Comments for Velominati

Comment on Guest Article: The Bike Likelihood Equation by James Bywater

James Bywater — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 13:53:11 +0000

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Comment on The Rules by Ed

Ed — Tue, 12 Aug 2025 18:34:11 +0000

Rule #16 should also now apply to bikes. unless you’ve won le tour, giro, vuelta, worlds etc., don’t ride a yellow/pink/red/rainbow bike and be a douchey poser.

Comment on How Did We Get to Here? by eightzero

eightzero — Sun, 13 Oct 2024 02:09:03 +0000

Merckx, I miss this. Did I say how much I miss this? Good Merckx Almighty I miss this. Vie la Velominatus. “eightzero”

Comment on The Rules by gordon Robertson

gordon Robertson — Thu, 06 Jul 2023 20:49:40 +0000

What happened to being able to buy items? I damaged my helmet with the “Obey the Rules” sticker on the back. Want to get another.

Comment on Guest Article: Along for the Ride by Ronald Ison

Ronald Ison — Thu, 19 May 2022 10:23:59 +0000

I really enjoy this article. I want my child will do that, when he could complete his training. Now, I give him Best ride on cars for his inspiration.

Comment on The Rules by Mike Barrett

Mike Barrett — Thu, 12 May 2022 13:15:04 +0000

Thinking, some digital rules in this new age … MUST not take a phone call, including sending or receiving messages. Head Units are for…

Comment on The Rules by Steve Smart

Steve Smart — Wed, 11 May 2022 12:47:10 +0000

Rule suggestion:

The word Bike shall never be preceded with the letter E. That is blasphemy!

Comment on The Rules by Lee NOAKES

Lee NOAKES — Tue, 10 May 2022 20:30:36 +0000

Rule #30 – Frame mounted pump.

This rule should be withdrawn immediately. There is photographic evidence of The Prophet MERCKX riding his winter training bike with such an item attached to it.

This also applies for cycling legend Fausto COPPI. No doubt there is similar evidence concerning other cycling Gods.

Comment on The Rules by Zafrullah Yazid

Zafrullah Yazid — Thu, 31 Mar 2022 02:25:30 +0000

The “Socks” makes the kit. With rule No.14 set in place, the “Sock” is the last line of defence to honour the Jersey and to shout out to the world that the legs are insync with the team/advertisements or whatever gibberish is printed on the Jersey that the whole body is working as a team (unless of course you are mentally insane, in which case you will be profusely forgiven for having the wrong matching socks). Therefore I humbly ask the five “Sifu’s (Oriental word for respected teacher)” that Rule No. 28 be discussed and deliberated and if found to be true, that “Yes”, any colour of socks can be worn provided it matches the Jersey. White socks however are the exception. They are to be held in high regard in respect to the cyclist of the past like Eddy and can be worn with any kit and deserves a 21 gun salute. Therefore the “Socks” makes the kit.

I’m writing this on my hospital bed recovering from a leg surgery and being pumped full of pain medication. Therefore if I’m going to get bitch slapped by anybodies comments, I hereby claim temporary insanity and will don white socks and claim immunity from “The Keepers of the Cog”. Have a nice day everyone and don’t forget to enjoy your ride.

Comment on The Rules by Mitchell O Baker

Mitchell O Baker — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 16:56:06 +0000

I have been told that road bikes should not have spoke reflectors – they are to be removed immediately after the purchase of a new bike. Same with the plastic shield that is always present around the cassette.

Comment on The Rules by Allen Horrigan

Allen Horrigan — Sat, 11 Dec 2021 17:40:07 +0000

As Rule #51 was based on a fashion of the time that’s no longer in fashion should it still be there?

Comment on The Rules by Angie Rothstein

Angie Rothstein — Tue, 16 Nov 2021 22:54:02 +0000

there should be a rule similar to #60 about removing your dork disc (spoke protector) post haste, or something to that effect.

Comment on The Rules by Steve Z

Steve Z — Tue, 02 Nov 2021 18:45:36 +0000

It is hereby humbly suggested that Rule #95 be amended to add a second exception for when you have just won the most grueling edition of Paris-Roubaix in recent memory.

