The human mind is designed to forget how much things suck. That is a fact. If women had the capacity to retain meaningful data on how horrible things can be, there would be exactly zero families on the planet with more than one child. This has nothing to do with how wonderful children are; it has to do with how birthing a child is the most painful thing one can do in this life and live to tell the tale. Or so I’m told. But women happily bear a second or even a third child; with each labor a fresh-faced surprise at how much the birthing process blows on a visceral level.

On the other hand, we are very good at remembering how great things can be. Like sex. Which is an ironic counterpoint to the above paragraph. I swear I didn’t plan that. (I don’t “plan” any of my writing. I do this for fun.)

I ostensibly observe at this stage in the article-writing-process that maybe I should start planning some of my writing. Because this is going nowhere.

I am vocally quiet about my uneasiness with Strava from the perspective that it causes us to focus on doing good times on segments of our rides which is in conflict with the discipline required to Train Properly. That said, Strava can be a lot of fun in the sense that it provides a kind of passive-active competitive nature to Cycling. To that point, I have been riding with the group out of Hedrick Cycles in Greenwood, Seattle recently; the owner, Carson, is on a rampage to collect the KOM‘s on the local circuits.

KOM is an oxymoron because none of these targets are climbs; he is chasing after the descents.

Seattle has a lot of good descents hidden around, even within the metropolitan area. Mostly because it is a very hilly area to the extent that I can’t find a satisfactory “flat” route to spin on for a recovery day. Which means I’ve learned to “recover” on climbs. Which feels a little bit like bragging. You’re welcome.

As a non-GPS-using rider, I have been very happy to help Carson in his endeavor to bag some tags on the local descents as lead-out monkey and I have to admit it is one hell of a cortisol fix. The descents aren’t even about the KOM anymore, the whole group just attacks one another over and over again all the way down the descent until we reach a stalemate and we start to work together, burning ourselves out and rolling off the front like a worn-out banana peel.

Based on the opening paragraph of this article, I understand that the following claim is unprovable: these descents have put me further into the hurt locker than many climbs I’ve done, barring Haleakala.

Which brings to bear an important reminder: descents are not for recovery. They should hurt every bit as much as the climb, if not more. And if you misjudge a corner, it will hurt a lot more than the climb, possibly for a bit of a while because road rash sucks.

Ride hard on the way up; ride harder over the top, and ride like you stole something on the way down. That is all.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • To come back to going downhill fast..

    I concluded today that the two Giros Nibbles won, he did it by forcing his rivals to crash. Remember Wiggins crashing repeatedly when Nibbles attacked on those fast, wet descents in '13? And then the same again this year?

    Also his Lombardia win was like that. Everyone knew he was going to attack over the top, and everyone was right there on his wheel, and no one could do a damn thing about it.

    Obviously he can climb a little bit too.

  • @RobSandy

    @RobSandy

    @bea

    One day I’ll remember not to drink coffee while read here… Coffee everywhere… Again…

    PS I disagree about giving birth being the most painful thing one can do in this live. But I guess that just proves your point…

    my wife says that sciatica was worse than giving birth. I’m not going to dispute, not experienced either.

    While I have never given birth, I have passed a minute kidney stone.  The sensation was akin to a lightning strike in the genitalia.  I have known women that have both given birth and passed kidney stones, and they would take childbirth any day.

  • @The Grande Fondue

    To come back to going downhill fast..

    I concluded today that the two Giros Nibbles won, he did it by forcing his rivals to crash. Remember Wiggins crashing repeatedly when Nibbles attacked on those fast, wet descents in ’13? And then the same again this year?

    Also his Lombardia win was like that. Everyone knew he was going to attack over the top, and everyone was right there on his wheel, and no one could do a damn thing about it.

    Obviously he can climb a little bit too.

    Not to mention Nibali's TdF win then Contador crashed on a descent trying to catch him.

    In my opinion descending is an under appreciated aspect of racing. The best descender I can recall is Paolo Savoldelli, who was nicknamed Il Falco for his  falcon like swoops down mountainsides. His descending ability won him at least one of his two Giro titles (I believe it was  2005). After having been dropped on a climb and losing the virtual lead, he made up enough time on the descent to save the Maglia Rosa by 28 seconds.

  • @Oli

    @Rick

    Careful about mentioning Paolo Savoldelli around here lol, Frank doesn’t like him.

    Haha, thanks for the heads up and sorry if I offended anyone. Is there a list somewhere of approved or not approved cyclist?

    I was on the Champs Elysees one year chatting with Marty Jemison. Marty mentioned what a beautiful rider someone was. When a pro like Marty notices, it is high praise indeed.

  • @Rick

    No need to apologise! Hopefully someone can chuck up a link (I can't find it!) that will clear up that comment, which was much more a dig at Frank than you.

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