Categories: The Rules

Study of a Madman: Riding in the Rain

Riding high up on a deep depression.

I awoke Sunday morning to the sound of the driving rain on the windows, buffeted by gusts of wind. I got up, made myself a double espresso, and called to the dogs for their walk. Smackimus, the mutt who embodies Rule #5 in everything he does, came bounding down the stairs. Beene, the lummoxy Great Dane, followed quite a distance behind, yawning and smacking her lips. I opened the front door and the three of us headed outside. I made my way down the stairs and zipped up my jacket as both dogs followed. Smackimus slowed noticeably as we left the shelter of the front porch and stepped into the rain, and Beene stopped altogether.

After using all my skills of persuasion, I managed to get both the dogs to do their business, but it was a minimum-commitment operation; both dogs did what they needed to do and bolted back up the steps to the shelter of the front porch.

A great day for a ride, obviously.

We are a sick lot, those of us who find more pleasure in riding in bad weather than in good. I have decided, however, to remove my fenders from the Rain Bike, as they do tend to detract from the considerable pleasure of feeling the spray from the road coat your body in Rule #9; the fenders definitely diminish the indulgence in the rain, and, generally, the volume of Suck that the weather is dispensing on your person. Fenders or not, the ride still merited camera-phone self-portraits, Dan O-style.

Oh, and – Merckx help us all – I think Rule #9 might actually be a Garbage Song.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Marcus says:

Oct 11 2010 at 2:49 am

How long is that stem Frank?
Marcus says:

Oct 11 2010 at 2:59 am

Think I have my answer - half as long as your headtube! No wonder il falco did a number on himself when he hit you!
Marko says:

Oct 11 2010 at 5:55 am

Is that Lighthouse? That's got to be a bugger in the rain. And if you take the fenders off you should remove the mounting brackets too. Nice post. Smackamus and Beane rule.
Joe says:

Oct 11 2010 at 6:13 am

Nice. I was content with throwing myself, superman style, over the bars of a friends MTB friday night and thus only gimping out for a short, achey, pootle on sunday.

Is it too early to enquire as to the possibility of Velominati long sleeve jersies?
Cyclops says:

Oct 11 2010 at 7:19 am

Hey Frank, were we separated at birth? We both love Bridgestones and Bianchis, we are both insane, and we both know deep in our hearts of hearts that fenders are for girls. I will say, however, that (bitd) after spending eight hours of bike messengering in Portland in freezing rain the prospect of cycle-commuting the hour it took me to get home to Vancouver (WA) sans fenders made me question my commitment to Rule 9.

Speaking of yesterday...
It was a good day - I finally got a VSP pick right and I opened up a can of "V" and beat my nemesis up our local 10k climb by six inches. First time I've ever beat him up a climb. I'm pretty stoked.
frank says:

Oct 11 2010 at 7:39 am

@Marcus
It's a little-known fact that Dutchmen and Flemish Belgians are all born with 140mm stems.
frank says:

Oct 11 2010 at 7:45 am

@Marko

Is that Lighthouse? That's got to be a bugger in the rain. And if you take the fenders off you should remove the mounting brackets too. Nice post. Smackamus and Beane rule.

Nope, it's Interlaken Drive in Seattle. It's a Rouleur's climb; not very steep but long and twisty. Why are twisty climbs so much more fun than straight ones? A few of the hairpins are diminishing-radius turns which have the fun distinction of being crashable while climbing. For a guy like me who rarely climbs fast enough to be able to crash in a corner going uphill, it's a nice change of pace.

When the fenders go, the clips come off, too - there are no brackets on the frame that are attached. It'll shed a good deal of weight, too. First ride on her in a while (we've had great weather) and it was a rude awakening how heavy she was.
frank says:

Oct 11 2010 at 7:47 am

@Joe
I've supermaned off my MTB a few times as well. A bad habit we get into on the road is to hold our thumbs above the bars when riding on the tops. Move that to the mountain bike and as soon as you hit a bump, your hands slip off the bars and you've dropped your mild-mannered alter-ego and become Clark Bent.
frank says:

Oct 11 2010 at 7:49 am

@Cyclops
Yeah messengering/commuting may merit the odd fender. It's a different beast entirely from training. And - no doubt - the rain does start to get a bit old when it's falling every day like it does between November and March.
frank says:

Oct 11 2010 at 7:50 am

@Cyclops
Oh, and congrats on the VSP win and climb. Although I have to say that you were handicapped somewhat earlier by choosing "EDDY EDDY EDDY EDDY EDDY!" and "JENS! JENS! JENS! JENS! JENS!".