Categories: Guest Article

Guest Article: What You Don’t Know Will Eventually Kill You

Indian Bicycle Mechanic. photo: Sue Darlow

@prowrench is throwing down the greasy gauntlet. There is truth in his words. We already understand the gap between the professional cyclist and us civilians extends somewhere over the horizon. We can ride the bikes, wear nice kit and ride the race routes but that’s about as close as we can get. No one is paying us to ride. We are not Pros. But we can work on our own bikes can’t we?

Please also see the required supplemental reading, All You Bike Pricks.

VLVV, Gianni

You got a new bike a few years ago and something magical happened. You realized that when your legs aren’t languishing under a desk at the office or basking under the blue glare of the television that, by some unknown miracle, they can propel you to astounding speeds on your bicycle. You took heart, rode some more and you got quick. You joined a club, subscribed to every magazine and every blog, you learned The Rules and quickly ascended to the ranks of the initiated cyclist. Good for you!

You, the tinkerer, are one savvy fellow. You have examined the simple steed beneath you and with your god given mechanical prowess turned a few screws, fiddled with some barrel adjusters, squirted some lube here and there and tamed a few squeaks and calmed the wild mis-shifts that embarrassed you in front of your friends. You maintain your bike, your brother-in-law’s bike, your neighbor’s bike and the kids’ bikes from the neighborhood. Fueled with a few small successes and powered by the unlimited knowledge bestowed upon you by YouTube University and several forums you are now an expert mechanic. You can turn a wrench with the best of them…right?

Let me introduce you to an idea that may not have crossed your mind: You can’t.

Before you take offense, lend me your ear and I will try to help you to comprehend the vastness of all that you don’t know. As a professional mechanic of 12 years, I would like to introduce you to the subject of bicycle maintenance repair from the point of view of the greasy handed elitists who you have come to defy and will avoid paying at all costs.

Every morning I wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed and go to work; just like you. When I get to work, however, I am greeted by the aroma of tires and a spacious shop filled with expensive specialty tools and all manner of bikes. From the wobbly beginners’ bike to the bike you wish you had but probably never will, I work on them all, every day. Your hobby is my bread and butter.

I have installed thousands upon thousands of tires and tubes and threaded countless cables through more shifters and brake levers than you can begin to imagine. I have turned a million spoke nipples and skillfully negotiated the careful equilibrium of the perfectly trued wheel more times that you have tied your shoes. I remember to meticulously check the tension of every nut and bolt on your bike with precisely calibrated torque wrenches: a thought that you wish had occurred to you and a tool you wish you had. I wrap handlebars with confidence and great care so that the tape overlaps with an even, artful twist and tightens as you grip it instead of unraveling after your first few rides. I obsessively position every component just as it ought to be because every bike deserves to be in tip top shape and it is my livelihood to make it so.

I know you think you understand how your bike works. How hard could it be right? There is nothing hidden. Your bicycle sits before you baring all and yet you could take your bike to your neighborhood shop right now and they could find a thousand things wrong with it and just as many ways to charge you in order to fix it. There is a reason for that and the explanation is on its way.

It has taken me years to hone the skills involved in my craft. I can hear when your rear derailleur hanger is out of alignment by a degree or two and that has only come after listening to thousands of derailleurs ticking away in my work stand. You may as well be stone deaf when it comes to that. I know that dropping your front derailleur a millimeter or so and twisting it out just a hair will help it decisively slam and lock your chain to the big ring in the blink of an eye. You might as well be trying to pilot a spacecraft through an asteroid field with a blindfold on. The mechanics at your local shop have paid the price for the precious knowledge which you have supposed could come so easily. Rather than beleaguer you with further examples of how I am right and you are wrong, I will endeavor to make the process of outsourcing the sacred task of maintaining your bike a smooth and painless one.

Bridging The Gap

Successfully communicating with your local mechanics will be key to finding happiness in this process. Mechanics are a fickle bunch and if you haven’t figured it out by reading thus far, some of us might be a tad egotistical and maybe a touch insecure. I will do my best to set you up for success as you repent and and take your bike in for its first much needed, legitimate service.

First, take everything that you have come to know about working on bikes and stick it in your pocket. Mechanics know how to work on bikes and they don’t care much for hearing what you think it entails. From the moment the mechanic lays eyes on your bike, seeing your terrible attempt at wrapping bars, your grossly over lubed drivetrain or the hack job that you did running and ugly web of too long or too short cables and housing all over your bike, he will know, and it will go without saying, what it is that you have been up to. Don’t be too proud of your work because it will only result in heartbreak.

Second, bear in mind that time and expertise are never on closeout and it will cost you to have the pros lay their hands on your beloved bike and resuscitate it to full health. It will be important for your mental well-being to consult with your cohorts and settle on a mechanic that everyone can agree bills repair work fairly and is worth the money that you’ll spend. Since you have been maintaining your bike, you have been letting basic things go through the cracks. The mechanic will want to fix all of these before you get your bike back so your first visit could cost a small fortune. Take heart though, because once this is out of the way, subsequent visits will consist of simple adjustments mainly and will be relatively inexpensive.

