The missing machine.

Points of complication are usually both surprising and completely predictable. Take, for instance, international travel. We don’t really have trouble cramming a few hundred people who don’t know each other in a small, confined space and chucking in the air at 9,000 meteres to a destination several thousand kilometers away. That bit, apparently, is simple and is generally goes off without a hitch.

The complicated bit, evidently, is the bit where you arrive with all the same objects that you left with. My bicycle comes to mind as one such item that I would have liked to have arrive with me in Amsterdam, as it is an item that bears some relevance to this trip. And which, of course, didn’t make it onto the plane with me.

Thankfully, I’ve done enough travel to have some degree of familiarity with this particular routine. I’ve also learned that in America, we become very occupied with the idea that we might predict with some certainty when the missing items could arrive, or where they should be at any given moment. This gives us a degree of comfort that we might at some point regain possession of our beloved items.

Europeans don’t share this occupation with us. I recall my first trip to France with(out) bicycle. We arrived, naturally, in Toulouse san le velo. Throughout our workings with the airline as to determine where our bicycles might be, they treated us the the customary French ridicule that we should be so concerned with the whereabouts of the bicycles; they weren’t lost, after all. They just didn’t know where they were. But on that occasion, we were phoned within an hour or so that they would arrive on the next plane and that we should pick them up in a few hours.

My arrival in Amsterdam, without my bicycle, distinguished itself from our arrival in France in the respect that they had absolutely no idea where the bicycle was, and since I’d had a layover in San Francisco wherein the bicycle changed hands between airlines, there was also some question as to precisely at which airport it might have been left, whose fault it was (probably mine), and whether it hadn’t accidentally boarded a plane to New Delhi or some such exotic location. Thankfully, it also distinguished itself in the respect that I can speak the language well enough and can easily switch between English and Dutch as it suits my needs (the Dutch are often more tolerant of your ignorance if they don’t know you’re Dutch and should thusly know better, so if I’m clueless about something I tend to revert back into English to demonstrate my idiocy and invoke their sense of sympathy for my predicament.)

If you find routine comforting, as many of us do, then you would find it comforting to know that the baggage handlers in Amsterdam held the same degree of interest as the French did as to whether or not I found the situation I was in either inconvenient or distressing. That is to say, they had none; they were much more interested in getting me to stop talking than finding any kind of resolution.

Having experienced all this before, I left the airport not terribly distressed. But then the questions started to creep in, often raised by other. What should I if my bike didn’t arrive? I’m perhaps the most finicky person when it comes to my bicycle and position as anyone could be, so borrowing a bike is a very unappealing idea. Not to mention that I began curating my wheels in November, and had only twice ridden on the tires I had specially handmade for my ride over the cobblestones. To return to Seattle without having had these wheels so much as grace the pavé seems very incomplete, somehow.

I went to sleep last night with no updates, despite several calls to Schiphol in pursuit of some information that might put me at my ease. I awoke an hour later needing to use the loo, so I got up and made my way upstairs where I ran into my mother who had just gotten off the phone with my dad. She informed me of his heartfelt condolences, and that he was concerned that some handler with sticky fingers had perhaps stolen the bike as it came off the plane. This seemed almost completely impossible, but just possible enough to worry me to my core. I fell asleep with visions of never again laying eyes upon my irreplaceable Bike #1.

I start the day today in the waning hope of receiving my bicycle before we jump on the train for Lille tomorrow. I also find Lou Reed’s lyrics running through my mind.

I’m waiting for my bike,

With $26 in my hand.

So sick and dirty, more dead than alive,

I’m waiting for my bike.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • That sucks worse than anything has ever sucked before. Here's to hoping it turns up soon...

  • "Inanimate objects".
    What? I thought you were talking about your bike.
    Your bike, like mine, is animated even when standing still.
    Just leaning against that filthy wall in the main pic it looks like it's averaging at least 35kph.

  • @Blah
    Ah, I was referring to luggage in general, of course, but the phrasing and context does indeed make it seem as though I'd accused my bicycle of being inanimate, which is completely incorrect and upsetting. For clarification, I have removed that sickly word from the article.

  • the airlines are just teasing you , building up the pavé excitement , it wouldn't be fun if the bike was just waiting for you , no story in that

  • @frank
    Hope you have some good news soon.

    I dropped my bike off this morning at St Pancras station (I could have taken it with me on the day but I would have had to start the day off with a 0550 train due to poxy restrictions on non folding bikes on commuter trains. With the amount of stuff that ended going into the bag, carrying it and another bag was something I wanted to put off until as far down the route as possible). I won't be entirely comfortable about the whole thing until I have it built back up and ridden in Belgium on Friday evening.

  • Being animate, as it were, your bike is already on the pave'. It couldn't wait. It will meet you there.

  • Man, hope it shows up soon. You've made me nervous now. Traveling to France in August and hope I don't run into the same problems.

  • I sympathise. I have had my race skis go astray at several US airports over the years on interconnecting flights. Usually when I am running late and so to that end I was in part to blame. I mean if I only just make it on board then it's no suprise that all my shit didn't make it. I can tell you though that American airline employees care just as little as European ones. One a bright note they have always turned up in time. Good luck Frank

  • Not to sound like your mum but it's also possible it has been kidnapped into some bicycle freak show, in a tent with "World's Tallest Seatpost" and incredulous yokels paying a buck each to win a prize if they can ride it around the ring but falling off clutching their trashed perineums.

    Or it could turn up at any time ;-)

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