanium. Right?

The bidon is the forgotten cousin in the technology family. Back in the day, transporting water away from its source was pure genius. We take it for granted now, but it’s the bidon that makes endurance bike riding possible. Without it we’d be limited to riding around tracks, beside streams or from the billabong to the waterhole. Just imagine the indignity of Moser slurping from a puddle Bear Grylls-style, or a Grand Tour with Evian mountain-top drinks breaks?

But for me, the real fascination of the bidon lies with two paradoxes. Regardez-vous:

The first relates to value. On the surface they seem absolutely critical. The team necessarily commits a couple of riders to work all day on the bottles: Drop back to the car, cram one in every available jersey space, toil back up to the bunch, distribute, repeat. But the bidon itself is worthless in comparison to its contents. To the Pro, it’s a glorified bar wrapper. Drink then discard. For the average Velominatus Budgetatus, the decadence is exhilarating. I can only imagine the moment in a young Pro’s life when he first gets to fling an empty to the side of the road. There must be no clearer sign that you’ve hit the big time.

Further, when the bidon gets tossed aside, it becomes infinitely valuable again. Spectators who go nuts for all the crap thrown out by the caravan have been known to trample their own ailing Grandmothers for the things. They salute as if they’ve won the fucking Stage when they souvenir a grotty piece of cheap plastic dripping with Belgian Toothpaste. In the world of the bike race spectator, the bidon is the ducks nuts.

The second paradox centres on its use. The bidon has become part of the glorious realm of cycling gamesmanship. A rider’s use of the bidon should not give anything away about his or her level of suffering. Many of us have felt the total demoralisation of inhaling wasps, trying to hold on to the group, when the rider in front takes a drink as if they’re sipping a Mojito by the pool. Don’t get played. It’s a standard show of strength and often all bluff. The bottle is probably empty. Conversely, if you’re about to expire from dehydration, it’s critical not to show it by guzzling lustily. You might as well announce that you’re suffering badly and that now would be a good time to attack.

In the world of the amateur group ride, the bidon can be a measuring stick for rider competency. You can tell a lot about a rider by the way they take a drink. When the new guy in the group keeps his eyes ahead, makes a clean pickup, drinks modestly, and re-cages surely, all the while observing Rule #59, you know they’ve got their shit together. But if they throw an empty to the side of the road, prepare to hang tough – things are be about to get very messy.

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/[email protected]/bidons/”/]

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300 Replies to “New Rule: 52 (Plus a Guest Reverence)”

  1. In before the obvious objections to the one bidon under two hours nonsense. In some conditions, you just need more. 

    What, exactly, is the basis of not drinking too much? I really want to hear this one…

  2. Whilst more relevant then it’s predecessor (my body armour has hung unused for a year and a bit), I’m not entirely convinced by the 500ml limitation. Petit bidons may look the business on the bike, but when you’re soloing an imperial century you can’t beat a pair of 750ml big dogs and removing the need to stop for a top up. For those of us without the luxury of a DS’ car and bottle runners, there is no other way.

  3. @harminator

    Nicely put. Despite a limitless supply of team bidons and an overwhelming desire to fling one into the verge before putting my mates to the sword, I have to remember that they are emblazoned with our obviously military logo – and it doesn’t do to have the armed forces littering. Thus I remain very much small time.

  4. @Blah

    What, exactly, is the basis of not drinking too much? I really want to hear this one…

    More room for hoppy recovery beverages when you finish?

  5. I call bullshit on this… come to where I cycle so I can watch you die.

    Pros use small bottles because they have a car full of more bottles following them, and probably someone to go back and get them.

    If you’re two hours away from the next water and the temperature is pushing 40C  you want two of the biggest damn receptacles you can fit between the tubes and still manage to get out of the cage. If chopping off my balls meant more room for bottles I’d be singing falsetto.

    I’m fine with the matching of bidons to kit, Coke bidons etc, that’s part of the image. But the size and number of bidons is going a bit literal. You might as well have a rule that we have to be followed by team cars and be capable of pushing out 5W/kg.

  6. Good reason: 750ml bottles (will call 750 a bottle) may eject more readily (we had one spinning and rolling in the road last weekend) and there was no incident that time. 500ml bidons look better in the jersey pocket too and are less likely to be dropped in the middle of the pack. One cage looks good (to me and peers) and cost is less (one cage). Second bidon is always in a jersey pocket.

  7. @Blah

    In before the obvious objections to the one bidon under two hours nonsense. In some conditions, you just need more.

    What, exactly, is the basis of not drinking too much? I really want to hear this one…

    Cramping?

  8. @mxlmax

    @Blah

    In before the obvious objections to the one bidon under two hours nonsense. In some conditions, you just need more.

    What, exactly, is the basis of not drinking too much? I really want to hear this one…

    Cramping?

    You cramp when you drink too much isotonic/electrolyte drink?

  9. @ChrisO

    You might as well have a rule that we have to be followed by team cars and be capable of pushing out 5W/kg.

    That’s one of the new rules,

    Rule #43 // Get with the Programme 

    Only then will you get a V-Team Car and develop 5W/KG

    In all seriousness though. I agree, horses for courses.

  10. @Blah

    @mxlmax

    @Blah

    In before the obvious objections to the one bidon under two hours nonsense. In some conditions, you just need more.

    What, exactly, is the basis of not drinking too much? I really want to hear this one…

    Cramping?

    You cramp when you drink too much isotonic/electrolyte drink?

    I only ever drink plain water. I was only joking about cramping.

  11. @ChrisO haha, my thoughts exactly. Southern Arizona is no place to be messing about when it comes to hydration. But I take this new rule with tongue firmly in cheek.

  12. While I agree that 500ml bidons look the business and matching your bidons to your bike/kit is a no brainer, It really doesn’t bother me too much to carry a larger vessel when the situation warrants it.  Said vessel, however, must be limited to a bidon – under no circumstances should a road rider been seen wearing a Camelbak.  If you need that much water, carry two bidons in your cages and a third in your center jersey pocket.  As for a lone bidon on all rides of less than two hours?   – Have fun with that in Arizona mid-summer.

  13. This rule is too much about the look. Why dehydrate yourself, or make too many stops just to look cool? Riding without having to stop is much cooler than stopping.

  14. I have two cages and two 750 bottles in them, sometimes only water, sometimes some random hydration drink I mix at 50% called Isostar that I buy at the local Delhaize.  It gives me the salt and sugar i need, it tastes good (at 50% of suggested mix) and it gives me the (probably psychological) energy to pass people on climbs.  I am not giving that up so I confess I am a deliberate rule violator.

  15. Coca-Cola is surely also only acceptable when it’s in one of those tiny wee cans you used to get on aeroplanes and is being passed to you by the team car?

  16. I fall in the middle on this one.  I only have one cage and only carry one bidon but it is a 750.  A compromise I’m willing to make on solo 160km rides as the temperature goes above 35C.

  17. The rule needs an exception for hot-as-hell climates and long rides, but the rule could be further tightened by stating that under no circumstances should bottle sizes be mixed.  Go for large/large or small/small, but a pox on you for doing large/small even when they match.

  18. Like itburns I am being very Swiss about this one, and going to sit on the fence for a bit. I am inclined to think the Bidon guidance should be a subject of Rule #91 to some extent.

    I have one cage and on rides of around 1 houror so it remains empty, longer rides I stick in a 1/2 l bidon and only for rides well in excess of 100km do I fit the rear cage.

    I totally sympathize with the various views from our desert South West brethern, whereas it is easy for us North European based folks to know that excessive heat and 20% humidity will rarely be an issue. Also, a convenience store or tumbling mountain stream is never far away.

    On the Scottish Cogal ride I used the rear cage to stash a jacket, not sure if this is allowed or not though.

  19. Sorry, but in the summer time, I’m carrying 2 bottles.  Out here in the desert, you really need 2.

  20. Two comments: First, my rain bike has a cage on the downtube and one on the handlebars, a situation unlikely to change because I like this setup. Second, I agree with many other commentators that long rides in warm conditions require more water than two bottles can deliver. In rural areas, where I do most of my riding, 100km gaps with no opportunities for a refill are common. My riding partners use camelbacks on these rides, and I’m not going to criticize them.