Thirdly and most importantly, be kind. I provide whatever service is due to every customer based on what they pay, even if they treat me like scum. For the nice customer however, I always go above and beyond. As the owner of my shop always says, “It is nice to be nice to the nice”. Kindness is currency but even more importantly, currency is currency. A little gratuity goes a long long way at the bike shop. Cash or beer are customary.

Taking your bike to the shop can be a hard step for the committed and self-assured home mechanic. Before the sum of what you don’t know piles up and results in your untimely mid-club-ride death, consider my words and come to the light! Hang up your mail order toy toolset and take your bike to the pros. You deserve it. Your bike deserves it. A-Merckx.

prowrench

I have been on bikes my whole life. I used to ride cross country mountain bikes until about 6 years ago when I fell head-over-heals in love with road cycling. I have worked in bicycle shops for around 10 years now as a mechanic and I love working on bicycles as much as I like to ride them.

View Comments

  • Preaching to the choir here... I am very happy to limit my bike skills to tube changing and necessary cleaning and lubrication.

    Bottom brackets, derailleurs, cables, shifters, hubs and headsets are totally left in the hands of the pros.

  • Some nice words and thoughts, here. But let's be clear: not all mechanics are equal. I'm not challenging the post, but I do take issue with the notion that working on bikes will kill me. My additions to the above post:

    1. Cultivating a good relationship with a good LBS and the shop's mechanic(s) is crucial. But it pays to know whether you are dealing with a good mechanic or not. This requires some felicity with working on bikes.

    2. The biggest difference between professionals and amateurs is hours. Whether it is plumbing, riding, or wrenching, what separates the professional from the amateur is the amount of time they devote to the practice. I will struggle with the wiring or drywall or whatever in my house once; the professional does it daily.

    3. But let's not mistake familiarity with care. Professionals do it quicker and often better, but not always. Being able to do it with their eyes closed does not necessarily render a better finished product.

    4. A good mechanic will teach you what you can do on your own (and how to do it) and what requires specialized expertise or tools.

    I do take my bike to a professional mechanic, but I also do much of the minor work on my own. Retightening, lubing, minor adjustments, etc. happen regularly and as needed. Cleaning at least a couple of times a year, taking apart the whole bike and making sure everything is spick and span.

    The other side of this that deserves emphasis, though, is that worldwide local bike businesses are struggling. Above all: Rule 58 as and when one can.

  • What a tool.

    Rule #6 No matter how good you think you are at what it is you choose to do, there are many thousands out there better than you.

  • Entirely agree. I can do a few basic things myself, the things that allow me to keep going on a ride, or not have to cancel a ride for a minor mechanical issue. Beyond that, my LBS and I have come to an agreement that if they don't start practicing in my field, I won't practice in theirs.

  • Nice! As I read this one of my bikes sits behind me in the stand, still not finished being worked on, even though I was positive it would be done weeks ago. A second bike is at the shop. Why? The NDS crank was seized. Why? I've never worked on BB30 BBs and thus was too scared to pull it often enough for upkeep. Being a cross bike, seeing mud and water, I couldn't get the arm loose. I was happy to have one of my four local mechanics work on it.

    I received a voice message from him this morning. During un-seizing he chipped the pain near the BB shell and to atone is cutting me a discount. I intend to pay him in full, knowing how much pain and suffering he saved me.

    Every single time I do any significant work on my bike I realize that bikes, while seemingly simple, are not simple at all. It's kind of like baking: not that many ingredients, but it's all about the fucking technique.

  • And to second some of what you wrote, 'punk...yes, all mechanics are not created equal, just like all cyclists. Some people might not care if their rear wheel gets rebuilt with black nipples because that was all you had on hand. Me? I'm still not happy about it a few years later.

    Oh, and I also always begin talks with my mechanic by saying: "I can tell you what I think the problem is...or you can just look at it yourself." I try to respect their wishes  but usually have a decent idea of what is happening.

    And, I have a good relationship with all three mechanics I frequently use. Cash money, liquid gold, even grocery store gift cards when they really hook it up.

  • I have no problem taking my bike into the shop I prefer. I recently took my MTso after a ride to deal with the loose rear hub. The mech tlol my bike right away, adjusteit the hub, adjusted the rear brake, and checked the shifting. He even explained what I was doing wrong when I adjusted it myself(I need a 15mm cone wrench for the drive side) as then told me to GTFO. No charge. Not the first time I have gotten free service at that shop.

    A friend is in the market for a real entry level mtb and I'm leading him towards buys at that shop cause its great service and I want them to get the buisness

  • And I will say this. I have been going to school for 2 years to be an aircraft mechanic(almost done) ad bikes are hard. Planes are easy.

  • A-Merckx!

    Well written and expressed, and thank you. I only wish I could get half or more of my customers to read this excellent article.

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prowrench

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