Categories: Cogals

International Cogal: Festum Prophetae

Artwork: @mcsqueak // Original photograph: Stephan Vanfleteren

It came to me in a moment of absolute clarity, the kind of clarity which only arrives to one in an oxygen-depleted state and at high speed – usually down a steep descent. It would be awfully nice to justify wearing my Molteni jersey, rather than having it hanging in my workshop all the time.

It had been suggested a few times already by the time the notion came to me last winter, that Velominati should organize an international Cogal on which all of us around the world would climb aboard our bicycles in honor of each other, and devote the day to riding. It is, after all, what we do; we ride our bikes. The rest is detail.

While the idea is simple enough, the selection of a date has proven positively futile. Summer on the Upper Half of the planet (you know the one – the one that matters) means VVinter for the Lower Half. When the Lower Half (you know the one, the one with all the convicts and Aztecs) is in summer, the important side is snowed in or sopping wet. You simply can’t choose a day that works for everyone.

The solution, of course, is simple: I unilaterally pick a date for the entire community and shove it down everyone’s throat by the virtue of being louder than almost anyone else (with the exception of the bloke sitting just behind me and to my left at the café; that is one loud-mouthed bastard, that.)

Being the type of person I am, with all the personality defects I have at my disposal, I was still perplexed by the selection of a date that holds significant meaning for all our community. January first, so we may ride off our hangovers. October 3rd, to celebrate Leiden’s liberty from the Spanish. Then the epiphany as I flew down Lighthouse Hill towards the shore of Puget Sound, where Pearl Jam and Sound Garden once rocked out in the weeds: the Velominati International Cogal will be held every year in honor of The Prophet’s birthday, June 17.

Every Velominatus is free to observe this day however they like. Take a holiday from work; declare an exemption due to your specific religious requirements. Ride on the day, in a way that helps you honor the way Eddy rode himself. Ride lots, was his sage training advice. I like to surprise my rivals, was his explanation attacking 70 or 80 or 90 or 100km from the finish. However you ride, on Festum Prophetae each year, we will honor The Prophet. We may also choose, as is customary with other holidays, to arrange within our immediate community to designate the nearest convenient day to observe the holiday. If taking the day to honor him is impractical on the 17th, designate a nearby day that works better for you.

Mark your calendars for June 17, Festum Prophetae*. Personally, I will climb aboard my steel Bike #2 fitted with tubular tires, don my wool Molteni Jersey and head out with only a bit of food in my jersey pocket and water in my bidon with the express intent to meet the Man with the Hammer. No mean feat, considering the Seattle Summer Cogal will have taken place only the day before. Two Cogals in one weekend: I can’t think of a better way to honor him.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

*A special thanks to @ChrisO for helping determine the “correct” latin phrase.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Steampunk

    I'm shopping for the right hex key. I will spend the day adjusting my saddle angle and height...

    You should check with your rivals at Brooklyn; they likely have a spanner they'll loan you.

  • @frank

    @Dan_R

    Seconded. Now open for discussion, "will Frank be allowed aerobars for this crack at the hour record, or not." I would venture that since this is in honour of The Prophet, Frank must ride in the drops. Steel. 54×11. Proper track toe-clips.

    If I do it in any gear at all, it will be the 52×14, which The Prophet used for his own record.

    The only other alternative to consider is the Obree Superman.

  • @frank

    @pistard
    Welcome, and...*swoon*.

    As my idiotic suggestion of riding an Hour for the Record of Fastest Double Dutch Dumbass (which thins the field considerably) starts to take hold in my mind (why can't I just shut the fuck up - my mind starts whispering, my brain start listening, and then my ego won't shut up), I have already assured the VMH that I will not purchase a bike for this effort.

    Unless, of course, @Cyclops builds me a track bike as a surprise for the effort...

    Bwahahahahahaa! Your body should be telling you how much pain you're going to be in. It knows, you're just not realising it yet.

    PS DO IT!

  • @Mikael Liddy
    It's a bit over the top, innit? It's not as if we don't get hail fairly often in the colder months...perhaps it's just the novelty of it being the first hail of the year?

  • @Oli I didn't read the whole thing so I'm not sure whether it's the case here, but over this way the only time hail actually makes the news is when it's golf ball size or bigger & starts damaging things or people.

  • @Oli

    @Mikael Liddy

    The Website, Stuff.co.nz isn't known for it's herd hitting investigative journalism. It's better known for comical typos in their headers and ranting morons on the message boards. Think of it as an internet based community leaflet operated out of the generosity and magnanimity of the Fairfax family.

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