[rule number=28/]

Science has proven that people who wear crazy socks are smarter than those boring snooze factories who wear simple plain socks. I know the data supporting the claims is legitimate because I read it on LinkedIn. Also, when I say “read”, I mean that I glanced briefly at the title while simultaneously performing several other critical activities like checking YouTube for videos of uncoordinated animals and what the weather is like on Mars.

Rule #28 stands out amongst the others as a particularly vague swan for the reasons outlined in the above article, which I assume are that in a world of limited and regimented acceptable conventions in gender style choices, socks present an opportunity to fly our Freak Flag and throw in a few pieces of flair without upsetting the boss, partner, or parents. Even though every Velominatus, the most dedicated and elite of the Cycling Aesthetes, holds white socks in the highest regard, there should always be room for other choices within the Cyclist’s daily style program.

Despite the implication on my intelligence, my own sock choice is rather understated and dictated in part by the employment of the Orange Damsels – my beloved custom orange patent-leather Bont Vaypors. These shoes already make a bit of a statement themselves, so my sock choice needs to be solid and carefully coordinated in order to avoid a conflict between my ankle and foot decorum. For instance, the orange hi-vis DeFeets I ride on the road in bad weather don’t quite match the orange of my shoes, pulling the choke on the ol’ OCD engine. I have therefore allowed myself to wear socks in any color so long as they are either black or white.

The case for white socks is already clear and does not need to be revisited. The case for black socks, however, begins with the principles laid out by Rule #8, wherein the colors of satellite components should normally be matched to their nearest adjacent contact point on the frame. It then follows by extension that the same is true for kit: assuming the mandatory black bibs, black socks bridge the gap between them and whatever shoes you might be wearing. Much like matching the cuffs to the collars, matching the socks to the bibs to black provides a uniform platform from which to build your style program.

Go bold with the choice of socks if you must, but remember to always keep it classy. And, if in doubt, build a solid foundation of color from which to build.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • I have a couple of pairs of black socks, Wool-E-Ators, which I only wear in cooler weather. The only "white" socks are my V-Cog DeFeet which are not solely white. The remainder are striped, neon, and off the fashion charts. Although my favorites are my Lion of Flanders yellow, which match both jersey and frame.

  • Black or crazy logo/slogan are fine for gravel, cx, or MTB, but white only on the road for me.

  • Not sure if it's just the angle Frank, but the toe section on those Bonts look seriously short and wide. Do you have webbed feet perchance?

  • @Le Baz

    Not sure if it’s just the angle Frank, but the toe section on those Bonts look seriously short and wide. Do you have webbed feet perchance?

    He has flippers. But that photo makes the dogs look short and they aren't. F-bomb and I share shoe size and IQ, both around 46.5. Bonts do have a wide toe box, they ain't pretty but they are very comfortable for our toes. I'm a convert.

  • Look: it's very simple, even for keepers with 46.5 IQ points (which, if we're honest, is flattering Frank no end).

    Black shoes. White socks. End of. Otherwise, what you're really doing is drawing attention away from the bike (which must be pristine) and the guns (which must be magnificent).

    Unless, of course, that is the ploy. Maybe Frank's eyesore orange bonts help us forget that his "guns" are only marginally thicker than a tent pole (black is also slimming: not a good look here). But just as we tend to our machine, so should we care for our physique to make our cycling aesthetic as fabulous as possible. There is no acceptable workaround. White socks. Only white. Ride harder.

  • For all articles of wardrobe, "little black _____" is always acceptable (or better), if you have the figure to pull it off.  This is as true for socks as it is for dresses and bikinis.

    Contrariwise, white socks are suitable in only a few, tightly circumscribed, situations.  With white linen and minty drinks; white tennis shoes and cropped grass; saddle shoes and poodle dresses; and, yes, gleaming guns and cleated shoes.

    If you insist on expressing your individuality via multi-hued or garishly patterned socks, then know that you have thrown down a challenge, as unwise as wearing a pink paisley headband to a Hells Angels ride.  Best have the guns to back up the socks, and for V's sake, harness those guns to a properly big gear. The worst sin is twiddling a puny gear inch in frilly yellow socks bearing a drooping, humiliated Lion of Flanders.  Might as well don Birkenstocks and ride a recumbent.

  • Started wearing black socks around 93 or 94, when I was predominantly a mountain biker and white socks were just a stupid idea (as was wearing lycra, fluoro jerseys and 560mm bars). It was an article on Travis Brown that woke me to them, and also sculpted facial hair. Only the socks remain.

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