White Lightning Shades

Ian Stannard crushes gravel and pulls the muddled masses in his wake of Awesome. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

I like definition, to place things in a box and tightly seal the lid. It makes me feel comfortable, like another of life’s little mysteries has been stored away for safe keeping. I also love ambiguity; it is the space wherein all interesting questions are asked; the unknown is life’s greatest beauty. You might say that makes me a hypocrite but I prefer to think of it as a paradox.

The subjective choices surrounding aesthetics are an obvious target for this peculiar neurosis of mine, and therefor I am bound by blood to draw hard lines by which I judge with a harsh and heavy gavel. These are lines that may never be crossed until such time that I change my mind, in which case there will be a loudly articulated logic tree defending the change.

And so it is with the choice of sunglass frames which, obviously, should always be white.*

The first mistake the Pedalwan makes when trying their hand at Looking Fantastic is to overmatch their kit. Everything the in monochrome from tops to tails, throughout with the same dominant colors. It isn’t the worst place to start, much better than an uncoordinated hodgepodge for certain, but the eye needs some balanced variety; some disruptions to give it something cling to.

Cycling has a lot happening from an aesthetic point of view; bicycle frames, wheels, tires, shoes, socks, gloves, bar tape, saddles, bidons, helmets, jerseys, shorts, whirring guns…each offering its own shape, design, and color palette. Geometrically, we have variety covered. But when it comes to colors, the sky’s the limit (so long as the shorts are black). We are free to get creative and let different color combinations play off each other. But in the midst of all that noise, the eye needs a lightening rod, something neutral to to take the charge off all that Awesome. This is where white sunglasses come in: they offer a neutral contrast point to the technicolor delight that is the Elite Cyclist.

Looking Fantastic is an art. There is no user guide, no App for That. The choices you make are your own and are in themselves less important than your confidence in them. But never underestimate the grounding power of White Lightning Shades.

* This applies strictly to cycling-specific activities and does not include being shirtless on the beach wearing obnoxious square white shades to try to impress the babes. Also, in case you’re that guy and you’re reading this, the girls at the beach who are sunbathing with their bikini top untied are onto your plan to play frisbee right next to them in the hope of startling them and getting them to sit up quickly. Seriously, its not their first rodeo; try something else. Like not being such a dingbat.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

wiscot says:

Jul 22 2014 at 10:05 am

@frank

@wiscot

Geraint Thomas needs to be let off the Sky leash - why do I always feel that he's too often put "in service" rather than getting it. Stage 5 for example. I know he's Froomedog's dog, but imagine if he was riding for himself. I mean flats he does, hills he does and mountains not too shabby. Seems to recover well and stays out of trouble.

I'd love to see him targeting a race like Liege; I realize its been completely taken over by the specialists like every other event in the sport has been the last 10 years or so, but a rider like him should be able to make a cheeky move from farther out and handle himself nicely.

With the right training and focus, I could really see GT take on a Kelly-esque career. Maybe not the GT's (yes, I know SK won the Vuelta) but one/two week stage races. He's smart, aggressive and physically adaptable. No reason that he shouldn't be looking at Roubaix, Leige, Lombardy, Flanders.

I'm excited to see what Tony Panzerwagen can do in the new few years. Another that could go far.
frank says:

Jul 22 2014 at 10:21 am

@wiscot

@frank

@Ccos

@RedRanger

White sun glasses are very hard to pull off and most people cant. Also, outside of the cycling word, have you seen the kind of people who wear white glasses?

About his look, you know this dude's thinking: "yep, nailed it."

In fairness, that ice cream cone looks mighty tasty.

The nerd with no ice cream looks like he's wearing a pair of "X-Ray Vision" glasses he got off a Bazooka Joe bubblegum wrapper and is saying "Hey! These things don't work! The Chicks are still wearing clothes. What gives, bro?"

Ice cream boy spent his hard earned cash on a cone and looks pleased with his choice.

@Ccos

@wiscot

@frank

@Ccos

@RedRanger

White sun glasses are very hard to pull off and most people cant. Also, outside of the cycling word, have you seen the kind of people who wear white glasses?

About his look, you know this dude's thinking: "yep, nailed it."

In fairness, that ice cream cone looks mighty tasty.

The nerd with no ice cream looks like he's wearing a pair of "X-Ray Vision" glasses he got off a Bazooka Joe bubblegum wrapper and is saying "Hey! These things don't work! The Chicks are still wearing clothes. What gives, bro?"

