Categories: The Rules

Beyond The Rules

East Maui Pavé

Rules! Hear me fools: The Rules mark the beginning of the path to enlightenment, not the end. There are higher planes, expanding dimensions. Beyond the color of your bar tape exists a man, a mountain, and a bike. This is where the world begins.

Keeper Jim wrote this, reporting on his utilitarian climb of Mount Ventoux. He posts less than the rest of us, so he has less chances to sound foolish, so we consider him the wise one. He is. And he probably took a semester of philosophy as an undergraduate and reads real non-cycling books.

Jim’s words have been ringing in my ears. For better or for worse, Velominati is known for The Rules. A book publisher didn’t offer us a book contract on the collective wit of our far ranging, foul mouthed, unmoderated discussions of posts, no, it was The Rules, thanks. What started as an effort to whip a bit of discipline into the unruly hoards, is now heading toward 100 Rules. That’s a lot of Rules.

Thankfully, to alleviate some of the pressure for full compliance, some genius introduced the masturbation principle: if you are going to do it (breaking a Rule) no need to go online with the information and really, don’t send a selfie to your riding buddies either. These photos certainly don’t need to end up in your parents AOL account.

My late night stoned philosophical discussions earned me zero college credits. I know nothing about philosophy but in the great Velominati tradition, that shall not deter me from lecturing others about it.

Enlightenment, if you are open to it, can be found on the bike. It’s not found online, not even on Velominati. The word enlightenment has 1001 personal definitions. I believe if you can put your enlightenment into words, you are not enlightened. A word is a clumsy cudgel for such things. It is like real music, it’s power is so abstract, so deeply visceral, attempts to describe music in words only detract.

Get on a bike and ride, without ear-buds, without worry. Immerse in the physical work of climbing, descending, cornering, rolling across the landscape. Somehow, as Jim says, there can enlightenment there. Free your mind. One’s eyes can take in the beauty on this earth, breathe the air, smell it, hear it. Feel the sun, hear the insects, already, too many words. Climb Ventoux or ride your usual loop. For me, if that does not put me on the path to enlightenment, I don’t want it. Rebirth, heaven, hell, I can’t use them; they do not exist for me. A bike ride that gets me out of my skin, where my oxygenated brain takes in the world unfiltered, and leaves me changed, if only for a few moments, that I can use.

If The Rules get you on a bike more, then The Rules are useful. It’s all about the Ride, not The Rules.

 

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

View Comments

  • As they say rules are there to be broken. But they frown upon criminals. Living and riding buy they rules puts you in a very exclusive league of riders. Those who appreciate the rules and livebuy it  for the very  essence and meaning of its existence.

    Live,ride and always obey the rules.

  • Life has many parallels. A very wise man once spoke about the path to enlightenment "in riddles and parables so as to lead gradually to the hidden reality that can truly be discovered only through discipleship." For me the Rules have been more about prediction than proscription. As I slowly learn and practice the discipline, following the example of my fellow Velominati, I discover that, layer by layer, I cast aside my childish ways and find myself following a rule that only months before didn't make any sense to me. Therefore, I can only assume that someday, I too, will shed my compact chainrings and ride with a slammed stem.

  • @afroturk

    But here is another true story: I asked a question about Rule #60. My valves are rattling against the rim - what am I to do? Someone directed me to a Reverence piece extolling the virtues of electrical insulation tape as an antidote. I reflected on this at length and eventually concluded that this is just dumb. Why use something (electrical tape) to do a job imperfectly when something else (a washer nut) has been designed expressly for this purpose? The premise of Rule #60 - that the washer nut is a useless piece of kit - is flawed. I choose to disregard this Rule, and flagrantly so. Anyone can see my washer nuts in place, keeping my valves nice and tight against my rims. If anyone asks, I will tell them that Rule #60 sucks (or half-sucks, at least - valve caps really ARE stupid).

    Stupid or not, the Rule has however served its purpose. It has made me think about the kind of Cyclist I want to be. And it turns out that the answer is one whose concentration on a tough hill is not disturbed by (a) the sound of an unsecured valve tinkling against the edge of the rim or (b) who resorts to winding skanky bits of electrical tape around my valves, waiting for them to unravel, gather dust and other crud, and generally detract from the beauty of my bike, and the clarity of my mind.

    So I think Gianni is on to something here - something revolutionary, in fact. There is a fundamental spiritual schism between Rule #1 and Rule #6, which points to two different routes to enlightenment. There are those who choose to strictly follow all the rules all the time, and those who see them as a means - an important, but not inviolable, means - towards the ultimate end of Cycling nirvana.

