1.  If your thighs are screaming, shift into a bigger cog (smaller gear number).

2.  If your lungs are screaming, shift into a smaller cog (bigger gear number).

3.  If both are screaming, perfect.

The 2 Questions – When in pursuit of the V, the only relevant questions about your cycling regimin are “How much are you willing to suffer?” and “For how long?” or “How Much and How Long” for short.

The 1 Answer – More.  The always and only answer to the 2 Questions.

Rule #96: Zwift Coffee Breaks are for taking a leak and grabbing a bottle or gel.

If you use a coffee break for anything other than those things, and especially if you use it on a climb or to recover after bridging to a stronger group, you are a fucking pussy and should bow your head in shame.

A 100 km lone road race break, with no team car, no bike change, changing own punctured tubulars, no bidon handed up from roadside, no bike computer, no team radio, no crowds lining the mountain pass, can be considered to be a time trial race win. Peleton racers refer to rule #5.

Time trials are the only true races. Bunch road racers refer to Rile #5.

Never own or ride a plastic, sorry, resin bonded polymer fibre autoclaved, bike. It’s a toy that snaps. Ride real.

Thoughts?

I told him to get a life. Yes, get a life.

The English/British system of measurement has been the SI (System Internatioale) since it was officially adopted by government in 1971.

The metric system died with Napoleon.

Why we Brits still drive on the right and use miles per hour baffles me, the latter is also probably illegal; just like advertisng your fruit and veg in lbs/ozs.

No one respects rules that a bollocks.

The word Bike shall never be preceded with the letter E.  That is blasphemy!

This rule should be withdrawn immediately. There is photographic evidence of The Prophet MERCKX riding his winter training bike with such an item attached to it.

This also applies for cycling legend Fausto COPPI. No doubt there is similar evidence concerning other cycling Gods.

I’m writing this on my hospital bed recovering from a leg surgery and being pumped full of pain medication. Therefore if I’m going to get bitch slapped by anybodies comments, I hereby claim temporary insanity and will don white socks and claim immunity from “The Keepers of the Cog”. Have a nice day everyone and don’t forget to enjoy your ride.

I’ve gone from passer to passee over the years.  These days I’m embarrassed at how few riders actually announce their presence as they move by.  Not an “on your left” or “good morning” or “out of my way geezer”.  Nothing.  It could be a solo rider or a group of 30.

I point to Rule #33.  Don’t be a jackass.  Am I being overly sensitive?

Jim

#96 The only battery to be in contact with your bike is the one used to power your computer (rule#74). Kapish?

I couldn’t agree more with RULE#93. In the spirit of camaraderie, I’ve shared here some guidance for novice cyclists with a penchant for luggage.

You are not a car. Be an ambassador not an ahole.

If you are on hilly terrain or on a busy road ride single file. Do you see two cars every driving side by side on a single lane road? No.

Second part, if you have a $20k bike, then you can afford radar so you can see those cars coming and pull to the side to let them past or on a hill when you crest wave them through when it is all clear.

Do not be those two bikers from my morning ride who lollygagged on a super hilly part side by side blocking two big trucks. They went down the hill not letting them pass then went half way up the huge next hill side by side before finally going single file.

But it was too late. The massive crane truck had to stop on the huge hill to wait them out as it was a 90 degree at the top. Which meant I had to stop half way up the hill and could not gear down.

Did they learn their lesson on the way down the other side? Despite the honking they just stayed side by side.

No wonder you hear people cursing road bikers.

Rule #96 // Zip up your jersey for Zoom calls.

In order to respect your jersey and the words on it, a rider’s jersey must be fully zipped before joining a Zoom call. No matter how hot or tired you are, or how much you want your coworkers to know you’re a master of Rule #5, zip it up. And follow Rule #22 during said call. Always. Your coworker won’t understand the cap. If your tan lines are sharp, you may show them on the call. If not, do not show your arms (see Rule #7). But, only wear a cycling jersey to a call before, during, or after an outdoor ride.

I hope everyone is happy and healthy!?

Why is there an S-1 ?   Doesn’t #4 apply ?

The rules have changed over time:

Rule 8 used to mandate pristine white cloth handlebar tape.

Rules 27 & 28 about sock length and color has changed,

Rule 51 did not exist until 2005 or so…

And what happened to the rule about “no dirty chain grease on your calf( cat 5 tatoo’s )”

and “how to manage your spare tubular tire”?

Looking for  a 1970’s or 80’s version of this list..

Thanks!

That was an Amazon link to Lance Armstrong’s book, I think. Must have died after Lance litterally became a Twatwaffle.

