Categories: Breaking The RulesLa Vie VelominatusLe GraveurMusings from the V-BunkerPlaces to Ride

Places to Ride: Cape Town, South Africa

The road to Chapman Peak south from Cape Town, South Africa.

I’ve never been to Africa before, although I’m not sure Cape Town counts as “Africa”. One thing I noticed is that everyone here is very skinny. I also noticed that the meal proportions served at restaurants are very modest. That shows the difference between prevention and treatment when dealing with obesity; whereas in the United States we are taking the approach of eating our way through to the other side, in Cape Town they are simply not getting fat to begin with. Interesting tactic, I wonder if there’s anything to it.

The people here are skinny skinny, not fat skinny like I am. Nothing like sitting at a beach overflowing with 20-somethings with zero body fat in swim trunks and bikinis to make you realize that you’re an old fat fuck. But I digress.

I also never imagined that I would regret not bringing my bike to Africa. In fact, I regret not bringing two bikes to Africa; on the flight from Johannesburg to Cape Town, I spied with my little eye many a twisty gravel road snaking their way over mountains in the desert. Gravelbone abounds, provided one isn’t taken down by a cobra or a rhino or a tiger or an elephant or a leopard. Especially that last one, there’s no outspeeding those.

Driving the spectacularly undulating, winding roads down to the Cape of Good Hope was a study in how to build the perfect road for Cycling. People here also don’t drive very fast, so the lack of a shoulder doesn’t even seem suicidal. Whats worse is the multitudes of skinny riders making excellent use of the riding bounties to be had. Climbone abounds.

I’m a bit angry with myself for not bringing my bike(s) or even my Cycling kit, but I intend to rectify the situation by ordering double-portions of food and looking for fitness in the bottom of wine bottles as I am given to understand you can find the solution to loads of problems there, like fortune cookies for alcoholics.

In any case, Cape Town now holds a prominent place on my list of places to ride. I’ll be buggered if I’m not bringing my bike next time.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

the Engine says:

Nov 3 2014 at 5:22 am

I'm sure we can hook you up with a bike and kit - how long are you hiding in Africa for?
snowgeek says:

Nov 3 2014 at 7:22 am

I feel your pain...

However, I rented a bike when I was down there. Riding on the southern Cape was spectacular...

I think it was these guys: http://www.capetowncyclehire.co.za/
delivered a bike to my door!
Nate says:

Nov 3 2014 at 8:57 am

Cheetahs are the fast ones. The leopard will just wait in a tree and drop on you with no warning.

Also, add springboks to the list.

http://youtu.be/S2oymHHyV1M
Myrna van Pinxteren says:

Nov 3 2014 at 9:17 am

Hi Frank, please come on tour with Bikes 'n Wines. We got you covered and will show you the most amazing places of the Western Cape by bicycle! http://www.bikesnwines.com
DeKerr says:

Nov 3 2014 at 9:23 am

@Nate I saw the title and came here to post the exact same video.

I had my mountain bike with me when I lived in ZA for a few months (the other side, just inland from Durban) and did not regret it. Yeah, those South Africans are fitness freaks... they're version of a running race goes between Pietermariztburg and Durban, uphill one year and downhill the next. Or you can paddle... a bit longer at 124 km.

That said, there is a pretty high contingent of rednecks (jaapies) and some fairly crippling poverty/social inequality.
PeakInTwoYears says:

Nov 3 2014 at 9:58 am

@DeKerr

Good god. They're running and carrying double kayaks.

I will not be able to un-see that.
BigW says:

Nov 3 2014 at 10:41 am

At least it looks like you got to Chapman's Peak, even if not by bike. For next time, circumnavigating the Cape Point Peninsula (down the Atlantic and back along False Bay) is a very scenic ride indeed. Or come for the Cape Town Cycle Tour in March which does just that, the other way round.
Ron says:

Nov 3 2014 at 11:35 am

Old fat fuck. I feel this way sometimes too. The truly terrible part is that I'm less fat than around 95% of Americans. It's truly astonishing, and depressing, how many folks across the spectrum are in serious trouble.

I don't know what is going to change the problem. You can't tell people they're fat and it's due to their choices. Bullying is a big-time no no these days. You can go after food corporations all you want, they'll say they don't force their products into mouths. And, addressing the fact that obesity affects people living in poverty at a higher rate is an ever more unsolvable problem than just obesity.

Frank - I feel your pain. Prince Edward Island a couple years ago. A dedicated trail across the island, drivers that drive below the speed limit...and I was without a bike. Oh man, did I regret that.
Ccos says:

Nov 3 2014 at 5:54 pm

Traveling without kit or bike, not the skinniest guy in the area...are you involved in some witness protection program or something?
Puffy says:

Nov 3 2014 at 5:59 pm

Don't we have a rule that says "where the Velominati goes, so does his/her bike". Huh... I thought we did and observe it obsessively.

As to the fat problem. 1, your not allowed to call it fat. Well, that's what it is. No, you're not voluptuous, you are in fact fat. 2. the healthy body image thing has gone too far. I am all for a healthy body image, but when an a morbidly obese person stands up and says "I love my body just how it is and there is nothing wrong with it" I get pissed. Fine, love your heart attack waiting to happen diabetic lump of lard you created when you forgot to stop eating, but I'm not paying for medial bills to keep it alive when you hit 40. The operative word here is "HEALTHY" body (image).