Comment on The Rules by CROOKSY

CROOKSY — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 23:37:02 +0000

Suggested addition to the list in reference to ebikes:

#96 The only battery to be in contact with your bike is the one used to power your computer (rule#74). Kapish?

Comment on Il Profeta Progetto by Alejandro Moreno

Alejandro Moreno — Sun, 04 Jul 2021 21:44:55 +0000

I just found a NOS one… Never ridden.. never armed one… 56 cm
I’m so amazed and not only for the sake of it, I got it with a picture where Eddy Merkx himself gave it as a present for a senior rider that gave it to me as a present.

Comment on Velominati Kit Redesign: Half Turbine, Half Hazard by Gavin Arneth

Gavin Arneth — Sun, 04 Jul 2021 16:15:37 +0000

Hi if a group of Velominati disciples were interested in resurrecting the kit would that be possible?

Comment on In Memoriam: The Straight Block by Noodle

Noodle — Wed, 30 Jun 2021 04:17:26 +0000

Don’t know if anyone is around in June 2021 reading his post. I am, and just bought a 14-23 straight block 10-speed campy cassette. Re-living the good-old days of difficult choices. For my terrain though, it’s perfect. I’m in no need of an 11 or 12 anymore (I ain’t pedalling at those speeds). And my favourite gears on my other cassettes (I do like my13-26 cassette) always seem to land on the 16 or the 18 (big ring grinding the false flats). Now I’ve got a 20 and a 22 to play with fine tuning my moderate hills with this straight block.

Comment on The Rules by Luke

Luke — Fri, 25 Jun 2021 16:22:21 +0000

Given the changes in work-life balance and knowing that bike comes before work, I humbly suggest to you a rule:

Rule #96 // Zip up your jersey for Zoom calls.

In order to respect your jersey and the words on it, a rider’s jersey must be fully zipped before joining a Zoom call. No matter how hot or tired you are, or how much you want your coworkers to know you’re a master of Rule #5, zip it up. And follow Rule #22 during said call. Always. Your coworker won’t understand the cap. If your tan lines are sharp, you may show them on the call. If not, do not show your arms (see Rule #7). But, only wear a cycling jersey to a call before, during, or after an outdoor ride.

Comment on The Rules by Disciple seeking guidance

Disciple seeking guidance — Fri, 25 Jun 2021 12:39:39 +0000

Is there a rule regarding the color of valve stems? Clearly not bling shades but I’m torn from the traditional choices of silver & black by an almost titanium gray (which would match the frame.) Black rims, some with silver braking surfaces.

Comment on The Rules by Al

Al — Sun, 20 Jun 2021 03:01:46 +0000

This is all satire right? I don’t ride a road bike but as I am reading this it appears tongue-in-cheek half the time and serious half the time, but the whole thing is a joke right? Because if not, wow, the people who adhere to these must just be a blast to hang to out with. That last part was a joke, just so we’re clear on what a joke is.

Comment on The Rules by Peter Hobson

Peter Hobson — Sun, 06 Jun 2021 14:45:44 +0000

Head phones should not be worn while cycling. If you are more concerned as to what music is on your phone, then you. Mind is not on cycling or on the road. Which makes you a danger to other road users and to your self.

Comment on Weekend Competition: The Hardmen by Andrew B, Seattle

Andrew B, Seattle — Wed, 31 Mar 2021 21:04:26 +0000

Always great to see Andy Hampsten on The Gavia. “The day strong men cried”

Comment on Weekend Competition: The Hardmen by Andrew B, Seattle

Andrew B, Seattle — Wed, 31 Mar 2021 21:02:59 +0000

Enjoyed the book but hard to believe you had a chapter for Tyler Hamilton but not Lucho Herrera, Tom Simpson, Ferdi Kubler, Robert Millar or Federico Bahamontes. Great tribute to the Badger but could have included the 1980 Liege Bastogne Liege, one of the all time great displays of hardness.

