Winner on the road, loser in the mirror. Photo: Gian Mattia D’Alberto

Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.”

Most Cyclists need to take a long hard look at themselves. Ourselves. We could do a lot better in the public relations sphere if we took more care to use our playgrounds, ie the roads, as road users rather than pseudo-racers. And we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves every time we kit up and head out the door for a ride. Because what you see in the mirror is what others see also, and we should present ourselves as smart, tidy and sensible, rather than walking fluoro billboards or wannabe Pros.

The mirror is one of the most overlooked pieces of a Cyclist’s kit, and one that needs to be looked into a whole lot more than I suspect it is, going by the rolling messes I see out on the roads on every ride. Of course I’m not endorsing a Rule #66 violation, no sir. Offensive attire isn’t exclusive to the slovenly who go shopping in their tracky pants and Crocs, or the mostly smartly-dressed professionals who top off their neat-pressed pants or skirts with a fucking sleeping bag. You’re not George Costanza, so don’t bother.

It shouldn’t be necessary to tell you how to dress for the ride; you should know that yourself. That’s why The Rules were forged; to educate, yet sometimes to berate is necessary. If you are too clueless to put a helmet on your head level, to wear clean and matching kit, or to buy a pair of socks that don’t expose your fucking ankles, you’re either a hopelessly sloppy individual or a completely lost cause. These are the type of people who go out to dinner with their partner or take long haul flights while wearing rolled-up denim shorts, boat shoes and a t-shirt. Even if you have such little respect for yourself, you, as a member of society, should at least show some for those who have to encounter you.

Let’s smarten things up people. I know for the main part I’m preaching to the converted here, but it’s our duty to spread the knowledge and help ourselves by helping others within our ranks. It’s easy. Pick and choose kit carefully, pre-plan well in advance so you don’t end up just throwing whatever isn’t dirty on, and make sure it’s all adjusted properly. And if you’re in with a show of winning a Monument, straighten up that goddamn helmet!

 

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • Excellent stuff! Looking good should be as important as a well-maintained machine. It's really not that difficult to do a bit of coordination - you simply buy clothing/gear based on a few colors/patters, etc.

    This extends beyond the bike. I regularly wear a suit and tie and feel damn comfortable doing so. Whether "smart" or "casual" well-fitting clothes are comfortable. I hate the excuse that baggy, formless shit is "comfortable" if worn in public. No, it's just lazy. Many airport users never fail to stun me with their slovenliness. To paraphrase David Sedaries who was talking about an American couple on the Paris metro, "Never visit someone else's country dressed as if you've come to mow the lawn."

  • Well said. As @wiscot said, it extends to off the bike as well. I work at being fit and trim, and baggy clothes are a lazy, slovenly way out for the lazy and slovenly. Buying shirts that are not the baggy "American Gut Cut" can be a challenge. But it is part of Looking Fabulous, it is what a Velominatus does.

  • Great article, but the trend with helmet's these days look like they've been modeled after piss-pots. So if you're wearing a piss pot on your head at least make sure the damn thing is straight.....

  • Well at least with the spring classics, we don't have to suffer the unzipped jersey offense.

  • Not specifically cycling but more relating to the horrors you see in public my VMH has a saying that we both mutter now "Have you no mirrors in your house?"

  • Well, consider that some of those folks look in the mirro before departing the house and think,"Yeah, that's it, I'm bad...."

  • Haha, as soon as I started reading this I knew it was by Brett, how did I know? Brett is is New Zealand and Kiwis have absolutely no regard for how to look fantastic on a bike. Cycling attire seems to be acquired by price and not how good it is or how amazingly fast it makes one look at the pub after the ride.

    In Auckland, the amount of 12grand bikes being ridden by people in miss matching ill fitting team kit with no socks is incredible. Having said that, I do respect those who clearly dont give a fuck and just ride there bikes. I however prefer to look euro as fuck and ride the shit out of my bike at the same time. There is literaly nothing more pro than sitting at Swashbucklers pub, full fantastic Lycra,  table strewn with handles of beer.

  • @RedRanger this is the one aspect that Faboo regularly fails at, I know last year's MSR was tough, but that's no excuse for this...

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