La Vie Velominatus: A Rule #25 Reasoned Decision

More Bikes equals More Better. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

There was no clear indication that Rick’s car had actually come to a complete stop. It wasn’t that the car hadn’t stopped its forward trajectory – it had – it was just that the car hadn’t actually stopped moving. Long after the vehicle had come to rest in what could only be considered a legitimate parking spot by the most liberal of reasoning, bits and pieces kept clanking about, seeming almost to defy the laws of perpetual motion.

I was more familiar with his car than I wished I was. For one thing, the cafeteria tray on the passenger side that covered the hole between the wheel well and interior was not nearly as effective as Rick supposed, though to be fair, it was hard to discern that particular draft from the various other drafts whipping about the cabin. For another, I was uncomfortable with how the entire contraption shook when it accelerated beyond walking speed. This shaking did not prevent him from punching well beyond the freeway speed limit, usually with one hand on the wheel and somewhere between zero and two eyes on the road.

Once the car had shimmied to rest, Rick climbed out with his usual happy grin and motioned towards the pristine, full suspension mountain bike perched atop the rack affixed to the roof of his car. Without so much of a hint of justification, he pronounced a phrase that stuck with me and eventually evolved into Rule #25: “Hey, the bike’s always gotta be worth more than the car, right?”

This was Rick’s typical flavor of genius: simple and concise, irrefutable in its logic. The car exists only to carry us to The Ride. Beyond that, all it does is suck money away from The Bike. The first cars I owned fell comfortably into this way of thinking, though I was never able to afford the rack required to actually get the bikes on the roof of the car. It was on that technicality, then, with my bikes shoved inside instead of atop my car, that I went merrily along my way knowing the vehicles I drove were only minimally siphoning money from my bicycle fund.

Rule #25 has been a challenge ever since we sold our fun little beater car and bought a nice car. After a few years of wrestling with what to do about our negative Car to Bike Value Ratio (CBVR), I came to the conclusion that we needed to buy another crappy car and use that one to drive out to our riding destinations. After a while, the crappy car sucked so much more than the nice car that we never drove it, so we sold the crappy car and bought a second nice car. Now we were really in deep water from a negative CBVR perspective, if not from the perspective of enjoying locomotion or safety.

The solution, of course, is rather simple. Within the next year, we’ll own both cars, which means they must be nearly worthless as otherwise neither the bank nor the car dealership would allow such a thing as “ownership” to happen. Barring that, owning a nice car simply dictates that one is to buy more and better bikes. This also requires, of course, a rather significant ancillary investment into roof racks for your vehicle if you don’t have any welding or nunchuck skills that you can use to fashion your own.

Just remember that a happy bike is a bike that gets ridden; there is nothing sadder than a loyal steed who sits unused in the basement.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • I was able to stash away my Yakima roof rack in the sea container when we moved to Belgium and made it fit on my Euro 6 speed manual mini-diesel engine 3 series station wagon.  For some reason the trend over here is to use the European phallic looking trailer hitch mounted bike rack instead of roof racks.  I swear I am the only guy on the road with a roof rack that actually carries a bike.   Thule obviously rules over here so on top of that I get weird looks when they see the giant Yakima logo on the wind faring.  

  • I have a 15 year old Acura hatchback beater largely for Rule 25 duties.  It's our second car and we barely need it but it's not worth the trouble to get rid of.  Reliable Honda machine, no rack, fold down the back seats and toss the bike and gear in, off I go, on the rare occasion I don't ride from home.

  • One day I might actually own a car again. For now, bikes power my lifestyle. Though I do need more. The commuter is too much of all rounder- I need something flat/cruiser barred with hub gears for shopping. And a Brompton (by far and away the best folders) for the days I take the train. Possibly a cargo bike for big shopping- that or a trailer. Or both, thus allowing me to move house by bike. N+1 has so many more possibilities when you live car-free. Of course, it helps to live in the right place to be able to do it.

    (obviously there are also several more "proper" bikes that I need)

  • I felt the same way last year when we finally gave up on the old Honda.  We replaced it with an 11 year old Audi, which has leather seats and seatwarmers and so is, per se, a better car.  But, we got for free from my father in law, though, so by Frank's logic (full ownership=compliance) and the fact that someone else actually dumped their old car that they no longer wanted on us, I think we're still Rule 25 compliant.

  • @Overijse

    I was able to stash away my Yakima roof rack in the sea container when we moved to Belgium and made it fit on my Euro 6 speed manual mini-diesel engine 3 series station wagon. For some reason the trend over here is to use the European phallic looking trailer hitch mounted bike rack instead of roof racks. I swear I am the only guy on the road with a roof rack that actually carries a bike. Thule obviously rules over here so on top of that I get weird looks when they see the giant Yakima logo on the wind faring.

    You may also have noticed that we have to pay for fuel in Europe. Bikes behind the car = less fuel = more money for bikes.

    Ever since two of the kids bikes decided that our car at the time was too crappy to be seen on and got off (mildly alarming at 70mph on a busy motorway) I've steered clear of roof racks.

    We used to get by with some pretty cheap racks for the kids bikes but as they get bigger so do their bikes and five thules would probably double the price of the car. I got a trailer off ebay, bolted on a bunch of quick release fork mounts and  big metal box for helmets, tools, camping gear or whatever. It'll take six bikes and a mountain of other gear that would otherwise have to go in the car and doesn't use anywhere as much fuel as having them on the roof.

    It's buried under a mound of shite in the garage at the moment but I'll post a picture if I ever find it again.

  • @frank build a set up like I got in my trooper. it was super cheap, keeps the bike standing up and it keeps it inside.

  • I've a feeling we're definitely in negative CBVR territory but I think the two go together pretty nicely...

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