Winner on the road, loser in the mirror. Photo: Gian Mattia D’Alberto

Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.”

Most Cyclists need to take a long hard look at themselves. Ourselves. We could do a lot better in the public relations sphere if we took more care to use our playgrounds, ie the roads, as road users rather than pseudo-racers. And we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves every time we kit up and head out the door for a ride. Because what you see in the mirror is what others see also, and we should present ourselves as smart, tidy and sensible, rather than walking fluoro billboards or wannabe Pros.

The mirror is one of the most overlooked pieces of a Cyclist’s kit, and one that needs to be looked into a whole lot more than I suspect it is, going by the rolling messes I see out on the roads on every ride. Of course I’m not endorsing a Rule #66 violation, no sir. Offensive attire isn’t exclusive to the slovenly who go shopping in their tracky pants and Crocs, or the mostly smartly-dressed professionals who top off their neat-pressed pants or skirts with a fucking sleeping bag. You’re not George Costanza, so don’t bother.

It shouldn’t be necessary to tell you how to dress for the ride; you should know that yourself. That’s why The Rules were forged; to educate, yet sometimes to berate is necessary. If you are too clueless to put a helmet on your head level, to wear clean and matching kit, or to buy a pair of socks that don’t expose your fucking ankles, you’re either a hopelessly sloppy individual or a completely lost cause. These are the type of people who go out to dinner with their partner or take long haul flights while wearing rolled-up denim shorts, boat shoes and a t-shirt. Even if you have such little respect for yourself, you, as a member of society, should at least show some for those who have to encounter you.

Let’s smarten things up people. I know for the main part I’m preaching to the converted here, but it’s our duty to spread the knowledge and help ourselves by helping others within our ranks. It’s easy. Pick and choose kit carefully, pre-plan well in advance so you don’t end up just throwing whatever isn’t dirty on, and make sure it’s all adjusted properly. And if you’re in with a show of winning a Monument, straighten up that goddamn helmet!

 

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • Never hurts to have a reminder, I always try to look fantastic, it makes up for my lack of speed

  • I have many flaws. But this is not one of them. I take Looking Fantastic more seriously than almost any other aspect of cycling. Riding by the big store windows? Yes, I am in fact checking myself out. I will do many dumb things. But I will do them all with style.

  • @Mikael Liddy

    @RedRanger this is the one aspect that Faboo regularly fails at, I know last year's MSR was tough, but that's no excuse for this...

    I like the idea that in an attempt to break his Fab handlebars, he also shook the hell out of his helmet. The cap is there at least.

  • @ChrissyOne

    I have many flaws. But this is not one of them. I take Looking Fantastic more seriously than almost any other aspect of cycling. Riding by the big store windows? Yes, I am in fact checking myself out. I will do many dumb things. But I will do them all with style.

    I think it's impossble for a cyclist not to go past shop/office windows, especially mirror tinted ones, without checking yourself out. Or if riding with one or more others, keep the head straight and turn your eyeballs to "the mirror" for modest vanity.

  • @unversio the cap is where the issue lies, somehow he's managed to keep his helmet straight while pointing his cap somewhere out to the right at 45 degrees.

  • @pink

    Haha, as soon as I started reading this I knew it was by Brett, how did I know? Brett is is New Zealand and Kiwis have absolutely no regard for how to look fantastic on a bike. Cycling attire seems to be acquired by price and not how good it is or how amazingly fast it makes one look at the pub after the ride.

    In Auckland, the amount of 12grand bikes being ridden by people in miss matching ill fitting team kit with no socks is incredible. Having said that, I do respect those who clearly dont give a fuck and just ride there bikes. I however prefer to look euro as fuck and ride the shit out of my bike at the same time. There is literaly nothing more pro than sitting at Swashbucklers pub, full fantastic Lycra, table strewn with handles of beer.

    There now "euro as fuck" it rolls of the tongue.

  • @RedRanger

    Helmet tipped, stud.

    Ok, here's the difference between Herr Cancellara and Signor Katusha: Fabian's helmet is at a jaunty angle, the latter's is simply askew. A subtle difference, but it is there for sure.

    Checking my reflection in windows? You bet I do.

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