White Lightning Shades

Ian Stannard crushes gravel and pulls the muddled masses in his wake of Awesome. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

I like definition, to place things in a box and tightly seal the lid. It makes me feel comfortable, like another of life’s little mysteries has been stored away for safe keeping. I also love ambiguity; it is the space wherein all interesting questions are asked; the unknown is life’s greatest beauty. You might say that makes me a hypocrite but I prefer to think of it as a paradox.

The subjective choices surrounding aesthetics are an obvious target for this peculiar neurosis of mine, and therefor I am bound by blood to draw hard lines by which I judge with a harsh and heavy gavel. These are lines that may never be crossed until such time that I change my mind, in which case there will be a loudly articulated logic tree defending the change.

And so it is with the choice of sunglass frames which, obviously, should always be white.*

The first mistake the Pedalwan makes when trying their hand at Looking Fantastic is to overmatch their kit. Everything the in monochrome from tops to tails, throughout with the same dominant colors. It isn’t the worst place to start, much better than an uncoordinated hodgepodge for certain, but the eye needs some balanced variety; some disruptions to give it something cling to.

Cycling has a lot happening from an aesthetic point of view; bicycle frames, wheels, tires, shoes, socks, gloves, bar tape, saddles, bidons, helmets, jerseys, shorts, whirring guns…each offering its own shape, design, and color palette. Geometrically, we have variety covered. But when it comes to colors, the sky’s the limit (so long as the shorts are black). We are free to get creative and let different color combinations play off each other. But in the midst of all that noise, the eye needs a lightening rod, something neutral to to take the charge off all that Awesome. This is where white sunglasses come in: they offer a neutral contrast point to the technicolor delight that is the Elite Cyclist.

Looking Fantastic is an art. There is no user guide, no App for That. The choices you make are your own and are in themselves less important than your confidence in them. But never underestimate the grounding power of White Lightning Shades.

* This applies strictly to cycling-specific activities and does not include being shirtless on the beach wearing obnoxious square white shades to try to impress the babes. Also, in case you’re that guy and you’re reading this, the girls at the beach who are sunbathing with their bikini top untied are onto your plan to play frisbee right next to them in the hope of startling them and getting them to sit up quickly. Seriously, its not their first rodeo; try something else. Like not being such a dingbat.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Good post Frank. As usual, lot's of life-lesson nuggets: Definition/Ambiguity. Disruption/Grounding. Paradox.  "The choices you make are your own and are in themselves less important than your confidence in them." A-Merckx.

  • I too like definitions, as they make things very black and white.  Something is or isn't, end of story.  Unless of course the definition implies something grey, at which point I will rationalize the greyness using black or white hypotheses, thus getting everything in the spectrum into check.

    Here's the paradox I see:  Pros in the pic....check.  Their kit matched (bike, kit, shoes, helmet, etc.)

    By definition they are Looking Pro, for a pro can look no other way regardless of kit.

    Suddenly, a Keeper states that over matching kit is a Pedalwan thing to do, hereby reducing a photo full of Pros to Pedalwan status.

    Not only are my blacks and whites messed up, but I'm not sure if my black is even black anymore.  Maybe what I've thought was white all my life everyone else calls black, and vice versa.  Looks like I'm going to have to sit down and sort out some compartmentalization of rationale to sort everything out.

    On second thought, I'll just go for a ride, and the freedom in suffering that lies therein will erase all this nonsense.  After all, it is all about the bike.

    Or is it all about the ride....dang it! Black and White all messed up again.

  • White sun glasses are very hard to pull off and most people cant. Also, outside of the cycling word, have you seen the kind of people who wear white glasses?

    Ill stick with my 3 pairs of black sun glasses.

  • Quick, someone post a pic of Assos girl! Guy Fieri? Twat to the power of infinity and purveyor of overpriced shite.

    Still wearing my white sunnies on the bike.

  • @Mikael Liddy Nice. I've gone down a similar route but silver/grey with orange highlights.

    Works well with my v-kit but not so much with my red club kit.

    The whole thing would be a fucking minefield if it wasn't for such wise words from Frank:

    The first mistake the Pedalwan makes when trying their hand at Looking Fantastic is to overmatch their kit. 

    Otherwise we'd be shelling out for helmets and shoes for each kit. (I'm drawn to @roadslave525's new shoes though...)

  • @Chris

    @RedRanger There are many cyclist who can pull it off either

    Win

    Fail

    It's appropriate that Froome has a bug-eyed look with the white shades as he is the spider-humping-the-lightbulb.

    Geraint Thomas needs to be let off the Sky leash - why do I always feel that he's too often put "in service" rather than getting it. Stage 5 for example. I know he's Froomedog's dog, but imagine if he was riding for himself. I mean flats he does, hills he does and mountains not too shabby. Seems to recover well and stays out of trouble.

  • @Ccos

    Talk about a paradox: white sunglasses while appearing fantastic when worn on the bike, open the door to douchedom off of it.

    +1

  • @wiscot you don't train to be a big engine, and then try to ride like a billy goat, no GC guy wins without the services of the likes of GT, now if he trained to win stage races I'm sure he would go well, but he doesn't, he trains specifically to look after his team leader, firstly Froome then Porte who is probably the only guy who trained to be a GC contender, i.e. last man standing for Froome.

Share
Published by
frank

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

6 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago