Waiting for the Man

Big Mig, waiting for an appointment with the Man with the Hammer.

You have three questions going through your mind:
How far to go?
How hard am I trying?
Is the pace sustainable for that distance?
If the answer is “yes”, that means you’re not trying hard enough. If it’s no, it’s too late to do anything about it. You’re looking for the answer “maybe”.

Chris Boardman, on The Hour Record, Rouleur

Cyclists, whether on the start line of a race or at the café before a group ride, are a chatty bunch. How’s your training going? The legs feeling alright? How do you like Di2? I could never go electronic, need to feel the cable, you know – need to be connected to my bike.

I wouldn’t go so far as to call it “substantive conversation”; we are more leg than brain, after all. But no matter how good the form has been, we are always worried that it has somehow left us, and worry tends to make the mouth go. Chatter distracts the mind from the doubts that should have been nagging us the last month about our training, but who only turned up about ten minutes before we arrived to the start, long after there was anything we could do about it.

The Contre la Montre, on the other hand, always shows a different rider. No matter how dominant the rider, they are always deep in thought, never chuckling, never grinning. There is no one to lighten the mood, no distracting the mind from the pain and inherent uncertainty of the body’s ability to cope with the suffering that is to come. There is an appointment with the Man with the Hammer somewhere on the road you are about to travel down; he is as unpredictable as he is ruthless.

The rider who waits on the start line of a time trial is a rider who is squaring up with the reality that no matter the state of their training, they are waiting for the man.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

RobSandy says:

Sep 9 2016 at 1:25 pm

@chris

And if I’m to carry a bottle of fizz around on my bike, a pint is perfect. Rule #24 covers liquids and Rule 52 states bidons are to be 500 – 610 so a pint would be within that range. Not that one would put champagne in ones bidons. We’re not savages after all.

If you're drinking champagne while cycling, it's because you've been handed a glass by your DS from the team car because you're about to ride into Paris wearing yellow.
ChrisO says:

Sep 14 2016 at 1:35 am

Wow, there's a 90 year old entered into my last TT of the season on Sunday. Makes the two 74 year olds look positively youthful.

It's a Veterans TT Association event (Vets = Over 40) so it lists the ages and our Standard target times for 25 miles. His is 1:36:06, but frankly who cares - wonder if I'll still be doing it in 40 years.
Teocalli says:

Sep 14 2016 at 3:02 am

@ChrisO

Respect! My mum gave up skiing at 90 the season before last.
Randy C says:

Sep 14 2016 at 4:31 am

@ChrisO

Wow, there’s a 90 year old entered into my last TT of the season on Sunday. Makes the two 74 year olds look positively youthful.

It’s a Veterans TT Association event (Vets = Over 40) so it lists the ages and our Standard target times for 25 miles. His is 1:36:06, but frankly who cares – wonder if I’ll still be doing it in 40 years.

Let us know if this individual shows up on a C bike with Di2 shifters and disc brakes… Cheers
ChrisO says:

Sep 14 2016 at 7:50 am

Well he's off 8 minutes ahead of me so if I don't see him I'm having a bad day.
KogaLover says:

Sep 15 2016 at 7:01 am

@RobSandy

@KogaLover

@chris

It would seem that one of the benefits of Brexit will be the reintroduction of imperial pints of champagne. Perfect for the gentleman racer.

Maybe, they’ll also carry on producing Land Rover Defenders…

I doubt the Keepers will consider to change Rule #24 (no Imperial measurements) nor #52 (max 500ml).

And an imperial pint of champagne is a bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it?

It’s a tautology.

You couldn’t have a metric pint. That’d be an oxymoron.

Tautology: imperial pint

Oxymoron: pint of champagne

Oxymoron: metric pint

Capisci?
RobSandy says:

Sep 15 2016 at 7:23 am

@KogaLover

@RobSandy

@KogaLover

@chris

It would seem that one of the benefits of Brexit will be the reintroduction of imperial pints of champagne. Perfect for the gentleman racer.

Maybe, they’ll also carry on producing Land Rover Defenders…

I doubt the Keepers will consider to change Rule #24 (no Imperial measurements) nor #52 (max 500ml).

And an imperial pint of champagne is a bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it?

It’s a tautology.

You couldn’t have a metric pint. That’d be an oxymoron.

Tautology: imperial pint

Oxymoron: pint of champagne

Oxymoron: metric pint

Capisci?

100% agree old bean.
ChrisO says:

Sep 18 2016 at 7:05 am

Well bloody hell, the old chap won on handicap.

He did a 1:20 something which put him 15 minutes below his Standard time and in first place.

He was off 8 minutes ahead of me and I didn't pass him until about 10 miles in.

I just managed to squeeze under the hour with 59.45. Was hoping for a little more but a 58 was probably my aspirational target so it's not far off. It's a course where pacing is very difficult.