Comment on The Rules by Mark

Mark — Thu, 28 Jan 2021 19:54:50 +0000

Hey Guys!
Haven’t been on here in a coon’s age! How is everyone doing? I wanted to ask Frank about any possible Velominati trips back during “Holy Week?” I know it’s been a few since the last one, and there isn’t a day that passes without my regret of not enjoying a repeat-performance on the pavé! Here’s my journal from 2012:
http://cruisingthecobbles2012.blogspot.com

I hope everyone is happy and healthy!?

Comment on The Rules by David Betterton

David Betterton — Fri, 22 Jan 2021 00:00:13 +0000

Rule #12

Why is there an S-1 ? Doesn’t #4 apply ?

Comment on The Rules by J. L.

J. L. — Wed, 06 Jan 2021 00:14:58 +0000

& now, the ACTUAL rules, for ACTUAL people…
1. When you get hit by a car for following Rule #66, when you heal, IF you heal, seek out the asshole who made Rule #66 & punch them in the face & then, when you do ride again, IF you ride again, USE A GD MIIRROR DUMB ASS, cars weigh 2000lbs, you weigh 200, at best, don’t expect the car to see you, cars do not have eyes, drivers do, & are often not using them when driving…
2. Only riders who don’t ride with music, would say never ride with music, riders who ride with music would never say such a stupid thing, & traffic is not nature, duh!
3. Wear whatever helmet makes you feel like your head & face will still be intact if you wreak, even full face, if someone says “why are you wearing a full face?” punch them in the jaw & say why are you not wearing a full face?”
4. I will wear whatever tf i want to wear when i am riding my bike, & so should everybody else, wtf are you & wtf are you going to do about it?
5. Don’t tell me when or what to think, i will think what i want, when i want including when i am riding my bike, what are you, the CEO of a social media platform or a liberal in 2021?
6. I’ll make my bike look like whatever tf i want to make it look like, it’s my gd bike.
7. ANY bike that does not have drop bars can be upside down & the reason bikes with drop bars cant is only because they do not balance very well upside down & not for any other reason listed in this list.
8. The correct number of bikes to own is as many as you can afford, or want, or need, or whatever, it’s your money, your life, you can own as many as you want of whatever you want…except slaves, can’t own any slaves…
9. There is only one water rule, it is water, water is life, have it with you, in whatever you want to put it in, drink it when you need it…
10. If you follow these rules, you will be a jackass, don’t be a jackass…
11. Kilometers are for Canadians, when they are in Canada, but if you want to use kilometers, it’s your life, do what you want, if others do not want to use kilometers, its their life, they can do what they want…
12. Follow “Peters” Rule #96 ignore rules#1-95…
13. Regardless of what you choose to do, if you are not a bike snob about it, you are cool. No matter how special you may be, as soon as you are a bike snob about it, you are not so special anymore…
14. If you are going to larp, as long as you do not disparage others, more power to you, if you do disparage others, you’re a mushroom headed, lycra wearing wanna be who has no idea his belly is accentuated by gravity when you are on a bike because you are wearing clothes that an old, fat wannabe like you should never be wearing, you are not REALLY Lance Armstrong, you are larping, remember..
15. No matter how superhuman you think you are because you ride a bike real well, never forget, you are just riding a bike, something every 10yo child over the last 200 years has known how to do & a whole shitload of them are going to be better than you real soon, so get over yourself, there is even a saying used to refer to easy things to do that you never forget “it’s like riding a bike.” Because riding a bike is easy, to do as well as to remember how to do…
16. & last but not least, enjoy yourself on your bike, & don’t ever let anybody say or do anything that contradicts you enjoying yourself on your bike, if you are not enjoying yourself, than stop riding a bike & do something that IS fun to you, duh…

Comment on The Rules by Calvin

Calvin — Thu, 17 Dec 2020 03:02:39 +0000

Rule #96 No Zwift or indoor cycling should be counted as a ride!

Comment on The Rules by gomakun

gomakun — Fri, 20 Nov 2020 08:16:26 +0000

Clarification on the Hendo quote – he was training with Andre Greipel at the time.