    Afro, you are opening a can of worms by publicly admitting to what you think of as a minor infraction. The devil is in the details and if I was in the pace line there would be many things that I'd grade you down on, before getting to the washer nut. BUT, if by chance you did not send out those subtle signals that are not listed in the Rules and the washer nut was the only infraction, then you'd be written off. Sorry, perhaps when you have done a few more "inviolable" miles you will see the light.

    Yes this sounds hard but since the day about 35 years ago I was told this, then unwritten Rule, I've never heard a tinkle from my valve stems.  I can only think you have gone down some path that is wrong and you should correct the mistake not look for a bad solution - good luck - I have no answers.

    Gianni's brilliant encapsulation of  why a bike is more than just a tool but a means to higher planes does not imply not obeying the Rules. No like learning to pedal a 360 stroke one has to learn  all the quadrants and then forget them, to put them together in a seamless unencumbered thing of power and beauty. What I mean is if you get out on the bike and do not know what you are doing it is one kind of ride but if you go out initiated and prepared then it becomes something so different and other worldly that the uninitiated ride, while enjoyable, even beautiful, pales and is what a child experiences compared to the adult full blown XXX ride.

    I salute your well meaning enthusiasm, as I and all of us were the same before being shown the light. Bike riding is NOT intuitive! The problem is that unless you are shown or ask you will never get the why. Pedal stroke, seat height, cleat position, following a wheel, riding a line, all need explaining in the beginning and I see riders of  huge miles doing some absolutely dumb stuff because nobody ever took them aside and explained why yes you can ride like that but if you do it this way you will be more comfortable, safer, happier.

    Rant over, go ride!

  • @freddy

    Life has many parallels. A very wise man once spoke about the path to enlightenment "in riddles and parables so as to lead gradually to the hidden reality that can truly be discovered only through discipleship." For me the Rules have been more about prediction than proscription. As I slowly learn and practice the discipline, following the example of my fellow Velominati, I discover that, layer by layer, I cast aside my childish ways and find myself following a rule that only months before didn't make any sense to me. Therefore, I can only assume that someday, I too, will shed my compact chainrings and ride with a slammed stem.

    My sentiments exactly.  With every passing day and each new ride, the Rules become more important, clearer and strangely intuitive. Now for that chainring...............HTFU

  • @Gianni

    But looking fantastic on a bike is all I have, believe me. I can't crush people but I can try to look as sharp as possible when being dropped.

    If one gets dropped but looks fantastic, did you really get dropped at all?  Things to ponder.

    @afroturk

    But here is another true story: I asked a question about Rule #60. My valves are rattling against the rim - what am I to do? Someone directed me to a Reverence piece extolling the virtues of electrical insulation tape as an antidote. I reflected on this at length and eventually concluded that this is just dumb. Why use something (electrical tape) to do a job imperfectly when something else (a washer nut) has been designed expressly for this purpose? The premise of Rule #60 - that the washer nut is a useless piece of kit - is flawed. I choose to disregard this Rule, and flagrantly so. Anyone can see my washer nuts in place, keeping my valves nice and tight against my rims. If anyone asks, I will tell them that Rule #60 sucks (or half-sucks, at least - valve caps really ARE stupid).

    Electrical tape, when wound correctly and tightly looks very tidy, and can be color matched to the bike.  Further, those little valve nuts often are a detriment.  When tightened enough such that they don't move, they apply a pulling force on the tube and restrict one of its axes of movement.  Eventually, I've found this causes tube failure right at the base of the valve.  Go with thinly applied electrical tape in an appropriate color.

  • Not sure where to put this, but it seemed important. Who knew this about @steampunk?

  • @EricW If one gets dropped but looks fantastic, did you really get dropped at all? Things to ponder.

    Ooooh, now that's a very good question indeed! If one encounters another rider whose habillement resembles a bag'o washin' but blessed with superior guns (on the day, of course), can it be considered being "dropped" if one chooses to retreat a respectful distance to negate any association with said sartorial shambles? In short, it's not being dropped, it's a conscious tactical move to assert specific dominance in a highly important element of cycling. Namely, looking fantastic.

  • @wiscot

    @EricW If one gets dropped but looks fantastic, did you really get dropped at all? Things to ponder.

    Ooooh, now that's a very good question indeed! If one encounters another rider whose habillement resembles a bag'o washin' but blessed with superior guns (on the day, of course), can it be considered being "dropped" if one chooses to retreat a respectful distance to negate any association with said sartorial shambles? In short, it's not being dropped, it's a conscious tactical move to assert specific dominance in a highly important element of cycling. Namely, looking fantastic.

    Or Training Properly.

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