Categories: Book Review

Book Review: Racing Weight

The Underwear Gnome Plan To Weightloss

I know it’s a bit misleading to call this article a “Book Review”, but “Book Review” soundsbetter than “Jump To Conclusions After Reading One Chapter and Publish Those Conclusions”.

Like most cyclists, I suffer from the belief that I’m overweight (I am).  In a world of rising obesity, I am thrown strange glances and receive accusations of “being anorexic” from my colleagues when I comment that I won’t have a cookie or slice of Birthday cake because I’m trying to lose some weight.  The fact is, despite being generally thinner and fitter than the average citizen, cyclists suffer from the same self-image problems that everyone else does.  Not only that, we struggle to lose weight just as much as our non-athletic friends.

Athletes generally lose weight through piling on more miles – a theory based on Physics and the wonderfully useful principle known as The Conservation of Mass; what goes in goes out and if you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight. (The Conservation of Mass is actually our best friend; it’s behind almost everything that makes bicycling possible and also being out of shape incredibly frustrating).  Owing to this simple theory, it’s generally unsurprising that there are very few diet programs for amateur athletes and as such I was thrilled to pick up a copy of “Racing Weight“, by Matt Fitzgerald, a book seeming written for just this audience.  I prepared to read it and readied myself to lose those last few (dozen) pounds.

I found the book very disappointing.  What I’m gleaning is that in order to loose weight I should “eat right,  “eat less”, “train more”, and – worst of all – “stop drinking like a fish”.  Not only that, but the book insists that I should diligently collect data on my training, diet, and weight and track it over several training cycles in order to even understand what my ideal weight might be in the first place.  Basically, by the time Winter sets in again and I’m ready to eat turkey and drink Scotch from the bottle, I’ll have some idea as to how fat I really am.

I’ll be honest: that’s not really the program I’m looking for. I was looking more for the program where I get to eat Cadbury Eggs, chips and salsa, and watch clever videos on the internet while dropping weight like a heroin addict with giardia and at the same time not losing muscle mass (it would even be nice if this diet even helped me gain some).  Isn’t there something I can inject or a pill to make myself a better cyclist? Come on, Matt, I’m getting tired of unhelpful authors.

And with that, I’m left with no option but to stick to my usual plan of eating hamburgers, drinking beer, and spending loads of money on lighter cycling equipment in lieu of losing weight.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @john
    It's tricky for us bigfellas. That's why I universally support any successful, large rider. Like Big Maggy and Jens. Especially when they make it over a hill.

    Your comment on severing the gun is brilliant, but that's the trick, too - how do you loose the last 5 pounds when you're pretty fit and avoid muscle mass loss?

  • @wvcycling
    We lived in the country in North Carolina for about a year and it drove the locals mad to see us out on our bike wearing spandex. They would routinely sic their dogs on us and laugh as we sped away (those were some ferocious dogs).

    What is it with dogs and bikes? One of my dogs, Mack, goes bananas when he sees me on a bike. He's like, "DUDE! That is the coolest thing that you can go as fast as me now!"

  • @wvcycling
    Fat Lampre guy IS a cliche, but I failed to find a better one. Unfortunately, it appears the blog filtered out the pic - can you post a URL to the pic and I'll snag it.

    UPDATE: Grabbed it - posted it. Seems WP is unhappy about users who aren't logged in posting images. Must work on that. Thanks for the awesome pic. It's fucking brilliant!

  • @Rob
    Yeah, but that's the point, right? I mean, sure, the non-cycling folks wouldn't worry - or even notice - the weight, but as cyclists, it's those 5 pounds or so that are so hard to loose but that make a huge difference in our performance. What we as cyclists call "fat" is not the same as the rest.

    In two months, when I peak, I'll be right there, though.

  • @Joe
    The image of Jake sitting on the turbo trainer with you yelling about Rule 5 in a megaphone and quizing him on campy groups has been flashing through my head all day.

    Are you going to teach him about toe clips, too?

  • @wvcycling, @Marko
    WTF is he wearing? I thought it was a jersey, but looks like a v-neck t-shirt. It's hard to tell with the way his neck dangles over the top of the shirt what is going on at the collar. Can't see a zipper, but it's anyone's guess what's going on there.

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