Comment on Anatomy of a photo: Sean Kelly 1988 by Fernando Murillo

Fernando Murillo — Tue, 20 Oct 2020 18:56:17 +0000

I ride a 979 virus rose colored all original rplacced all plastic every where I go riders that know bikes know exactly what I am riding been riding bike for about 0 years found the 979 while doing some yard work priceless bike owner gave it to me

Comment on The Rules by Don Jones

Don Jones — Mon, 12 Oct 2020 13:31:59 +0000

Stop at all red lights (and most stop signs): Cyclists’ safety is tested each time we hit the public roads, so by all means don’t make it less safe by breaking traffic signal rules. It is also a goodwill effort with motorists, with whom we share the road, that they see us as doing the right thing and thereby encourage them to do the right thing when passing a cyclist. It is especially “BOSS” to track-stand at a red light as motorists think you are a pro. Running red lights should be like a mob-hit: no witnesses.

Comment on The Rules by Sean Russell

Sean Russell — Sun, 11 Oct 2020 19:42:57 +0000

A Century ride is a 100 mile bike ride, not 2 rides that total 100 miles completed in the same day. Stopping for a mechanical, food, hydration or restrooms are acceptable reasons to stop during the ride. Once you get in your car, the ride is over.

Comment on Anatomy of a Photo: You Can Leave Your Hat On by Nick Marks

Nick Marks — Tue, 06 Oct 2020 19:01:17 +0000

Hey Matt do you want to sell me one of those hats? I’ve been looking for one for yeeeeaaaaarrrssssss. Nick

Comment on The Rules by Ken Hart

Ken Hart — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 15:47:03 +0000

Historical Rules Listings

The rules have changed over time:

Rule #8 used to mandate pristine white cloth handlebar tape.

Rules 27 & 28 about sock length and color has changed,

Rule #51 did not exist until 2005 or so…

And what happened to the rule about “no dirty chain grease on your calf( cat 5 tatoo’s )”

and “how to manage your spare tubular tire”?

Looking for a 1970’s or 80’s version of this list..

Thanks!

Comment on The Rules by bad azz bob

bad azz bob — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 02:14:46 +0000

fuck da rules

Comment on The Rules by Martin

Martin — Wed, 23 Sep 2020 15:24:17 +0000

Rule #37 – we urgently need some guidance on this criteria to include face masks. Mask hoops under or over the helmet straps?

Comment on The Rules by Rodney

Rodney — Sun, 30 Aug 2020 18:16:33 +0000

#63: I thought I was using my left arm to signal so that I could brake with my right and drift the turn if necessary? Maybe I need to work on popping the back wheel into the turn as I brake with the left. Also, that arm is closer to road center and more visible to drivers and helmet mirrors.

Comment on An Argument About Gloves by jerry gentry

jerry gentry — Mon, 17 Aug 2020 00:29:05 +0000

There are no rules. Feel free to wear a sweatband on your wrist for snot if you go gloveless

Comment on Joe Kid on a Moto-Bike by Rick

Rick — Thu, 06 Aug 2020 14:27:43 +0000

Great post! It reminded me of my childhood BMX bike that I used to ride.

Comment on Anatomy of a Photo: Injustice by Walt Hansen

Walt Hansen — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 01:02:51 +0000

Love the pic of Clark Natwick…. I know exactly on the course that pic was taken, but I am not the photographer. The tires may look like slicks, but they weren’t. Definitely knobbed ‘cross sew-ups.

Comment on The Rules by Durishin

Durishin — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 23:35:33 +0000

Frank,
I hope you are well.
How can their be no rule about ingested insects?! I suppose that, ultimately, it would fall under Rule #5, but it seems too much a rite of passage for all cyclists to go unmentioned.

Comment on The Rules by frank

frank — Tue, 12 May 2020 01:49:52 +0000

In reply to blulou. That was an Amazon link to Lance Armstrong's book, I think. Must have died after Lance litterally became a Twatwaffle.

Comment on The Hardmen: Legends of the Cycling Gods by frank

frank — Tue, 12 May 2020 01:23:29 +0000

In reply to Wolfgang. The Rules has actually been translated to German; Die Regeln. No idea where to buy it!

Comment on The Rules by Monkey

Monkey — Mon, 04 May 2020 11:22:13 +0000

I have just been given a pair of Mavic helium wheels. What colour frame should I buy to put them one? Steel obviously.

