In our continuing guest article series, @eightzero weighs in on the modern cycling jersey. It’s made of some unholy material which has a half-life of fifty years and unless you crash in it, it’s still in your kit drawer.
Yours in Cycling, Gianni
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As the song goes, “we need dirty laundry” so goes the pile of road gear. While the preferred kit is the Sacred Garments of the Velominati, it is also true that said SGs need periodic washing. Nothing is worse (and potentially dangerous to one’s health) than pulling on yesterday’s bibs and jersey. I know the commandment to heed Rule #5 at all times, but staph infections are taking it to the extreme. I suspect even The Keepers would not endorse throwing one’s self to the pavement intentionally to acquire road rash just so we can look like Jens. Since giving the Machine a quick rub down after the ride is a priority, getting the SGs through the laundry often requires a delay.
Thus, most Velominati have a store of various bibs, base layers, gloves, and jerseys. And the latter is what gives me pause. Oh, what to do with those jerseys acquired with stars in my eyes – when those same jerseys and logos were adorned by the True Giants of the Road I so wished to emulate? A certain Texan made buying postage stamps cool, and then I had to have shark week on my TV. My sister-in-law was afflicted by MS, so it was natural that I show my support for the Tyler Hamilton Foundation, and his teeth grinding rides with CSC. And then, I had to look like Floyd. Had to. He was the Guy That Got Screwed. The guy that stood up to the alphabet soup groups. The guy that was going to make a difference and provide the hardmen with fairness.
Yeah, that turned out well.
I do my level best not to think that I have more invested in cycling clothing than I do in Machines. This clothing stuff is expensive. And, even though I now know that USPS was likely defrauded, that THF spent donations on Ty’s legal defense, that I can’t afford cable TV anymore (much less a science-y channel on the premium lineup) that CSC… well… hell, I don’t even know what CSC makes. And of course, Floyd has moved on to something called NASCAR, something I don’t even think of as sport. (I know I am going to catch hell for that, but really, driving in circles isn’t even exercise. What will be next? Olympic bus riding?) But I still have all these perfectly functional cycling kits and jerseys. They will function just fine, but somehow they always seem to find their way to the bottom of the stack, far, far below the SGs. I seek the path of the Velominati, and it is oh so hard to feel the guiding hand of Merckx upon me when resplendent in the wardrobe of… douchebags.
I guess I can be a little philosophical – I did resist the urge to buy Rock Racing’s kit – the most expensive of them all. Sure it looked pretty jazzy – I even met Michael Ball once – but $280 for a jersey? No wonder the dude has more money than, well, the United States. And I just never did get around to a Bahati Foundation jersey. I think my internet connection was down the day Floyd was on that team. My dad does like his Phonak hearing aid I got for him though. So I got that going for me.
So, off I go to eBay again looking for bargains. I see BMC kit prices are way, way up. For now. Sigh. Guess I’ll have to have one. La vie Velominatus.
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I view compliance with Rule 17 to be similar to the words Frank used last week in his post "To walk the difficult path of becoming a better cyclist requires, in a word, willpower."
Over time I have come very close to purchasing certain pro kits that I thought were the tits and looked "Pro". Some of the kits that I thought have been the best the past few years were the CSC/Cervelo and Leopard-Trek Cancellara Swiss National Champion jersey. But the kit I once really had the most intense internal battle not to purchase was the Fasso Bartolo kit. To me it had Italian style, without being over the top,
But at the end of the day, I kept getting back to the fact that I am an amateur racer wannabe, and am not worthy of donning the kit of the Pros. The other factor related to willpower that prevented me from purchasing the FB kit, is that I feared that as I got older the less "Pro" the FB kit would look on me, kind of like this (which may be one of the worst kits ever worn--and that is saying something in the Pro peloton).
Thank Merckx for Willpower and Rule V
@eightzero: Great post topic: I recommend wearing your old kit on nasty wet days/ night rides/ or on the trainer where nobody sees you...and save your good kit for the glorious perfect days.
I like to leave a 10 year grace period before I will wear a pro team's kit. By then it will be cool. One exception is that any team Lance rode for or is associated with is immediately banned as you look like an accountant or a spirited commuter (round these parts at least). I once passed three members of the Astana commuting team being lead-out by a radioshack domestique - in the eastern suburbs!
I can't wait until GreenEDGE kit becomes available - the team itself will struggle to be clothed.
Another exception is the FDJ kit - because it is the most glorious, you can get away with wearing it while grocery shopping.
Most of my old limp shitty jerseys I wear at track training, because I don't use the pockets and if I crash, it gets ruined. I'd give them away to juniors, but they are so slightly built they could swim in them.
Tongue-in-cheek by the way. Always wear what you want, as long as you're laying down some V.
@rhys
Good pull.
Agree about the 10 year threshold - exemptions may be made for teams which are no longer functional (for anyone who has some HTC Columbia kit sitting in the drawer - I'd give it five years).