“Respect the jersey.Championship and race leader jerseys must only be worn if you’ve won the championship or led the race.” Exception to the rule: I proudly wear the mythical “Hell of the West” Leader’s Jersey every time I’m on my 1985 Specialized Allez, because I’m the forever American Flyer.

We don’t need rules about Cyclocross. These rules are about cycling. Cyclocross isn’t cycling.

Same thing goes for @Steve Hiscock e-Bikes are not bikes. They are motor vehicles.

@Richard Sunglass legs on the outside of helmet straps has always been stupid, and this is one case where The Rules are flat out wrong. Sunglass legs must without exception be worn underneath helmet straps, as one must never remove their eyewear until after their helmet is removed. Removing your eyewear before removing your helmet is morally equivalent to removing your bibs before removing your leg warmers.

says We don

rule #11

the Citroen AX launched in 1986. Mrs Kelly was leaning against my Citroen BX.

how about

No E bikes no exceptions. See rule #5

– there is already a rule about defiling a ride with a swim or run, but such depraved behaviour shall not be encouraged by offering kudos to any activity other than a ride.

– no Kudos shall be given for spin classes, roller/turbo sessions, smart trainer rides. Kudos is reserved for people who go out on a real bike in the dark in the rain.

– those that ride spin classes, rollers/turbos or smart trainers during daylight or when the weather is good must be un-followed

– the only acceptable pictures to post on a ride are:

1. Pictures of bike

2. Pictures of view from summit/col altitude marker, so long as bike is also included

3. Pictures of people only when holding bikes. The one exception is when photographed on a race podium

Don’t police the girls. We will hurt you.

(The 32 exception is because of outfits that don’t have pockets.)

Stay SEXY and don’t get murdered.

-Buck

Hi guys

I have a problem with Rule #55. Since I’m in Switzerland and live up the hill I always must first ride down the mountain before I can ride up the mountain…

3

Perhaps you could move house. The bike comes first :)

In great honor of the rules and thy who live up to them, I guide the uninitiated and try to contribute as is in my capabilities to bring a positive influence on those who ride. In this journey, I feel a great friction from society due to cyclists who are aggressive and do not obey general laws. These incidents have caused negative image to -and behaviour towards those who live up by the rules, the law and social interaction.
In order to properly guide the uninitiated, and retain those who push their Strava to much that they cause incidents and injuries a following addition is suggested.

A rule to live up by, that incorporates general road law and social awareness with the goal to have a normal friendly social image of the average sport cyclists. Conceptual text can be:

Rule #XXX Obey The Law
Thy shan’t offend the law of the roads, meaning to give priority to the other users of the road when applicable, especially pedestrians and other cyclists. This gentleman gesture will be done with eye contact and a friendly yet firm nod. If one is not sure or aware of the local road precedences, caution is to be taken in terms of speed and priorities will be arranged by eye contact and physical gestures.
Excemption on the local law applies to the speed limits once one knows the road and takes into account other road users. Brakes do not need to be applied in case of pedestrians, merely pass the pedestrians from the other side of the road.

Offcourse the text is open for feedback, restructuring/correction. Goal is to positively strenghten the image of proper race cyclists and keep other road users happy with the Velominati out there.

You are obviously fine if you have ridden up on the last ride.

I have a problem with rule #55. Since I’m in Switzerland and live up the hill I always must first ride down the mountain before I can ride up the mountain. So you should mention this in the rules as a exception. Theoretically I could park the bike somewhere down the hill so I don’t violate this rule but if I do this I think I would violate several other rules since I would need to walk up an down! And I really do not want to experience the terrible feeling of walking up a hill! I think the only situation where running up a hill would be acceptable is when you are in a cyclocross race.

I politely and hereby request that Rule #37 be modified] from the “because I said so” reason[/mentality] to this (i.e. the following):

https://www.bikeradar.com/road/gear/article/aero-road-helmet-dos-and-donts-48455/

Apparently, it’s more Aerodynamic. (And it would make sense [though] [too]: The straps of your cycling-helmet aren’t flapping-around in the wind [resisting the wind] when they are being held-down by the cycling-sunglasses’s stems).

https://www.outsideonline.com/sites/default/files/migrated-images_parent/migrated-images_13/Merckx525_DauphineLibere197.jpg

I agree. Could you believe the shorts they were wearing? My daughter, who is a champion rower, also says they should not be allowed on the Concept 2 ergs until they learn how to row correctly

I could not agree more!! Did you see the shorts they were wearing to ride? Second thought, my daughter, a champion rower says they should not be allowed to use the Concept 2 rowing machines until they learn the proper rowing motion