Spiderman and His Climbing Monkey

How can anyone be such a great cyclist and look so ungainly on a bike? Does this not violate a basic tenet of V-philosophy? Would he not be faster if his knees and elbows were tucked in neatly, aligned with his forward motion?

On riding style alone Quintana has a huge edge, he just looks good as he climbs. He should be able to summon some extra V just on the looking-good-is-feeling-good-factor.

Pinot versus Bardet: Pinot always looks like he is in a fight with his bike on the uphills. Again, wouldn’t less fighting and more souplesse translate into more speed? Like Tommy ‘man of a thousand faces’ Voeckler, his climbing style of off the back, sprint forward, out of the saddle, jersey open, drift off the back again…and repeat. It makes no sense but the guy gets it done.

Looking good on the rivet on the flats is easier: a flat back, everything tucked in, body pulled low over the bike, almost everyone looks pretty awesome going hard when the terrain is level. Put the road into double digit ascent and everything comes off the rails. One’s inner climbing monkey comes out and some monkeys just look better than others. It’s not a reflection of inner beauty or Hardness or a life more cleanly lived. To paraphrase Don ‘puddin’ face’ Rumsfeld, you climb with the monkey you got, not the climbing monkey you wish you had.

My monkey is a slothie, sweaty old beast with one paw in the grave. It’s always been my monkey and we have become good friends. Froome’s is a Sumatran spider monkey, hopped up on a diet of buffo toads and fermented bananas. When that monkey appears, everyone better get out of the way.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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  • @Teocalli

    @Zman

    Perhaps, you can ask him the question about being faster with elbows tucked when you’re riding next to him in some climb. If not, who gives a flying f&@$?!

    what’s next, having the right haircut?

    Ask Marcel Kitel.

    I fear Marecl is not drawing sufficient V from his hairdoo. The lad is getting beaten? WTF. Maybe Bob 'welcome to the ' Jungles has siphoned off some. There is only so much V-doo in the universe.

  • @Gianni

    @andrew

    @Zman

    Been there, discussed that.

    Wow, I’m impressed you could reference a 2011 post about a Schleck. Has brother Frank already dropped out of the Tour or is he watching from the couch, injured?

    49th, 32s back, so in front of Contador and Porte, for the moment, anyway.  Perhaps he should drop while he's ahead.

    And I remembered the post, if only for one of the horror-show hair-dos in the comments, even if I had to use the search feature to track it down!

  • Its as though some of you have never visited this site before.   The question/comment regarding the spider monkey should be phrased like this;

    "Who gives a fuck if he's fast or not, he looks hideous!!"

     

    It won't be long before somebody says that it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you can lay down some V.  And then we really will be back in 2011.

  • Froome is just the latest version of a long line. If you are a GC contender from an English-speaking country (who is not from a track background and you aren't Phil Anderson) you look crap on a bike. To wit:

    Cadelephant - whilst his TT position was a thing of beauty, his dead man's grip and his inability to rock a poker face, made him painful to watch

    Cotho - his high cadence was nice, but he didn't look great. Those pointed toes, ergh.

    Landis - maybe it was the Phonak kit, or the roid rage, he never looked right.

    Hamilton, Leipheimer, Porte, the list goes on. Hesjedal wasn't completely offensive to watch, but he is Canadian, so maybe the French-speakers of Montreal influenced.

    Then consider the likes of the endurance trackies like Wiggins, McGee, O'Grady - lovely to watch.

     

     

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