Look Pro: The V Tenets of the Casually Deliberate
A Velominatus gives the impression of having been born on the bike; the connection between rider and machine is so deeply entrenched that one can hardly draw the line where one ends and the other begins. There is an air of relaxed precision that is part innate and part learned through countless hours devoted to the craft of riding a bicycle batshit fast.
A Pedalwan will be quick to seek emulation of this characteristic, and in the spirit of Rule #3, it is our duty to impart upon you the five tenets of the Casually Deliberate.
- First, it is crucial that under no circumstances do you permit yourself to smile. If you are about to win the Tour de France for the first time, it is acceptable to momentarily smirk but expect to be met with raised eyebrows by your peers should you allow this to occur. Also don’t scowl because no one likes a crabby pants.
- Casual people are cool people, and cool people wear shades. If it worked for Axl Rose, it can work for you. Also, sunglasses are handy for covering up any redness in your eyes that you got from crying through the end of Playing for Keeps.
- Leaning on extended limbs is a guaranteed way to impart an air of relaxation, a crucial element to being Casually Deliberate. This effect is heightened the faster you are going. When passing a slower rider, ensure you accelerate to a speed at least 10% faster and pass them while riding on the tops or hoods with elbows locked. They will have no choice but to be super impressed by the sound of your Awesome.
- Being Casually Deliberate means this isn’t your first rodeo. Whether laying it down in a corner, flatting out of the lead group, or crossing the line with no one else in the photo, act like you’ve been there before.
- If you have crashed and are bleeding, this is the perfect time to pretend like you hardly noticed. Especially if there are cute members of the opposite sex around. Save poking at your wound and whimpering for the privacy of a remote bathroom devoid of any surveillance equipment.
@frank
A good opportunity for a song lyric quiz. Get the reference, no Google, and I’ll buy you a pint next opportunity.*
“I made a big impression for a boy of my size.”
*Being Dutch is actually not an excuse to cheat for a free pint.
@ped
If we’re going to head into the deep end this early in the Northern Hemisphere off-season…there is an entire site of photos dedicated to tracking such things in the PRO peloton.
This is going to be embarrassing if no one else has seen this insanity. And, if so, I’ll blame it on a pal who emailed it to me. I still can’t figure out if it is a dude or a gal who runs it.
And also, screw hi-viz or YJA kit, I just gotta get some Riis’s kit for winter riding!
Bugno’s current hair – natural or a little Just for Men that he imported? Obviously Italian men are too vain to allow it to be stocked domestically.
Frank, what happens when a Genius encounters someone who actually knows something about computers? The Apple Store is a really fucked up place, at least for me.
@frank I’ve never loved a rider as I loved him, just Michele Bartoli was a bit close to him. Then I’ve never been a ‘tifoso’ anymore.
@frank
What’s funny about that “technique” is one of my long time teammates (and friend), figured out that I was doing it. So since we both use the same Garmin, he’ll unsnap his HRM, roll up next to me and see what MY heart rate is, then give me a ton of shit about it.
@Pedale.Forchetta
Would you please set this little punk @Ron straight about our boy Bugno and his awesome hair? I’m afraid what I might do to him, asking questions like that.
Bartoli was another who just oozed class and style. He inspired me to start experimenting with low bars! I owe him finding comfort on the bike!
@PeakInTwoYears
No clue, but when I googled it I got this. This is on you, my friend. Its all on you.
@Mike_P
I saw or heard a description, can’t remember where, of his style as being “like a spider making love to a light bulb”.
Meanwhile Quintana looks like he’s riding a bike with 750c wheels. Good style, but he’s dwarfed by his steed!
Double entendres about wood, Muppet and Incredibles clips, Christina Aguilera videos. Christ, it’s going to be a very long off season. How long till the Tour Down Under? Please tell me it’s next week.
@Al__S
Don’t get me wrong (many do). My comment on Quintana was tongue in cheek. @pedale.forcheta’s beautiful photo just catches him at a camera angle that plays tricks with us. Quintana oozes aVVesome.
@frank
So how did you manage to counteract the resultant pain from the increased neck flexion? I’m genuinely intrigued cos lower bars is definitely helping my back but fucking with my neck. Sorry if you’ve discussed it ad nauseum previously. Mail me if you’d rather.
