Categories: Riding Ugly

The Hail Mary Shift

Gino Bartali looking for a gear

The grade is long and I am climbing away. I’m not going to Pantani this: I am not out of the saddle, not in the drops and not leaving everyone in my wake. The climbing gear was engaged a long time ago. There is progress, but I am not dancing up this climb. A little more cadence would really help here. If I could just get this mother-lover spinning just a bit, I could get somewhere. Maybe I’m not in the  granny gear, yeah, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I do have one more gear, the gear that will solve this whole thing.

The right middle finger drops to the shifter and pushes. No. Nothing, just the feel of the derailleur hitting the limiter screw. Idiot. You knew you didn’t have another gear didn’t you but you couldn’t resist, could you? Why do I even do it? I know the answer already but I still do it. Hope springs eternal when one is too big to climb. I did it with downtube shifters too; crank that shifter back hoping for a little more action.

I bet Gino did it when he only had three speeds and a hand lever running down the seat stay to manipulate. “Mamma Mia, sto fumando come moto di un Hippie. Ho solo bisogno di una marcia in più.” *

The only time I look down and am surprised at what gear I’m in is the rare occasion when I am in my climbing gear and crossed on the “big” chainring. And that would be the only justification for wondering what the hell is going on “down there”.

My mountain bike actually has gear indicators, which are embarrassing. What are we, three year olds? On that bike I just keep pushing levers until I can’t, or I just fall over. Maybe, in a few years, when we are all forced into electronic shifting, a soothing voice will emanate from the lever. “Really? You want an even easier gear? You don’t have one so get your fat ass off the saddle, get in the drops before I auto-shift you into the big chainring and leave you there. And you call yourself a Cyclist.” The possibilities are endless.

 

* Loosely translated- “FFS, I am smoking like a Hippie’s motorbike. I just need one more gear.”

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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  • RE:  The right middle finger drops to the shifter and pushes. No. Nothing, just the feel of the derailleur hitting the limiter screw. Idiot. 

    Is that a groupsan thing?  I ride gruppo and when the going gets tough I find I push the lever gently and if there is resistance I think "I've got at least 1 spare, hang in there don't use it" but when the lever just limply moves it's "Oh shit, no bailout left".  Somehow feeling a firm response is so much better than a limp lever...........

  • @Mike Stead (@tweetymike)

    ...unless you're using doubletap. In which case that Hail Mary shift just became a curse equal to that of any Greek n'e'er-do-well. You are now doomed to hold that paddle inwards, for even the slightest release of pressure will see you dropping into second.

    +1 I thought it was just me! I found that after a rew seconds the lever gives a reasuring click meaning it is safe to remove the finger.

    +

  • Mounting a 13-26 for Assault on the Carolinas -- to climb Ceasar's Head this Saturday.

  • @The Oracle

    The notion of electronic shifters giving little foul-mouthed Rule V pep-talks while grinding up a climb is fucking brilliant. Make it so.

    There might be a whole start up bidness right there. Choose your accent, degree of foulness, degree of haughtiness, it would be great.

  • @Teocalli

    RE: The right middle finger drops to the shifter and pushes. No. Nothing, just the feel of the derailleur hitting the limiter screw. Idiot.

    Is that a groupsan thing? I ride Gruppo and when the going gets tough I find I push the lever gently and if there is resistance I think "I've got at least 1 spare, hang in there don't use it" but when the lever just limply moves it's "Oh shit, no bailout left". Somehow feeling a firm response is so much better than a limp lever...........

    No, I'm gruppo too but you are right. It's a very subtle difference that lets you know if you have another gear or you got nuttin'.

  • @Gianni Could integrate system with a power meter and the temperature sensor to change the intensity of the trash talk accordingly ....  but also throw a random script in there occasionally to fuck with you

  • @GogglesPizano

    @Gianni Could integrate system with a power meter and the temperature sensor to change the intensity of the trash talk accordingly .... but also throw a random script in there occasionally to fuck with you

    or just a scratchy "VENGA, VENGA, VENGA, VENGA ad nauseum...so many ways to ruin a ride.

  • @scaler911

    For some reason, in the back of my head, I curse myself if I ever have to get the big cog dirty. I feel like somehow I've failed myself, my bike, and god how the guys going the other way are laughing at me: "Ha, look at that fool, in his 25 on this little bump". (I've never heard anyone say that, but I know, know they are.) And I still catch myself looking back at the rear cog to see if there might be one more on the real steep ones.

    That's your subconscious, channelling Tim Krabbe:  "His twenty was as clean as a whistle."

  • Garmin's upcoming device, the 1000, will know the gear you are in provided you're running Shimano's e-tube Di2 wireless transmitter. The device is set up to display the gear. So, you can choose to add that field to the screen.

    It's only a matter of time before we have potential for fully automatic transmission using cadence, HR, power, etc as inputs. I'd really wonder, WTF? over the prospect but do I understand correctly that a Ferrari can no longer be purchased w/manual tranny?

    Anyways, hacking in to a new Garmin device and programming it to be, shall we say, colorfully motivating should be something a bright high school kid could manage.

    I happen to be big fan of Di2 and running 11 sp on two bikes. Today my FD stuck on little ring, yet RD was still shifting. That's like your car indicator low fuel light popping on. Meant I waited a little too long between charges. A good mechanic now is capable of plugging in a bike  and running diagnostics. Technology marches on.

    BUT, Waterford and Richard Schwinn are making lugged frame Paramounts today !! I'd love to line up for a local race on one of those! Cheers all, RC

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