  21. The question you should all be asking is – Is it possible to look fantastic with 750ml bidons on ones bike?  I say it is, therefore sometimes I’ll follow this rule, sometimes I won’t, depending on the climate and length of ride.  Knickers untwisted.

  22. My 16 year old son just drank from the mountain streams on our ascent of the Tourmalet this July in 38C heat.

    Dehydration is not cool. No matter how col the bike looks, weaving all over the road and falling off is not a pro look. Take the drink you need to keep going. I’d rather take two 750ml bidons than stop to fill up. But,a Camelbak is just plain wrong, even if you’re a Schlecklet trying to achieve an average time trial time.

  23. Consider changing the wording from “rear mounted” to “seat tube mounted” as images of those rediculous seat rail mounted suppository hydration systems come to mind.

     Isn’t  the seat tube cage for carrying  puncture repair kit and avoiding both the EPMS and unsightly baggage from pockets anyhow?

     

  24. I try hard not to break the rules, I remove things from my bike which could be quite useful in isolated areas, I resist the temptation to use camelbaks when if anyone could justify them it would be me, and what do I get in return… retrospectively made into a rule-breaker.

    In light of this one-sided hatchet job I am stepping down as head of the Liestrong foundation (it’s just like Livestrong, but without the V) and renouncing my endorsements from the Golden Sands Shwarma Palace and Laundry to concentrate on   exposing the Keepers as the metaphorical white pussycats on Jonathan Vaughter’s lap.

  25. @ChrisO

    I call bullshit on this… come to where I cycle so I can watch you die.

    Pros use small bottles because they have a car full of more bottles following them, and probably someone to go back and get them.

    If you’re two hours away from the next water and the temperature is pushing 40C you want two of the biggest damn receptacles you can fit between the tubes and still manage to get out of the cage. If chopping off my balls meant more room for bottles I’d be singing falsetto.

    I’m fine with the matching of bidons to kit, Coke bidons etc, that’s part of the image. But the size and number of bidons is going a bit literal. You might as well have a rule that we have to be followed by team cars and be capable of pushing out 5W/kg.

    I agree, I knew as I read through, this new Rule of 5ooml bottle, and one only would get a rise outta the group faster than a keg of good Belgian brew

    that said, I believe there is a balance that should be brought to the table.  Sure, if your out for recovery, and on a shorter easier ride, look PRO and abide by the Rule as stated.

    But Ranger/Velovita/itburns all have a point that I have to follow, in the heat of the Ozarkian summers where its ~100 with 90% humiditiy, i challenge anyone to ride for more than 30″ per bottle, so if you grab 750ml bottles, your good for maybe 1 1/2 hr.   The aforementioned Rule must be tempered with a little of Merckx given common sense fella’s

    Conversely, the Rule does make the good point, dammitall, we are to look the part, and matching kits and bidons are a part of it, and nothing is more PRO than tossing the thing in the ditch when your done.  I simply never have as I have not one domestique bringin the next matching bottle as replacement. Which sucks.

    So, my swiss heritage also makes me straddle the fence, which leads to blood in the saddle

  26. I agree the two bidons for under two hours needs a validation for weather conditions permitting.

    @Blah

    What, exactly, is the basis of not drinking too much? I really want to hear this one…

    An athlete performs best when just slightly dehydrated…

  27. @Blah

    In before the obvious objections to the one bidon under two hours nonsense. In some conditions, you just need more.

    What, exactly, is the basis of not drinking too much? I really want to hear this one…

    Because you’re a pussy if you need more that one on a two hour ride.

    Next!

  28. In temps less than 30C and/or only 2 hours 1 bottle is the norm in Belgium. the other cage may hold the repair kit!

  29. @ironinthesoul I filled my three bidons in at lunch Luz Saint Sauveur, from the fountain in Bargeres and again from the tap at the mountain rescue place at the top end of the big car park at 1460m altitude. That was on a scorchio day as well. I was a bit knackered at that point.

