Flies and dogs, two things that we don’t need on a climb.
I had descended down this street many times, but I had never before ridden up it. I even said hello to the two excited pitbulls on the other side of the driveway gate. I like dogs. I like them until one of them squeezes under the gate and I’m going uphill slowly. Pitbulls aren’t the fastest breed out there but they can haul ass when they have incentive. He was under the fence and closing the distance to me in seconds. Yelling and sprinting uphill; this could be a new speciality in the sport of cycling. I can shout curses, commands and climb at the same time, a skill the professionals never show off. He was right next to my rear wheel yet I escaped. The damage to my heart and nerves may last forever.
There was an older pitbull on our Sunday ride route. It always added a frisson as we approached the slight uphill bend. Sometime he was waiting for us, sometimes not. Luckily by the time I joined the rides he was a little more bark than bite and a watery blast from a bidon backed him off. Then he was down to three legs. Last time I saw him he was relaxing on the side of the road, he picked up his head and watched us ride by, and put his head down again. Score one for the cyclists.
It’s always a climb when some dog needs to chase me.
In New Mexico, on a rural highway, two dogs saw me from a house above the road. The dogs flew down into a deep gulch between the road and the house. I shifted up and started Hornering (must add to lexicon) my ass up the long hill, hoping they couldn’t get through the gulch. Please baby jesus don’t let them get through that gulch. They must have had a well worn path through that gulch as they were quickly coming up my side with only a guardrail between them and me. Again, I had just enough time to get body and bike flying before they got under the guardrail. Fuckers.
The bidon squirting is a good method; it surprises dogs completely. But it’s hard to do when gripping the bars tightly and crushing the pedals whilst cursing at beast. Pulling a bidon out and spraying a dog in the face requires one let a dog get his face in spraying distance and I’m not that guy if I can help it.
Having your legs spinning in a blurred motion might be a deterrent for the close-in dog. It’s harder to bite a blur.
Stopping? Who dares to stop and put the bike between shaved leg and dog? No, I’m not that guy either. If there is nothing to chase, they won’t bother you. Really, what single breed of dog is that? Most nasty dogs can’t believe their luck that you stopped; it nearly takes the fun out of it for them. What, I can just bite you now? So you stop and do not get bitten, dog just sits there and dares you to ride off. It is a standoff, hoping the owner eventually comes out to see why his dog is barking? The owner is at work, he should be home by 5:30pm.
I’m a bad sprinter and a bad climber but when chased I can do both at the same time. Maybe I just need a canine coach. It would produce my best hour record on the track; a slavering German Shepard who can run 40 km/hr for an hour. In some damaged atavistic part of my brain I actually appreciate this seemingly life or death sprint. I don’t enjoy it but I appreciate it. In cave days we had a rock or spear to make sure we made it through the day. Now we have a big chainring and ergo-shifters to assure our survival.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
Gianni, "Hornering" - genius, especially for those of us in that age range...!
First favorite dog story, Sunday training ride Woods Hole to Boston, long flat road somewhere by Carver. A typical cape house but with a huge front lawn, no cars or trees, dead straight road. Sitting next to (and I kid you not) a 3 year old little girl in a pink party dress is a massive Doberman looking like the Sphinxs.
Now I know dogs and I know dog owners and if I had a 3 year old and lived in a sketchy place like Carver with no neighbors and I wanted to watch the Patriots undisturbed on a Sunday afternoon Id be very comfortable with my huge Doberman watching my little angel.
There were 2 things in my favor, three if you count that they were nearer the house than the road, she (the bitch) did not see me first and I was in the best sprinting shape of my life. So there were a few seconds to gage trajectories, possible speeds and best outcomes... so I went for it - full out sprint mode.
She must have been young or did not get much practice on that lonely road, I only made it because she slightly misjudged her angle and at the end she had to curve to adjust. I consider that one of my best sprints - ever!
The other story is just funny, 5 guys out for a early spring training ride in New England farm country, windy dry day and as we started up a small rise we ALL heard that unmistakable sound of dog toe nails skritch-skratching across the road and like 5 scared rabbits we each got out of the saddle and went like hell, only to turn around and see dry winter leaves dancing across the road...
@Jaundo
Yeah up here in Calgary there used to be an infamous hawk that sat in some trees along the North Side of hwy 22x just west of town. Even had an event named after him at one point... there is nothing more ominous then being down on the drops with the sun behind you and seeing the shadow of the wingspan glide up behind/over you. Always made for a good sprint early in the ride....
I love dogs; I own three. But something melts in their brains when they see a human on a bike. It blew my pit puppy's tiny little brain when she first saw me on a bike. My older lab/shep/pit mix (yes, coolest dog in the history of dogs) was just psyched I could finally move as fast as he always wanted me to.
It would suck to be a dog and basically have only one tool available for investigating stuff like spinning wheels and bee hives. I wouldn't want to do that with my face, I'll tell you that.
When I lived in North Carolina, I lived waaaay out in the country. The dogs were ferocious, their owners sitting on the porch, shouting encouragement to the chasing dogs. On one occasion, I heard the owner laughingly yell at this dog to "Get them fuckin' fairy bike riders!"
Now, I say again, I love dogs, but they were so fast and so mean, the only recourse we had was to ride with pepper spray. Talk about stopping a dog in their tracks.
This article reminds me of my favorite scene from my favorite worst cycling movie, American Fliers.
@frank One theory is that dogs don't understand that cyclists are humans. When you yell at them they get it and might back off. It's worked for me.
Re the clip, dubbed into Italian no less. Nice touch.
@Brian
Re the complex geometry thing - if you think about it they would have been selected out long ago without the ability to do that. In fact as we don't jink like a Rabbit the only surprise is that we are worth chasing!
I had a Rottweiler actually land in my lap when going down a trail a few years back. Fortunately it was only being friendly and wanted to play but it did knock me clean off the bike. First thing I saw was a black and brown blur out of the corner of my eye and next thing I was in the dirt with a bloomin' great dog bouncing on me.
It is amazing how they can calculate lead. I've found that sometimes if you vector away and then cut right back into their intercept path it just befuckles their minds. But you only have one chance for that to work or you're Alpo. Much more effective is the Kimber Double Shot Pepper Gun. Not only does it hold two large shots, but because its a gel and not a spray it's good for 15-20 feet. Always in my back right pocket. Ive only had to use it once but it stopped Kujo dead in my tracks. As a dog owner I felt sorry for him but if someone has to go, then better him.
@teocalli
Best reason yet for not riding in the Sit Up and Beg position.
@frank
Ha Ha - my excuse was that I was on a Mountain Bike at the time. Which as I was on a trail helped due to the fact that the resulting crash was into the bushes and not onto tarmac had I been on the road.
I was only thinking the other day that with all the complex and intelligent things dogs do, how come they still get in such a mess when on a lead and they go the wrong side of a lamp-post?
With regard to the picture at the top, it could indeed be worse: he could have a bell on that bike.