In our continuing guest article series, @eightzero weighs in on the modern cycling jersey. It’s made of some unholy material which has a half-life of fifty years and unless you crash in it, it’s still in your kit drawer.
Yours in Cycling, Gianni
–
As the song goes, “we need dirty laundry” so goes the pile of road gear. While the preferred kit is the Sacred Garments of the Velominati, it is also true that said SGs need periodic washing. Nothing is worse (and potentially dangerous to one’s health) than pulling on yesterday’s bibs and jersey. I know the commandment to heed Rule #5 at all times, but staph infections are taking it to the extreme. I suspect even The Keepers would not endorse throwing one’s self to the pavement intentionally to acquire road rash just so we can look like Jens. Since giving the Machine a quick rub down after the ride is a priority, getting the SGs through the laundry often requires a delay.
Thus, most Velominati have a store of various bibs, base layers, gloves, and jerseys. And the latter is what gives me pause. Oh, what to do with those jerseys acquired with stars in my eyes – when those same jerseys and logos were adorned by the True Giants of the Road I so wished to emulate? A certain Texan made buying postage stamps cool, and then I had to have shark week on my TV. My sister-in-law was afflicted by MS, so it was natural that I show my support for the Tyler Hamilton Foundation, and his teeth grinding rides with CSC. And then, I had to look like Floyd. Had to. He was the Guy That Got Screwed. The guy that stood up to the alphabet soup groups. The guy that was going to make a difference and provide the hardmen with fairness.
Yeah, that turned out well.
I do my level best not to think that I have more invested in cycling clothing than I do in Machines. This clothing stuff is expensive. And, even though I now know that USPS was likely defrauded, that THF spent donations on Ty’s legal defense, that I can’t afford cable TV anymore (much less a science-y channel on the premium lineup) that CSC… well… hell, I don’t even know what CSC makes. And of course, Floyd has moved on to something called NASCAR, something I don’t even think of as sport. (I know I am going to catch hell for that, but really, driving in circles isn’t even exercise. What will be next? Olympic bus riding?) But I still have all these perfectly functional cycling kits and jerseys. They will function just fine, but somehow they always seem to find their way to the bottom of the stack, far, far below the SGs. I seek the path of the Velominati, and it is oh so hard to feel the guiding hand of Merckx upon me when resplendent in the wardrobe of… douchebags.
I guess I can be a little philosophical – I did resist the urge to buy Rock Racing’s kit – the most expensive of them all. Sure it looked pretty jazzy – I even met Michael Ball once – but $280 for a jersey? No wonder the dude has more money than, well, the United States. And I just never did get around to a Bahati Foundation jersey. I think my internet connection was down the day Floyd was on that team. My dad does like his Phonak hearing aid I got for him though. So I got that going for me.
So, off I go to eBay again looking for bargains. I see BMC kit prices are way, way up. For now. Sigh. Guess I’ll have to have one. La vie Velominatus.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
Here is why we have rule 17
Its really in our own self interest and preservation
Nice one, eightzero!
Thankfully I've been a Follower for most of my true roadie days, so I don't have too many wacky purchases clogging up my cycling drawer. I've always liked older PRO jerseys, have a few of those like a PDM one. Lately I've been into rather tame, plain kit, both bibs and jerseys. My biggest problem is that my ocd comes screamin' out in regards to the fit of clothes. If clothes, whether cycling clothes or work clothes or knock-abouts, don't fit me just right I'll never, ever wear them. It can be something crazy too, like a sleeve that is just a bit too long.
With cycling clothiers changing their sizing all the time it's hard enough to find a jersey from the same company that fits properly from year to year. Heck, I have the same model jersey from Mavic and they've redone their sizing so that from one year to the other you have to sort it out.
Yeah, nice kit ain't cheap, but in extreme weather or during extreme rides I always find myself being very thankful.
Souleur - Ha, I always get a laugh out of seeing LampreMan.
And ooooh, a new cross do-it-all bike? I hope you are going to show it off in the Bikes section. Enjoy the first ride!
@Steve Wilson
Seriously? You're bringing the latest lame internet meme into a discussion about the history and legacy of cycling and kit?? That's not right at all.
On Rule 17: I have in my drawer an old Oxford United jersey (circa 1994). It was given to me after I had a trial at the club. I wear it occasionally around the house, but never wore it on the pitch. But I earned it. I don't own any pro kit.
Nice post, @eightzero. If the VMH won't let you frame these and hang them above the mantel, you might have a more serious issue on your hands. VVorkshop walls to add a bit of color and inspiration to your space? Not to mention kit is designed to be seen, not buried in a drawer.
@paolo: +1. And I want to take this one step further. I don't want to suggest that laying down the V is an objective thing"”it's not"”but I think we might imagine it as being a bit like la volupté. I suspect most of us don't get as close to the V as we think we might on such a regular basis. Ride hard: yes. The V is above and beyond that. It's always somewhat unattainable. Because if you're still on the bike, you can always go a bit harder.
@Souleur
I was waiting for someone to post that. It was almost a Godwin's Law kind of thing...
@paolo Your rant is basically an interpretation of Rule 1, chapeau
No pro kits in my drawer. Came close this year to buying a Garmin kit, but settled for a hat to show my fan support. Bought my son an HTC jersey cause he was all over Cavendish this year but that's about it.
My son and I both ride for 53x11 Coffee (yea its on our USA license) so that's the kit we wear riding and racing. I have a few other non-team jerseys, and woolies that get worn when I ride with other non-kit friends.
@Souleur
Priceless, suitible for framing.
@Souleur
Theres nothing wrong with that man. Getting on a climb with someone in team kit and then dropping them is one of lifes great pleasures and its dudes like that the give me the chance.
@Lepidopterist
Bonus points if they are wearing a KoM jersey.
@Gotta Ride Caps are acceptable in my view. They are not hats BTW - ladies wear hats to weddings. A casquette if you want to go all the way.
I will confess to one possible violation of Rule #17 in the interests of full disclosure.
I have an Australian national team jersey (not a national champion's jersey).
However I believe there should be an exemption for national jerseys under certain conditions:
1. They can only be worn outside the nation in question, the further away the better, and
2. They can only be worn by a person of that nationality i.e. much as I would love to, I can never wear a Belgian jersey.
In these cases they are simply a demonstration of patriotic allegiance and for me in particular everyone assumes I'm British so it also helps to remind them.
Thanks all for the comments. Fairly, I bought practically of that before I learned the path of the Velominatus. As anotherdownunder points out, best option to the SGs is quality stuff like Rapha. Expensive, but when was the last time you regretted paying for quality?
Have given some thought to ebaying all this stuff, but it does have some memories like Marko points out. Some remind of great rides. Others remind me of douchbags and rule 17. But, it is all functional, so I do wear them a lot in the winter under my jackets. And who would pay more than the shipping for this crap?
And while we're on the topic of the SGs, I had a revelation about my new long sleeve jersey. The XXL fits me perfectly, and has room for a couple base layers. But at 6'4", the sleeves were a bit long. I was surprised until is discovered....they are made that way so you can put the cuff *over* the wrist band of the glove. Geee, Cipo would be so proud of me....