    Two 500mm bottles wouldn’t have been enough for that ride, Luz Saint Sauveur (120km into the ride and I’d already gone up the Hautacam) was the first opportunity I’d had to fill up and I didn’t fill up again after the car park. By the time I got home I only needed to look at the first three beers for them to evaporate.

  30. @RedRanger

    @ChrisO haha, my thoughts exactly. Southern Arizona is no place to be messing about when it comes to hydration. But I take this new rule with tongue firmly in cheek.

    Well done, Pedalwan.

    Big bidons look shit. Small ones Look Fantastic. If you are pulling the usual “my environs are so demanding that Rules don’t apply” whingement, then at least have the sense to never photograph your bike as such.

    @Paco

    This rule is too much about the look. Why dehydrate yourself, or make too many stops just to look cool? Riding without having to stop is much cooler than stopping.

    I hate to break this to you, but you might be in the wrong place.

  31. Suggest a new Rule – or more accurately a Rule observance guideline. Yes, the Keepers understand that from time to time, some riders will break a Rule or two because of their personal situation. So:

    Rule breaks are a little like masturbation. Yes we understand you might do it – but don’t fucking tell us about it.

  32. when it’s 105 or higher in the middle of Texas summer and I’m employing Rule #9 (the Inordinately Hot clause) all worries of ‘looking cool’ go out the window, since I feel like a piece of bacon being fried in a tarmac skillet. two bottles, as big as I can get. I still have not made the leap to insulated bottles to keep drinks cold, but most of my riding buddies have.

  33. Additionally – it is best done where no one can see you and too much of it will make you go blind

  34. @farzani

    In temps less than 30C and/or only 2 hours 1 bottle is the norm in Belgium. the other cage may hold the repair kit!

    Joe Parkin has a comment about this in _Dog in a Hat._ He shows up to one of his first rides in Belgium after moving there from the colonies. He shows up with 2 bidons. The pro he’s riding with looks and say, “uhhh….you know we can stop and get more, right?” Was apparently the last time Joe showed with 2 bottles for a training ride.

  35. @strathlubnaig

    I totally sympathize with the various views from our desert South West brethern, whereas it is easy for us North European based folks to know that excessive heat and 20% humidity will rarely be an issue. Also, a convenience store or tumbling mountain stream is never far away.

    Seattle and Scotland share similarities in climate. In the Fall/Winter/Spring months, it isn’t uncommon for me to reach a point in the ride and notice I’ve left all the bidons at home and disregard it with a shrug provided the ride is under two hours…I’ll get home hardly having missed the bidon in the interim.

    In the summer months, I’ll motor through two bidons easily on a hot, hard 1.5 hour ride, so both will be coming along with me when the conditions require it.

    But I’ll say it again, fuck the big bidons. They are an atrocity.

  36. I am a total bidon Nazi when it comes to matching each other and the kit – when sporting the Eagle Rock Cycling kit I run the ERC bidons.  If I’m in the Simply Mac kit I run the SMr bidons.  When wearing V-Regalia I run the ERC bidons because they match my bike.  I will, however, throw myself on the Mercky Seat and beg forgiveness as to running over-sized bidons but in my defense the team bidons come in the size they come in so I have no control over it.

    I like the last paragraph of the Guest Reverence section of the article.  I think it is of the utmost importance that one be able to reach for and replace the bidon with out looking for it.  If you can’t casually slide the bidon back into place whilst keeping the head up/eyes forward and complying with Rule #59 then you need to get in the back before you start boobing around.

  37. @co-mo

    Two comments: First, my rain bike has a cage on the downtube and one on the handlebars, a situation unlikely to change because I like this setup.

    Is co-mo short for Fausto Coppi? If not, you’ll have to remove the bar-mounted cage, mister.

  38. @ChrisO

    In light of this one-sided hatchet job I am stepping down as head of the Liestrong foundation (it’s just like Livestrong, but without The V) and renouncing my endorsements from the Golden Sands Shwarma Palace and Laundry to concentrate on exposing the Keepers as the metaphorical white pussycats on Jonathan Vaughter’s lap.

    Exceptionally brilliant work! +1 badge goes to you matey.

