Spiderman and His Climbing Monkey

How can anyone be such a great cyclist and look so ungainly on a bike? Does this not violate a basic tenet of V-philosophy? Would he not be faster if his knees and elbows were tucked in neatly, aligned with his forward motion?

On riding style alone Quintana has a huge edge, he just looks good as he climbs. He should be able to summon some extra V just on the looking-good-is-feeling-good-factor.

Pinot versus Bardet: Pinot always looks like he is in a fight with his bike on the uphills. Again, wouldn’t less fighting and more souplesse translate into more speed? Like Tommy ‘man of a thousand faces’ Voeckler, his climbing style of off the back, sprint forward, out of the saddle, jersey open, drift off the back again…and repeat. It makes no sense but the guy gets it done.

Looking good on the rivet on the flats is easier: a flat back, everything tucked in, body pulled low over the bike, almost everyone looks pretty awesome going hard when the terrain is level. Put the road into double digit ascent and everything comes off the rails. One’s inner climbing monkey comes out and some monkeys just look better than others. It’s not a reflection of inner beauty or Hardness or a life more cleanly lived. To paraphrase Don ‘puddin’ face’ Rumsfeld, you climb with the monkey you got, not the climbing monkey you wish you had.

My monkey is a slothie, sweaty old beast with one paw in the grave. It’s always been my monkey and we have become good friends. Froome’s is a Sumatran spider monkey, hopped up on a diet of buffo toads and fermented bananas. When that monkey appears, everyone better get out of the way.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

View Comments

  • @Teocalli

    @Zman

    Perhaps, you can ask him the question about being faster with elbows tucked when you’re riding next to him in some climb. If not, who gives a flying f&@$?!

    what’s next, having the right haircut?

    Ask Marcel Kitel.

    True story. I maintain the reason Sagan doesn't win races or stages much any more is because he won't cut his hippy hair.

  • @Owen

    @Teocalli

    @Zman

    Perhaps, you can ask him the question about being faster with elbows tucked when you’re riding next to him in some climb. If not, who gives a flying f&@$?!

    what’s next, having the right haircut?

    Ask Marcel Kitel.

    True story. I maintain the reason Sagan doesn’t win races or stages much any more is because he won’t cut his hippy hair.

    Have you seen Aru's hair these days? I remember seeing pics from a few years back and there was a barber on hand during the Tour in case a rider wanted a wee trim. Clearly, if he's still there he's not very busy these days.

    In any case, Anquetil had the best hair ever.

  • Talking of Anquetil is this his wife? She looks similar but I can't find any credit to confirm. Possibly from the period before they were married (if you know the story of that).

     

     

  • @wiscot

    @Owen

    @Teocalli

    @Zman

    Perhaps, you can ask him the question about being faster with elbows tucked when you’re riding next to him in some climb. If not, who gives a flying f&@$?!

    what’s next, having the right haircut?

    Ask Marcel Kitel.

    True story. I maintain the reason Sagan doesn’t win races or stages much any more is because he won’t cut his hippy hair.

    Have you seen Aru’s hair these days? I remember seeing pics from a few years back and there was a barber on hand during the Tour in case a rider wanted a wee trim. Clearly, if he’s still there he’s not very busy these days.

    In any case, Anquetil had the best hair ever.

    Aru is winning stages when?

  • @Teocalli

    Talking of Anquetil is this his wife? She looks similar but I can’t find any credit to confirm. Possibly from the period before they were married (if you know the story of that).

    @wiscot should note that I'm not making arguments on relative attractiveness of wives in the peleton. Only haircuts.

  • @Oli

    @Owen

    What?? Have you missed his season? He’s the most winning World Champion in recent memory!

    This is true.

    And regardless of the rainbow bands Sagan is having one of his better seasons anyway - he's always been one of the best riders but not made the top step at the biggest races, whereas this year he's got his first Monument and a Tour stage.

  • @Owen

    @Teocalli

    Talking of Anquetil is this his wife? She looks similar but I can’t find any credit to confirm. Possibly from the period before they were married (if you know the story of that).

    @wiscot should note that I’m not making arguments on relative attractiveness of wives in the peleton. Only haircuts.

    Anquetil's wife was a blonde, but I'm pretty sure this isn't her being "autographed."

    @Owen. Of course not. We like to keep things high-minded around here! Speaking of which, ou est la femme d'Assos aujourd hui? (Sorry for the awful French).

  • @wiscot

    @Owen

    @Teocalli

    Talking of Anquetil is this his wife? She looks similar but I can’t find any credit to confirm. Possibly from the period before they were married (if you know the story of that).

    @wiscot should note that I’m not making arguments on relative attractiveness of wives in the peleton. Only haircuts.

    Anquetil’s wife was a blonde, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t her being “autographed.”

    @Owen. Of course not. We like to keep things high-minded around here! Speaking of which, ou est la femme d’Assos aujourd hui? (Sorry for the awful French).

    It's been a while since I read the book but I have a vague recollection that the girl in the photo is the "Miss France" of the day, or some film starlet at Cannes. I agree that it's not his wife though.

Share
Published by
Gianni

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

6 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago