Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2013

The Lion cooks up a helping of V-cakes for <a href=
Faboo after dishing out the hurt on Le Carrefour de l'Arbre" src="http://www.velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/photo-1-620x465.jpg" width="620" height="465" srcset="https://www.velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/photo-1-620x465.jpg 620w, https://www.velominati.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/photo-1-1024x768.jpg 1024w" sizes="(max-width: 620px) 100vw, 620px" /> The Lion cooks up a helping of V-cakes for Faboo after dishing out the hurt on Le Carrefour

It looks so easy on the television. Well, no, actually it looks pretty bloody hard. We think we have some understanding of how they suffer, how their bodies can take the continual beating. But we don’t really know. Not even by riding these abominations they call roads twice in the space of a few days can we understand the scale of the thing. Not even by witnessing firsthand a master of the cobbles effortlessly turning the cranks, cruising past us as if on a cushion of air by comparison to our bed of nails can we fully comprehend what it takes to ride these secteurs with any panache, style or speed.

While we witnessed a Roubaix masterclass from The Lion himself today, a new name could be added alongside his on the long list of legends on Sunday. Or it could be a former vainquer adding to an already impressive palmares. But as we’ve seen in the past, and even the past hours, luck plays as big a part as skill, talent and fitness in this most beautifully horrible race. And it plays an even bigger part in picking the top five in the VSP.

All you have to do is sit back and enjoy the spectacle. We’ll be doing the hard yards at the side of the roads of Troisvilles, the Troueé, and the Carrefour. Study the form guide, then throw it out. It’s no good to you here.

In the meantime here’s a look at a bunch of nobodies and a guru riding a secteur on today’s recon. The lesson comes at around 0.15.

[vsp_results id=”22968″/]

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347 Replies to “Velominati Super Prestige: Paris-Roubaix 2013”

  1. Asyax takes the prize! Well done. Jesus, what a race. I couldn’t do anything today until I could get home and watch this on dvr. Fabs is a tough monkey, Vanmarke too. I saw the banner in the forrest and Frank holding it at Carrefour. Nice job lads.

    [vsp_results id=”22968″]
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  2. OK, here is the VSP overall up to now. The generator requires copious amounts of Belgian beer and frites to deliver results.

    [vsp_gc]
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  3. muthafucka. I may have poured too much beer into it. If this doesn’t work now I’ve broken it, as usual. Frank will have to be woken up from his vomit encrusted rug to fix it.

    [vsp_gc]
    [/vsp_gc]

  4. @Gianni

    @$!%@&&?!!!! Not enough beer yet!!!

    1970 VSP G.C.

    Hey Gianni, you got there and with your usual panache and verve!! Thanks for all the good work on the VSP you and the Froönk are the Bomb!

  5. @Rob

    It dawned on me that a cure for the crowd idiots would be to truss them up on the front of a motor, a la Mad Max, you know, the poor shlubs who are the chained hooded hood ornaments for the psyco leader of the bad guys. Then next year use them as the crowd control to push back the other idiots…
    (sorry if this is not a good link..?)

    http://monetaryrealism.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/mad_max2.png

    Fantastic idea! One on each front corner. Install a new idiot when the first is worn through. Mad Max, it was all down hill for Mel Gibson from there.

  6. @Rob

    @Gianni
    My God!

    Maybe there is a whole new cycling Lexicon just to be created from Mad Max quotes?

    Could any race-ending crash now be referred to as the rider copping a saucepan in the throat?

    And in an interesting (or not) piece of trivia, I have done a fair amount of bike racing around Little River (outside of Melbourne) where most of Mad Max was filmed… As you would expect, it is a shithole.

  7. @Gianni – Well I am somewhat stunned to get the Cobblestone, and I hope to do it justice. Thanks to the Keepers and all who make this site what it is – also for the welcome into the fold. Really jealous of you guys being over there! Spotted the V-flag on the Carrefours @ 14.9km to go – felt the V-surge.

    What a great race and fantastic finish – my boys were somewhat perplexed as to why I was screaming into the box at 10.30 on a Sunday night – probably these didn’t help.

  8. @asyax

    @Gianni – Well I am somewhat stunned to get the Cobblestone, and I hope to do it justice. Thanks to the Keepers and all who make this site what it is – also for the welcome into the fold. Really jealous of you guys being over there! Spotted The V-flag on the Carrefours @ 14.9km to go – felt The V-surge.

    What a great race and fantastic finish – my boys were somewhat perplexed as to why I was screaming into the box at 10.30 on a Sunday night – probably these didn’t help.

