Rules! Hear me fools: The Rules mark the beginning of the path to enlightenment, not the end. There are higher planes, expanding dimensions. Beyond the color of your bar tape exists a man, a mountain, and a bike. This is where the world begins.
Keeper Jim wrote this, reporting on his utilitarian climb of Mount Ventoux. He posts less than the rest of us, so he has less chances to sound foolish, so we consider him the wise one. He is. And he probably took a semester of philosophy as an undergraduate and reads real non-cycling books.
Jim’s words have been ringing in my ears. For better or for worse, Velominati is known for The Rules. A book publisher didn’t offer us a book contract on the collective wit of our far ranging, foul mouthed, unmoderated discussions of posts, no, it was The Rules, thanks. What started as an effort to whip a bit of discipline into the unruly hoards, is now heading toward 100 Rules. That’s a lot of Rules.
Thankfully, to alleviate some of the pressure for full compliance, some genius introduced the masturbation principle: if you are going to do it (breaking a Rule) no need to go online with the information and really, don’t send a selfie to your riding buddies either. These photos certainly don’t need to end up in your parents AOL account.
My late night stoned philosophical discussions earned me zero college credits. I know nothing about philosophy but in the great Velominati tradition, that shall not deter me from lecturing others about it.
Enlightenment, if you are open to it, can be found on the bike. It’s not found online, not even on Velominati. The word enlightenment has 1001 personal definitions. I believe if you can put your enlightenment into words, you are not enlightened. A word is a clumsy cudgel for such things. It is like real music, it’s power is so abstract, so deeply visceral, attempts to describe music in words only detract.
Get on a bike and ride, without ear-buds, without worry. Immerse in the physical work of climbing, descending, cornering, rolling across the landscape. Somehow, as Jim says, there can enlightenment there. Free your mind. One’s eyes can take in the beauty on this earth, breathe the air, smell it, hear it. Feel the sun, hear the insects, already, too many words. Climb Ventoux or ride your usual loop. For me, if that does not put me on the path to enlightenment, I don’t want it. Rebirth, heaven, hell, I can’t use them; they do not exist for me. A bike ride that gets me out of my skin, where my oxygenated brain takes in the world unfiltered, and leaves me changed, if only for a few moments, that I can use.
If The Rules get you on a bike more, then The Rules are useful. It’s all about the Ride, not The Rules.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
@sparky33
Seriously. Or hairy legs. Or squeaky chains. Or dirty bar tape. Or mismatched tires. Or misaligned tire labels. Or - heaven forbid - being a giant pussy.
@ChrisO
It would appear Gianni has been at the Velominati equivalent of the Off-Leash Dog Park for too long. tine to reinforce his training!
Gianni! Sit! Stay! No more mouth-hugs! We don't know what those mean!
I am certainly not as worthy as Gianni, Brett or Frank, yet I feel that enlightenment is only achieved through adherence to the Rules when riding and freeing the mind. What the hell good is a Marine without adherence to his training? - he will end up dead. Only through belief in and the practice of the Rules will the Ride take on the other worldly quality of Enlightment. Those who fail to realize this are simply riding a bike. Those who remember are cyclists.
This brings to mind rule 6. If you feel clear of conscience that you have tried to follow the rules, or are on the path to full adherence, then perhaps your ride will be more fulfilling. And praise be to the masturbation principle!
Gianni, I like how you think. I'm not sure what that says about either of us.
Ahem...
Of course one should not let the rules interfere with the ride to enlightenment.
On the other hand, I cannot imagine peddling into nirvana being a dick and not looking fabulous. The path is to transcendence is difficult enough without also being a hairy legged douche bag along the way.
Rules are just that people. Rules.
We use rules, laws, etc to uphold higher principles and fairness. We obey traffic light rules so that we all get fair use of the road to get to places (safely). I fully support The Rules, but I'll use a saddle bag (roll-up seat bag) any day if it'll help me carry everything I need to carry for a good long ride. The greater principle here is upholding the beauty of riding a bicycle, albeit with some style and panache (at least in my own mind)!
Bon velo.
@Bryan Petersen
Perhaps rule number one should simply be: Ride your bike!
The the other rules will fall into place or out over time.
Fuckin' WORD! Gianni. Nice one!
Cycling is goddamn awesome because you can't fucking fake it. You can glam & ham it up as much as you want on-the-line, but guess what? Who is going to get you home when you can't feel your hands, your shades are fogged, and your legs Plead the Fifth on the Vth?
Following entails some overanalysis sometimes (100?!) but those with the true spirit of The V at their backs realize this...is just a start. Gotta see beyond those drips on the brim of your cap.
'Cenzo, you are my brother, and I love you. But mismatched splash bartape? I can't give you a full arm-around-the-shoulder hug.
And so it is. You can break all the Rules you want in your own world, and not tell us about it, as Gianni points out. But, when you go to sleep at night, you know you've sinned. And, you only have yourself to blame.