Categories: Etiquette

Walk Don’t Run

Outta the way, fatboys! photo-Steephill.tv

That any cyclist can enter the same arena with the same equipment as the professional helps to make cycling an awesome sport. True, the same thing could be said for golf or tennis but as a fan you can’t stand a meter away from any of those pros and scream encouragement. “Come on Tiger, RIP THAT FUCKER!” And if you attempt entry into Wimbledon wearing a super-fat inflatable sumo wrestler outfit, good luck to you.

Just because you can does not mean you should. Fan behavior has spun out of control on the Grand Tours. I breath a sigh of relief when the riders make it to the protection of the barriers toward the top of each mountain stage. I swear it started with Americans, as usual, during the Tour of California. People were dressing up and acting obnoxious, in hopes of getting on tv. Obviously this has been going on long before the Tour of California but before it seemed these were spectators who were there to watch bike racers go by yet felt compelled to dress up like giant…somethings. At TOC it was all about themselves. 

Now that behavior has spread to Europe, perhaps it is Americans on vacation but we can’t afford to travel anymore so I’m afraid the cat is out of the bag. Literally, I saw a giant cat pawing the air at the Giro. 

Obviously I don’t understand any of this and I sound like a crank. So be it. I love watching a bike race from the side of the road and I am usually silent, mouth agape when riders go by, holy shiet, they are fast, they are skinny. I approve of yelling and cowbells. I don’t know what compels people to run along side a rider and scream into his or her face. Why?

I have huge respect for professional cyclists, maybe more than they deserve. They are the current embodiment of all the pros that have gone before them. I can’t cheer Fiorenzo Magni going by, and I wouldn’t ever want to get so close as to disturb his line. I afford any current pro the same respect and fully endorse any racer who stiff arms some drunken fan who gets too close.

Here is my starter list for fans that need to be held in small tents with drunk Dutch when the riders pass by. Oh, these people have had their chances and they have abused them.

Cheap bastards who use the tv coverage for their cheap motor home ads

Religious nuts who flash biblical verse toward the tv moto

That guy with the antler helmet

The human sized bike bottle fool

The devil, that’s right, he has had his run

The inflatable sumo people

The four year olds running unleashed 

I think we should not crush the ambitions of the Borat-in-mono-kini crew, I don’t know what drives them but somehow, for some unknowable reason, I like them.

Some argue professional cycling is just entertainment, adults riding bikes, but I know there are many cyclists out there who see it as more than just entertainment, it’s, in some way, a reflection of life, and it deserves a little respect.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

View Comments

  • Gianni, spot on as usual. You for got one more for the list: any complete friggin moron who takes a dog to a bike race that's not on a very, very short leash. You can't blame the dog for getting a bit crazy what with all the noise and excitement, but you can blame the dumbass owner 100%.

    By the way, I have a weird respect for the Dirk Hofmann Motorhomes guy. At least he stands at the side of the road and behaves with restraint. And the message is pretty clear and straightforward. The biblical verses perplex me as it assumes I know what somename-verse-whatever is referring to.

    Bernard, Verse 5: "Blessed are the Soigneurs, for they shall calm tired and inflamed musclature"?

    Eddy, Verse 525: And I shall smite all who challenge the actions of the Prophet"?

    Jacques, Verse 69: And thou shalt not lie with the daughter of your wife even though there is no blood relation"?

    Lance, Verse 7: And those who stray to the dark side will get their comeuppance and be banished to the land of Oprah, where women wail and scream for eternity"?

    Oh yeah, Didi the Devil. Retire. Now. Please. You're as original as a John 3:16 sign at a football game. Just part of the scenery.

  • @Gianni

    Oh great, just as soon as I hit the "publish" button, I see this.

    I assumed you had seen that before, and was a reason behind the write-up!

    I agree with you on the fucking idiots that are only out to get on TV (that damn devil included). I would, however, endorse getting close enough to Adam Hansen to give him a beer.

  • As much as I agree with you, part of me (the drunk knucklehead part) thinks that photo is hilarious, and what about the evil panda that chased Danny boy last year, I could watch that finish over and over again. Alas I know you right though and some of these assholes need taken down

  • I'll give Hansen and the Dutch fans a pass here. One, it's Alpe D'Huez. Two, he's just riding to beat the time limit. Three, I expect several cups of beer were held out for him on the climb (and in particular, THAT corner), four, I doubt someone ran alongside him holding it out for him.

  • Dirk Hoffman Motorhomes is OK by me.  It's low key and is sort of an under the radar meme.

    Fans going nuts like this are OK

    The rest of these fuckers can fuck off.  Didi in particular, he is a faded and unfortunate icon of the Lance era.

  • But Gianni, if you look at the Sumo on the left, it's clear that Elvis is alive and running alongside bike races.

    @wiscot verse 525 is genius.

  • A-Merckx brother, you would think the pacing moto's could push the crowds back. Maybe the race organizers should employ some of those Death Race 3000 jokers instead with the same sort of incentives as the movie.

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