  39. @Marcus

    Suggest a new Rule – or more accurately a Rule observance guideline. Yes, the Keepers understand that from time to time, some riders will break a Rule or two because of their personal situation. So:

    Rule breaks are a little like masturbation. Yes we understand you might do it – but don’t fucking tell us about it.

    @Marcus

    Additionally – it is best done where no one can see you and too much of it will make you go blind

    SPOT. FUCKING. ON.

    For anyone about to post another fucking whinge about their “special weather conditions” justification (seriously, we’ve fucking heard them all. It rains here, its hot here, there’s no water here, the planet I live on has three suns and no oceans) please refer back to this, henceforth to be referred to as The Masturbation Principle.

  40. So purely in the interests of research I am looking at some photos of a recent group ride of more than 4 hours and I realise out of the 6 folk there my bike is the only one with a single bidon (1/2 litre) which I admit to refilling at two thirds the way, and I also note the other riders all have 2 bidons of 3/4 litre size. Weather : 10 C damp to wet.

    So, I think we should go with the Belgian interpretation, otherwise I am in the wrong.

  41. Yeah, I’m lucky enough to live in a place where there is water available via fountains or stores, and it doesn’t get too hot (most of the time). Two small bottles on longer rides (and I know places where I can refill, but in my climate I can make two bottles last ~100kms if I need to) and one bottle on shorter rides, again because I can just refill it.

    All you desert people have my condolences.

  42. @farzani

    In temps less than 30C and/or only 2 hours 1 bottle is the norm in Belgium. the other cage may hold the repair kit!

    @eightzero

    @farzani

    In temps less than 30C and/or only 2 hours 1 bottle is the norm in Belgium. the other cage may hold the repair kit!

    Joe Parkin has a comment about this in _Dog in a Hat._ He shows up to one of his first rides in Belgium after moving there from the colonies. He shows up with 2 bidons. The pro he’s riding with looks and say, “uhhh….you know we can stop and get more, right?” Was apparently the last time Joe showed with 2 bottles for a training ride.

    @strathlubnaig

    So purely in the interests of research I am looking at some photos of a recent group ride of more than 4 hours and I realise out of the 6 folk there my bike is the only one with a single bidon (1/2 litre) which I admit to refilling at two thirds the way, and I also note the other riders all have 2 bidons of 3/4 litre size. Weather : 10 C damp to wet.

    So, I think we should go with the Belgian interpretation, otherwise I am in the wrong.

    I hereby withdraw my earlier assertion that the 1 bidon under two hours should be revised. Belgium being the holy land and the model of How To Do it Right, that is to be considered the Gold Standard. And further discussion of of this will be held only in the context of The Masturbation Principle.

  43. @mcsqueak

    Yeah, I’m lucky enough to live in a place where there is water available via fountains or stores, and it doesn’t get too hot (most of the time). Two small bottles on longer rides (and I know places where I can refill, but in my climate I can make two bottles last ~100kms if I need to) and one bottle on shorter rides, again because I can just refill it.

    All you desert people have my condolences.

    And where we live (THE PNW), carrying half the water weight on short hilly climbs is definitely mo bettah. In fact, I set my fastest times when I’m not carrying any bidons.

  44. While the early mornign bitchfest continues, I woul find it much easier to comply with bidon size and 3 point systems involving caps…if we had some fucking V-Bidons and V-Caps available for purchase. Think of them as the lube the creepy old uncle has in his desk drawer. Sure, you know why he bought it, but that doesn’t keep you from using it too.

     

  45. An argument over water bottles. I love this site!
    What’s next, the color of socks? Oh, wait.

  46. When I rode Grenoble-Alp d’Huez-Grenoble this fall I stopped at a cafe on the way home in Vizille and had a Coke. It was not flat but it was the best ever. It should be noted that Vizille is where the 1998 stage to Albertville which included the Col de la Madeline started. A classic battle between Pantani and Ullrich ensued, up and down the slopes of said Col. Ullrich won, of course.

  47. @Kyle

    An argument over water bottles. I love this site!
    What’s next, the color of socks? Oh, wait.

    White, duh.

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