Is this still the off season for the people of the North? I hope so. I know it’s -34 fahrenheit where Marko lives so he is only riding three times a week to prepare for the Keepers Tour. It seems @souleur has a little holiday guilt and now that those damn holidays are behind us it’s time to think about the cycling season ahead.
Yours in Cycling, Gianni
The season has passed that all cyclists are cautious about. That time of year where food is abundant, and for most of us, we are in a respite as well. This calculates into a caloric excess. And we must admit, we cannot avoid it. Tis the season as we say. At work, our partners and colleagues bring in food and drink to enjoy. Our families make coveted goodies and neighbors even send treats over to express gratitude and friendship. To fully reject these things would indeed be the highest order of an asshole, yet to fully accept it is to throw away our many months of riding and training; at least that is for us north-of-the-equator types. Nonetheless, this time of year we do our best to be friendly and gracious to our friends and family even if that means eating that extra piece of pumpkin pie.
Brothers and Sisters, we must be careful. As cyclists, we know the price we pay for such friendly behavior. Because lurking in the shadows of our get togethers and parties is the man with the hammer. I know, you may not have realized this, but it is an observation I have recently made. We have indeed become familiar with him in seasons past when he visits us as the uninvited guest of our friendly bike rides. But now in the off season, the man with the hammer’s love of being the peeping Tom is in full swing. See, for now, the man with the hammer is taking notes on all of our indiscretions, each and every single one. He has a flawless memory bank and each and every thing we indulge at this time of year is officially on the record. Sure, it’s just a piece of pie, but each goodie we take in, it will be required of us one day. See, for the man with the hammer, it’s a special day he looks forward to and it’s called payback day. He’s a bored lunatic who has nothing more to do than inflict loads of hatred upon us. In fact there is nothing that he relishes in more than to take advantage of us at that perfect moment, when you are bleeding out your eyeballs, you are gasping for a short breath of air and this fifty pound monkey jumps on your back. For some, he rarely pays a visit because they are very, very disciplined. For those like myself, he visits often and repeatedly and in heavy doses. Because of his regularly scheduled appointments, I have become more familiar with him and I take note of his characteristics, his virtue, his habits. And the more I learn of him, the more he reminds me of Jack Torrance in the Shining, BAMM, there he is and boy is he ever-present and somebody is gonna pay because he is all about the bat-shit-craziness.
Yes, it’s that special day when you resume your training. That day becomes the day we recognize our sins of the past. It may be the hill repeats, it may be that perfect stretch of road that we find ourselves doing max intervals in V-locus fashion, it may be that long steady climb; but whatever it is we all will come to that pivotal point that we crawl before the alter of the man with the hammer and pay penance for the luxuries of the holiday season. The man with the hammer recalls each and every one of our sins as he checks them off one by one. He calls us to atone and inflicts loads of V commensurate our just deserts. Sadly, some will be discouraged, but for us Keepers of the highest order, we understand this is required. We understand and accept the pain, the suffering, and that atonement is called for. What the man with the hammer doesn’t get, is when we actually sit down at the table like gentlepeople, sit, talk and take account of all that we have done, we then ask for more pain, another pounding, a repeated mashing to make us hard as nails. Because that is exactly what we realize we need in order to become better. The problem is the man with the hammer isn’t interested a conversation and he isn’t a gentleman.
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Another well timed article. I'm in the 3rd day of suffering with the norovirus. This has left me 2.5kg lighter but without enough energy to get dressed let alone turn a pedal in anger. Last weeks outdoor riding was ruined by snow.
My first sportive is in 6 weeks and i need to do everything i can to avoid the man with the hammer on that ride.
A-Merckx, Brother Souleur. Right now I'm in the early stages of Training Properly after holiday excess, meaning base miles and avoiding pinning the needle on the V-Meter. But that time will come soon, and much suffering will ensue.
As a result of too much marzipan and sausage, I've decided to cut out the booze until my birthday, which is at the end of February. It's been tough, last drink was on the 31st. Real tough. Thankfully I've got a gym 3 blocks from my house and a covered velodrome 20 minutes away. My wheat allergy makes it tough to indulge in pie, however a locally made beef jerky store and two gluten free bakeries within a 10 minute walk of my place make short work of that.
I was given the go ahead today from cardio rehab to get on my bike, with the stipulation to keep my HR under 120. I've lost a couple of pounds since my event at Xmas, but considering how sedentary I've been I'm afraid its been as much muscle as fat. I'll just do some easy spinning on the rollers for now. The man with the hammer is going to have to wait awhile longer, but I expect to be punished mercilessly when the time comes.
To paraphrase Chef from Apocalypse Now "Never get off the bike"
Heh, like some kind of perverse Anti-Santa. Making a list; checking it twice; gonna find out who ... gets pasted with the Hammer.
I haven't started yet and the snow is still falling! The man with the hammer has been calling may name since the 1st of January. I'm in trouble and I know it!
@TBONE
Bravo, sir. I admire your resolve. Having a VMH who has 1) a metabolism like a jet fighter aircraft and 2) a borderline Puritan work ethic, I had to bargain to avoid a "No-Booze January."
Okay, I just vetoed it. But I gave in to a "No Chocolate Cake with Expensive High-Fat Vanilla Ice Cream (or the equivalent) in Bed in the Evening While Reading" January. I get to drink, and she gets to suffer the lack of something that doesn't effect her one way or the other. Win/win.
I'm actually rather happy that I've put on no weight at all this holiday season. This doesn't mean that I'm in shape. It means that I've been forcing myself onto the mtb enough to avoid the usual effects of the season.
Fix your Altar:o) Nice writing!
Nice work, Souleur! Damn, I wondered who that was lurking in the corner at all those holiday parties! The off-season conundrum for me plays out like this: I gain some weight and my bibs feel like a girdle, making me want to not ride and not reach for my drops. But, the only way to graduate from a muumuu back to regular clothes, and bib shorts, is to ride the goddamn bike.
Just back from one of the only HardMan rides I've ever had the chance to take in NC - freezing rain, making the roads treacherous, braking a challenge, and my feet numb. On my way out I thought both rims had warped overnight. Nope, the mixed precipitation was freezing to them making them thump when I grabbed the levers. I stopped at a store on the way back in and when I put my hand on the counter the man said, "Is that ice?" I told him yes. I guess he just then noticed my helmet. "You're riding your bike? How far?" I told him I was just out riding for fun.
TBONE - marzipan & sausage? Do you eat those together?
Speaking of TBone...holy fuck, Tyler Farrar crashed near the end of Stage 4 at the TDU. Guess who was on the deck with him, looking suspicious? Two Euskatel riders. Amazing how often those dudes crash.
@Babs
You need to take the opporchancity when it presents itself this time of year....