    While you’ve got the cobble Scott can you make the link to the Cogal report work? It’s farked at my end.

  9. Thank you for putting so much effort into this.

    7 pts and 45th….AMAZING.

    As to the idiots around the course… They should be treated to a weekend in Mudgee, with my mother-in-law.  Oh..the horror!  Mudgee is bad…the end of the Earth..”beyond this point dragons dwell,” and they call the principal one “Hazel.”

    it’s no coincidence that my wife’s mother has the same name.  Bealzebub!

  10. It worked!  I have been using the principle that Van Avermaert has placed or been close on almost all the classics so far…..I just needed to get his position right for once (and spell his name correctly)!  10pts and my faith in Faboo undented.  I am going to have to stop backing Sky though, I should have known it was a train off the rails when I found out that rather than training on cobbles in the dead of winter they were going to Tennerife to smooth tarmac and balmy days in shorts!  G looks too tender and although Stannard looks strong I don’t think he is pepared well enough…

    Only problem is that I have heard Brad is targetting Liege so dare I not stick him in my VSP for that!?

  11. @Asyax

    @Daccordi Rider no, cant get through to cogal article either!

    I couldn’t get it to work either. I does come through in a feed reader though. I use Feedly and it was there loud and clear.

  12. @girl

    @Asyax

    @Daccordi Rider no, cant get through to cogal article either!

    I couldn’t get it to work either. I does come through in a feed reader though. I use Feedly and it was there loud and clear.

    It seems to get stuck in a feedback loop of some sort, I can’t get in to it, the PC just hangs then comes up with a loop error message…..this could be a good thing because I am meant to be doing some work!!!

  13. @Marcus

    And in an interesting (or not) piece of trivia, I have done a fair amount of bike racing around Little River (outside of Melbourne) where most of Mad Max was filmed… As you would expect, it is a shithole.

    Not sure why, but this was hilarious.

  14. Surprised that nobody commented on Gaudin’s rediculous and paintul to watch pedalling style. Hard to believe he can ride in the peloton with those knees sticking out like his bike is way too small.

  15. @El mateo

    Surprised that nobody commented on Gaudin’s rediculous and paintul to watch pedalling style. Hard to believe he can ride in the peloton with those knees sticking out like his bike is way too small.

    I’ve seen Escartin ride. Nothing shocks me anymore.

  16. Gutted for Stybar – bloody awesome ride up until them.

    Le Grand Faboo definitely has the motor back.

    Brilliant.

  17. @biggles

    @brett Stupid? Yes.

    Respectable? I think so too.

    It takes balls of steel to help in a Faboo-driven break, especially after the elbow-flick-attack. That man proved he is by far a badass.

    Stupid is in the eye of the beholder. It showed great heart for him to ride the race that way. To take turns at the front insured that they would stay away and basically cemented the possibility of him being one of only two riders that could win.

    I would take a second place ridden that way over a wheelsuck win any day, but that’s probably why I work a 9 – 5 job and have never won anything more than a Cat 4 race in my life.. so what do I know.

    At the end of the day I agree with biggles – Van Marcke earned my respect in spades.

  18. @Buck Rogers

    How about the crowd crashing this year? Tough to judge the fans I suppose if the riders are hugging the sides to avoid the cobbles but what about that super dumbass that was right in the middle of the pave trying to get a pic. Fucker should be ground into the road and banned from spectating all future races!

    Seriously?  Those ‘fans’ were insane!  Spartacus should have squashed them like he squashed the rest of the field.  What a display of power.  Otherworldly!  Vanmarcke has nothing to be ashamed of

  19. @Deakus

    I am going to have to stop backing Sky though, I should have known it was a train off the rails when I found out that rather than training on cobbles in the dead of winter they were going to Tennerife to smooth tarmac and balmy days in shorts! G looks too tender and although Stannard looks strong I don’t think he is pepared well enough…

    Only problem is that I have heard Brad is targetting Liege so dare I not stick him in my VSP for that!?

    Thinking the same about Sky, but the moment I do they’ll produce a result. They have riding to the numbers down to a T but the cobbles simply don’t work that way. Too many uncontrollables and how can you see the readout on the SRM head unit bouncing so much on the bars anyway? Got to follow my instincts though. I had Terpstra and van Avermaet in, out, in, out when deliberating my VSP picks but stuck with the Sky boys and their desire and ambition to do well on the cobbles.

  20. Looks like Sagan was a good boy today and gave the Flanders podium girl a big bouquet of flowers as a token of apology for “pinchgate.” Aww, the nice.

