It’s no coincidence that Stage Five of the Tour was not only the best one to watch, or that it helped decide the race before nary a hill was crested, but that it was just, well, Stage Five. Only last minute copyright clearances prevented the organisers actually dubbing it Stage V, though they managed to get the rain delivered on time, an essential element for any V-based activity. All that was left to be added was the Grinta.
Some brought more than others. Some brought none. Some brought it, thought they had enough, but when they realised it wasn’t, protested it’s very requirement. Others didn’t even get to remove it from their jersey pocket, too embarrassed to look it in the eye, hoping it will still be there for future, lesser missions. When faced with the harshness of the Hell of the North, those unfamiliar with those parts had a choice to make: Go V or go home.
Along with laying out their kit and possibly engaging in some superstitious rituals, an enlightened Velominatus will abide by the V Stages of V to ward off any Anti-V that may be infiltrating the peloton/bunch/mates. Like a twelve-step plan for alcoholics, stick by this edict and you’ll have earned that beer.
Recognition: Have a look at what’s in front of you, and see it for what it really is. You’re not going out there to smile and skip and frolic, you’re going to be inflicting hardship and pain upon your body and mind, and no matter how you try to sugar-coat it (“it’s a recovery ride” “let’s just cruise” etc), you must recognise that this will not be pleasant. At all.
Acceptance: Ok, so this is gonna suck, but you know what? Bring it on! I mean, how bad can it really be? Embrace the conditions, even if the rain is coming in sideways and your toes are blue before you start, you must rub your hands together and at the very least project an air of not giving a fuck.
Action: The secret to suffering is seclusion. Suffer internally, not outwardly. Suffer in silence, no-one wants to hear you complaining or grunting or retching when they feel just as bad. Rule #5 doesn’t need to be flaunted to be effective, so just get on with it. And remember, stay Casually Deliberate at all times.
Reaction: You’re not going to be able to lay down massive amounts of hurt and not pay for it. That’s what the V-Bank is all about. Deposits and withdrawals. The more you put in, the more fools you drop. The more you take out, the more fools you drop, harder.
Vainquer: Winning isn’t about crossing the line first. Ok, it is. But it’s also knowing you’ve not only beaten everyone else, but you’ve stared down your own demons, took on what you thought was impossible, and wrestled it to the ground and stamped on it with a smooth carbon-soled slipper. That may seem a bit how’s your father, but it’s not.
It’s V. And that’s a win.
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Stage V certainly made the Tour for me. The way Nibbles took it to the other GC guys, basically saying "well, you can wait til the mountains, but I'm gonna race today..." I think he would've won the Tour even if Bertie and Froome were still riding, after his rides in stages 2 and V. Brilliant tactical riding and bucketloads of grinta.
VV Dam, Boom, those boys make lime green look like the toughest hue there is!
VV Dam is possibly the best nickname in recent memory. I hope one of us Keeper dingbats has the sense to put that in the Lexicon. That is solid gold!
Bretto, this is your best piece yet. This is going into the scrapbook:
@frank
Cheers mate. Added to Lexi.
Excellent stuff. Generally enjoyed the tour this year, but the V was by far the standout. Awesome picture too.
@piwakawaka
I'm assuming the fire risk came from the copious amounts of lightning that was also on hand, unfortunately that was enough to put a stop to me kitting up. Not much fun being on top of a hill when there's that stuff around.
@sthilzy usually I avoid wearing gloves where possible, but for days where it's below 5 I tend to bring some woollen DeFeet Duragloves for once I'm done climbing.
A rule V day at the Tour Of Poland... Golf ball hail storms, falling trees and debris strewn roads. Epic.
@Mikael Liddy
Had to Google how cold you are talking. Sounds reasonable for that weather...
@brett, nicely done, even if I am not a Stages of anything fan.
@brett
Found this article again and wanted to sound the V siren. And at this point, is Velominati orange considered an agent used to signify the V -- to remind us ??