@frank
So I don’t have to buy you a pint, and I don’t have to watch that video. Awesome.
(Oh, that was a reference to “Big Brown Eyes” on Wreck Your Life, the second album from Old 97’s, back in ’95 when they were good. The actual line went “You made a big impression for a girl of your size,” which is how I think of my VMH.)
Has this seen the light of day? That’s the sort of movie I might get weepy at towards the end of one of those hellish tourist class, 15 hour flights where no sleep happens and brain goes bad.
@Pedale.Forchetta Quintana looks badass in that photo. He is born for slopes like that. It’s great to see a Colombian at the front in Lombardia.
And yes. Bugno is still The Man.
@Gianni
What, you never heard of Ambien?
@scaler911
@DerHoggz Marine mammals live in the moment. (They told me.) So that makes sense.
@Lukas
You’d be no good in the walled community of Morning Wood then!
@ped
Nah, that’s just his syringe. Its nineteen-ninety-fucking-one, for Merckx sake.
@Gianni
Actually, I googled “romantic comedy” and this result include Gerald Butler, so it was the obvious choice.
Didn’t you and @Rob go by Gianni (you) and Bugno (Rob)?
Your stroke, though magnificent, is nowhere near as magnificent as his.
@PeakInTwoYears
They say that now – and a minute later the two-faced fuckers say something completely different.
@Marcus
Whoa, I leave for dinner and things just got really weird.
@scaler911
Damn it man. My body is a temple! A temple I pour espresso and and pale ale into on a regular basis. I need to start abusing some Ambien or Xanax for these long flights. Trouble is I’m too tall for those seats, massive skull unsupported, drugs might only make it worse. Lethal neck crimp.
How the hell am I supposed to look casually deliberate when I can’t find a f’ing jersey that fits me. maybe thats part of it? if your that good you don’t give shit.
@Marcus
Exactly.
I know I’m not supposed to talk about paddling, but last week while paddling I got mobbed by the fuckers, like several dozens of them, almost two miles off shore. Are they harmless, curious, friendly denizens of Mother Nature, or are they unpredictable 200-pound sons of bitches that might gather into a fucking mob and like to see me swimming in 45-degree water two miles from shore? I really didn’t know.
@PeakInTwoYears
You are allowed to talk about paddling – as long as it’s a surf ski. Down here there is definitely a hierarchlife the only world class paddlers we have are from surf lifesaving. Wave ski riders (“goat boats”) are generally despised (eventhough I do own one) and kayakers are just weird
When he was young… and me too!
@Ron Bugno hair are like the nose of Coppi or Bartali, something that you do not have to speak, ever. (joking)
@frank
Is it possible to decide which was more awesome, the Colnagos or the Mapei kit? Or, was the combination what really sent it all into orbit.
Is that a Concor saddle Bartoli was refusing to sit on? Really sharp Carrera there.
I shall never speak of Bugno’s hair again, Pedale & Frank. I do wonder though what it has done to the PRO peloton now that they can just slap a helmet on and don’t have to worry about pre-race hair stylin’. I guess with all that free time they can articulate the brim of their baseball caps…
@Pedale.Forchetta
Awesome pic! Never let an opportunity to show the Atala kit on these pages pass by! (to all the Atala haters out there: yeah, yeah, yeah, chain gang/prison uniform, blah, blah, blah. Still one of the greatest kits of all time).
Side notes: look how close the level of his bars and saddle are – almost even. Compare to Bartoli. Look how little seat post is showing relative to the length of the head tube. If you look at the pix Frank posted above you’ll see he went to a much smaller frame in the 90s.That decade saw a radical change in bike geometry and set up – smaller frames, compact geometry, huge height differential between saddle and bars. He’s in the inner ring which still looks massive. He runs his toe straps through the back of he pedal plate – the way it should be. He’s riding Ofmega – one of the crappiest gruppos ever made.
Discuss.
@wiscot
The board agrees.
Awesome analysis. All this is well and good, and I’ve wondered about this as well regarding the photo of Merckx at the start of the TT in the TDF; check out the drop in the bars. Sure, the tops were about level, but the drop to the drops us huge. That would have allowed an enormous change in position between the different hand locations.
On my road bike, My hands are at about the same height between the hoods and tops. The drops are not that far below. I mounted a pair of Merck bend TTT bars on my steel, and the levers sit in a spot about halfway between the tops and drops.