Comment on The Hardmen: Legends of the Cycling Gods by Wolfgang

Wolfgang — Fri, 24 Apr 2020 06:52:26 +0000

hello,

where can I buy this book. Amazon and others whont deliver to Germany. :-(

Greetings
Wolfgang

Comment on The Rules by blulou

blulou — Tue, 07 Apr 2020 20:08:14 +0000

What happened to the page that used to be linked as “twatwaffle” on Rule #4?

Comment on The Rules by John Crump

John Crump — Sun, 29 Mar 2020 16:05:34 +0000

Respect your elders, they have “been there seen that done that” an Old Brit in Parker, Colorado

Comment on Badass by Association: Winter Riding by Biker

Biker — Sat, 07 Mar 2020 22:15:45 +0000

I always used to ride the bike regardless of the season ever since I was in school and nothing has changed the only thing that I have troubles with until today is the fact that my seat gets wet over the night and thus my butt while riding the bike.

Comment on The Rules by Cy

Cy — Mon, 03 Feb 2020 15:03:11 +0000

Break the rules.

Comment on The Rules by Jim Weinstein

Jim Weinstein — Wed, 11 Dec 2019 13:49:32 +0000

NEW RULE SUGGESTION: Always ALWAYS thank the wrench. On rare occasions, you might attend at event where you, as an amateur, get access to a solid mechanic. It might happen because your team convinced a local shop mechanic to support you or it might come from the fact that a super cool Cross Race paid for a local mechanic to support the event…and on even rarer occasions, a local pro team mechanic might step in to help you in a frantic storm as you search for someone who knows how to fix a bent derailleur 11 minutes before the start of your event….either way…you must ALWAYS ALWAYS “Thank the Wrench”. Beer is an acceptable way of thanking the Wrench, hugs are not an acceptable method.

Comment on The Rules by Paul

Paul — Mon, 11 Nov 2019 04:43:29 +0000

Rule #96 Grupetto Road Oysters – the expulsion of which should be inboard – this serves two purposes 1. it lands in the gutter, 2. if your passing on the inside in a group ride you deserve it

Comment on The Rules by iDave

iDave — Tue, 17 Sep 2019 06:27:58 +0000

”

“Respect the jersey.Championship and race leader jerseys must only be worn if you’ve won the championship or led the race.” Exception to the rule: I proudly wear the mythical “Hell of the West” Leader’s Jersey every time I’m on my 1985 Specialized Allez, because I’m the forever American Flyer.

Comment on The Rules by Rahul Narayan (LW)

Rahul Narayan (LW) — Wed, 11 Sep 2019 09:50:26 +0000

Viva la Velominatus!

Comment on The Rules by MI5Times

MI5Times — Sun, 08 Sep 2019 10:40:41 +0000

@SevenMasler We don't need rules about Cyclocross. These rules are about cycling. Cyclocross isn't cycling. Same thing goes for @Steve Hiscock e-Bikes are not bikes. They are motor vehicles. @Richard Sunglass legs on the outside of helmet straps has always been stupid, and this is one case where The Rules are flat out wrong. Sunglass legs must without exception be worn underneath helmet straps, as one must never remove their eyewear until after their helmet is removed. Removing your eyewear before removing your helmet is morally equivalent to removing your bibs before removing your leg warmers. says We don

Comment on The Rules by Mr S Kelly

Mr S Kelly — Mon, 19 Aug 2019 22:08:44 +0000

~~Rule #11~~

Rule #11

the Citroen AX launched in 1986. Mrs Kelly was leaning against my Citroen BX.

Comment on The Lexicon by T

Mon, 12 Aug 2019 18:38:47 +0000

Hooger the Fuck Up

As relating to Hoogerland’s barbed wire fence incident, yet finishing the stage and winning the KoM jersey. Reworded Rule #5

Comment on The Rules by Steve Hiscock

Steve Hiscock — Tue, 16 Jul 2019 11:30:10 +0000

Need a rule about e bikes don’t we?

how about

No E bikes no exceptions. See Rule #5

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