  21. @wiscot Yeah – a nice gesture, for sure.  Maybe he has learned his lesson.  His talent is unbelievable and I want o like him, then he goes and does something stupid.  Maybe he will be a bit more respectable in the future.

    As much as my man-crush on Faboo is, I must say I was severely disappointing in learning that he has never taken a shower in the Roubaix showers.  He has his own freaking stall!!!  WTF?

  22. @wiscot

    Looks like Sagan was a good boy today and gave the Flanders podium girl a big bouquet of flowers as a token of apology for “pinchgate.” Aww, the nice.

    Did you see the pic that Oli posted over on facebook?


    Got to love that!

  23. @Buck Rogers

    @wiscot

    Looks like Sagan was a good boy today and gave the Flanders podium girl a big bouquet of flowers as a token of apology for “pinchgate.” Aww, the nice.

    Did you see the pic that Oli posted over on facebook?


    Got to love that!

    Well Damn, that didn’t work!

     

    It’s a pic of a podium from a womens race with the third place woman grabbing the guy’s ass who is presenting the awards.  Pretty funny.

  24. Amazing finish…. Sagan pipped Gilbert at the line after leading the group over the last climb – impressive. Nearly a photo finish…no time for wheelies!

  25. Amazing finish is right. Damn, outkicking the World Champ at the line? Impressive! And, Gilbert had Van Avermaet to attack and soften Sagan. Plus Quick Step had a few dudes in the lead group, including Chavanel. Even when isolated, and even when having to fight off attacks and make split-second choices of what to chase down, Sagan still made it look pretty darn easy. He’s go not only legs, but good racing instincts. Amazing for sure.

  26. @Ron

    Amazing finish is right. Damn, outkicking the World Champ at the line? Impressive! And, Gilbert had Van Avermaet to attack and soften Sagan. Plus Quick Step had a few dudes in the lead group, including Chavanel. Even when isolated, and even when having to fight off attacks and make split-second choices of what to chase down, Sagan still made it look pretty darn easy. He’s go not only legs, but good racing instincts. Amazing for sure.

    Yeah, and he pulled like hell for a full 2 k before that sprint.  Dude is a force to be reckoned with this next week.

  27. @Buck Rogers

    @Ron

    Amazing finish is right. Damn, outkicking the World Champ at the line? Impressive! And, Gilbert had Van Avermaet to attack and soften Sagan. Plus Quick Step had a few dudes in the lead group, including Chavanel. Even when isolated, and even when having to fight off attacks and make split-second choices of what to chase down, Sagan still made it look pretty darn easy. He’s go not only legs, but good racing instincts. Amazing for sure.

    Yeah, and he pulled like hell for a full 2 k before that sprint. Dude is a force to be reckoned with this next week.

    Looked like Gilbert assumed Sagan was spent so went early assuming he would get a gap.  Definitely impressive riding from Sagan.

  28. Are we developing a bit of love for Zdenek Stybar on this site – I think I am – couple of our local heros tried to press him on a hill last year when he was training in Majorca, he rode with them for a bit, then they pushed him a little harder, at which he appeared to tire of them and absolutely roasted them on the next hill – these guys are top level amateurs over here, and said they’d never seen anyone shift so hard, way beyond a next level up

    Nice quote from Nys about him – “Zdenek perhaps lacks experience, but he can push his boundaries like no other,” Nys told Nieuwsblad. Lars Boom [former ‘cross star] is perhaps intrinsically more talented as a road racer, but I see Stybar as being up there, just because he’s a maniac,” he added.

    I like maniacs

  29. @Buck Rogers

    @Ron

    Amazing finish is right. Damn, outkicking the World Champ at the line? Impressive! And, Gilbert had Van Avermaet to attack and soften Sagan. Plus Quick Step had a few dudes in the lead group, including Chavanel. Even when isolated, and even when having to fight off attacks and make split-second choices of what to chase down, Sagan still made it look pretty darn easy. He’s go not only legs, but good racing instincts. Amazing for sure.

    Yeah, and he pulled like hell for a full 2 k before that sprint. Dude is a force to be reckoned with this next week.

    He’s finished 1st or 2nd in EVERY one day race that he’s lined up for so far this year. Dude’s a freakin’ stud for sure!

  30. @Mirko

    @El mateo

    Surprised that nobody commented on Gaudin’s rediculous and paintul to watch pedalling style. Hard to believe he can ride in the peloton with those knees sticking out like his bike is way too small.

    I’ve seen Escartin ride. Nothing shocks me anymore.

    YES.  I thought the exact same thing!

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