You will no doubt experience in Australia what has happened with Team Sky kit in the UK, and will only get worse. Ride around Surrey on a Sunday in summer and you'd think that Dave Brailsford has teamed up with The Boys (and Girls) From Brazil.
@il ciclista medio
Your logic is most worryingly dangerous.
On the grounds that
a. nobody would mistake me for a member of a pro team
b. that I like Cadel, Thor and Cav
c. I wish to pay homage to greats of the past and
d. it looks cool...
... it must be OK for me to wear the rainbow bands.
But it would be very wrong.
There is actually a guy who turns up to the training nights they hold on the Formula 1 circuit here wearing the rainbow jersey. I have to restrain myself.
My concession to pro kits were the close outs at the shop I worked at.
Oh and the old Carrera jeans bibs that were made to look like denim. Those were dope.
@ChrisO
Wearing the rainbows is sooo wrong. Its a long way from wearing team kit. Besides, Rule 17 has an escape clause - keep it matched and its passable.
But the bands? Also the MJ or a national champs jersey? Its as fake as wearing a gold medal or having a pave stone on the mantle.
As for your rainbow groupie, I always picture myself going up to those imposters and asking..."Mr Cavendish, can I have your autograph please?"
@Tomb
The Jury is in on those, Tomb. Bailiff, take him down.
@Harminator
At least @Ron has someone on his side.
I actually don't own, nor ever have owned, any Pro kit. I was taught early on in my cycling 'career', that if you don't ride for (or haven't earned) that kit, you don't get to wear it.
But I like the 10 year rule, 'cause I've been looking at a 7-11 set up, and the Brooklyn and Moltini stuff is the cats cock (tho I have mixed feelings about actually wearing Moltini since it'd be like wearing Buddha or Jesus' robes).
@rhys
Rhys this is not aimed specifically at you but this idea of everything being cool as long as you lay down some V is becoming far too common place in my opinion. In the sock thread, in the shoe thread. It all stems from the wording in the rule about leg shaving. We cannot and should not be using the "as long as you're laying down the V" as some kind of "catch all" get out of jail free card. By all means people debate the points, there are cases to be made. Classic team kits..yes? no? maybe..black shoes, white shoes, black socks. Eveyone can make a riveting and eloquent point BUT if we keep repeating the mantra " it doesn't matter as long as you're laying down the V" then we might as well all grow beards and ride fixies in fucking flip flops..fer fucks sake.
Rant over...sorry.
@paolo
Give this man a virtual sacred garment, immediately. SPOT.THE.FUCK.ON.
Nice post eightzero. Notice nobody jumped on your NASCAR statement because you're correct. NASCAR is pure wankery and unfortunately what most of the rest of the world thinks of the U.S.
If you bought the Rock Racing kit you may as well have bought the Zebra-Muscle monstrosities worn by Cipo as well. Just plain bad. That man, for as big of a stud as he is, has bad taste in kit. He kills it in his normal clothes though.
I own one piece of team kit. It's a pair of yellow Phonak socks that were gifted to me by a former VMH, pure velominata, and former Jelly Belly soigneur I used to ride with and date. The spledid memories those socks give me when I put them on make the Rule 17 violation worth it and you'll have to peel them off my dead feet.
@Steve Wilson
Whilst we appreciate your contributions and involvement here and the fact you have a blog (I've been over to have a look and enjoyed it) I have to ask you to stop linking to it in your post. Nothing personal or territorial it's just a kin to perpetual wheelsucking. Thank you.
@eightzero: one thing i love about you dudes, us dudes, the keepers et al, is the originality of these circles.
everytime I come and read up, which one must do daily lest you get dropped faster than in a cat 1/2 crit race, there is something completely ORIGINAL!
I have the same problem, not with pro kits, but the cycling goods we have, they last beyond their style. Then what do you do, you ride it less, and less.
The 10 year rule is a great thought, whoever wrote that, scaler mentioned it. See, the kits and jewels that can make it past 10 years, ie molteni, faema, cilo, 7-11, raleigh, are great but let's make a specific point here, in wool only and in nastier than thou conditions only. I don't see the point in a graceful ride with these in todays modern fabrics.
Nascar, don't get me started please, my BP is down & i feel great today, and i am trying my dead level best to be nice. Its christmas and i just built up my cross-rocket rocky mountain utility ride for cx and gravel road racing and will have my virginal voyage this afternoon which i am stoked about. I lovingly put her together this week, its gonna be 45* this afternoon, and I am all over it.
@marko: you have to admit though on cipo, he was so freakin awesome at times, especially at his peak, that he deserved the respect he got. He was alpha for a while, and anyone who dons a naked suit for a TT knowing he wouldn't win the stage...and makes women blush...is awesomeness. He was a character, fiercely competitive, hated losing, opinionated and Italian. We could use another one of him in the peloton IMHO.