Training for ‘Cross

I recently upgraded my phone, tablet, laptop, and TV to their most modern respective operating systems. These devices are now are so interconnected that they know what I want long before I do. In fact, I might not want it all, but no one can tell because I’m already doing what they told me I want to do. Presumably while driving.

I have become quite adept at texting while riding my bike. My phone buzzes, I reach into my pocket, examine the message, and determine whether I should answer that particular buzz immediately or wait until I’m at a stop or at home. I don’t navigate any kind of logic tree to make this determination; I simply respond to my inner monkey and tap away my inane response. I should not have this skill, texting while riding. By all rights I shouldn’t even have my phone with me. I shouldn’t need to be reachable when I’m on my bike. That’s part of the point of being on my bike.

There is something about being out in the wilderness that flips a primal reset switch in my soul. Mountain biking and backcountry skiing often take us away from phone networks and traffic the way little else can. The problem with mountain biking is a lack of the hypnotic rhythm that riding on the road offers, which is part of the enormous appeal of riding a bicycle; the rhythm of the legs pedalling along has a trance-like quality to it and the spell is broken whenever the bike hits a root or a rock or a rut. This, for me, is the appeal of a good gravel ride or even a good Cyclocross ride: you’re still on a road bike with most of its hypnotic trappings, but you still get to descend into the wilderness and experience the great escape from technology. Along with just enough technical riding to make a tantalizing cocktail of Awesomeness.

Fall is here, which means the road season is all but behind us; ahead of us lie chilly, wet rides in our Flandrian Best. And Cyclocross. I have an extensive background riding rigid mountain bikes in the 90’s, which makes me almost automatically good at Cyclocross. Except Cyclocross also includes running and remounting. My basic trouble with training for ‘Cross is that I never do my drills for things like remounting. My remount looks like a wounded duck trying to ride a pogo stick. I could master it, of that I’m certain, but once I’m riding my bike I find it nearly impossible to climb off just for the privilege of climbing back on.

In the immortal words of @G’rilla: I don’t cross-train. I train for ‘cross.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @RobSandy

    @chris

    @Teocalli

    Terry Pratchet had it right.

    I never really got on with Prachett’s books*, apart from the Long Earth collaboration**, which almost leaves me feeling like I’ve missed out on something. I’ve held that feeling at bay by generalising that Prachett’s fans are all bearded obsessives sporting wizard’s hats. Harry Harrison and Larry Niven also disappointed.

    *I did try read one of his books, possibly the first discworld book, whilst at school. Everyone at school seemed to be into it.

    ** Two or three of the series then got bored.

    I’m re-reading a Discworld book right now. It’s brilliant.

    I can only conclude that there’s something wrong with you. Does that help?

    When not in use does your cycling specific eyewear stow away neatly and securely on your pointy hat or do you tuck them away with the remains of your breakfast like other beardies?

  • @chris

    @chris

    @RobSandy

    @chris

    @Teocalli

    Terry Pratchet had it right.

    I never really got on with Prachett’s books*, apart from the Long Earth collaboration**, which almost leaves me feeling like I’ve missed out on something. I’ve held that feeling at bay by generalising that Prachett’s fans are all bearded obsessives sporting wizard’s hats. Harry Harrison and Larry Niven also disappointed.

    *I did try read one of his books, possibly the first discworld book, whilst at school. Everyone at school seemed to be into it.

    ** Two or three of the series then got bored.

    I’m re-reading a Discworld book right now. It’s brilliant.

    I can only conclude that there’s something wrong with you. Does that help?

    When not in use does your cycling specific eyewear stow away neatly and securely on your pointy hat or do you tuck them away with the remains of your breakfast like other beardies?

    Mine appear and disappear at the wave of a wand - why do you ask?

  • @Teocalli

    @chris

    @chris

    @RobSandy

    @chris

    @Teocalli

    Terry Pratchet had it right.

    I never really got on with Prachett’s books*, apart from the Long Earth collaboration**, which almost leaves me feeling like I’ve missed out on something. I’ve held that feeling at bay by generalising that Prachett’s fans are all bearded obsessives sporting wizard’s hats. Harry Harrison and Larry Niven also disappointed.

    *I did try read one of his books, possibly the first discworld book, whilst at school. Everyone at school seemed to be into it.

    ** Two or three of the series then got bored.

    I’m re-reading a Discworld book right now. It’s brilliant.

    I can only conclude that there’s something wrong with you. Does that help?

    When not in use does your cycling specific eyewear stow away neatly and securely on your pointy hat or do you tuck them away with the remains of your breakfast like other beardies?

    Mine appear and disappear at the wave of a wand – why do you ask?

    Just a question I'd always wanted to ask a wizard.

    As long as it's not a frame mounted wand and the pointy hat is positioned in accordance with the directives of Messrs Holm and Bugno rather than a jaunty hipsterish manner I guess no harm is done.

  • I was lucky and a cross bike fell into my hands before I even knew what the sport was. Now a few years later, I'm pretty good off-road considering I was strictly a roadie. YES, heading into the woods is Awesome and a GREAT way to not have to deal with motorists. Also, an hour long cross ride feels satisfying and is do-able for me, with a local park and a local uni. forest reserve nearby. An hour road ride, with 15 minutes spent getting out of town, then back, only leaves a half hour of crankin', which I don't find satisfying.

    Only shame is that the local forest is closed for hunting during a majority of the fall. Argh (and I hunt!, but not there).

    In other news...Sagan is a fucking champion. Best season of all time for a guy in the WC bands?

  • @RobSandy

    @Teocalli

    CX is clearly an essential part of a pro-cyclist’s development……

    Certainly explains why this guy was so ‘cross.

    I think he didn't get into it until his La Vie Claire days, but learned to dismount and remount on both sides in a single day. It helps that he is a bad ass.

  • My NDS remounts are getting smoov as. I've tried a few DS but my fear of undercarriage damage is strong.

    Oh, and carrying around a 17 pound baby is providing a serious upper body workout.

  • To paraphrase, 'I'd almost certainly be awesome at it' but I'm not...

    So, the solution is clear. You train more and become amazingly powerful and skilled that you never dismount, need never lower your standards and for shame - run. Henceforth you ride every stair and every sandpit...

    Solved it for you.

  • @Kybikegirl

    To paraphrase, ‘I’d almost certainly be awesome at it’ but I’m not…

    So, the solution is clear. You train more and become amazingly powerful and skilled that you never dismount, need never lower your standards and for shame – run. Henceforth you ride every stair and every sandpit…

    Solved it for you.

    If this is a first V-Site post it's a goodie.

    Welcome!

  • Frank, consider this a bit of useful knowledge should you venture south to Oregon.  In this state texting while operating a road going machine, be it car, bike, or skateboard, you can be stopped by our police and given a rather substantial fine.  I try to ignore all communication if possible, but if not, I stop, take a look and add in a sprint to make up for the lost time.

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