Categories: Accessories and GearLa Vie VelominatusLook ProRantings from the V-Bunker

Goldilocks Principle: The Golden Ratio

The Goldilocks Principle in full effect.

There is a disturbance in the V. I have felt it for some time, and I suspect many of you have as well. The matter has to do with the ever increasing length of bibshorts and socks, approaching the knee like two lionesses stalking their prey in the savanna.

Tracing back to the origin of this trend, we find ourselves irrevocably wagging our judging finger at none other than Lance Armstrong. Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect.

Sock lengths have been heading steadily upwards over the past decade; once the only sock available was a white 3/4 sock but today we have socks of all lengths, shapes, and sizes. Bibshorts used to be mid-thigh or less, whereas now they fall just shy of the knee. It is outrageous and the Pros, to whom we look to for cues on style, are setting the trend. It is a disgrace.

I say enough is enough. This foul trend must come to an end. We cultivate our massive guns with great pride, yet these cover their magnificence with long shorts and socks.

Reveal the V in order to Feel the V. Bibshorts must not migrate below the uppermost point of the inverted V created by our quadriceps.
Avoid the chokehold. As much as we want to Reveal The V, we don’t want to go around choking the flow off by wearing our bibs too high. Bibshorts should come at least to the midpoint of the thigh.
Sockless is about as bad as riding in a speedo (I’m looking at you, triathletes.) A fellow joined a group ride not too long ago wearing ankle socks and I made him go sort that shit out before we started the ride. Some things just aren’t done.
Compression socks are for recovery only. Maybe not even that. And knee-high socks or only for sassy women Cyclocrossers. Maybe. But they absolutely, unequivocally are not for riding on the road. Seriously.
Settle into Zone 3. Just like training in zones, we want to keep our socks in the right zones as well. The optimum sock length rests at a point of your choosing within a range of 2cm above or below the narrowest point of your shin.

Help stave off the apocalypse and bring balance back to the V. Friends don’t let friends violation the Goldilocks Principle.

Sock length as decreed by our friend @winnipegcyclechick

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Kevin says:

Feb 29 2016 at 5:17 pm

I cannot take my eyes off the lead photo!

Class Lass!
Brian says:

Feb 29 2016 at 5:34 pm

Hand knit, no show, wool socks, made by mom, are the way to go. Why would I want them any longer?My ankles aren't getting cold and I want to show them off. They are, after all, as sexy as the rest of me.
Brian says:

Feb 29 2016 at 5:35 pm

@Kevin

It confuses my brain, the bike and the babe are both gorgeous. I can't decide what to look at.
Sparty says:

Feb 29 2016 at 5:36 pm

I'll be the first to post in defense of the pros. The professional teams are all sponsored, from head-to-toe, by some very major cycling apparel brands. These misguided apparel designers obviously are oblivious of the Rules. I have listened to their argument that a longer set of bibs provide muscle compression which, in theory, can help reduce gun fatigue. They also argue that a longer length bib short can have a marginal aero advantage when the right materials are used. Regardless of their rationale, the pros must wear what the team sponsors provide. I would like to see a pro, any pro, eschew the long bib shorts by rolling under the bottom third of the leg and thus showing the apparel sponsors and other self-respecting pros how a kit is to be worn.

I can not argue in defense of the non-pro who purchases these "fashionable" long legged shorts or too tall/too small sock. That is on you brothers and sisters and your tan lines are going to suck!
Barracuda says:

Feb 29 2016 at 5:44 pm

Per the guide, one's name must also be Tiffany to be in Zone 5
EBruner says:

Feb 29 2016 at 6:23 pm

She just plain looks the business that photo. Perfect example of fucking everything/
David Maver says:

Feb 29 2016 at 6:38 pm

@Kevin

Yes. This photo is quite possibly the best that I've ever seen on this page. Or anywhere.
Sparty says:

Feb 29 2016 at 6:39 pm

This also reminds me of a story: I ride and train with a great group of guys who take pride in looking fantastic on and off the bike. As we preach, looking fantastic is directly correlated to riding fantastic. If your training partners are anything like mine, you enjoy talking smack and jump at the first chance given. Everyone is fair game on the road and the good natured ribbing always helps make the hard efforts more enjoyable. So, the moment when one of our most experienced, strongest and winningest teammates showed up for a session in his new Rapha long legged kit, the game was on. Without his knowledge, we decided to play a few tricks. During the warm-up, he moved to the front. He signaled left and turned, we continued straight. He fought hard to get back to us and apologized, "I though we were heading south". The paceline formed and we had him pull into the headwind for longer than normal rotations. He began to catch on that today was his day when, riding two abreast, no one would ride next to him. At our coffee stop, he sat down at our usual table and 7 of us walked past to sit around the corner. We all had a great laugh until we left the coffee shoppe and he, without mercy, began to rip our legs off. Touché. Now he only wears that kit with knee or leg warmers.
asyax says:

Feb 29 2016 at 7:12 pm

Love this line - " Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect."
litvi says:

Feb 29 2016 at 11:33 pm

You guys comin or what?