Interesting analysis of fit & bike set-up. Considering I’ve only been riding road bikes for a decade, always enjoy hearing from those of you who’ve been at it much longer.
Love that Bianchi, Frank! My stable wouldn’t feel completely unless I had at least one steel road bike with a quill stem. I’m okay without DT shifters though, as I have spent my entire road life on integrated shifters.
Gents, I find all of this “off season” discussion from yesterday to be highly disturbing. Might I suggest tights, wool, and judicious application of rules V and 9? Unless, of course, you live somewhere with permafrost. In that case might i suggest dog sledding as a more appropriate hobby?
@wiscot
You are so spot on. No need to debate here. No one was showing any seatpost back then. And young Bugno is wearing Marressi shoes, shoes so nice they made using toe-clips almost pleasurable.
Do we let Faboo off for that slightly open-mouthed grimace? He looks pretty casual otherwise, and it is Sagan chewing bartape behind him. Not sure the Europcar guy is, but he looks “super impressed by the sound of Faboo’s Awesome”
I think Vos does a pretty good casual deliberate, except for the “don’t smile when you win” thing. It’s hard to find pics, though – most seem to show her waving a flag, crossing a finish line.
@The Grande Fondue
Fabs is adhering to Point V on the original CashDel article. And yes, Damien is WAY impressed by the sound of Faboo’s Awesome. Aren’t we all though? I would give becoming a switch-hitter serious thought if I found out Fabian had a crush on me.
I think going phantom aero on a fucking MOUNTAIN BIKE scores plenty high on the Casually Deliberate scale to allow for a few smiles when crushing the souls of your competitors.
Par example:
Before.
After.
But as pertains to her proclivity to wearing white bibs. You might look like this before the race:
You’re still gonna look like this after the race:
(Top marks, though, for cleaning the legs and not sweating the kit.)
In retirement, though, does anybody look better than Bugno?
As one ages, the question becomes more pertinent.
@PeakInTwoYears I don’t know, have a look at the two guys flanking Lemond here. They’re in pretty good shape.
@Frank – Some Dude @ about 3min mark sharing birthday spoils with Big Mig prior to the days stage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYEkTtODKa4
Way too much smiling here to be Casually Deliberate but this photo made me laugh.
@frank
Sorry, going to have to repost these pics. That last one of Ms Vos is truly one o the greatest cycling pictures I’ve ever seen. My admiration for her knows no bounds . Where does the “no smile” talk come from? I read an interview where she said that even if she finishes 2nd or 3rd (a rare occurrence, admittedly) she smiles on the podium to show respect to the winner and not seem like a sore loser. That’s class. Also, the fact that as a world champ, she is sponging herself down with one foot in a bucket speaks volumes for her humble nature. And I think she’s wiping down with her socks by the looks of things. Sigh . . .
@frank
I think we’ve all learned something very telling about Frank here today.
Though, to be fair, I can’t say I blame him.
@Mikael Liddy
It’s true those are two handsome devils, and The Badger remains capable of controlling the podium in his own way. But Bugno rules on pure style. To see him exit a helo with his fantastic hair would make me start thinking like Frank thinks when he thinks of Fabian.
@Chris
This is a GREAT photo. What post-race is this?
@Buck Rogers
It is a great photo, but also highlights everything thats wrong with the new speed suits.
@wiscot
Very classy rider and a very classy move to be all smiles on the podium. Nothing wrong with smiling (I’m known to do a bit of that myself), but it is not Casually Deliberate.
For example. which of the three looks out of place?
Talk about Casually Deliberate, check out the cornering here.
@frank 300 meter mark forward looks amazingly V.
@frank
Great clip, we are lucky to see one of the greatest cyclist’s of ALL time, the chasing bunch were all looking around goin’ we’re only twelve how are we gonna beat her? The way she rides a bike is sublime, the power, skill and the sign of the truly great, the “time” she has in each moment is outstanding and no apologies for the repost above!
@frank
And here, Zdeněk Štybar uses his cyclocross skills to open up the line around a corner,
@Buck Rogers
It’s from this years British Road Championships in Glasgow, Cav took the win with Millar in third.
A soon as I’d hit submit post I realised I should have captioned it. “Dave and Mark think you’re all taking yourselves too seriously with this no smiling nonsense…”