Ice cream boy spent his hard earned cash on a cone and looks pleased with his choice.

Actually it's a picture from the future of a fat Mark Cavendish and a less fat Bernie Eisel.

Between these two posts, the internet has peaked. All downhill from here folks.

@Ron

meursault - I'm also intrigued at trying out shades from new/different manufacturers. Have a few pairs of Oakleys, those Salice's look pretty darn cool for on-bike wearing. I've been digging some of the Uvex shades on the Giant-Shimano team and the (is it) R+ ones of Saxo-T, though not in yellow/blue.

And hey, if you've got the Italian tricolor on your shades, then on your feet (if you are sporting Sidis), well what is cooler than head/toe Italian flags?

Dutch flags, lions of flanders flags, v-cog flags, v-lion flags...

@wiscot

I know it's just the angle of the shot, but doesn't Stannard look like he's riding a bike that more than a tad too small?

Don't get me started on frame sizing, mate.
frank says:

Jul 22 2014 at 10:31 am

@wiscot

@frank

@wiscot

Geraint Thomas needs to be let off the Sky leash - why do I always feel that he's too often put "in service" rather than getting it. Stage 5 for example. I know he's Froomedog's dog, but imagine if he was riding for himself. I mean flats he does, hills he does and mountains not too shabby. Seems to recover well and stays out of trouble.

I'd love to see him targeting a race like Liege; I realize its been completely taken over by the specialists like every other event in the sport has been the last 10 years or so, but a rider like him should be able to make a cheeky move from farther out and handle himself nicely.

With the right training and focus, I could really see GT take on a Kelly-esque career. Maybe not the GT's (yes, I know SK won the Vuelta) but one/two week stage races. He's smart, aggressive and physically adaptable. No reason that he shouldn't be looking at Roubaix, Leige, Lombardy, Flanders.

I'm excited to see what Tony Panzerwagen can do in the new few years. Another that could go far.

I'm amazed to see him climbing so well.

Why are these big guys getting over mountains again? Is it because the bunch is cleaner and the climbers not as as astronomical or is it because the big boys are juiced? I prefer option A.
KW says:

Jul 22 2014 at 11:19 am

@frank

@wiscot

@frank

@wiscot

Geraint Thomas needs to be let off the Sky leash - why do I always feel that he's too often put "in service" rather than getting it. Stage 5 for example. I know he's Froomedog's dog, but imagine if he was riding for himself. I mean flats he does, hills he does and mountains not too shabby. Seems to recover well and stays out of trouble.

I'd love to see him targeting a race like Liege; I realize its been completely taken over by the specialists like every other event in the sport has been the last 10 years or so, but a rider like him should be able to make a cheeky move from farther out and handle himself nicely.

With the right training and focus, I could really see GT take on a Kelly-esque career. Maybe not the GT's (yes, I know SK won the Vuelta) but one/two week stage races. He's smart, aggressive and physically adaptable. No reason that he shouldn't be looking at Roubaix, Leige, Lombardy, Flanders.

I'm excited to see what Tony Panzerwagen can do in the new few years. Another that could go far.

I'm amazed to see him climbing so well.

Why are these big guys getting over mountains again? Is it because the bunch is cleaner and the climbers not as as astronomical or is it because the big boys are juiced? I prefer option A.

Martin has jumped up a bunch places on my list of favorite riders in this Tour. Some really incredible riding. I already mentioned his heroic towing of Kwiatkowski in the mountains the day after his solo stage win. I really thought for a moment he might win Stage 15 the other day. He was riding away from everyone while trying to lead out the sprint! As far as pure power goes, there aren't many who can match him right now.

He had a really nice Casually Deliberate moment there too--hammering away, and very nonchalantly reaches up and pulls his shades down, like he wasn't doing 50+kph.
meursault says:

Jul 28 2014 at 10:10 am

Thibaut been rocking them too.
KW says:

Jul 28 2014 at 12:08 pm

@meursault

Thibaut been rocking them too.

Negated by the all-white kit.
DerHoggz says:

Jul 30 2014 at 6:50 am

Frank I always knew you were wrong with the silver V-shades.
DerHoggz says:

Jul 30 2014 at 6:50 am

By that I mean white Jawbones with black lowers are awesome.