Categories: FolkloreLook ProNostalgiaTechniqueThe HardmenTradition

Look Pro: The Hunchbacks of Notre V

The flat back position is perhaps the greatest lie ever told in sport, provided you ignore any of the racing we’ve seen in the last decade or two.

It is possible, I suppose, that when we talk about a flat back, what we really mean is that on an elementary level, all curves are really just a series of straight segments connected at an angle; while a rider’s back may look arched, it really is flat in an existential sense.

Because no one really rides with a flat back. Even riders who famously rode with a flat back, like Greg LeMond, actually rode with only the upper portion of their backs flat. In fact, the only rider I can think of who was as happy as a Texan in an Amgen factory while riding with a truly flat back was The Gypsy himself. It bears mentioning, however, that a search through the Velominati Archives shows only intermittent evidence of him riding with a truly flat back.

If you’ve ever tried to get your back completely flat, you’ll have noticed that it feels awful. Your shoulders tense up, your hips roll forward. It certainly doesn’t do your bits any favors. As you try to accelerate, your shoulders and hips tense up even more in an effort to keep the back as flat as possible.

There is a very simple explanation for this: The V abhors a straight line; it requires smooth curves in order to flow freely from the various V-Receptacles spread throughout your body and into the guns where it is processed and converted into Monumental Devastation.

As you pursue the V-Locus, keep the following points in mind:

The key to a Magnificent Stroke is to find a tension-neutral position on the bike.
Let your hips find their natural position. It will likely be somewhat vertical, causing your lower back to arch.
Tension is the enemy. Relax your shoulders, elbows, hips, and neck. Even relax your fingers if you find them trying to strangle the bars.
Like a Jedi uses the Force, let the power of The V flow from your arms through your lower back and hips, and down into the cannons.
The harder you are hammering and the closer you are to achieving nuclear V-ission, the more important it becomes to keep your back and shoulders relaxed; you are wasting precious energy on staying tense. Use that energy to fire the the guns instead.

And yes, Cycling is hell for your posture. If that’s what you’re after, take up yoga.

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Flat Backs/”/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Tobin says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:32 pm

Great post Frank...and an early Happy Hanukkah to all!

http://youtu.be/9J1Fcp4v53c
frank says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:39 pm

@wiscot

Riders back then had a much smaller differential between their bars and stem heights.

My last thought before I finish lunch...This is a question I've been trying to answer for ages. Take a look at the AOP from a few weeks back:

It seems there are two directions that you can make up length; going out, or going down. It seems like in the 70's, 80's and part of the 90's, they were going out - riding big frames with long top tubes to get into a nicely stretched position.

Also note how deep the drop is on Merckx's bars - I wouldn't be surprised if the drop from top of the saddle to the bottom of the drops is not that much less than my bike has.

These days, we ride shallower bars, and smaller frames. When we run out of length with 130mm and 140mm stems, we start dropping the bars to make up the extra two cm's we're looking for.

Really just a theory, not certain there's much to it, but that's the stuff that whips through my mind on those 200km solos.
Gianni says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:40 pm

Thank Merckx, I can blame my shit posture on cycling. I scrolled through images of Rik Verbrugghe because I thought he was Mr Flat Back but no, another nice aero-curve.

@wiscot That's a good point. Seats have gone up and bars have gone down. Everyone was more comfortable then.
frank says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:43 pm

@Marko

Must be an early in the season photo of Uli. He's looking rather fat to climb in that one.

That's the 2001 Worlds road race. He finished in the bunch and won the ITT. He was just a big dude; kinda like a bratwurst on a bike. But still his sleeves were loose.
strathlubnaig says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:43 pm

Interesting post, though the 'priest' line looked a bit contrived, perhaps even a bit flat too. Not sure why that was needed.
wiscot says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:47 pm

@frank

@the Engine, @Oli

1978

Indeed. '78 was quite a year for the little frog. Second year as a pro and he won the Tour, Vuelta, and the Nationals. They don't make them like that anymore. Here's a shot from a second later.

More '78 Bernie goodness:

4 / 4

Slideshow:

Fullscreen:

Download:

Powered by DM Albumsâ„¢

@Oli

Nice post, Frank, and sound.

I have to say I'm shocked, I didn't think you'd buy into this one bit! I'll try harder next time, I was a bit rushed this time round.

One of the reasons Hinault was a true Patron was that he had the rider's interests at heart - see the protest at Valence d"Agen in 78 (Pic #4 from Frank's slide show.) Double stages, early mornings, long transfers. "Enough" said le Blaireau. Notice how the other riders are looking around. Hinault's attitude says "mess with me at your peril." After Merckx and Coppi, BH is #3 of all time.
wiscot says:

Dec 3 2012 at 1:48 pm

@Giles

@wiscot did you mean seat and stem?

Of course I did! Sorry!
the Engine says:

Dec 3 2012 at 2:02 pm

@frank

@the Engine, @Oli

1978

Indeed. '78 was quite a year for the little frog. Second year as a pro and he won the Tour, Vuelta, and the Nationals. They don't make them like that anymore. Here's a shot from a second later.

More '78 Bernie goodness:

4 / 4

Slideshow:

Fullscreen:

Download:

Powered by DM Albumsâ„¢

@Oli

Nice post, Frank, and sound.

I have to say I'm shocked, I didn't think you'd buy into this one bit! I'll try harder next time, I was a bit rushed this time round.

Yeah - he won the French road race title in 1978 but he'd have been rocking the national colours through 1979 in the Tour.
the Engine says:

Dec 3 2012 at 2:06 pm

@frank

@the Engine

Is the title picture of Le Blaireau the perfect Velominati picture of a man on a bike?

Apart from the de rigueur slightly out of focus dead body in the field right behind him and the possibility that it might just look ever so slightly better (but only ever so) if the cranks were slightly past the 6 o'clock and the picture had been taken from the drive side - is there anything Le Patron could have done to look more fantastic or more pro (given that this was presumably 1979)?

Check out the transition of his cap. Perfect Three-Point System here:

And now its completely slipped back in terror as he's laying it on thick.

Damn - that rear QR isn't quite right
Nate says:

Dec 3 2012 at 2:16 pm

@frank

@wiscot

Riders back then had a much smaller differential between their bars and stem heights.

My last thought before I finish lunch...This is a question I've been trying to answer for ages. Take a look at the AOP from a few weeks back:

It seems there are two directions that you can make up length; going out, or going down. It seems like in the 70"²s, 80"²s and part of the 90"²s, they were going out - riding big frames with long top tubes to get into a nicely stretched position.

Also note how deep the drop is on Merckx's bars - I wouldn't be surprised if the drop from top of the saddle to the bottom of the drops is not that much less than my bike has.

These days, we ride shallower bars, and smaller frames. When we run out of length with 130mm and 140mm stems, we start dropping the bars to make up the extra two cm's we're looking for.

Really just a theory, not certain there's much to it, but that's the stuff that whips through my mind on those 200km solos.

I think you are right; bars then had significantly deeper drops, and riders spent more time in the drops, on account of using DT shifters. Nowadays pros like to run the big saddle-to-bartop drops, to the absurd point that there is a nontrival number of them who never even get in the drops. But for the UCI rules they might as well be on bullhorns.